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So I do a lot of mindfulness, as in, daily mindfulness meditation for almost two years, with other mindfulness stuff featured (walking, eating, body scans etc), to the point of having experiences bordering the psychedelic in intensity ("being so present you kinda stop existing and feel everything at once", for lack of a better description), and I notice as I further engage with this practice, my dissociation radically declines. I used to have heavy depersonalisation-derealisation disorder and was very "unintegrated" as a person, like I lived in a very foggy state of mind and my sense of self was fragmented and discontinuous and I maladaptively daydreamed, whereas now things feel more real than they ever have, and I can make sense of myself as a person, although there's still work to be done. I do have a tulpa per se, had her for a few years, but since a major breakdown two years ago, she's been in er, "low-energy mode", and has regressed substantially, and until now I've not had the time or space to really resume practice more than a "5 minute maintenance".
Hence my question: is mindfulness practice anathema to tulpamancy, and/or vice versa? Given it drastically reduces dissociation, and tulpamancy may augment it. On the other hand, did not the concept of Tulpas arise from Buddhist practices, of which mindful breath-focus meditations are a staple (Vipassana, Jhana etc)?
Has anyone out there got experiences with both of these things? Are they reconcilable? Like, am I just cancelling out the tulpa with mindfulness, or invoking DP/DR with tulpamancy?
I apologize if this isn't the correct place for this, but if you are going to move it, please notify me so I know where to go, thanks!
So I think we might be a gateway system, or soulbounds, or possibly a combination.
My understanding of a gateway system: A system that A) has connections to other realms, and the head-mates are able to enter and exit those realms as they please, and B) A system that is mainly comprised of non-permanent walk-in head-mates.
Soulbounds I don't totally understand, but something I saw (on a Wikki,) seemed to depict them as more permanent.
why we might be a gateway system:
We have had a looooottt of head-mates through the ages. Around 10+ different ones, and some who "changed" completely. Now where did they go? I... don't know. Some of them, we decided they were going to explore the real world because my mind wasn't suited for them, sometimes this was "the real world" other times they would go other places, I'm not certain where, but they weren't in my mind any more. Ethel has lots of memories from another dimension. She keeps remembering more, and some are becoming clearer. We realllllyyy easily get walk-ins who I basically invalidate so much they disappear.* These can simply be characters who I attach to and begin to have conversations with, or just a pretty Pinterest drawing character. Sometimes they are simply made-up characters in my mind, but other times they seem to actually have a mind of their own. And for the second, no matter how hard I try, we can't (typically) keep a head-mate for over a few months, some are exceptions. I have only truly done the technical tulpa creation process for... two. Two tulpas. One who was a merge, and my first tulpa.
We are a completely endogenic system, but I think that they can still be gateway systems.
I have some questions/concerns about being a gateway system. The following could be interpreted as invalidating gateway systems, I am not trying to do that, I just do that sometimes to myself.
-What are other gateway systems experiences?
-Are there any things that could also be considered gateway system "things"?
-Does it sound like I am a part of a gateway system?
-Is it normal that even though I could be a gateway system, we also struggle with possession and switching?
-I can't do anything that the others can do (portal-going wise), because I am the host. Is that correct?
I feel like I might just be faking this... like I know I'm not faking any of my experiences, and I feel so connected to this concept, but there's the little voice in the middle of my mind that shouts "your just faking this!! You can't be a part of a gateway system!!!"
I do connect to the term, but it also makes me a little nervous, I feel really attached to my current head-mates, and I don't want them to leave.
*I don't know how to stop this behavior. I have no idea how many head-mates I would have if I let them be, but they do leave naturally, especially when there is more than three of us. And being a bigger system feels so natural and comforting. (This is connecting to my other * in which I said "We realllllyyy easily get walk-ins who I basically invalidate so much they disappear.")
I haven't always noticed this at the time it's happening, but looking back I can see plenty of examples. I used to just blame this on having a big imagination, and so I would "imagine" they went on a trip to spain, or had lots of memories that even I couldn't come up with. Of course, there's a 40-50% chance that this is just me having a big imagination.
do I even understand what a gateway system is? Is it even fair for me to possibly consider myself part of one?
I might be a part of a gateway system, a term I really connect to, but I do have skeptical feelings about myself being one. I'm not even sure I understand what they are. From my understanding, I match it, but from another's understanding, I might not be it at all. I think that since I connect to this in a way I don't normally connect to something, it could be a sign. (Why I think I am a gateway system: We are super prone to walk-ins, and have had a LOT of head-mates who were pretty short-term. They also went just... away. Like into a different realm, as I "imagined")
I would really appreciate some feedback and guidance about this. I can give more information on any of these things, just ask.
