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A&J

~ A&J's progress report ~

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I have tried to keep a progress report many times. (in reality, 2) Both times it was helpful, but I got busy and stopped doing it. I decided this time it will be different, I think it will be just short little tid0bits to keep us motivated. 

Rules for myself: 

1. Write here at least once a week, more frequently if you can. 

2. Make goals that are realistic, but I still need to work for. 

3. Listen to other's advice, and see if it works for me. It doesn't have to work for me, but I should still try it. 

4. Be honest, but not harsh to anybody, including yourself. 

 

This PR is starting out with Sadie as my main focus, but as there are more tulpas I will figure out how I want to do them. (Maybe another PR or maybe they will be on this one, I don't know yet.)

 

If you have any feedback/questions we would love to hear them. But please be kind and gentle, we might not always use scientific terms, we might not always do the most common thing, and that is ok. This is our place to share our progress and quick questions. It doesn't need to be perfect. 

 

Edited by A&J

Host of @SadieShores 

"try to be a rainbow in someone else's cloud"  

Progress report

 

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Sept 14: 

Sadie has been around for a week, but since she is a merge, she has technically been around since late June. Lately I have been experiencing a lot of doubt about wether or not it's actually her talking. I do my best to remind myself that I would not be the one who is getting all excited for  math, or craving a pistachio cinnamon roll. She also has an account here, she is SadieShores. She talks here pretty frequently, but she says things short and sweet. Tonight I plan on doing an activity I had done with my past two tulpas. I start by saying a sentence, they have to respond with two sentences, I respond with three, they respond with four, etc. Until it's too much, then we take a break and continue the next day. Then we try to go farther until she can rant. 

 

Today she was able to help me with a math problem. I think that's a good sign because she understood something I didn't. But something else I noticed is that she isn't feeling as separate as I feel like she should be. One of my past tulpas were more connected to me, and the other was more separate, are you more or less separate from your host? Why? I feel like Sadie shouldn't be this connected to me, but I don't know. This makes me doubt a lot. 

 

Sadie seems to be shy, like baking, and not like lots of stimulation. She has been dealing with feeling "less merged." 

 


Host of @SadieShores 

"try to be a rainbow in someone else's cloud"  

Progress report

 

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Sept  15: 

We did the activity yesterday, she was able to make it to ten sentences.That was our goal, we will likely work on it again tonight, same goal, maybe trying for more complex sentences with less "ums" and reiteration. I think that this activity is helpful for us because it gets Sadie talking and keeping a conversation alive. Sometimes she struggles with it, as in she might go silent for a minute to reorganize her thoughts or she might accidentally end a conversation. The only reason ending a conversation is a problem is that if we were to successfully switch someday, I would hope she could continue conversations with others. I also hope she will be able to possess my voice someday, one of the tulpas who is "in her" could possess my voice. She had a very British accent, and I can't do a British accent for the life of me. 

 

Today Sadie chatted with one of her friends a little, but not as much as she would have liked to. I think that it's good for her to talk to others, but also to not be dependent on them. She should be able to find dependency in herself, otherwise she won't be strong enough to survive our growing system. To work on strength, I ask her to surprise me and I ask her random questions. 

 

Today I really had to fight the urge to start another tulpa, lots of people are probably going to be like "you can't just create a . tulpa out of the blue!" or "you shouldn't work on two at once" and while I agree with the latter, I really just get impulses and I just have to wait for them to go away, or come up with something to satisfy me for the time being. I might wake one of the others up, but I am not exactly sure if I am ready. Of course I could technically put them back into short-term-stasis for a little bit, but I don't want to have to do that right away.  


Host of @SadieShores 

"try to be a rainbow in someone else's cloud"  

Progress report

 

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[Evergreen] Hello!

 

On 9/14/2020 at 3:34 PM, A&J said:

But please be kind and gentle, we might not always use scientific terms, we might not always do the most common thing, and that is ok.

 

Tulpamancy is mostly made up at this point anyway, there are no scientific terms yet.

