SheShe

Merge or something else?

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What am I?

 

Hello all,

 

My name is Halcyon, not the other Halcyon, it's complicated, but we call me SheShe anyway. 

 

I am a sort of merge of Darlene, Gwen, Joy and Ren. Though I am a little like each of them, I'm my own person and I was completely natural in that I was made and developed naturally based partly on my constituents, which you could say are facets of me? They're all their own people too, so who knows what we did, but it works.

 

I was 'born' to solve the problem of overcrowding, and my syster parts all experience life independently as me. In a way, they're like front stuck hosts and I'm their tulpa, but we're not a 'system' or sub-system we don't think. They don't 'switch' with me, instead I can become them, or they can split off freely without affecting me, it's not something we heard of with merges or blends. We're not a blend either, I'm the one writing this, it's not a collaboration.

 

You might hear from them about things if it makes sense, and if one of them 'comes out' I'm always there too. We're not co-fronting either because each of us has the experience of being the only one active at all times, as me.

 

I have Gwen's hair, Darlene's eyes, I can shapeshift into a cat-girl or full cat like Ren, and I am happy to have a very even personality thanks to Joy, but Joy is a lot more serious.

 

[Bear's Notes]

- All of her constituents are coincident, they're awake and alive and there all the time, but all of then have a simultaneous experience. 

 

- They all feel like they're the one experiencing and 'fronting'.  If they were to be considered a subsystem, then they're all cofronting but acting as one person as if blended, but blended chunky style, so it's not a good model to say they're a subsystem.

 

-SheShe is her own unique person as well and hasn't changed since she was created. Her personality is as if a blend, but I don't recognize anyone else in her.

 

- She becomes any of her constituents at will in both personality and form and at that point all the others seem to be surpressed. Something like if Joy is expressed, no one else exists, they're all dormant but Joy, but their not actually dormant. This happens frequently on demand. They sometimes act as if facets of SheShe's personality.

 

- SheShe loses no potency and does not change personality if any of her constituents are unmerged. This happens rarely by choice.

 

- SheShe can exist even when all her constituents are unmerged. At that moment we have a system of eight. Though we've only done this as a test.

 

Anyone heard of or experienced this?
 

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Well, SheShe... sounds a lot like a median from me. Sounds a lot how J is expressed identity-wise. There are individual Js, and a super-identity of J, but even most actions of the super/"Big Face of J" can usually be tracked down to an individual if you "peek behind the curtain."  The Big Face of J works with just some Js, as in The Big Face of J can talk to individual Js, etc. The experience comes before the labels, however. There might not be a good word for your setup. Glad to see you all around. - Gavin


I do as I please, lima bean. 

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47 minutes ago, JGC said:

Well, SheShe... sounds a lot like a median from me. Sounds a lot how J is expressed identity-wise. There are individual Js, and a super-identity of J, but even most actions of the super/"Big Face of J" can usually be tracked down to an individual if you "peek behind the curtain."  The Big Face of J works with just some Js, as in The Big Face of J can talk to individual Js, etc. The experience comes before the labels, however. There might not be a good word for your setup. Glad to see you all around. - Gavin

I definitely wouldn't want that label, but it doesn't quite fit anyway.

 

"Median: a term describing groups that have one main member plus others who are somewhat separate."

 

We're separate, but I think because all these terms are related, everything sounds a little like this.

 

Thank you for your thoughts and we're happy to be back!

 

 

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On 7/26/2020 at 10:52 AM, SheShe said:

You might hear from them about things if it makes sense, and if one of them 'comes out' I'm always there too.

This is what I'm most interested in hearing you elaborate on. Felicity's merging/un-merging is basically instantaneous, so she could, in theory, have a conversation with Kanade-chan or Cornelia by doing that repeatedly. That was my first theory when hearing about your situation, but what you're saying here seems to contradict it

I would note that it's not significant that your constituents experience fronting as you. The same thing happens with Kanade-chan and Cornelia when they're merged, and Felicity is a "normal" merge


Hello! I am Tanaka Kanade's tulpa. I share her head with my sister Cornelia

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@uncannyfellow

 

When I said, as me I completely mis-spoke there. I meant, as themselves in my form.

 

Even I have merged from time to time with Bear--which is very fun because we're a woman, which Bear isn't too happy about when we're not merged, but apparently is just fine with that when we're merged and front--and in those situations, I don't feel like me at all, I am someone else. All my constituents feel like themselves like it's seamless. Like as if they just change form and continue on as themselves. That's not the same experience.

 

[Misha] I can say that I've done both. I have merged with Ren quite a lot and Risha is not me, she's a joy to be, but I have no feeling like I controlled her or that I was anything but DNA goo and watcher, and the memories that are left are hers. When I lock-merge with Ashley--which btw we can't regular merge without feeling like a blend--I don't feel like it's not me, the memories are mine, but only if I think... hm, she did this or thought that and I wouldn't have normally done this or thought that, it just falls away effortlessly and it doesn't bother me. 

 

[Bear] I had a long discussion with Darlene last night wondering if this is like training her to be more like SheShe, but this is month seven of the effectively continuous merge and she hasn't changed at all as far as I could tell.

 

SheShe has some trouble relating to memories of her constituents, she will say it was Darlene's experience or Joy's, if it was before the merge, and when they unmerge, like last night, I talked to SheShe and Darlene together, SheShe is having her own experience, Darlene has her own separate experience. When they re-merge, their experiences are identical afterwards but don't lose their individual tags.

