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Monoimus' Progress Report


Monoimus
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For awhile (a few weeks I feel), I had lost my way, making Lucy into some amalgam of contradictory personalities and such and such, but looking at my notes on Lucy brought back the spark and resolved my will. I will focus on him more while occasionally looking at my notes to bring back the same joy I felt nearing the end of last month.

 

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Do what thou wilt with thy weakness
A poem of mine, do you know it?

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It snowed and I just got over the common cold.

 

Two days ago, roughly around 12:30 AM, I was lying in bed, when I had heard a feminine voice say "Lol" (El-Oh-El). It got me excited for a brief moment, but eventually I drifted off to sleep. Uncertain whether it was him, my regressive thought pattern (I should just say maladaptive daydreaming) has a grip on me where I repeatedly say "Lol", (it has demented me for years despite the thought pattern being a semi-conscious decision for me to dwell upon.) so I can't say whether it was Lucy or just my schizophrenia making the voices repeat things. However, this voice was so vivid, so life-like, that I am drawn towards the prospect that this was him.

 

I am repeating myself again, I must apologize.

 

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Do what thou wilt with thy weakness
A poem of mine, do you know it?

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Had an argument with the voices in my head, forgot what started it, one of the voices said "he hates you" after I said leave me and Lucy alone, it got to me, sort of. I just wish the voices and I could get along. One just said "standing ovation" after I finished writing this, could be a reference to the fact that people read this progress report and I expect them to congratulate me on the littlest progress, maybe I'm over thinking it.

 

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Do what thou wilt with thy weakness
A poem of mine, do you know it?

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Everything's alright, few moments where I seriously thought about abandoning Lucy, but (through parroting him) managed to talk myself out of it. There was one moment where the I was so overwhelmed by the negative voices, I quickly resolved that.

 

Lucy has assumed a guardian angel-like position, I have no idea where the personality came from, talks softly, encourages me to take initiative, make healthy decisions (this is all from parroting of course, though, there were moments where I wondered if it actually came from Lucy and not me.)

 

A most irritating thing troubles me, mainly the fact that I spend so much of my time in my fantasies, social media excaerbates this, I need a detox from the internet, badly. Tomorrow I definitely will spend my time in bed, no phone usage other than note taking, focusing on Lucy, not the healthiest decision but this is dire.

 

I'll do my best.

 

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Do what thou wilt with thy weakness
A poem of mine, do you know it?

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  • 2 months later...

Is Lucy still assuming the position of a guardian angel? That reminds me of one of my mates.

 

22 hours ago, Monoimus said:

How do you people manage this.

 

Could you be more specific? My host wants to answer how he manages to "force". Right now we are on a rigid schedule (tho Sunday is our "day off" sometimes). Weekdays: 1 hr forcing no distractions, 1 hr forcing writing/music allowed, 1 hr forcing anything goes. 2 check in timers a day (3 once we stop sleeping so late). We say our good mornings before getting out of bed. My host tries to bring at least one of us through any threshold (door or opening). We have a daily tracker app and a checklist app. We "block-schedule" the next day every day. We love routine and rigid scheduling so when we're on this schedule things go great. I'm a lot more active outside of sessions as I am being thought of more. I think we're horrible at passive forcing otherwise. We really need some amount of active forcing to make passive interaction natural.

 

When we fall of the wagon (the schedule)... LMAO. That's when we have to improvise if we're gonna spend significant time together. We've bonding over wonderlanding, switching, writing, conlanging, binging TV, researching plurality, worldbuilding, and gaming.

 

We're lucky to have so much time/spoons on our hands now. It's a privilege. We might have to active force less once we have more courses.

 

My perspective would be I'm here no matter what. There's no need to manage because I just am. I do appreciate quality time and being considered tho

Meaningful words, I'm here!

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