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Not caring about my tulpa enough?


Hosts-Soul

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Hello, Pascal from Poland here, a new user. This is my first post, I hope I did everything alright. 🙂 My English grammar is not really good, but I did everything to make the post understandable. I tried looking for a similar post, but I didn't found anything helpful...

 

I'm having trouble with the lack of care I give to my tulpa, Lora.

 

Lately, I am often in a bad, very depressed mood. I don't talk to her as often as I did before this hard time in my life.

 

When I ask her what she thinks about the fact that I spend so little time with her lately, I mostly vent, talk only about myself. Then, Lora always says things like, "It's okay, don't worry, I'll wait until you get better." It worries me, because I think that she is a bit... too submissive to me? But I know that some people just have personalities like that...

 

I feel like last time I care only about myself... And I can't figure out how to care both for her and myself.

 

I want her to be my best friend, a soulmate, and friends remember about each other all the time. And when I am going through a bad mood, I think only about my own butt, and I not ask about her feelings at all... So, the questions are... Do you know any things I can do with my tulpa or talk about to make myself feel better and care about her at the same time? To make her feel loved? You know, something that would cheer me up, but also will show that I care about her, too? I know, that's a hard question...

 

Thank you in advance for your help. 🙂

My Tulpa's name: Lora Saturn (Lorcia, created in ~2016)

"Hi. I am Lora! I'm quite shy towards strangers. My favourite things to do is singing and reading comics with my host, Pascal. We also watch anime together, like "Jojo's Bizarre Adventure"."

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8 minutes ago, Hosts-Soul said:

When I ask her what she thinks about the fact that I spend so little time with her lately, I mostly vent, talk only about myself. Then, Lora always says things like, "It's okay, don't worry, I'll wait until you get better." It worries me, because I think that she is a bit... too submissive to me? But I know that some people just have personalities like that...

 

This sounds very familiar, I feel like tulpas are often very understanding of their host's situation and tend to be like that. At least, all of mine do this too. I wouldn't worry too much about it, but if it really bothers you then you should talk to her about it.

 

It's alright if you don't have the energy to care for both yourself and her right now, if you're going through a rough patch it's understandable. I'm probably the wrong person to answer this, I don't know if my tulpas feel loved by me at all. Still, I'd say the best you can do is spend time with her, maybe include her in your daily activities like cooking and shopping and stuff like that. Shopping together always cheers Desmond and me up, so that might work for you too. Even if you don't actually buy anything.

Iro - He/they - 30th April 1997 - Host of the system - Speaker if there's no tag

Desmond - He/him - 21st April 2014

L - He/him - 5th May 2014

Nevira - She/her - 14th December 2014

Misa - She/her - 5th December 2015

Roska - He/him - 22nd July 2019

Danyla - They/them - 13th July 2020

Asha - He/him - 13th June 2022

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I think most activities you can do together would be good, if you don't want to only talk about yourself

Anything wonderlanding (visualization), from just walking or making a house together or something to having wonderland adventures fueled by imagination

Otherwise, talking to your tulpa about other things that they can give their opinions on/experience for the first time is good forcing

And later, you can always try practicing imposition or possession or switching, but you should both get some experience doing more normal stuff first IMO

Edited by Lucilyn

Hi, I'm one of Lumi's tulpas! I like rain and dancing and dancing in the rain and if there's frogs there too that's bonus points.

I think being happy and having fun makes life worth living, so spreading happiness is my number one goal!

Talk to us? https://community.tulpa.info/thread-ask-lumi-s-tulpas

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Thanks for replying. Do you think that writing stories with my tulpa would be a good idea? Or even some kind of writing roleplay with her in a writing software? You know, we would think about the story together... Because I was also thinking about drawing, but possession, switching and other things like that seem a bit hard for me, though I have my tulpa for 'bout 4-5 years.

My Tulpa's name: Lora Saturn (Lorcia, created in ~2016)

"Hi. I am Lora! I'm quite shy towards strangers. My favourite things to do is singing and reading comics with my host, Pascal. We also watch anime together, like "Jojo's Bizarre Adventure"."

