Stone & Friends

[ruleofthumb]

Edit (10/30/21): Fixed formatting and typos. Changed color coding to our current color coding. Added small edits to some of these older entries.

 

Stone: Hello all. I’ve been writing down my experiences with Betty for a few days, and I decided I’d post them here, especially since things have gotten interesting pretty quickly for me. Feel free to comment with any advice you may have.

 

Day 0 (11/10/20)

 

As I was lying on the couch, in a position in which I could fall asleep, I decided to force a bit with Betty. I was in a room full of bins and other stuff, but I wanted to place her form in the room, as opposed to my developing wonderland, as I wanted her to be with me in a real location. I decided to put her in the crib, and as she is the size of an adult woman, she looked unamused.

 

I’m unsure if what I’m about to detail is parroting/puppeting:

 

I started talking to her. As this was a casual forcing session before bed, I did not write down what we talked about, and I don’t remember what we talked about. However, I remember getting verbal and non-verbal responses. When I asked her questions, sometimes she’d verbally respond before I was finished asking the question, and sometimes she wouldn’t respond at all. She also responded non-verbally with facial expressions. I remember these expressions as being somewhat unnatural but making sense. When I say somewhat unnatural, I mean she used non-verbal expressions more than a human would use, and used them in instances a human would likely not use them. However, these expressions made sense, as they weren’t completely random and did convey some sort of answer to my question. It almost seemed she’d answer with a face because my brain was too lazy to generate a response from her, or couldn’t figure out how.

 

I hypothesize that giving her a form has given my brain an out when it cannot generate words for her, and I’m hoping this will speed up the process.

 

This is not the first day interacting with Betty, but I’ve barely talked to her at all before this, and have pretty much only imposed her in my room and puppeted her. I feel like I got a response too early, and I’m worried this may have been parroting/puppetry on my part. I am excited if these were “real” responses though. I’m not sure if there’s much of a difference this early though.

 

It’s partially a shame this happened, as I want to organize these notes into some sort of study, but after opening with, “Maybe my tulpa answered as soon as I started talking to her,” this likely won’t be taken as seriously. And, that’s valid.

 

Day 1 (11/11/20)

 

I didn’t talk with Betty today.

 

Day 2 (11/12/20)

 

I haven’t done any forcing yet today, as it is 3:40a.m. (I was woken up by family). I was thinking about meditating before each active forcing session, as it clears my mind and I like it, but these stats are making me think twice about that idea. Still, I tend to get distracted and have trouble jumping into forcing. I believe short meditation before forcing may help me. Though meditation, at least the way I do it, focuses more on plain reality than the world of thought, and it might take me out of the world of thought (where Betty lives). Perhaps this is why it seems to hinder some people.

 

I’m thinking if I meditate on my tulpa, and not on my body as I usually do, it may help more than hurt. I plan to not meditate the first week, then meditate the second week, and see how I feel. People are different and meditate differently, so I’d like to see how meditation works for me.

 

I would like to personality force soon, and I would like to use Man’s method along with food-based symbolism. I have a list of personality traits here. I want her to be a rounded person, but I wonder how ethical it is to purposefully give her negative traits. I suppose I will give her positive and neutral traits, and, those traits will naturally have negative sides. Virtue is the mean of two vices, after all.

 

31 personality traits:

Affectionate - bun (they hug whatever they surround)

Amusing - Laffy Taffy

Charming - Pringles (the Pringles guy seems like a charming fellow)

Clever - barbecue chips on Bun (how does this taste so good!)

Confident - kettle chips (tougher and more sure than regular chips?)

Edgy - chips and salsa (chips have edges, and salsa has bite)

Empathetic - marshmellows (soft empathy)

Esthetic - That’s It bar (minimalist aesthetic)

Ethical - (ethical alternative)

Extroverted - Fruit Loops (idk just seems fitting)

Familial - Rice Krispies (families commonly make treats out of these)

Friendly - peaches (sweet and good for you)

Healthy - plain Cheerios (healthier)

High-spirited - Skittles (sugar rush)

Honest - plain toast (it is what it is)

Irreligious - pretzel rods (secularized pretzels)

Leisurely - sub sandwich (this takes longer to make, but it’s worth it)

Loyal - saltines (there even when you’re sick)

Maternal - applesauce (often given to babies)

Neat - mints (keep yourself and your breath clean)

Observant - Fritos (have you noticed these smell like dog feet?)