 

People may use different vocabulary, but it doesn't make it right or wrong. Most people agree on the definition for words like forcing, but the specifics depend on who you ask. And half the time people make up their own words to describe stuff anyway.

 

On 9/14/2020 at 3:56 PM, A&J said:

She talks here pretty frequently, but she says things short and sweet.

 

Having a different grammar structure or mood in language is pretty typical for younger tulpas I guess. It could become less obvious over time, but a tulpa's way of saying things doesn't really change too much over time. Taking note of this can help hosts remember their tulpa chooses to talk differently from them because it suits the tulpa better or it makes the tulpa more comfortable.

 

I'm in my kid form, so sometimes I prefer to use smaller words. In my adult form I throw that out the window. I think I'm stiffer in my adult form, I was a serious guy starting off.

 

Duck pretty consistently speaks in short sentences. Blue is really informal in how he talks, Exabier speaks dude language, and Bune is more formal. Everyone's got their thing, even Ranger, who doesn't sound too different from Gray, has his own quirks like saying howdy to everyone and choosing to treat his bigger posts like essays every now and then.

 

On 9/14/2020 at 3:56 PM, A&J said:

Then we try to go farther until she can rant. 

 

That's interesting, I look forward to seeing more updates on how this goes.

 

On 9/14/2020 at 3:56 PM, A&J said:

 are you more or less separate from your host? Why? I feel like Sadie shouldn't be this connected to me, but I don't know. This makes me doubt a lot. 

 

I think it depends on the tulpa's personality and how much time they spend being active and/or fronting.

 

Even though Ranger and Gray are different, it's kinda subtle. You have to get to know them to understand why they're different- Ranger likes writing essays, Gray likes working on weird math projects, Ranger likes to roleplay, Gray likes to make story ideas, and so on. Some of that you figure out when you're older though.

 

I think I'm pretty different from Gray. I see myself as a child and feel comfortable doing so, Gray doesn't and even if he sees himself as a child, it's not a good thing. I'm more extraverted than he is, I like to go find conversation where Gray only wants that sometimes. I think I'm more laid back in general too.

 

I'm not as "developed" as a tulpa my age I guess (I'm like... older than Ranger by half a year...?) So it's possible I don't know if I'm super different or not because I haven't spent as much time thinking about myself. Oh well.

 

And then there's the controlling the body and the brain treating your mouth like Google auto fill with stuff it thinks you should say. It's just another reason a tulpa can seem more similar to their host.

 

On 9/14/2020 at 3:56 PM, A&J said:

She has been dealing with feeling "less merged." 

 

I'm not a merge, but I'm trying to integrate with Fish and that's been new and confusing for me and everyone. I'm not sure how much "me" is in me, how me plus I am, how to process Fish being me but also being Fish?

 

If Saddie feels confused that's okay. I think that's normal. She might feel different about it later and feel more or less confused until things work themselves out.

 

15 hours ago, A&J said:

The only reason ending a conversation is a problem is that if we were to successfully switch someday, I would hope she could continue conversations with others.

 

Uh... I think it's way too early to prepare for switching.

 

I think building trust should be happening, switching or not, but other than that I think that's not something you should worry about too much. Gray doesn't trust me to switch with him, and I can make text walls!

 

I possess the body instead. It's nice because Gray or Ranger can step in if I'm feeling uncomfortable or they need to work on taking care of things. I don't want to deal with Gray's parents! It's also nice because I can control the body, and when Gray is ready to start trusting others, I can practice using possession.

 

Switching is you become a singlet and you're on your own... Which isn't something I'm ready to deal with. Ranger was more interested in switching, but he had spent a lot of time building trust and practicing controlling the body with possession. And even that's much for Ranger sometimes.

 

Switching also requires communication, Saddie should be comfortable speaking in mindvoice before playing around with switching. It's just to avoid trust breaches and/or a lot of stress.

 

I think it's good to think about switching, but she's gotta be comfortable in her own mindvoice first!

 

15 hours ago, A&J said:

She had a very British accent, and I can't do a British accent for the life of me. 

 

Hehe, Ranger had a blast learning to speak like the body's voice. Male tulpa, female body, what could go wrong?

