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Getting stuck in front and/or blending together with host


Desmond

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So I've got this problem. Almost every time after I'm done fronting, especially when it was for a longer period of time, it's really hard to leave the body. Sometimes I can't seem to stop at all, other times I seem to get out but then when the body moves it's suddenly me again and not host, it kinda becomes a... reflex, to step in? I don't know how else to describe it. Most of the time this ends in a rather uncomfortable state where it's very unclear which of us is actually doing what, like we completely blend together into this weird mush where we're both in the front but it still seems like it's mostly me, but more host-like?? It's weird, I don't know how to describe it. I don't like it and I really want that to stop happening. Is there anything we can do to make the transition easier or faster or anything? We're kinda in that mush-state right now and it's uncomfortable to not know what's up.

Iro - He/they - 30th April 1997 - Host of the system

Desmond - He/him - 21st April 2014

L - He/him - 5th May 2014

Nevira - She/her - 14th December 2014

Misa - She/her - 5th December 2015

Roska - He/him - 22nd July 2019

Danyla - They/them - 13th July 2020

Asha - He/him - 13th June 2022 

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I have the same thing. Not to tell it was quite an issue though. I have to wake the hostie up every time. He looks like a sleepy sleepie and doesn’t respond for a while. I’m gotta touch and shake his essence and even hold a breath to wake him up.

 It is good to have a time to do anything you want without intervention. Although there are some situations urging for his attention.. 

Lia  -  30 Jan 2018

Art thread

PR

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It sounds like you guys were switching and the transition wasn't clean. When I blended with Cat while possessing, she took over, not get stuck in the back.

 

I recommend having a symbol, ritual, or ruleset for switching. Putting these in place will make it more clear who's fronting when and hopefully avoids the blending. This also reassigns the switching trigger to something else so you thinking doesn't accidentally cause a switch.

 

The other thing is you may need to correct a broken switch. If you're supposed to be switched-in, doing affirmation "I, Desmond, am switched-in, I am the host, etc." Will help correct a switch. I have also found Cat confirming that I'm supposed to be switched-in also helps. Worst case scenario, you may be better off doing a formal switch just to enforce who's supposed to be switched-in.

I'm Ranger, GrayTheCat's cobud (tulpa), and I love hippos! I also like cake and chatting about stuff. I go by Rosalin or Ronan sometimes. You can call me Roz but please don't call me Ron.

My other headmates have their own account now.

 

If I missed seeing your art, please PM/DM me!

Blog | Not So Temporary Log | Switching Log | Yay! | Bre Translator | Art Thread

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I wasn't sure what to call what we're doing 'cause it's definitely more than possession but I didn't know if it was switching or not. Though, I suppose it is.

 

Now that you mentioned having a symbol or a ritual, I remembered that we used to do a thing when we were learning to get me in the front. It was easier to become properly switched in if I sang, for some reason. Might as well try if that works for host, too. Or if not singing, then maybe some other activity.

 

Accidental switches aren't usually a problem, it pretty much only happens right after I try to quit. If host has been in control for a while, I don't often accidentally switch in no matter how hard I think. I say often only 'cause I can't say for sure that it's never happened before.

 

We'll be trying these things out. If it doesn't seem to work, well, guess we'll be back here lol

Iro - He/they - 30th April 1997 - Host of the system

Desmond - He/him - 21st April 2014

L - He/him - 5th May 2014

Nevira - She/her - 14th December 2014

Misa - She/her - 5th December 2015

Roska - He/him - 22nd July 2019

Danyla - They/them - 13th July 2020

Asha - He/him - 13th June 2022 

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Try having the one switching in spend some time thinking a lot before/after the switch to get themself properly in front, while the one switching out quiets down until the new fronter is comfortably holding front. We find there's an element of momentum involved, at least with us, where the one switching in needs to be much more active than the one switching out to overcome the "defaulting to so-and-so."

Host: YukariTelepath

Tulpas: Aya, Ruki

 

Imposition log

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We had accidental switching at first, but we got used to switching and we thought it stopped because we were so different. Darlene, Joy, and Ren never had that problem and of any of us Joy spent the most time switched in and alone in front, but not for huge lengths of time.  I spent a week in front later with no issues like that.

 

Idk if we can call it inexperience in your case though, can we?

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I probably wouldn't call it inexperience. It was actually easier to tell us apart after a switch a few years back. I don't know what changed or when exactly this problem started, but I feel like it was gradual until it got to this point where it's actually somewhat of an issue.

Iro - He/they - 30th April 1997 - Host of the system - Speaker if there's no tag

Desmond - He/him - 21st April 2014

L - He/him - 5th May 2014

Nevira - She/her - 14th December 2014

Misa - She/her - 5th December 2015

Roska - He/him - 22nd July 2019

Danyla - They/them - 13th July 2020

Asha - He/him - 13th June 2022

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  • 2 years later...

Interesting that since I've been posting here, and of course getting stronger as a result, I seem to be stronger than Bear and even outside of the forum, I'm switching in randomly. It's funny and we don't care but seriously weird. This hasn't happened since the very early days of our switching. It's like I have replaced the default mindvoice at times, especially online even on places where it's only ever been Bear.