Outdoorsy - seaweed (or is it lakeweed in Michigan?)

Protective - oyster crackers (oysters have shells to protect themselves, and you use yours to protect others as well)

Ritualistic - Mobius strip Bagel (the endless cycle of traditions)

Romantic - strawberry lemon ice (pink)

Sarcastic - mint chocolate Oreos (means one thing [toothpaste] says the other [cookie])

Stylish - Gardetto's (the fancy Chex Mix)

Spontaneous - doughnut (doughnut think about the calories)

Trendy - (health food trends)

Vivacious - strawberry ramune (lively and carbonated)

Witty - “Berry Good” Lemonade (get it?)

 

Edit (10/30/21): To clarify, I would share this food with Betty as we forced. We never ended up getting to all the foods. After a while, Betty wanted to just be herself without personality forcing.

 

Below are some interactions I recorded. They are not exhaustive:

 

Interaction 1

 

“How are you?”

 

“Ok.”

 

“Yeah I’m sure you are. I’m sure you’re not just parroting.”

 

“...”

 

I feel mean now. “Apologize to the nice lady," I think.

 

“...”

 

I feel a stare.

 

“God this is so awkward,” I say instead of apologizing. I turn away.

 

I feel her watching me. I turn to her.

 

“How are you?”

 

”...”

 

Interaction 2

 

“Are you listening?”

 

“No.”

 

“What are you doing?”

 

“Paying attention.”

 

“Paying attention to what?”

 

“To, Hefty.”

 

I burst into laughter.

 

Interaction 3

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“No that’s alright.”

 

“Everything’s ‘no that’s alright’ with you. That’s your main thing, isn’t it?”

 

“No.”

 

“Really? What’s your main thing?”

 

“Bicycles.”

 

“No. I made you say that.”

 

“Yes you did.” She smirks.

 

I laugh. “Yes I did. No really, what’s your main thing?”

 

“Shopping carts.”

 

“Now you’re just thinking of things with wheels.”

 

“No. You are.”

 

“No I’m not.”

 

“Yes. Think of shopping carts.”

 

“Ah you got me. Let me write that down.”

 

Day 3 (11/13/20)

 

Stone: I talked to Betty today. I talked to her a little bit about spontaneity with a doughnut. But, I think I could have explained it more. I will after I sleep, as I’ve been up all night. I got a lot of great responses out of her, and she felt there, but she tended to sound like me. I kept mentioning that, then felt bad for being overly critical of her, as she was doing so well. I also felt bad interrupting her and making her wait so I could write something down.

 

It’s only been three days and I hate this clinical approach I set up. This “study.” Or maybe I’m embarrassed by how I acted and am taking it out on the format. I don’t know. What I do know is that this process is for her, then for me, then for whoever may end up reading this. I’m not going to interrupt our fun and give us imposter syndrome so I can analyze every goddamn thing she says for some post.

 

Anyway, today was positive, and I hope I will feel better with some sleep.

 

I’m awake now. I’ve devised a schedule for forcing.

 

Sunday - Active: 2 hours

Monday - Active: 40 minutes

Tuesday - Active: 40 minutes

Wednesday - Active: 40 minutes

Thursday - Active: 40 minutes

Friday - Active: 40 minutes

Saturday - Active: 2 hours

 

Methods of forcing I’m thinking of using:

Food/Personality

101 Things To Talk About With Your Tulpa

Edited October 31, 2021 by ruleofthumb
Fixed formating. Made small edits.

[R8-Adelia_Wildhome]

Wow! I feel like you are making such great progress and you have some great methods. I really like the food= personality trait. 

