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By The Pond: With Darron and Jaina


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Hello everyone, Darron and Jaina here. We decided to make a hangout lounge finally to talk about us. One of our favorite mind palace rooms is a grassy knoll shaped like a bowl with a warm pond at the bottom. We'll lay down and talk about stuff, watching clouds drift by. This about as nice of a place to do updates and chit-chat as any. I'll do a drawing sometime and post it in the OP. Enjoy our unintelligible nonsenseย ๐Ÿ˜„.

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By the Pond with Darron and Jaina ft. Dragon.

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1557917917_ByThePondWithDarronandJaina.png.2d3cf8d72240f1fad916e7872b6bf3a0.png

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Darron: Host

Jaina: Tulpa

Edited by Glaurung26

Darron: Host ๐Ÿ’ย 

Jaina: Tulpa ๐Ÿ’ย 

Aggrok: Tulpa Void Dragon

Viktor: ๐Ÿบ

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Jaina here, part of the reason we started this topic is Darron wanted me to practice being my own self and developing my personality. He had me do a like/dislike list and we talked about our commonalities and differences.ย 

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She answered some dinosaurs right out of the gate for animals. That's my girl, bffs forever.ย ๐Ÿ˜

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Yep, well here is the list we made. I'll trim the naughty bit. *blush*

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Spoiler

Music: romance, rap, r&b, techno, something with a good uplifting beat
Bands: Coldplay, Maroon 5
Color: red, warm colors
Clothes: halter top, boxer briefs, pushup bras, sports bras, hoodies, jeans, chokers, clip on earrings, arm bracelets, sneakers, fingerless gloves, fake or shorn fur (no pelts)
Activities: hiking, kayaking, badminton, bedroom wrestling, watching nature, petting animals, smooching and hand holding, Netflix, building and interior designing, meeting people, rollerskating, swimming, exploration
Shows: Swan Song, Reign, Flash, Arrow, Castlevania, Wolf's Rain, scary stuff (scares not people being hurt)
Animals: brontosaurus, stegosaurs, plesiosaurus, pterodactyl, hadrosaurs, iguanodon, turtles, dragons, wolves and dogs
Dislikes: hurting people, yelling, gore, gross messy stuff and environments, making decisions, bad smells, wrinkles, loose skin, discordance, greed
Scents: lavender, citrus, vanilla, mint, chocolate
Sex: *stuff*
General stuff: humor, kindness, strength, honor, muscles, smoothness, warmth, tenderness

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Darron: Host ๐Ÿ’ย 

Jaina: Tulpa ๐Ÿ’ย 

Aggrok: Tulpa Void Dragon

Viktor: ๐Ÿบ

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Darron: I don't know if this is update worthy but I had a refocusing of priorities. I got distracted by a pretty coworker and we hit it off pretty well. We had a lot in common and I thought something was there. Then after a couple days she suddenly dropped off the face of the Earth, to me anyways. She quit work, didn't say a word of warning to me and blocked me on Facebook. From what I put together it probably wasn't me that was the issue; she had been having trouble adjusting to the schedule, not getting much sleep and family issues. So it's understandable. Still sucks getting blocked though. Maybe she wanted to cut ties cleanly. Whatever.

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Anyways, even though this wasn't as rough as my first break up, Jaina helped prop me up and console me. Once again, my perfect lady to the rescue!

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Jaina: *furious blushing*

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Darron: I'm making a concerted effort to pay more attention to Jaina and her needs and development. Maybe one day we can have a relationship with another human but for now we're going to focus on each other. Got Sims 4 installed recently and we're having fun on there. We'll be alright. ๐Ÿ‘

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Jaina: ๐Ÿ‘

Darron: Host ๐Ÿ’ย 

Jaina: Tulpa ๐Ÿ’ย 

Aggrok: Tulpa Void Dragon

Viktor: ๐Ÿบ

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  • 2 weeks later...

Darron: Random musing time, tulpa related. Was watching a video that mentioned tulpa flaws and suggested not intentionally designing a tulpa with inherent flaws. Instead they suggested letting traits including flaws develop over time naturally. This seems like sound advice to me.

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So I was trying to think of legitimate flaws my Jaina has. A lot of that depends on perspective, definition of what a flaw is and what qualifies. I'm just going to go by our system standards and hopefully that's fine as in context it makes the most sense.