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1 hour ago, Hosts-Soul said:

When I ask her what she thinks about the fact that I spend so little time with her lately, I mostly vent, talk only about myself. Then, Lora always says things like, "It's okay, don't worry, I'll wait until you get better." It worries me, because I think that she is a bit... too submissive to me? But I know that some people just have personalities like that...

 

I think there's a few reasons for why this happens. I think some of it is the "It's not my business, I don't want to get involved" train of thought. Our headmates passively accept the circumstances and try to work with what they can if they're desperate. If they feel like they do have a role in making a change, they may or may not step forward and talk about it and/or insist on doing something. Another reason is they don't have lots of options other than negotiate, so being combative is counter productive anyway.

 

Lora's reaction is pretty common from tulpas, however that can change with the tulpa in question or how long it has been. We have been struggling with a similar problem since the summer, only some headmates are designed care takers and they usually come to us (we feel bad about it given the frequency, and then they resist us telling them they don't have to be around.) Most of my headmates either say it's going to get better and respond supportively or they try to negotiate while still being supportive.

 

After a while, one of my headmates realized I and Gray were a mess so he stepped up temporarily to make sure everyone got a chance to think and resolve their feelings of blurriness, or foggy sense of self. Things did start improving in the system again.

 

Some of my other headmates would not give up so easily or feel frustrated. Blue in particular insisted on hanging around to make sure he got a chunk of quality time, and Bune was frustrated by Gray having a hard time visualizing him and speaking with him in wonderland. Dark Gray isn't happy either, and he negotiates things to try to make things happen.

 


 

Sometimes sorting out the core problem is the best answer. Gray has seen a lot of doctors lately over the last few months to find a cause to our sleep problems, and we're getting closer to an answer. Given that you're struggling in a rough patch, if it's been months you may want to reach out to someone on the outside for help. Tulpas are not doctors or therapists, and when you're really run down they're not much they can do even if normally they can lift some of the weight.

 

If it hasn't been that long, maybe you need the time to focus on yourself. Relationships give and take, and here you probably need to take.

 

I think including Lora in activities you do is a good idea. Gray and I do that to a greater extent, our headmates looking around and asking questions or hanging out by walking alongside us.

 

1 hour ago, Hosts-Soul said:

Do you think that writing stories with my tulpa would be a good idea? Or even some kind of writing roleplay with her in a writing software? You know, we would think about the story together...

 

It definitely wouldn't hurt to do any of these things including drawing. Worst case scenario, you're back to square one, so if you find you get a boost in you and Lora time it's going to be a win.

Edited by Ranger

I'm Ranger, GrayTheCat's cobud (tulpa), and I love hippos! I also like cake and chatting about stuff. I go by Rosalin or Ronan sometimes. You can call me Roz but please don't call me Ron.

My other headmates have their own account now.

 

If I missed seeing your art, please PM/DM me!

Blog | Not So Temporary Log | Switching Log | Yay! | Bre Translator | Art Thread

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23 minutes ago, Ranger said:

 

I think there's a few reasons for why this happens. I think some of it is the "It's not my business, I don't want to get involved" train of thought. Our headmates passively accept the circumstances and try to work with what they can if they're desperate. If they feel like they do have a role in making a change, they may or may not step forward and talk about it and/or insist on doing something. Another reason is they don't have lots of options other than negotiate, so being combative is counter productive anyway.

Lora is very supportive to me, the point is that she never asks me to pay attention to her. During sucidal thoughts, she really helped me, while some people were angry at me, because it was some kind of "emotional blackmail" to them.

 

23 minutes ago, Ranger said:

Given that you're struggling in a rough patch, if it's been months you may want to reach out to someone on the outside for help. Tulpas are not doctors or therapists, and when you're really run down they're not much they can do even if normally they can lift some of the weight.