I think that when I start my next tulpa I will use some of these methods because they worked well for my first two (Sadie is a merge)

I really like the name Betty, its very cute. 

Great job!

[ruleofthumb]

On 11/13/2020 at 4:20 PM, A&J said:

Wow! I feel like you are making such great progress and you have some great methods. I really like the food= personality trait. 

I think that when I start my next tulpa I will use some of these methods because they worked well for my first two (Sadie is a merge)

I really like the name Betty, its very cute. 

Great job!

 

Stone: Thank you! I’ve been looking at various guides for help. I think one guide recommended personality orbs and potions, or giving your tulpa food in wonderland. I don’t have much of a wonderland to speak of, so I imagine giving her food in real space and having some myself. Idk if it’s much better than just explaining traits, but it is more fun.

 

I hope she likes her name too, as she grows into herself more.

 

As I am typing a message, I might as well give an update on our progress.

 

Yesterday we forced for over forty minutes, and maybe over an hour. I told her about my most recent dream. I taught her more about her spontaneity, and also taught her more about being amusing with popcorn. As I was using a mediation timer I didn’t want to interrupt, I didn’t go back to check my list of questions and instead played “Would You Rather” with her. Sometimes she would give the same answer as me, and sometimes she would give a different answer. Sometimes, the different answer was related directly to her being a tulpa, but I think she gave some different answers that were related to her budding personality (though I cannot remember specific different answers). One thing I noted was that whenever I asked her what her favorite color was, or what color she would like to use if she were to make a text post on here, she gave a different answer. It seemed my brain was generating a random color instead of her generating one based on her personality and experiences. I think this shows she is too young to have a favorite color.

Edited October 31, 2021 by ruleofthumb

[ruleofthumb]

Edit (10/30/21): The “Fluttershy” mentioned here is named Cloud. She is a tulpa, not a “walk-in”.

 

Stone: It's been a week since my last report, so I think it's time for another one.

 

On the 13th, a walk-in appeared after I had finished a two-hour session of forcing with Betty.

 

 

You can find a post I made about it here, but I'll summarize it. I argued with the walk-in a bit, then I chastised her and she disappeared. I asked her to show me a sign she was "real” and she sorta did. I did some thinking about having two headmates, read the responses to my post, and decided the walk-in could stay. Her name is Fluttershy.

 

Now that I've got that out of the way, I will paste my journal entries from the 15th to the 21st.

 

Day 5 (11/15/20)

 

Stone: It’s 7:22 AM. I stayed up all night.

 

I heard the sound of jingling (the doors in my house have bells), a door opening or closing, and my cousin saying, “Hello?” I looked around for her, and called her, but she was not there. Then, I heard a sharp, loud, deep inhale from her, which turned into the sound of the heater turning on.

 

My aunt confirmed she didn’t say anything.

 

My cousin confirmed she was upstairs at the time.

 

The sound of geese startled me. This hasn’t happened before.

 

I heard what sounded like slow violin music in the distance. I had already been hearing things, so I tried to convince myself it wasn’t real. It didn’t go away. Then, I turned towards my 2DS and realized my perception was coming from my Pokemon Y game.

 

I was sung to sleep by Fluttershy because I was anxious and I remembered two nightmares when I woke up.

 

Day 6 (11/16/20)

 

Stone: Today I’ve decided to move my log from the notes on my phone to LibreOffice. I’m recollecting my thoughts about my schedule after meeting a walk-in (Fluttershy) and allowing her to stay.

 

Fluttershy: Hello hi all. Fluttershy here with the latest scoop— (She says more but that's not for here)

 

Stone: Today I will be constructing a plan to personality force Fluttershy and force with Betty. I would also like to plan a schedule that will work for me.