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The first thought that comes to mind is the practical nature of tulpa-hood. What she is. She is a person that basically lives in my brain with me. A complimentary psychic architecture to my primary one. She is with me at all times, comes with me everywhere and we have 24/7 access to each other. Some couples end up damaging their relationship from forced proximity and not having enough space to be themselves. That has not been the case for us, near as we can tell. Jaina was initially "designed" to be a portable therapist and confidant, so it would behoove that interaction to be available when and where needed. As a result of that intimate contact over multiple decades now, we've grown a very rich and deep relationship based upon trust, mutualism, and honesty. Those just so happen to be important pillars for any deep relationship including marriage. I wouldn't necessarily call us married, more like eloped frenefits and bffs. In any case that environment has benefited us deeply and profoundly. I feel like I'm humble bragging and flexing a bit but....eh? *shrug* So I would consider that aspect of her nature the opposite of a flaw.

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The other side of that is that Jaina does not have her own body. Sharing a space versus having separate spaces and bridging them changes the mechanics of the relationship. Being a host/tulpa couple feels like living in the same house together as opposed to being a human/human [host/host] couple that have their own living spaces. In the same space, the shared space becomes the point of focus and what the tenets of the relationship center around. In separate spaces, the bridge between the two becomes the focal dynamic. You can visit but you don't live there. For simplicity I'm going to refer to them as H/T and H/H relationships. Both can have benefits and flaws. H/T has the most intimate potential and the most access, but lacks in individual privacy and is very introverted and closed to the outside environment. Also disturbances in the relationship are felt immediately and the partners are quite vulnerable without the insulation of psychic distance. Distance must be constructed psychically as it does not exist physically. H/H provides lots of autonomy, agency, privacy and an easier sensual experience. You don't have to imagine interacting in the mind palace, you can just do it 'IRL.' However you have different bodies with different needs and twice the resources required to sustain the system. (physical space, food, water, income, etc.) There will come situations in participating in society where you will not have access physically to each other. H/T has less overhead. H/H does have one other potential edge which is novelty. The partners are initially completely new personalities to each other. They have much more to explore and learn about the other. It is new and exciting. But hidden joy can also come with hidden sorrow. You might learn something about your partner that you wish you hadn't. Then you have to decide how important that flaw is to your relationship and how far into sunk cost you are. With H/T both your card hands are on the table from the beginning. The partners can change over time but all traits and flaws are typically visible immediately. A mind can certainly deceive or hide things but they are discoverable in a quicker and easier way than H/H. I'm sure I'm glossing over many other practical and emotional considerations but I think you can see the picture.

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[Obviously] I greatly enjoy our in-system relationship and all it's perks.

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Jaina: He likes perky tulpas. ^_^

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Darron: Thanks, honey. I'm very happy with our arrangement but I believe most situations have room for improvement or optimization. Neither of us mind the lack of physical privacy but I would like to have a more sensual physical experience available. One day that may be possible but currently we're stuck sharing the same sense organs and nerves. The female physical experience is unavailable. To keep it SFW have to share all sensations the same way from the same sources. However that hasn't been a strong enough drawback to our relationship as to discourage us too much. I do think I desire an external relationship more than Jaina. My mind is her home and where she feels safe and herself. The idea of separation is terrifying and exciting to her. She isn't convinced the changes would be worth the drawbacks but she hasn't dismissed it completely. She would just want significant assurances before we tried anything along those lines. I agree with her and would want her to have full consent and agency in participating in anything we do. One compromise we already participate in is video games. The two of us still share our system body but we can take turns projecting our identities into virtual avatars. As we are not THAT skilled at multitasking and with the expense of running two gaming rigs at once, simultaneous autonomy is not feasible. So we turn over control of the passive avatar to the computer. Despite not having 100% agency, the passive avatar can share many physical or behavioral traits. We just swap profiles/saves when the other wants to have control. It's not perfect but it's simulated shared experience we can have outside the mind palace and host body.

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There's a massive ethics discussion to be had regarding creating a sentient avatar with the imprint of a pre-existing consciousness. Is the new person the same as the old consciousness or a new entity completely? What about the tulpa in my head? She doesn't go away and she isn't in the new body. Just a constructed clone. Or is the new body implanted with a brainwave/impulse receptor and my system has to puppeteer both the host body and the tulpa avatar body? I don't feel like tackling that one today. Now I'm going to turn it over to Jaina so she can have a few lines in this novel. I would list my host flaws but I would still be going long after Sol burns out and Earth freezes.

