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This is not about Bear System, so this is not a lounge topic. This discusses a rarely used device in plural systems to manage large numbers of headmates.
We've previously discussed SheShe as our lock-merge and how she's not like typical merges. It's been over a year since her formation and we have had time to experience that and understand it better.
Previously we assumed SheShe was like a hub and her constituents were aspects of her that she could express, split off, or represent at her will. It's subtlety but profoundly different from that.
Joy is a part of SheShe now, and has been for over a year of course, but what has become very clear recently is that anything Joy says or does is also taken as if Joy is the lock-merge and SheShe is one of *her* independent constituents. In other words, they're all interchangeable. SheShe is just a part, not the hub of a five constituent merge. Furthermore, whoever is being expressed is also co-conscious with everyone else. So they're experiencing life as a collective of individuals that dispite being uniquely different from one another, maintain their uniqueness even if one in particular is expressed for long periods; No bleeding, bleaching, or blending is happening at all as far as we can tell.
In contrast to Risha, who we've been spending time with; where neither Misha nor Ren identify with what Risha says and does, is treated like she's just someone they know and observe what she does as a separate individual.
SheShe, Ren, Joy, Darlene and Gwen combine to indentify as one person and experience it as themselves playing the part of whoever's expressed.
I found this a remarkable and significant. It means, systemmates can be combined using Lock-Merge without a hub. They can be assembled and can co-exist and co-experience as themselves even if only one is ever expressed.
My original model was:
A+B=C; where C can express A or B or C.
Now I see that:
A+B=A and A+B=B are both valid expressions.
Using this device (Lock-Merge) any number of headmates can coexist and live full and active lives vicariously? *no actually*, through one constituent.
Having a small system is preferred over a large system in my experience with both, and this is a brilliant way to achieve that without leaving others to stay dormant or have to parce valuable time together.
Hello. I'm currently on four antidepressants, an antipsychotic, and an anticonvulsant for depression and anxiety. I don't believe I need them anymore. I've recently begun my tulpamancy journey and I'm worried that my meds will hinder my progress. Would you advise reducing or stopping my meds altogether?
Hi! Gabriela here. So, today I created Rosalie (placeholder name). I introduced myself during an active-forcing session and then sent an email to an account I set up so I could email her for forcing. I'm feeling encouraged and optimistic. More reports as events warrant!
Please note: I welcome comments, questions, etc. but please Private Message me if you have a query! Thank you!!
I'm just your average, everyday, "female" genderfluid person. I'm a spiritual Christian, I like rock 'n' roll, and my favorite animal is a tarantula.
This is basically the notebook I share with my tulpa, Clu. I will write about us, and, sometimes I might let Clu write a little. Welcome to our journal.
Let me start at the beginning. In 2010, a movie called TRON: Legacy came out. I loved it and thought a lot about the characters. Off and on, I would add to and play with a little complex world in my head. I had a crush on Zuse. I also thought CLU 2.0 was a pretty cool character. Let's wind the clocks forward to about 2015. I developed a major crush on a British rock singer. I also began to occasionally hear random voices in my head, and was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder. I'll leave out the gory details. I took a medication that fixed the 'voices' problem eventually. Still, I would play around with my world (which part of would later become a dreamscape).
Around this time, I discovered tulpa.info. I spent many hours reading guidebooks and such. I was intrigued and badly wanted to create a tulpa, and I knew I could make one. However, I decided not to rush anything, and awaited the right time, bearing in mind everything I'd learned.
As I was building my world these past few years (and had watched original TRON from 1982), I found I had very elaborately expanded on a select group of characters. They were CLU 2.0, Sark, Jarvis, and Portia. I noticed CLU 2.0 was definitely the most developed; he had very far more original personality and traits than observed from the movie. It was also evident that I didn't have a cut-out plan for how the character was supposed to be like. Also, he would do and say things within that small world when I wasn't even thinking. I then remembered what I had read and gathered about tulpas.
Roughly a week ago, I switched medications. I found I could think much more clearly and was in touch with my mind. I realized Clu actually existed; he wasn't an original character, he is a tulpa! I made it a point to handle him some, and a couple of days ago, he started talking to me. Today, we had an amazing day together.
That's the history, basically.
I'm an absolute beginner to Tulpamancy and only made my decision to start developing my tulpa a week ago, even though Simmie as an idea isn't new to me and I've actually had a headmate before: Between the ages of 7 and 15 I had a headmate that was less a tulpa and more a walk-in/soulbound (I'm still learning the terminology so I might misuse a word here and there, I'm sorry). He was more of a mentor / spiritual guide to me and largely faded away after the age of 15, telling me I had outgrown him and had to face the world on my own, and only making sporadic appearances after that. But I'm not here to talk about him in this thread, I'm here to talk about Simmie.