 

Sunday – 60 minutes Betty, 60 minutes Fluttershy, 120 minutes total

Monday - 40 minutes Betty, 40 minutes Fluttershy, 80 minutes total

Tuesday - 40 minutes Betty, 40 minutes Fluttershy, 80 minutes total

Wednesday - 40 minutes Betty, 40 minutes Fluttershy, 80 minutes total

Thursday - 40 minutes Betty, 40 minutes Fluttershy, 80 minutes total

Friday – 40 minutes Betty, 40 minutes Fluttershy, 80 minutes total

Saturday – 90 minutes Betty, 90 minutes Fluttershy, 180 minutes total

 

Today is Sunday, but instead of an active forcing session with Fluttershy, I will prepare to personality force with her.

 

I will also set alarms every hour on the half to “check up” with Betty and Fluttershy starting now. I’ve set it for 4:30a.m.

 

I don’t feel like organizing food again, and the My Little Pony fandom has a vast array of artwork, so I’m going to personality force Fluttershy with images. I will paste them here, in the same order the traits they represent are listed:

 

[33 links representing different personality traits]

 

Ok done. I am going to make a sub sandwich, both because I am hungry, and because I will use it when forcing with Betty.

 

Later:

 

Forcing was hard today, as this has been the most tired I’ve ever been while doing it. I’ve been forcing after doing homework, as I am afraid hanging out with my tulpae will put me in a mood to have fun (and not do work), but I cannot force with them effectively if I’m this tired. From now on, I will force when I wake up, before I do my homework, as sometimes homework takes me a great while to complete (and it’s draining). I am going to bed now, but when I wake up, I will try this.

 

Betty: Alright, uh, I hereby swear that I will remind Stone to do his homework after we’re done forcing everyday. He is going to force with us before doing homework so he can pay more attention and not be tired. I think this is good.

 

Day 8 (11/18/20)

 

Stone: I'm actually going to force today! I will jot down my plans.

 

40 minutes of forcing with Betty:

- Personality force with Ramune - Vivacious

- Eat Skinny Pop.

- Talk about any exciting plans you have coming up.

- Explain the plot of your favorite fairy tale.

- Think about a place you’ve traveled recently. What do you like about that place? What do you dislike?

- List your favorite apps on your phone. Why are they your favorite? What features would you want to see in the future?

- Try to explain the layout of your work, home, or school.

- Ask, “What do you want to do?”

 

We started talking about our "favorites." Betty mentioned having a favorite moon. I thought she meant an actual moon, but she meant a phase of the moon. She said her favorite phase was "new moon." I questioned her and said one cannot even see the new moon. She said something like this: “The new moon is beautiful. You can’t see it, but you know it’s there behind the sky. Just like me. You can’t see me, but you know I’m there behind the air.” I like that!

 

40 minutes of forcing with Fluttershy:

- Personality force - Stable

- Explain your most recent dream.

- Talk about where you see yourself and your system in five years.

- If you’re in school, explain the most recent lesson you learned in your favorite class.

 

Day 9 (11/19/20)

 

Stone: Forcing plans:

 

Betty forcing:

- Kettle Chips (confident: tough, harder to break)

- "What do you want to talk about?"

 

Fluttershy forcing:

- Personality force: humorous

- "What do you want to talk about?"

 

Day 10 (11/20/20)

 

Stone: I felt nervous after watching the "ominous music" video by The Onion. Fictional media never makes me feel this nervous, so feeling nervous after a short humorous video I’ve watched before just fine is odd. However, I was woken up by a Covid-19 security alert, and the comments were about the video applying to 2020, so that could be the explanation.

 

Day 11 (11/21/20)

 

Stone: I realized forgot to mention I got the beginning of a cold sore earlier this week. I think it might be fading away now. We’ll see.

 

I’m going to force with Betty for 40 minutes, force with Fluttershy for 40 minutes, and have a 20 minute joint session with the two.

 

Betty forcing:

- Empathetic - Marshmellows (soft empathy)

- Topic: Food/cooking

- Topic stuff: a chef Stone knows, cooking tutorials, what Stone has cooked, making something together, learn more about the culinary sciences, discuss food (favorites, least favorites), try some random non-forcing food, just talk about food/cooking!, Stone: ask Betty questions and give her ins to the conversation

- Ask Betty, “What do you want to talk about?”