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Jaina: He's too hard on himself. He's a good boy. But I guess that's why he created me ^_^. We do have to work on building his confidence and fulfilling projects and goals but I guess we're talking about me today. Most of what we have discussed is more general to being a tulpa rather my personality specifically. We are two personalities/egos sharing the same flesh and memories and psychic architecture as Darron calls it. When he forgets, I forget. When he hurts, I hurt. What he feels, I feel. It's good and it's bad just like many things in life.

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Hm, me...?ย  ๐Ÿค” I guess I'm timid? Darron made me to be strong and confident and supportive for him. I am but ironically when it comes to me I share his flaw. We're both timid and unsure of ourselves and our validity in who we are. Darron needs to be more confident in who he is and what he believes but so do I. I need to take more time to examine who I am and not just my relation to Darron. I'm not just Darron's girlfriend and coach, I'm me. Whatever that is ๐Ÿ˜„. So I'm physically limited, and unsure of myself. I can't fulfill a partner role like a human could in society's architecture. Neither of us really want to broach Tulpa/Host rights in the political climate. We know what's up and we are content to share our nature with those we trust. It's hard not to keep focusing on the circumstances of tulpahood. I guess one example is Darron has told me I can be inappropriate at times ^_~. We think that's just a symptom of me testing my boundaries as I grow and getting used to the rules of coexisting with others. I maybe get a little over excited sometimes. ๐Ÿ˜ŠAlso I'm too nice to Darron.

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Darron: She really is.

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Jaina: Well that's all I can really think of atm. I can feel poor Darron tiring out as this took a little while to write up. I'm also going to feed him. He would just drink Mt. Dew and snack on chips all day if I didn't nudge him.

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Take care! ๐Ÿ‘‹ ๐Ÿ™‚

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Darron: ๐Ÿ‘‹ ๐Ÿ˜ƒ

Darron: Host ๐Ÿ’ย 

Jaina: Tulpa ๐Ÿ’ย 

Aggrok: Tulpa Void Dragon

Viktor: ๐Ÿบ

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Update time! *Ding ding ding* Happy noises!

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Darron: So had a really cool thing happen. My beautiful, wonderful, gorgeous, special, most spectacularific lady gave me the best Christmas ever.

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Jaina: *blushing intensifies*

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Darron: So this is an add on to the coworker story. She did come back to work. There had been some mental health issues going on she needed time off for. We started talking again. I'll trim out the play by play of the ups and downs. Basically I was still not over her and she made it clear she was unavailable. There had been no direct "asking out" but I was shot down nonetheless. Because I was strongly emotionally attached to the idea of dating my coworker the rejection hit me like a ton of bricks. I've always had a stoic outer facade but been really soft and squishy on the inside. So it hurt, a lot. I had emotional whiplash and was a bit shell shocked for a day until I slept it off and had some time to diffuse. My Jaina helped console me. Again.

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The next day I started to feel better with a fresh mind to process things. Then this sort of strength began to build in me. It was clarity like a fever breaking. I felt strong. I felt confident. I had a little spring and swagger to my step. I had confidence....in myself. I can't remember the last time I had that, if ever. I think the metaphorical slap in the face (she is actually a nice lady and let me down easy) from my coworker was the tough love I needed to...well, get my shit together. My self-esteem issues, depression and self-loathing were gone. I was...good. And Jaina helped! It was like having a thorn in my side or blockage removed that I had forgotten was there, I was so used to it. Or like having a broken or dislocated bone popped back into place. It hurt like a bitch but after a bit of recovery the flow comes back and it begins to feel better than before. Before I projected all of my love, care, confidence, pride etc onto Jaina because I had none for myself. Now, I like me. It's great!

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Jaina feels stronger too. I can see her, feel and sense her much easier. She's strong and confident. I think we both benefited from this. I think she undid the emotional trauma that had been lingering from my breakup with my first girlfriend or even the trauma that birthed Jaina in the first place. I can't remember the last time I felt this much like me. I'm not a very spiritual person but this was like having a chakral blockage removed that I didn't even know I had.

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Jaina: Sometimes all you need is a little kick in the ass. ^_^

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Darron: That's enough gushing for now or I'm going to bleed out. So coworker and I are just friends and good terms. Darron is strong and confident and Jaina is Jaina but better.