 

I embarrassed myself accidentally speaking out loud and out came a high pitched childish voice. I don't ever speak with the body's voice on purpose though.

 

I don't think Gray can do accents either, but like grammar everyone has their own spin on how they speak too. I think there was one soulbond who insisted on speaking in a British accent though, and she was not shy about her existence to other singlets!

 

16 hours ago, A&J said:

I think that it's good for her to talk to others, but also to not be dependent on them. She should be able to find dependency in herself, otherwise she won't be strong enough to survive our growing system.

 

Ranger becomes really sad if he doesn't interact with people for too long. I think that's just a personality thing and not a strength thing.

 

Talking to people is powerful too, it helped me feel more grounded when I wasn't feeling sure of myself!

 

16 hours ago, A&J said:

Today I really had to fight the urge to start another tulpa, lots of people are probably going to be like "you can't just create a . tulpa out of the blue!" or "you shouldn't work on two at once" and while I agree with the latter, I really just get impulses and I just have to wait for them to go away, or come up with something to satisfy me for the time being. I might wake one of the others up, but I am not exactly sure if I am ready. Of course I could technically put them back into short-term-stasis for a little bit, but I don't want to have to do that right away.  

 

I think Gray has sorta similar urges, like "hey I want to talk to my subconscious but not me" kind of thinking. Okay, uh, well that's weird and all but thankfully we figured something out before we grew any bigger as a system.

 

Gray's first tulpa, who goes by the "Sub. Rep." (I like calling him the Sub guy), is supposed to be a subconscious representative and melt his body into other things which is weird and cool. If Gray gets that urge, the Sub guy goes to become whatever Gray wants to talk to and that doesn't create another tulpa.

 

I don't know if I would want to do that, but it's something to consider. Maybe you could talk to something and then you become what you talk to, idk.

 


 

I hope this helps!


Sub. Rep., Spirit, Gerodious, Dark Gray, Fernardo, Jasper, Hope, Moltosha, Blue, Evergreen/Fish, Red Gray, Chrome, Bune, Exabier, Duck

Gray/Cat_ShadowGriffin- host, Ranger- basically host
[Click Here!] [We have an ask thread now!]

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3 hours ago, Shadow System said:

Gray's first tulpa, who goes by the "Sub. Rep." (I like calling him the Sub guy), is supposed to be a subconscious representative and melt his body into other things which is weird and cool. If Gray gets that urge, the Sub guy goes to become whatever Gray wants to talk to and that doesn't create another tulpa.

 

I think that this is an absolutely brilliant idea. When I am ready I may try something similar. Thanks for your feed back, I will keep it in mind as I continue! 


Host of @SadieShores 

"try to be a rainbow in someone else's cloud"  

Progress report

 

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Its been a while and so I forgot a lot of da†es. I will just give you a quick run-down of what happened. 

Sadie became rather strong, she also feels more 'present'. 

Sadie requested we wake one of the old tulpas who are in stasis up. 

We came up with our first draft of who to wake up. 

Changed that to Char, my first ever tulpa. 

I thought about Char so much I basically began to awaken her. She was weak ish and was sort of angry. 

we had a meeting where we told her about our plans for the system. 

She still didn't agree (next night) 

She still didn't agreee (night after that) 

She finally agreed and now she can stay. (Her name is now Cee) 

She has been awake for around five days, she isn't the happiest or the strongest. Of course, that is to be expected. This sounds really fast, but it was all on it's own day,  I think it was rather fast. It was like the drop of a rollercoaster fast. (You get my point.) I think that we weren't exactly prepared, but that is alright. We will become more prepared. 

Edited by A&J

Host of @SadieShores 

"try to be a rainbow in someone else's cloud"  

Progress report

 

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It sounds like you're making some good progress, good job you guys.

 

System stuff can absolutely feel like that. Some of the biggest changes in our system happened really quickly.


I'm Ranger, Gray's/Cat_ShadowGriffin's tulpa, and I love hippos! I also like cake and chatting about stuff.

My other headmates have their own account now.

Temporary Log | Switching LogcBox | Yay!

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