Glaurung26

Tulpa Romance and Watching Porn (NSFW)

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Okay, it's couples therapy time. By necessity this will include a bit of NSFW discussion so beware of that. I'll try to spoiler the worst and explicit stuff.

 

Okay so the topic. What are your thoughts on watching and enjoying porn together with your Tulpas? I'm mostly coming from a binary, hetero, male host/female tulpa angle. Other experiences, perspective and speculations are very welcome. I just only can speak to where I'm coming from.

 

Origin story summary:

Spoiler

In short my tulpa is my imaginary friend from childhood. I'm fuzzy on what happened when and transitions are weird. So let's just tldr that. We were like best friends and my tulpa has always been there to experience life with me and help me as best as they know how. Primarily I "made" them to keep me company when I'm lonely and be my therapist/coach/wingman. My tulpa started out real fuzzy and ill-defined but gained more personality, initiative and detail over time. I viewed them more as "just-a-friend (tm)" or even a sibling at first. Made sense as since they come from me (host) we would have a fraternal relationship. Well, hormones, low social IQ, self-esteem issues, girl troubles and two decades later....well, we're basically married. We've eloped and "marry" every chance we get in games and things we play together. Skyrim has been the most robust available and where we "virtual palace" at frequently. Darron (host), Jaina (tulpa)

 

The two of us are intimate frequently and spend lots of time together um doing things (like checkers? yea we'll go with that) in our mind palace, dreams and the virtual space. Well, all romances ebb and flow in intensity and from time to time a little spice needs to be added to the recipe. A little cosplay here, a little roleplay there. One of our rituals for foreplay is to browse for recent porn. Pics, gifs and video clips. Some cg, some drawn art, and some RL mating.

 

Here's my question/concern bit NSFW:

Spoiler

I always do my best to check in and make sure that Jaina is comfortable with what we're doing. I'm not always sure how to ask about specific things and she's not always confident enough or able to put her feelings into words or present her needs. I want an equal, my better half, a soulmate. We have sex a lot but that's not the only thing. I value her as a person and want her to be happy. I guess because I'm more experienced and know my desires better, what we do together seems to trend towards host-centric. We spend more time looking at vag and tits than dicks and muscles. Although I do appreciate a fit woman. There's more POV from the man's perspective and we spend more time modding the women's clothing, body, hair and face than the men. I basically don't care what the man looks like so long as I can project myself and he's attractive enough for her. Maybe an idealized version of me. However we spend lots of time tweaking physics, getting new lady outfits, hair and make up time and trying out new female followers. Usually it's just our M/F couple but sometimes we invite over friends. I make time for MMF as well as MFF.

 

Sometimes I feel a little guilty that I want to look at someone besides her. I couldn't imagine replacing her as a person; she's my literal dream girl and basically perfect for me. I just can't always get it up. Maybe in a weird way I'm too comfortable and familiar with her that the "wow factor" doesn't always hit as hard. Novelty is extremely powerful. Usually I save my best girl for last but I can't always. Some days I finish early and sometimes I need a different girl to make me come. I share my orgasm with Jaina and afterwards we cuddle and I thank her and praise her for being so beautiful, kind, loving and caring. I'm just worried that I'm unconsciously signaling to her that she's lacking in some way or not enough. I can't imagine life without her and don't want to chase her away. I don't think she would ever choose to, she seems to love me for some reason and is unreasonably kind. I'm just worried that she can't. That she doesn't have the agency to make her needs known when mine feel overpowering.

 

Sorry if that got a bit heavy but thanks for listening 🙂

 

That's our weirdness anyways. What are your experiences and thoughts on tulpa agency, boundaries, needs, etc in romance?

 

Spoiler

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You may be feeling guilty, but if she's okay with it, why not.

 

NSFW and TMI

I'm one of those ex-catholic types where the guilt was conditioned in, so my 'refraining skill' is boosted by that. Also I had zero access to pron during my formative years (we didn't have cable or internet) but I'm not sure that makes a difference. I was just never dependent on that.



 

I've also had gf's irl with R-rated interactions for years, so during most of those times, self-service wasn't necessary. In the lean years before tulpamancy, my characters were also my waifus at times, but they were nothing more than fantasy paperdolls that'd go right back on the shelf. For the autonomous headfriends of unknown status like Joy, Gwen, and others, they were off limits. They could express hesitation and avoidance, and I didn't push it since I had much easier prey.