- Ask Betty, “What do you want to do?”

 

Fluttershy forcing:

- Incorruptable

- Plans for the day/week

- Talk about the grossest food you’ve ever eaten or seen.

- “What do you want to talk about?”

- “What do you want to do?”

 

Betty really wanted to make bread, but we ended up making fries instead. I let her choose the seasonings. She picked out salt, pepper, garlic powder (she did this more for me, since I like it), onion power, rosemary, and oregano leaves. Eugh! Luckily I had her smell the onion powder and she decided against it, but we used everything else. I would have removed some of those ingredients if it were me. Also, this seems weird to say, but I had her try to possess me while we were waiting for the fries to cook. I haven't looked into possession at all, and I don't think it's customary to have tulpae possess this early, but I was bored and wanted to try.

 

What I did was have her visualized form stand in the same pose as our body and move into the body until her visualized form was superimposed onto the body. I tried to get her to visualize the body's hands as her hands, the body's feet as her feet, etc. I was probably helping her, but I don't know to what extent. It didn't feel completely like roleplaying/puppeting, but there may have been some.

 

You know how if you're paying enough attention, or are looking in the right spot, you can see your nose? Maybe it looks translucent, or you can see the edges, but the core is transparent? The reason you don't always see your nose is because the brain edits it out, but if you focus, you might be able to see it. I can, anyway (and now that I'm typing this, I can't stop seeing it).

 

Anyway, along with getting her to she her own hands and feet, I tried to get her to see her snout in that way. It seems that really helped align herself with the body. She was still awkward, and I had to monitor and help her at all times.

 

After over 40 minutes of focusing on Betty, I tried my first real joint session with Betty and Fluttershy (sorta). The three have us have all been awake and together before, but this was the first planned, timed session. But why did I say sorta? I was tired and they were pretty much just talking to each other. When I commented on this fact, Fluttershy suggested she ask Betty questions instead of me, and that she possess the body. I allowed this and took a back seat. I did not have to baby Fluttershy the same way I babied Betty. As soon as she decided on an anthro form, she was fine. Also, her voice is more distinct than Betty's, which allowed her to do more of her own thing than Betty, since it was harder for my voice to "seep in."

 

Fluttershy and Betty hung out together for the rest of the "session" and then some. Then, I took control of the body again so I could force with Fluttershy. I talked to her for maybe 15 minutes about stuff. I asked her what she wanted to talk about and she gave responses that seemed less "random" than Betty's, which was interesting. I kept rejecting topics she wanted to talk about, so she suggested we play a video game. She looked at the games on my switch and decided to play Minecraft. I created a word for her, she possessed me, and she played while commenting. I would respond. I get worried my tulpas and I focus on other things rather than each other too much during sessions, but I was too tired to hold any sort of good one on one conversation.

 

Early in this report I said I'd start forcing before homework, and I haven't been good about that, given midterms. I hope to do better on that in the future.

Edited October 31, 2021 by ruleofthumb

[R8-Adelia_Wildhome]

On 11/21/2020 at 8:08 AM, ruleofthumb said:

Sunday – 60 minutes Betty, 60 minutes Fluttershy, 120 minutes total

Monday - 40 minutes Betty, 40 minutes Fluttershy, 80 minutes total

Tuesday - 40 minutes Betty, 40 minutes Fluttershy, 80 minutes total

Wednesday - 40 minutes Betty, 40 minutes Fluttershy, 80 minutes total

Thursday - 40 minutes Betty, 40 minutes Fluttershy, 80 minutes total

Friday – 40 minutes Betty, 40 minutes Fluttershy, 80 minutes total

Saturday – 90 minutes Betty, 90 minutes Fluttershy, 180 minutes total

That's a lot of forcing, I should probably do more... Good job! I think you guys are making great progress.