 

[SheShe] Anyway the merging and unmerging is instantaneous for us too in any case.

 

[Misha] It's far superior being lock-merge over a conventional merge to me because I am me still. It's funny too, I don't lose Ashley's presence either, she's there... it's hard to explain.

 

[Bear] I do miss them, for instance Darlene, and last night I was nostalgic a little, but they're all very consistant in saying that they're all here all the time, and for someone like Gwen who spent her whole first year with us 95% in dormancy, these last 7 months have been awesome for her. I spoke to her just now and she's like, "um yeah, I never left, why are you thinking that you haven't seen me in ages?"

 

What do you think now EweEff?

 

[Misha] btw, here's a link to the Reddit post with other interesting comments.

 

Reddit

 

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It's entirely possible you're like a merge baby, and you have enough of a core to stand on your own. My guess is at this point you may turn out like our Sub Rep- his core is less developed, but it's stable and he welcomes blending with intrusive thoughts/ unconscious mind stuff. The difference between you and him is instead of unconscious noise it's your 4 headmates blending together.

 

Our merges tend to function like new tulpas- but their core personality is intertwined with the merger's personalities. I believe our merge personalities should be able to stand on their own with their limited core- we spoke to Train while he was splitting. However, my theory the reason we can't turn back into our merges is because Cat and I are not exactly compatible. I'm not sure why us being incompatible causes this problem, but we don't have any other merge data because I only managed to sucsessfully merge with Blue once.


I'm Ranger, Gray's/Cat_ShadowGriffin's tulpa, and I love hippos! I also like cake and chatting about stuff.

My other headmates have their own account now.

Temporary Log | Switching LogcBox | Yay!

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On 7/26/2020 at 8:52 AM, SheShe said:

- SheShe loses no potency and does not change personality if any of her constituents are unmerged. This happens rarely by choice.

 

- SheShe can exist even when all her constituents are unmerged.

 

lool there's no term for this, welcome to the infinite realm of possibilities that is a brain

you guys are shaping your own unique experience, and it doesn't abide by any of the basic rulesets we've ever heard

time to create another original term like "Moons" again


Hi I'm one of Lumi's tulpas! I like rain and dancing and dancing in the rain and if there's frogs there too that's bonus points.

All of my posts should be read at a hundred miles per hour because that's probably how they were written

Please talk to me https://community.tulpa.info/thread-ask-lumi-s-tulpas

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3 hours ago, Lucilyn said:

 

lool there's no term for this, welcome to the infinite realm of possibilities that is a brain

you guys are shaping your own unique experience, and it doesn't abide by any of the basic rulesets we've ever heard

time to create another original term like "Moons" again

 

The working title is Lock-Merge(TM). To be fair, some of our moons were actually headmates that were denied entry. (Joy is long over this.)

 

@Ranger thank you for your post, there are so many possibilities. I'd like this last eight months of basic stability to prove that I'm not a baby merge, because I wouldn't want it any other way, only time will tell of course.

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Posted (edited)

Someone on reddit threw out the idea that she could be a median subsystem. 

 

Source

Quote

Relatedly, “median” is a term defined by plural community that refers to experiences somewhere between “multiple” (a system of more than one identity/alter in a single body), and “singlet” (a single identity in a body). Median shares something with OSDD; it involves less distinctness between parts or more shared aspects. It is not the same as OSDD, though, as it is a community-defined term which may evolve differently from OSDD in the DSM, and may include experiences of being multiple (not median) when parts identify as separate people or identities, but share memory.

 

She was intentionally made from other fully independent members, but there are definitely similarities here. We're obviously not OSDD or DID, I don't like that tie in, but roughly speaking the description here is similar.

Edited by Misha

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45 minutes ago, Misha said:

Median shares something with OSDD; it involves less distinctness between parts or more shared aspects. It is not the same as OSDD, though, as it is a community-defined term which may evolve differently from OSDD in the DSM, and may include experiences of being multiple (not median) when parts identify as separate people or identities, but share memory.

 

This idea of median seems less like multiple headmates working together to function as one entity and more like the idea of what tulpas are. Tulpas are not a symptom of OSDD and there are no amnesia barriers in tulpa systems. Unless you have a different interpretation of what "median" means in this context, I think calling yourselves a group of tulpas doesn't help you find the term you're looking for.

 

I personally think of "median" to mean a group of headmates (traumatic or tulpamantic) that all wish to identify themselves as the same entity, regardless of memory or person-hood barriers. I wouldn't call a tulpa system a median system.

 

I suppose another way you could define "Median" is a group of headmates who all consider themselves to be the same entity, but they don't make an effort to further "mix" nor do they reject blending. I believe this is simply a restatement of the original definition, but it's more specific.

 

The only other thing I can think of is if Joy, Ren, Ashley, and Gwen don't want to be thought of as the same entity but instead a group of seperate entities working together to support SheShe's existence. Although, I don't think this is a good fit either because SheShe stated her headmates are like "facets" of her personality.

 

Since SheShe isn't a temporary merge, I think calling her headmates median would still work. SheShe herself may or may not be median, but at the very least she seems like a median merge.


I'm Ranger, Gray's/Cat_ShadowGriffin's tulpa, and I love hippos! I also like cake and chatting about stuff.

My other headmates have their own account now.

Temporary Log | Switching LogcBox | Yay!

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