 

Given my hyperphantasia (great visualization by default) I never needed pics or movies anyway. 

 

I have seen things on the internet of course and even some games contain nudity and sex to a limited extent. In general though, I'm an uptight prude who is strongly monogamous, even for 'mindspace'.

 

When my system was officially formed, I didn't think or see anything at all re: sex for the first year. We played a game with minor nudity in it and watched an anime with nudity, I think it was called "Machine Doll" something. Anyway, as my headmates matured and we became more comfortable, they often interacted with each other in NSFW ways that I couldn't avoid 'knowing about' if you know what I mean. For reference, they can control mindspace as easily as I can at this point.

 

Yet we never closed the deal because there are three lf them and they're very competitive for affection and it is very obvious and we talked a lot about this that they don't want to see me with anyone else inside or out in the same way I don't want them playing with NPCs. That's easy enough to oblige at this point, but between themselves, they can do whatever, they're all women.

 

There is a caveat though. In dreams, lucid or semi lucid, there is no guilt or inhibition. It's as if we forget everything and we can't hold ourselves accountable, so I've had the three of them to varying degrees in dreams, one just making out and only recently.

 

The lack of irl relief not only makes it trivial to get it up, but allows for wet dreams. Though none have been actually wet, no mess, real feeling sex and orgasms have definitely happened--I felt mine and theirs.

 

We have also seen some scenes and pictures, I drew one of them topless so I needed references, and we also watched a couple films that were nothing more than sex scenes tied loosely together "Blue is the Warmest Color" stands out as one that is blatant and I couldn't tell you if it had a plot.

 

Don't feel guilty, she knows your true feelings and reasons, if she has reservations, and she probably has, then listen and talk it through, that's all. 

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4 minutes ago, Bear said:

You may be feeling guilty, but if she's okay with it, why not.

 

NSFW and TMI

 

  Reveal hidden contents

I'm one of those ex-catholic types where the guilt was conditioned in, so my 'refraining skill' is boosted by that. Also I had zero access to pron during my formative years (we didn't have cable or internet) but I'm not sure that makes a difference. I was just never dependent on that.

 


 

I've also had gf's irl with R-rated interactions for years, so during most of those times, self-service wasn't necessary. In the lean years before tulpamancy, my characters were also my waifus at times, but they were nothing more than fantasy paperdolls that'd go right back on the shelf. For the autonomous headfriends of unknown status like Joy, Gwen, and others, they were off limits. They could express hesitation and avoidance, and I didn't push it since I had much easier prey.

 

Given my hyperphantasia (great visualization by default) I never needed pics or movies anyway. 

 

I have seen things on the internet of course and even some games contain nudity and sex to a limited extent. In general though, I'm an uptight prude who is strongly monogamous, even for 'mindspace'.

 

When my system was officially formed, I didn't think or see anything at all re: sex for the first year. We played a game with minor nudity in it and watched an anime with nudity, I think it was called "Machine Doll" something. Anyway, as my headmates matured and we became more comfortable, they often interacted with each other in NSFW ways that I couldn't avoid 'knowing about' if you know what I mean. For reference, they can control mindspace as easily as I can at this point.

 

Yet we never closed the deal because there are three lf them and they're very competitive for affection and it is very obvious and we talked a lot about this that they don't want to see me with anyone else inside or out in the same way I don't want them playing with NPCs. That's easy enough to oblige at this point, but between themselves, they can do whatever, they're all women.

 

There is a caveat though. In dreams, lucid or semi lucid, there is no guilt or inhibition. It's as if we forget everything and we can't hold ourselves accountable, so I've had the three of them to varying degrees in dreams, one just making out and only recently.

 

The lack of irl relief not only makes it trivial to get it up, but allows for wet dreams. Though none have been actually wet, no mess, real feeling sex and orgasms have definitely happened--I felt mine and theirs.

 

We have also seen some scenes and pictures, I drew one of them topless so I needed references, and we also watched a couple films that were nothing more than sex scenes tied loosely together "Blue is the Warmest Color" stands out as one that is blatant and I couldn't tell you if it had a plot.
 