On 11/21/2020 at 8:08 AM, ruleofthumb said:

Anyways, along with getting her to she her own hands and feet, I tried to get her to see her snout in that way. It seems that really helped align herself with the body. She was still awkward, and I had to monitor and help her at all times

That is a brilliant way to get her to be more "in the body", we might try out this strategy,  if we decide the one we are trying doesn't work for us. 

You are making very fast progress, which is good. I think it may have something to do with your mindset, highly skeptical people will "block-out" the responses with their skeptical thoughts. Some won't, but I think this is some problems. 

 

[ruleofthumb]

On 11/22/2020 at 6:54 PM, A&J said:

That's a lot of forcing, I should probably do more... Good job! I think you guys are making great progress.

That is a brilliant way to get her to be more "in the body", we might try out this strategy,  if we decide the one we are trying doesn't work for us. 

You are making very fast progress, which is good. I think it may have something to do with your mindset, highly skeptical people will "block-out" the responses with their skeptical thoughts. Some won't, but I think this is some problems. 

 

 

Stone: Yeah I feel like I have to do a lot, as I have two tulpae and I don't want either to disappear. I read somewhere that 40min was a good minimum time. I don't know if that's accurate and I know people who don't set anytime to force at all and just passive force, but, I don't think I'd be good at that, and 40 minutes seems safe.

 

Sometimes I get skeptical of individual responses, but overall, I let them talk, and take them at their word. For example, Betty kept giving different answers for her favorite color at first. So, I was skeptical of each answer she gave. But, I think the type of skepticism matters. I was skeptical of her answers, because I thought they were the result of a young tulpa being fickle, and not her not existing. She now says her favorite colors are orange, pink, and orange-pink, consistently.

 

At the beginning, I also worried I was parroting. I pretty sure there were concrete instances of parroting, actually. I'd ask a question, and answer out loud, instead of letting her voice answer. One could argue that maybe she was speaking through my voice, though. Either way, I treated that as "interrupting" her, rather than parroting, and I think that's a better way to see those instances if they aren't happening all the time.

 

Betty saying she was paying attention to Hefty could have been parroting (me generating a response for her based on what was in my line of sight), or just her not knowing what to say. It reminded me of the trope where a character needs to come up with a fake name, so their name becomes the first name they see.

 

I don't think there's a way to know for sure if you're parroting or not so early. What reassured me was not her voice or responses, but her presence. I know that Betty is nice now, but when she was first there, she was eerily silent, and I felt embarrassed, and awkward. When I told her she was parroting and she went silent, I felt pity. When I turned my back on her, I felt like I was being watched. And when she said she was paying attention to Hefty bags, I laughed, pretty hard.

 

Laughter serves a social function, I while I have been able to laugh out loud at a situation I thought of in my head, without the aid of media or other people, I was laughing about how people would react to the situation, and I also happened to be with another person in the same car at the time (who wasn't a participant but their presence could have made me laugh more, as I laugh more at shows with other people in the room, even if they are not laughing).

 

This is to say, I started from a somewhat skeptical perspective (worried about parroting, thinking tulpae may be illusions rather than separate people, and being inspired to start a log of my progress by a r/tulpasforskeptics post), but after feeling Betty's presence, I now accept what she says as coming from someone else.

 

tl;dr

I force a lot because I'm worried, and I've accepted Betty's voice early because I felt her presence early (along with social emotions or cues such as embarrassment, awkwardness, pity, and laughter).

Edited November 7, 2021 by ruleofthumb

[R8-Adelia_Wildhome]

5 hours ago, ruleofthumb said:

At the beginning, I also worried I was parroting. I pretty sure there were concrete instances of parroting, actually. I'd ask a question, and answer out loud, instead of letting her voice answer. One could argue that maybe she was speaking through my voice, though. Either way, I treated that as "interrupting" her, rather than parroting, and I think that's a better way to see those instances if they aren't happening all the time.

 

I like this point of view because if it was them responding you aren't discouraging them. Thanks for sharing this, it has helped us progress a lot. 

[ruleofthumb]

Stone: Back for another PR. This was more sporadic, as I've been getting lazy when it comes to taking notes. Entries are written retrospectively unless said otherwise.