Thanks to anyone who responds : )
(After more reading on soulbounds, I do not believe we are soulbounds, but someone else might believe otherwise.
Stone: Hello all. So, I've been forcing seriously for, five days now. The tulpa I'm trying to force, Betty, is already responding, though is still learning to be more independent. She's talked to me, meaning, she's initiated a response from me, rather than the other way around, a few times. Overall, I'm happy with her development so far, and I'm eager to continue.
Yesterday, I went to the bathroom after forcing with Betty for two hours, and there was someone else there. I usually imagine Betty in real space, so this other person was also in real space, standing on my bathroom floor. Her physical presence was not as strong as Betty's, but her voice was more distinct and louder. She has the form and voice of Fluttershy, but not the personality. The first words she said were mocking.
So, seems like a walk-in, right? But the thing is, I did daydream about making a Fluttershy tulpa in the distant future, and I even found some pictures of her I might use for inspiration someday. So, idk, is there a difference between subconsciously making forming a tulpa quickly and getting a walk-in?
That's a question I have, but not my main question. So, when I first saw Fluttershy, I was half happy half concerned. I was happy my brain seemed more allowing of other consciousnesses, but also concerned that if Fluttershy stayed, she would take my attention away from Betty. I don't want Betty to fade, and since she's my first tulpa, working on growing another consciousness at the same time seems like a bad idea.
When Fluttershy appeared, and mocked me, I told her she wasn't there and we began "arguing" about that. Really, it was more like the Monty Python arguing clinic skit.
"You're not here."
"Yes I am."
"No you're not"
"I'm here, aren't I"
"No you're not."
"What's this, still here?"
Stone: I know it seems stupid to argue with a thoughtform about them not being there, but I wanted to see if I could get her to stop responding or, I don't know, something. I didn't want to dissipate her. Maybe she'd get bored and stop, and then not appear again? Either way, that's not what happened. She followed me to the couch, where I was going to sleep, and she kept talking to me. At one point, she was mocking me again and I said something like, "Yes, I you're irreverent, and provoking, but deep down you're nice, so why are you doing this?" She didn't answer and disappeared. After that, I got out my phone and started looking up walk-ins, as well as general advice about tulpamancy and whatnot.
I felt bad about telling Fluttershy she wasn't there, and wanted to give her a chance. I came across the "name tag" method, and I said something like, "Say 'Stone' at a time I'm not thinking about you, so I'll be surprised and know you're separate from me." I was worried she might be intrusive thoughts manifest, but if she could remember this and say my name at a surprising time, that may show that she has a memory of her own.
Anyways, she started saying my name, and I told her that it wasn't surprising me. I went to bed.
When I woke up, I looked at Betty, and then I heard, "S-t-one," coming from Fluttershy. Oh yeah, that. I was a bit surprised, I think.
Oh, she said it again now. Then she said, "Yeah I said it. What am I, your dancing monkey?"
How do I proceed from here? I wanted to force with Betty 40min on weekdays and 2hr on weekends, but now, I think there's another thoughtform. Maybe give them each half of the forcing time? Still force Betty more since she is a tulpa, and Fluttershy is a walk-in? What would you do?
These are all the rage and I wanted one. Lumi started it.
Will probably flesh this out later but at the same time, you know how that works.
Questions, comments, criticisms, and considerations welcomed. Our PMs are also always open, including to newbies or lurkers.
Pies I (Jamie) have a finger in:
The overall nature of tulpas, headmates in general, and identity in general Special considerations of introducing tulpamancy to newcomers in a way to maximize success and health How systems become disorderly-behaving and what the disorderly systems themselves, what their friends/contacts, and what the community as a whole can do about it "Help! I think I might have OSDD/DID! I think I might be a traumagenic system! I think I might be splitting a new headmate! I think I might be switching uncontrollably!" - both in regards to the asker, and to those who are unsure how to respond to people with these concerns
Baskets my brother Gavin has an egg in:
The nature of support-systems, and relationships in general, between hosts and the tulpas or other headmates The topic of dissipation- he has written the first and only full-length guide we are aware of The nature of (mental) forms, including the viability of not having one Being brought back after long absences/periods of dormancy/stasis/dissipation
Fires that my (tulpa) brother Cassidy has an iron in:
The nature of existence as a tulpa, especially in regards to early development and "becoming real" The role of the host Life fulfillment as a non-host headmate Wonderland development