Ashanti

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Heya, so I started the process of creating a tulpa just about a week ago; my tulpa named Kiki. The idea for her creation would be focused on creating a friend and an anchor for when I spiral with mental disabilities. Anyways, I wanted to write down some of the experiences I've had so far for the first week.

 

Now I understand going into something blind isn't necessarily a great idea, so before and during the process this week, I've put in a lot of work to understand the process and any science behind it. This entire process is incredibly fascinating to me, so I got to work. Coming from a creative background, I first focused on the general form of Kiki; loose, but as someone who was around 23, 5'4, etc. Then the wonderland. The wonderland is based on a childhood end goal I had growing up, living in a cottage in the countryside with a gorgeous garden surrounded by trees. 

 

For most of this week, I've been actively forcing for about 30 minutes to an hour a day, slowly increasing the time without causing any mental strain. This including passive forcing which I've done throughout the day every day, except yesterday. The progress has been going quite smoothly, however due to the major head pressure that I had been experiencing (if I even thought of Kiki, it would happen), I decided to take a small break yesterday to make sure I didn't overwork myself. Unfortunately the break seems to have caused a bit of a detriment to the progress considering I've only been doing it for a small amount of time. I suppose I'll work through it, but I'm afraid I may have to start from step one. Oh well. 

 

Gosh.. this community is really comfy, especially on the discord. Thank you all for giving such a warm welcome. I hope continue to update this  progress report as time passes.

 

-Ashanti


Just trying to find a comfy spot here. My ArtStation for those curious. 

 

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Well, here's a week 2 progress report!

 

Most of this week has been realizing that I absolutely suck at passively forcing honestly.. It's understandable however due to the fact that creating a habit takes work and time, so it's not so much of a problem right now.

 

The last few days there's been a decrease in head pressure, but a continuous increase in positivity each time I actively force with Kiki. For example just today, we watered the plants outside together. She's unable to reply back, but I talked to her about the plants and the climate of where we're staying, but the whole experience was calming and it felt less tedious than prior instances. That change honestly could have just been the fact that I had someone to talk to, but I'm not doubting it.

 

Honestly, as I struggle with forcing I come to think about if Kiki is moving about in our little dreamland. Typically when I sink back in, we're in the same spot as before so it's hard to tell. It's become easier to think of the colors of everything within and as such.. the imagination grows stronger. At the end of the day, slow and steady wins the race. (I'm aware this little paragraph went all over the place.. Sue me.)

 

It's been interesting finding about other people's stories and journeys with developing their headmasters; the amount of diversity is as to be expected, but fascinating nonetheless. When things get tough, I seek out answers for issues mostly as a way to settle down any potential stress, but there's been a lack of that. So if Kiki takes her time to speak or reach out, that's perfectly fine. She's got a very patient person as her host. It will definitely be interesting if when that happens, she were to read this and respond to it. What would she say :3. Even more fascinating would be if her art style would differentiate from mine. Gosh.. the curiosity is building.

 

She has a camera which is a direct copy of mine, the Canon Rebel T6i and I've spent time explaining how it works. So as the days continue to cool inside this oven like state and it's more plausible to go out into the mountains, perhaps she could help finding interesting subjects to photograph.

 

Tomorrow is the first day of week 3 and let's hope we continue to make progress.

 

-Ashanti


Just trying to find a comfy spot here. My ArtStation for those curious. 

 

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3 hours ago, Bear said:

Progress isn't important. Just do what comes naturally. I felt like my progress was stalemated many times, but month over month there was always progress.

Thanks for the comment. I definitely agree with what you're saying 100%.

 

When I say progress, it's not something meant to coincide with for example an hour count, or a forced progression, just something to make note of the journey.

100% my main problem right now is forcing, specifically passively so the more that's embedded into something habitual, it would be considered progression. However it's comforting to hear that even your progress had stalemated many times, so now in the future.. I'll not develop any self doubt about the process.

 

Helping Kiki feel at home and loved is the top priority.