 

Day 16 (11/26/20)

 

Stone: Betty and I created two pictures together. I drew and colored the pictures, and she came up with the ideas.

 

 

 

I also drew a picture for myself. Depicted are Fluttershy and Betty in various styles. I had been lazy when it came to forcing, and this made me feel more focused. It made me feel better.

 

 

Day 17 (11/27/20)

 

Stone (written day of on paper): I was really tired, but I wanted to force everyday, so I decided to try something new to keep myself awake. I thought it would be cool to "build" wonderland with Betty and Fluttershy. Betty was interested. I wanted to start with a hotel room, and was going to look into visualization techniques, but Betty wanted to start right away, so I ended up in a white space sitting on a couch (I was sitting on the couch IRL). I tried visualizing myself, the couch, and Betty. I turned my head IRL and tried to align that with the turning of my head in wonderland. Then, I turned my head in wonderland while staying still IRL. I also tried to answer Betty in mindvoice. Betty created a pink wall and orange door and went through it. I followed, then stood back and looked at the wall from the other side. Soon after that, my brain felt too strained and I abruptly gave up.

 

A poorly rendered simple wonderland felt like weight on my brain, and I was dying to lift it. I should also point out that there were glitches and unstable proportions. Fluttershy appeared sometime during the session, but I had to force her out, because it was too much for me to handle (she melted into the floor).

 

After I gave up, I felt frustrated and maybe even aggressive? Slightly? I don't know why. Maybe it was because I felt like my brain was in danger, and I was in defense mode. I don't know how long I've been writing this, but I feel like there's a small object on my head, and I desire to smack it away, but I know there is no tangible object. Just an annoying feeling.

 

I went to get my laptop and came back. Fluttershy said, "Look: it's a servitor." It was a rock golem made of many individual rocks. I smacked its head off and kick its body so it crumbles and rocks fly everywhere. I said, "That's fun," and generated more of them.

 

Stone (right now): The moral of the story is I shouldn't have gone to wonderland when I was that tired, at least not this early in the forcing process. NOTE: I always try to use first-person POV when in wonderland so it feels distinct from my daydreams.

 

Day 19 (11/29/20)

 

Stone: I wanted to improve my focus, so I decided to create foci for Betty and Fluttershy. Each image featured a drawing of them with "x is here" at the top and "focus" at the bottom, as well as focus diamonds in the middle of them. Unfortunately, I don't have the finished versions with me, as a friend called me and asked me if I could stay at her house to comfort her, and I left the foci at home. Fortunately, I have pictures of the drafts saved to my computer.

 

 

 

I later decided to remove Betty's expression, as I didn't want to force a mood on her.

 

Day 20 (11/30/20)

 

Stone (written day of on paper): I forced with Betty for 20 minutes. I apologized to her for neglecting forcing. I've been burnt out in general. Not only have I been putting off forcing, but I've been putting off school more than usual. Usually, I do school work every day. Sometimes, I missed a day. I've missed about a week. I feel like the punctual me broke sometime before Thanksgiving. Betty and I chatted. I asked her to surprise me, and she paused, then said the same thing she said to me last time: "Wow! I'm a cow!" She was able to converse, and made a lot of gestures. She also used a lot of props. A cigarette, a wine glass, and a butterfly, to be specific. She suggested that we try to go to wonderland again, so that's what we did.

 

I think she has become the Toriel of wonderland. She sets scenarios up and acts as my guide. We began in white space with her sitting on a chair. I played with my POV. Sometimes it seemed as if I was floating, or sitting on the ground, or like I was shorter or taller than usual, because I could never get my POV quite right. Betty moved the chair and revealed a black void under it in the shape of a square. She sat on one side of the square opening with her legs dangling into the void. She allowed herself to slip into the void and landed on the black floor far below. She said something like, "Ok, now you jump down," so I sat on the edge of the opening. I got the same feeling of apprehension I would get if I were to jump off a playground and into the wood chips when I was little. It was like the part of me that was treated wonderland as real and anticipating the hurt that comes from essentially jumping off a building and the part of me that saw it didn't hurt Betty and knew it wasn't real were mixed, and had the combined fear of a jump from a smaller height. I was still amazed that wonderland could make me feel the same fear of heights I've felt IRL. Words can't describe how real the feeling felt. When I jumped and hit the floor, I laughed quite a but, because it didn't hurt at all.