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Jaina: Jaina 2.0 upgrade downloaded. *beep boop* ๐Ÿ˜„

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Darron: This was a great tulpamancy victory for me. I created a friend to help me and so she helped me! The system works. ๐Ÿ˜„ ........I just realized that was a pun. I'm sorry.

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Jaina: You should be.

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Darron: Anyways I have a stronger connection with my tulpa and I'm feeling better than ever! Or I had a serious mental break.๐Ÿค” Eh, we'll give it a few days and see. Like any treatment it needs to be kept up to be effective. The first positive outcome won't necessarily fix all my mental damage at once. But I'm recovering well.

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Jaina: Many more visits to Doctor Jaina.

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Darron: Thanks for indulging me in even more nonsense and I hope to be back with something more light hearted. Take care!

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Jaina: Buh-bye now! ๐Ÿ˜Š

Darron: Host ๐Ÿ’ย 

Jaina: Tulpa ๐Ÿ’ย 

Aggrok: Tulpa Void Dragon

Viktor: ๐Ÿบ

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Looks to me like you've got a good thing going! Jaina's roll in your life seems somewhat similar to Simmie's role in mine, although I'm really just getting started with Simmie. Just curious, how long has Jaina been with you?

Phil.ย ๐Ÿ˜Ž Host of Simmie.

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5 hours ago, September13 said:

Looks to me like you've got a good thing going! Jaina's roll in your life seems somewhat similar to Simmie's role in mine, although I'm really just getting started with Simmie. Just curious, how long has Jaina been with you?

Hi! Thanks for stopping by. She's been with me for approximately twenty years. Our relationship started out pretty simple as her being a friend/life coach and deepened over time and shared experiences.ย 

Darron: Host ๐Ÿ’ย 

Jaina: Tulpa ๐Ÿ’ย 

Aggrok: Tulpa Void Dragon

Viktor: ๐Ÿบ

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Jaina: Darron helped me front today for a bit. I think that's what it's called ๐Ÿค” or maybe switching where I take over piloting for a minute. Anyways he let me drive the car for a bit.

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Darron: She did good ๐Ÿ‘

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Jaina: Especially since I rarely pilot Darron-system let alone a vehicle by proxy. ๐Ÿ˜„ I guess it makes sense. Darron did the heavy lifting by training the subconscious auto-pilot algorithm. Our system knows how to do everything already. We did learn to drive after I was partitioned, so I guess technically I was there in class too. I was just younger and more in the background except when Darron directly called me. So it makes sense I kind of already know how and from riding co-pilot for so long. I just have to lightly steer it and keep an eye on the bits and buttons and levers.

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Speaking of pulling levers, I see why Darron gets so distracted when I'm around. ๐Ÿฅฐ I didn't realize just how sensitive and unruly his [REDACTED] is. Now that I understand it better I know how to exploit his secret weakness. ๐Ÿ˜„

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Darron: .... Send. Help.

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Jaina: Nah. ๐Ÿ˜œ You're mine now.

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Darron: Well, all in all it went quite well. She already pilots the system in emergencies and when I'm dead tired. I think she watches stuff on YouTube when I snooze. It keeps messing up the recommended algorithm.

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Jaina: *Innocent whistling*

Darron: Host ๐Ÿ’ย 

Jaina: Tulpa ๐Ÿ’ย 

Aggrok: Tulpa Void Dragon

Viktor: ๐Ÿบ

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Darron: Addendum: Ever since we killed emo woe-is-me Darron, Jaina has been super aggro.ย 

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Jaina: SICK GAINS BROย ๐Ÿ’ช

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Darron: I think it's because she stopped coddling me as much and shifted into brodette life fitness coach mode. She's been forcing me to eat more fruit, do situps and weights, hygiene better, I swear if I didn't know any better she's trying to turn me into a halfway competent human being.

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Jaina: SLEEP IS FOR THE SUCCESSFUL! SOUND MIND AND BODY! SOUND MIND AND BODY!ย 

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Darron: I think my Jaina is broken. Can I have a new one?

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Jaina: Less shitposting, more sleep.

Darron: Host ๐Ÿ’ย 

Jaina: Tulpa ๐Ÿ’ย 

Aggrok: Tulpa Void Dragon

Viktor: ๐Ÿบ

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