About therapists... I signed up for a therapy lately. I'm really scared to be honest, I'm not sure if I should tell the specialist about my tulpa. In my country, it's an extremely rare thing, and is often misunderstood, when I was looking at posts made by non-tulpamancers on internet, they were saying that its "dangerous", "sick", "schizophrenic" and I'm afraid that the fact I talk to somebody who can't be seen by anybody else will be taken as dangerous hallucinations caused by mental illness that needs to be treated with medicine or hospitalization.

Edited by Hosts-Soul
Didn't finished writing by accident

My Tulpa's name: Lora Saturn (Lorcia, created in ~2016)

"Hi. I am Lora! I'm quite shy towards strangers. My favourite things to do is singing and reading comics with my host, Pascal. We also watch anime together, like "Jojo's Bizarre Adventure"."

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15 minutes ago, Hosts-Soul said:

About therapists... I signed up for a therapy lately. I'm really scared to be honest, I'm not sure if I should tell the specialist about my tulpa. In my country, it's an extremely rare thing, and is often misunderstood, when I was looking at posts made by non-tulpamancers on internet, they were saying that its "dangerous", "sick", "schizophrenic" and I'm afraid that the fact I talk to somebody who can't be seen by anybody else will be taken as dangerous hallucinations caused by mental illness that needs to be treated with medicine or hospitalization.

It's pretty much the same way in Finland, only the very young (like preteen young) are interested in tulpas and the older folk say it's sick and schizophrenic. I still told my psychiatric nurses about them and they responded pretty well once I explained what they were. One doctor seemed to attempt to "cure" them with antipsychotics, but aside from that they quickly faded out of the conversation, a psychologist I went to was very interested in the phenomenon and did some research on her own later. I still mention them every now and then and it feels good to be open about it. I don't know if I'd recommend it necessarily, but it can be good if the other person is open minded enough. I doubt they'd try to hospitalize you, that's mostly just for people who are a danger to themselves or others, at least where I'm from, and you can explain that tulpas don't "force" you to do anything, that they're not some voices that compel you to do things or something.

Edited by ClianthaMiura

Iro - He/they - 30th April 1997 - Host of the system - Speaker if there's no tag

Desmond - He/him - 21st April 2014

L - He/him - 5th May 2014

Nevira - She/her - 14th December 2014

Misa - She/her - 5th December 2015

Roska - He/him - 22nd July 2019

Danyla - They/them - 13th July 2020

Asha - He/him - 13th June 2022

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1 minute ago, ClianthaMiura said:

It's pretty much the same way in Finland, only the very young (like preteen young) are interested in tulpas and the older folk say it's sick and schizophrenic. I still told my psychiatric nurses about them and they responded pretty well once I explained what they were. One doctor seemed to attempt to "cure" them with antipsychotics, but aside from that they quickly faded out of the conversation, a psychologist I went to was very interested in the phenomenon and did some research on her own later. I still mention them every now and then and it feels good to be open about it. I don't know if I'd recommend it necessarily, but it can be good if the other person is open minded enough.

Alright. I'll try to get to know my therapist more before telling her. I got misdiagnosed a few times, to be honest, and during free therapy I was taking lots of schizophrenia pills for half of my life, then I found a private doctor, and it turned out I even don't have schizophrenia, and I was acting drugged by too many pills for no reason. 😒 So, I hope my therapist won't be so close-minded, and when she'll gain my trust, she won't be all like "Dose ar dangeros halucinationz, hozpitalization is required, it iz not nhormal to see ppl who don exist!", because if I would tell one of the free, National Health Fund's "doctors", they would definitely put me in isolation all tied.

 

It's hard for people for my country to understand it, there are many negative articles about tulpamancy, so, doing tulpa research in Polish might be confusing.

My Tulpa's name: Lora Saturn (Lorcia, created in ~2016)

"Hi. I am Lora! I'm quite shy towards strangers. My favourite things to do is singing and reading comics with my host, Pascal. We also watch anime together, like "Jojo's Bizarre Adventure"."

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