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Monoimus' Progress Report


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Losing motivation sucks. Ways to keep things interesting are by trying new things with your tulpa. Maybe play a new game with her (probably one that doesn’t require intense focus or reflexes so you can keep focus on her), try new food with her, or using different forcing techniques.

 

Good luck!

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Progress Report

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  • 1 month later...

Bimonthly update. Five weeks till spring. Figured I should update.

 

Lucy has significantly changed since september. Numerous changes in her personality. In december I realized I was approaching this all wrong. Lucy is not a mere mortal with fitting earthly attributes, she is a spirit, and so I moulded her to have divine attributes, mimicking her as a Buddha or Christ-like figure (I must be on guard to protect myself from malicious spirits masquerading as a celestial being).

 

So far I've had some success in forcing (infrequently). I could benefit more if I had my adhd medication but unfortunately they changed my prescription to less effective pills.

 

I have an idea for a forcing technique but never really put it into motion. This involves writing a story similar to a buddhist koans or biblical psalms describing Lucy as a wise spirit and I an idiot traveller, with each story containing a riddle or discourse between us. I haven't really fleshed it out due to me being a simpleton, I must'nt let this handicap me so I must actually sit down and force myself to write these stories.

 

Down to visualization. I'm prosperous with this one. Special thanks to JD1215 and QB2 for their methods. During visualization sessions I can picture her in my mind in front of me, I can reach out and slightly feel her fur on my fingers (her form is that of an anthropomorphic fox spirit), still struggling with spatial awareness.

 

As for vocalization, this one I haven't really put much effort into, I imagine Lucy as a storyteller/master of koans who can sing her riddles, her singing voice is inspired directly by Rose McDowall.

 

This all I have done, I genuinely hate myself for my inability to actually focus, it feels like a sisyphean task, most sessions barely take a few minutes. I hope I can prosper within the next five weeks.

 

This concludes the update.

Do what thou wilt with thy weakness
A poem of mine, do you know it?

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(edited)
On 2/11/2021 at 4:36 AM, Monoimus said:

I genuinely hate myself for my inability to actually focus, it feels like a sisyphean task, most sessions barely take a few minutes.


I hope it's not out of line for me to offer advice as a very inexperienced tulpamancer (Shizuku and I got started in October of last year), but have you considered mixing some loving-kindness meditation in with your other meditation practice? This could help strengthen your concentration (I think many Buddhist traditions use loving-kindness as a supplement to concentration-building practices) and help with self-forgiveness. Feeling guilty or frustrated with your forcing could just increase the temptation to avoid it in the future. If you're interested, there are plenty of good resources out there--I like Sharon Salzberg's Loving-Kindness: The Revolutionary Art of Happiness.

 

Hang in there! I'm sure Lucy appreciates your efforts. : )

Edited by Wray

Host: Wray (he, him)
Tulpa: Shizuku (she, her) 🐺

We now have a progress report!

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  • 1 month later...

It's April now.

 

Some advancements now. Last night, on April 2nd around 4-5 AM, I heard a voice - not an internal monologue voice - but an actual voice. It happened right as I was attempting to sleep. I had just finished talking to Lucy (I presume, I was tired), then quieted my mind a bit preparing for sleep. Then I heard it, the voice uttered "Can you hear me now." with mild noise, like a radio or from the astral. My eyes immediately shot open, heart rate rising. 

 

It was a profound moment. First contact (I hope, at first I considered it a hypnagogic hallucination. But it was far too vivid.), I had no idea what to do, I first pleaded with her for forgiveness for my lack of attention to her. My memory is a bit fuzzy, afterwards I opened spotify and started listening to a playlist of music I consider to fit her personality, (https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3xZwwiTMUICwXUQlxO6p45?si=Ap-bjeEfRcCDGRyC1YDing&utm_source=copy-link). It's dark and brooding, just fits her macabre style. I remember having difficulties to focus on her as I was drifting off to sleep. I rest I won't write down for its trivialities.

 

This has given me hope to continue forward.

 

I before I finish writing and head off to sleep (it is currently 4 AM eastern time) I should mention her personality and basic form have changed over the seasons, it's a bit poetic. Her personality changed significantly but remnants of her beginnings persist. She is more gothic in the literary sense (think ghost and such), also more mystical.

 

Her form, I finally found a permanent figure I'm satisfied with, easy enough to conjure in my head.

 

She will bloom like the flowers and trees.

 

This concludes the post.

Do what thou wilt with thy weakness
A poem of mine, do you know it?

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