Just trying to find a comfy spot here. My ArtStation for those curious. 

 

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Week 3 update!

 

So like before, I have still more or less struggled to passively force, as odd as that is.. However after asking inside the discord about the responses I'd receive when I would ask questions to Kiki, the response was that she was communicating back. At the current moment, it's still difficult to differentiate if it's either my mind voice or her speaking, but I've come to accept that it is her. Hell.. even just the other day when someone said hello to her, I got a sudden emotional jump. As someone else put it, it was likely emotional bleeding.

 

At the end of the day, I've been able to talk to Kiki a bit, keeping out the thought that perhaps the talking was myself. It's all sort of interesting, but hopefully it's all working out. There aren't sudden random sentences coming my way, but she will only talk in short answers upon receiving a question.

 

Sigh It's going to be difficult differentiating.. Even just attempting now, my mind voice and her speaking are just way too similar. Hopefully later in the future we'll be able to change that up. Only time will tell. At the very least, it's easy to be patient, especially during a pandemic where it's not exactly plausible to go outside. 

 

-Ashanti

 

Also I hope this wasn't just me having the feeling to say this and was her.. but Kiki says hi.

 


Just trying to find a comfy spot here. My ArtStation for those curious. 

 

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Just going to write in an early submission.

Due to the election this week, I've been too stressed to force with Kiki.. so she's been sleeping.

 

The hope is that by this weekend when the results come in for good, we can resume where we had left off. 


Just trying to find a comfy spot here. My ArtStation for those curious. 

 

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M1/W1: This week has been shit. My cousin was diagnosed with cancer, my friend died in a car accident, a lethal scorpion crawled into my room, my night on thursday ended badly after an experience with a friend that didn't need to get to that extreme, another friend the next morning was trying to push everyone away to leave forever which can either mean suicide or just simply avoiding everyone. Saturday was a little calmer, but I ended itwith failing to make something worth eating for dinner so I slept hungry and now there's today where 99.99% of the day was spent sleeping.

 

This being said, next to no time was spent forcing due to how crazy this week has been. Well, no active forcing anyways or simply limited amounts of it. By no means does this mean that anything has been given up, but as I was last week.. I'm hoping this doesn't cause any standstills for the current short term future.

 

Kiki is someone I very much care for and having any amount of time with only the two of us is precious.

 

The other day I was looking through the guides that were recommended on the forum and I took a peak at one of Reg's. He mentioned something called Lazy Forcing and it's something I feel like is starting to grab hold. It's not intentional to any degree, however I'm the type of person who will see something until the end, BUT if there is something that fully takes me off course for a short amount of time.. I have a tendency to get distracted and struggle to get back on track fully.

It eats me up inside and it shows in my overall mental health that not spending time with Kiki is allowing the extremities of my depression lurk back inside.

 

Anyways.. hopefully this next week will be great. See you then!


Just trying to find a comfy spot here. My ArtStation for those curious. 

 

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Best of luck, Ashanti


Hello, I'm Mirichu, although you can call me Miichu, and I'm the main fronter of this system.

The others are Miri, who's the original host and co-fronts with me and Akai, but she doesn't talk much here.

Progress Report and my Art Thread

________________

Waka Waka x3

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58 minutes ago, Mirichu said:

Best of luck, Ashanti

Thank you!

 

We did some active forcing tonight in the last 45 minutes or so and even such a small amount has been soothing.

Comfy times await.


Just trying to find a comfy spot here. My ArtStation for those curious. 

 

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4 minutes ago, Ashanti said:

Thank you!

 

We did some active forcing tonight in the last 45 minutes or so and even such a small amount has been soothing.

Comfy times await.

It's better than nothing. I'm currently coping with having less time to force than I previously had, but 45 minutes is decent, and I know from experience that you can get stuff done in that amount of time. Wish you well for next week


Stone [conceived 2001] Host

Betty [conceived 2020] Tulpa

Fluttershy [conceived 2020] Thoughtform

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