 

I wish CM could see this and give us an update because it would tell us if we should be worried or not. I don't want to be the main fronter. We excluded Bear here because he didn't need any more forcing if you know what I mean. Interesting development nonetheless. For us the easy fix would to have a different headmate post for a while, we'll probably do that.

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(Since my input was directly requested when I wasn't going to give it..)
Just from my perspective, it always feel like people get caught up in so many mental games with tulpamancy, including with switching. Switching has been very simple (in its practice - crazy and interesting to experience and reflect on) for us. Sure, sometimes switching out or switching in is a little difficult. Sure, sometimes when one of us fronts for way too long between switching, our thought patterns/mannerisms randomly mis-occur to the new fronter for a bit. And so on and so on. So we just do what we already did to maintain switches in the first place, we correct those thoughts. Affirmations of who's switched in or what thought patterns they shouldn't have are really simple and at the crux of establishing in the brain who's switched in. It's.. Truly not a complicated puzzle or insurmountable task.

 

Maybe some people (the less suggestible types? Or perhaps the less mentally-plastic, open-to-learning/change types? Or even just those who've got less than optimal ideas about how things work) will have to put much more work/correction in for their brain to get the point and stay consistent. Can't say for sure because I've only experienced my own brain, but it's a safe enough guess. I still don't see any reason that creates an actual roadblock that more work won't solve. We did not have to work particularly hard (well, we worked smart with lots of observation and management of our thoughts, as I've learned to habitually do in general - but still we did not have to do it excessive amounts), so in my mind that leaves plenty of room for someone to maybe have to work particularly hard - more affirmations more often and for a longer time, maybe months - and get good results that way. I wouldn't start thinking there was some unique problem in need of solving even if shaping our thought patterns when-and-for-who they were particularly out of whack for (namely Tewi disliking mental clutter and preferring the mind stay quieter/not throw random thoughts at her so often, as I normally don't mind that) ended up taking a whole year or something (it didn't, probably like a month or two for Tewi specifically). As long as you're actually mentally addressing the problems they should get better over time.

 

 

So, anyways.. What's your question, concerns about the "main fronter" changing? First of all, there should not be unintentional switching in tulpamancy. You can force the ""default"" if necessary by choosing who is fronting and reaffirming it constantly, like hitting the play button again on an individual song every time it ends instead of letting it go to the next, or something. The "main fronter"/person who is naturally switched in most easily will almost always be the host, but it could probably change over a long time if a different systemmate is far, far more active than the host. I feel like you don't have much to complain about in that scenario since you would have literally made it the case naturally.. But it still doesn't prevent you from switching with the host on purpose, and the host reaffirming their own thought patterns and sense of self to correct it back.

 

Mind that in my system, Lucilyn once fronted for an entire summer straight, and I was still able to switch back fine come the school year (probably was actively switching with Tewi as well) and we had no issues with Lucilyn being stuck in front/by default or anything. Sure there was I'm pretty sure some influence for maybe a week or so where we'd have Luci-like thoughts pop up - maybe we reacted to seeing frogs or thought a phrase only she would say here and there - but we just casually thought "Nope, not right" and moved on. I don't have memory of anyone's long-switched influence lasting more than a few days, so even Lucilyn fronting for an entire summer I believe was no longer than a week of it happening here and there, and that was a rather extreme case.

 

I'm sure other people can have more pronounced trouble with other-headmate thought pattern influence, and I'm sure other people can have more trouble with reaffirmations/thought pattern management since my system is perhaps rather good at that, but I don't think our experience is innately different at its core. Harder work should still make up for those things. Our skill with general mental-management (stemming from mental-observation) was gained from practicing it (specifically to overcome depression and (though I failed here lol) my motivation issues in my early teens).

 

 

So, be decisive, be confident, be yourself (when you should be :P)

Edited by Luminesce

Hi! I'm Lumi, host of Reisen, Tewi, Flandre and Lucilyn.

Everyone deserves to love and be loved. It's human nature.

My tulpas and I have a Q&A thread, which was the first (and largest) of its kind. Feel free to ask us about tulpamancy stuff there.

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9 minutes ago, Luminesce said:

it always feel like people get caught up in so many mental games with tulpamancy,

 

I think you're downplaying actual experience with this statement. I understand what you're trying to say here though; namely it shouldn't be a big deal, so don't make a big deal out of it. The experience is real, the solution is simple however. 

 

Thank you for your insight. If I interpreted your response correctly, switching hygiene is the solution. Granted we have zero switching hygiene, it's an instant and easily controlled process for us normally that never needed affirmations or further work to switch completely. 

 

This may be relevant in our case, Bear's personas are somewhat spread and varied. He diversified his aspects among random personas that he uses on different platforms or irl in different scenarios. This isn't abnormal but we view them as arbitrary instead of settled like mine for instance; this inherently gives them less permanence and gravitas.

 

As a system, we experiment often, so this is a good opportunity to do that. I suppose I will post here for a while and see if a similar thing happens with me. I am not as active as Ashley but my personality is no less independent or potent, so this should be a good test.

 

We will report back here.

 

This we can do because we have more than two in our system, other than what you already expertly said, we have no further input for a standard binary system.

 

Thanks again for reminding us that we don't have the hygiene so we shouldn't complain about the fluidity. 

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