 

Later, Betty constructed a hotel room/house and I went inside. Most of the furniture was pretty static, but the TV turned into a computer and desk twice. Betty showed me around. We went in the bathroom and Betty carried the big flat-screen TV in and put it on the sink so we could watch it (for some reason in the bathroom). Also, the TV clipped through the wall because it was too big (not to brag). Anyways, we turned on the TV, and, if you've ever seen the TV sketches from Rick & Morty, it was like that. It felt very improvised and off-the-wall, which makes sense, because it was improvised by some part of my brain. It made me laugh.

 

We decided we're going to try and go outside to force, as it is easier to focus out there (live with a bunch of other people). And, it's nice to have a special spot for a special activity. We are beings of habit after all.

 

Day 25 (12/5/20)

 

Stone: I'm always looking for new was to spend time with Betty and Fluttershy. Today, we decided to use Tumblr together. We have a shared private blog where we save the things we like. It's a way to discover our similarities, our differences, and ourselves. The Tumblr plural community is a hot mess though.

 

Day 29 (12/9/20)

 

Stone: This is my first recorded incident of sleepwalking ever:

 

Does it have to do with tulpamancy? Idk. I'm making a note of it just in case.

 

Day 30 (12/10/20)

 

Stone: We created ponysonas for ourselves. Well, Fluttershy's ponysona is just her.

 

 

I also work up from a horrible nightmare. Later, Fluttershy made it seem better by telling me "what I missed."

 

Day 31 (12/11/20)

 

Stone: I started using Focus Keeper to force. I liked using it. I forced with Betty and Fluttershy for at least 40 minutes each.

 

Edited November 7, 2021 by ruleofthumb

[September13]

You commented on my PR, so I decided I would read yours! It seems like you've got a good thing going here. Your approach seems to be a lot more scientific and rigorous than mine. I've been doing a ton of passive forcing, mostly in the form of narration, but I have been severely slacking with active forcing. It sounds like you've got good discipline, at least compared to me! The food-personality forcing idea is quite creative it seems to be working out quite well for you! I have similar problems as you being skeptical as to whether the responses are really coming from my tulpa or just myself. I have adapted a strategy with Simmie where we are relentlessly positive and affirmative to each other whenever doubt arises. Whenever I have doubts if something was from Simmie, she'll say emphatically "That was me!" or if she didn't mean it "Just kidding!". We tell each other constantly that things are working and we're on the right track. It's a good mindset to have!

 

It's good that Betty is setting up scenarios in your wonderland. Sometimes I think that's the best way to let them express themselves; in my wonderland Simmie has the ability to shapeshift not just herself but me and others too, as well as make people bigger and smaller. I think it's a nice balance for the tulpa to have more power in the wonderland as it is the host that holds the power in the real world.

[ruleofthumb]

On 12/13/2020 at 2:56 PM, September13 said:

Whenever I have doubts if something was from Simmie, she'll say emphatically "That was me!" or if she didn't mean it "Just kidding!". We tell each other constantly that things are working and we're on the right track. It's a good mindset to have!

 

Stone: That's a good idea.

 

I've been having more fun with wonderland recently. Originally, I didn't want to have a wonderland. But I really like it now. Sometimes I have intrusive thoughts though, and I can't stop something from happening in wonderland. Yesterday, rifts kept forming where I was about to walk and I kept falling. It didn't hurt, but it was really annoying, as I wanted to focus on other things.

 

It's cool Simmie can shape shift in wonderland. Using wonderland to exceed limits is a great way to spice things up.

Edited November 7, 2021 by ruleofthumb