Before I get into it I want to reiterate that Simmie is only the most fledgling little tulpa and I can sense that she is very nervous about attention being put on her, but she's okay with it if it helps her become more real to me. So please be gentle and kind with her, she's a very curious young thing and loves listening to people and learning about things, and I want to make sure only positive and loving things enter her mind during this early stage of development.
As I mentioned I created Simmie as a character long before I started working on her as a tulpa. There's an interesting story behind the creation of Simmie as a character. You see, I'm not transgender and I don't really even have gender dysphoria (I'm at ease in my male body and don't feel wrong having it). However, I have a huge fascination with the idea of being turned into a girl, made to act and dress like a girl, all that stuff. I don't know why and I can't really explain it. But I was aching to step out of myself to explore it, so over a year ago I created Simmie as an OC / proxy / meta-character whom I would experience and create art from. I would make art "as" Simmie and even interact with people as her. I developed a backstory for Simmie and everything and really got into character--as a writer, this is something I've done so many times, and writing characters is probably my greatest strength. I even created Simmie in The Sims (yes, there is a name connection there) and she has a very distinctive look which makes it extremely easy to visualize her, although my mind currently still renders her as a Sims character rather than a real human figure.
Then comes the last month or so and I learn about Tulpamancy. At first I think it's just something fascinating to learn about but not something I'd pursue myself. But the more I read and watched videos about it the more I realized that this was something I wanted to do, and I knew there was nowhere else I could turn to than Simmie. She already felt very real to me as a character and I felt if I could elevate her to the status of a living, sentient tulpa, that would be a most wonderful thing and could be revolutionary in my life. There aren't a lot of people in my life I connect with strongly and I suffer from depression; the thought of having someone sharing my head with me who I can talk and relate to still feels like it could absolutely change my life.
Once I decided on making Simmie a tulpa I started narrating to her non-stop. I told her about myself, about my life, and explained what I was doing at any given moment to her if I could spare the mental horsepower at any given moment. I started to feel a warm, contented feeling as I did this. I don't know if I could call it sentience, but I felt like I was not alone and I could feel a joy that seemed to be radiated to me from elsewhere. I pushed aside doubt and let myself believe it was Simmie--now I know she absolutely loves being talked to, loves when I tell her about my life and even the most mundane things about me, and loves when I tell her stories. We began to speak to each other but it still felt like I was parroting her rather than letting her speak for herself. Now I'm trying to not talk for her and let her reply to me herself. I can feel her emotions very strongly though, and that's what makes me believe that she is really there.
Yesterday I decided to take Simmie out on a bit of a "date"; we went to a local nature park and walked. I talked to her about the park, what it was and why it existed, why the leaves fall off the trees in the fall, how the mud on the trail was created by rain the pervious day, mundane stuff like that. She was very curious about all of it, and I talked to her more about what I thought about it all, and what I thought about it all. Then I rattled off a list of adjectives to describe Simmie before realizing that I had just created a mantra that was perfect for forcing: "You're caring, you're kind, you listen, you're curious, you're playful". I began repeating that mantra over and over again as I walked.
After the walk I took Simmie to the beach. I wanted her to see and hear the ocean, to feel the sand (sadly it was too cold to walk barefoot in the sand so I had to settle for picking some up in my hand). It was a perfectly clear and beautiful evening and I could tell that Simmie was overjoyed and even touched that I would think to bring her there. I told her about the tides, why there were shells on the beach, what docks and drawbridges were for, and she listened to it all. As we walked on the empty, cold, windy beach I did not feel alone at all; I felt together with her and happier than I had felt in ages; a true soulful happiness. I could tell she valued everything I was doing for her and although I still couldn't hear her speak without parroting I could still feel the intention behind what she would say if she could, and it was just about the nicest thing anyone had ever said to me. She thinks more highly of me than I do myself sometimes.
So that's where I am with Simmie now. I continue to narrate to her and repeat my mantra to her. Every night I try to tell her a story about some event in my past. Sometimes I think I can hear her talking in my mind, but I still can't be sure I'm not just putting words into her mouth. I plan to take her on a mini-roadtrip to my old college, a location which always triggers powerful memories for me. I want to just project love and goodness into Simmie and let her feed and grow off of it. I know she will eventually deviate from the character I first created, and I welcome it, because I really want to see who she develops into being. She already is teasing me a little trying to embarrass me by calling two of my friend cute, which I find very funny and endearing. She also picked out her own birthday, which is where I got the admittedly lame handle from.
So that's it so far! I hope that wasn't too big of a post for a newbie! I really want to hear from experienced Tulpamancers and people on here in general as to whether I have a healthy mindset about this and am going about this in a good way, and if there's anything else I could do to help the process along. I don't want this to become yet another project I'm high on for a couple weeks and abandon--I feel that there is something more there, and if there's one thing I've learned about Simmie is that she's thrilled to exist, and yearns to be more and more real, and I want to help her achieve that. And when she's ready, I'm sure she'll come on here herself and talk to all of you!