 

 

 

Don't feel guilty, she knows your true feelings and reasons, if she has reservations, and she probably has, then listen and talk it through, that's all. 

Thanks for the insight!

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First of all, let me just say how darn adorable it is that you care so much for how she feels in all of this, happy to see that.

I'm coming from a female/female host-tulpa relationship that's mostly asexual due to my own preferences, but

 

Spoiler

whenever I do masturbate for whatever reason, be it boredom or trouble sleeping, I tend to include her in it in some way shape or form. Even if we don't have sex and only use porn to get off I share the experience with her and then we usually cuddle afterwards. She doesn't state her preferences when looking for stuff to get me going, her being there is usually not enough due to my own limitations and low sex drive, but because our experiences are strongly linked together, whatever works for me works for her. She's a confident woman, I trust her to voice any displeasure she might feel. At the very least afterwards, if in the moment it feels like my needs are "overpowering", like you put it. She's said once that it's a shame I need external help, but claims it doesn't really bother her that much, and I believe her. I'm sure she'd like to have more of everything, from intimacy to cuddling, but we're going by what I'm okay with. She takes what she can get lol...

 

I get your guilt, though, I feel it too sometimes. I'd like for her to be "enough" to get things going, but it's just sadly not the case. I'm sure she understands your feelings on this, though it never hurts to talk things through whenever it starts to feel like something's not quite right. It can be reassuring on both sides to air out feelings.

 

Overall, to answer the very first and last questions, I think it's fine to watch porn with tulpas so long as both parties are okay with it. I mean, I don't know if you could force them to watch with you, mine will definitely poof out of the situation if they're uncomfortable with something I'm doing. I feel like enjoying it together can be a fun activity for everyone involved. I realized I'm making it sound like we watch porn all together as a group but that's definitely not true lol

As for agency, boundaries, needs, etc, I think, like in any relationship, it's important to map these things out beforehand and maybe discuss them some more after. Figure out what's working and what isn't, what to change, what to add, etc. Communication is key.

Edited by ClianthaMiura

CM - 30th April 1997 - Host of the system

Desmond - 21st April 2014

L - 5th May 2014

Nevira - 14th December 2014

Misa - 5th December 2015

Roska - 22nd July 2019

Danyla - 13th July 2020

Progress report  Art thread  Ask us anything lol

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43 minutes ago, ClianthaMiura said:

First of all, let me just say how darn adorable it is that you care so much for how she feels in all of this, happy to see that.

I'm coming from a female/female host-tulpa relationship that's mostly asexual due to my own preferences, but

 

  Reveal hidden contents

whenever I do masturbate for whatever reason, be it boredom or trouble sleeping, I tend to include her in it in some way shape or form. Even if we don't have sex and only use porn to get off I share the experience with her and then we usually cuddle afterwards. She doesn't state her preferences when looking for stuff to get me going, her being there is usually not enough due to my own limitations and low sex drive, but because our experiences are strongly linked together, whatever works for me works for her. She's a confident woman, I trust her to voice any displeasure she might feel. At the very least afterwards, if in the moment it feels like my needs are "overpowering", like you put it. She's said once that it's a shame I need external help, but claims it doesn't really bother her that much, and I believe her. I'm sure she'd like to have more of everything, from intimacy to cuddling, but we're going by what I'm okay with. She takes what she can get lol...

 

I get your guilt, though, I feel it too sometimes. I'd like for her to be "enough" to get things going, but it's just sadly not the case. I'm sure she understands your feelings on this, though it never hurts to talk things through whenever it starts to feel like something's not quite right. It can be reassuring on both sides to air out feelings.

 

Overall, to answer the very first and last questions, I think it's fine to watch porn with tulpas so long as both parties are okay with it. I mean, I don't know if you could force them to watch with you, mine will definitely poof out of the situation if they're uncomfortable with something I'm doing. I feel like enjoying it together can be a fun activity for everyone involved. I realized I'm making it sound like we watch porn all together as a group but that's definitely not true lol

As for agency, boundaries, needs, etc, I think, like in any relationship, it's important to map these things out beforehand and maybe discuss them some more after. Figure out what's working and what isn't, what to change, what to add, etc. Communication is key.

^_^ thanks. Maybe I can coax her into taking the lead on planning things a bit more.

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