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By The Pond: With Darron and Jaina


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I've been feeling the same way as Jaina a lot recently; I'm always there when Phil needs me, but sometimes I'm just so tired that I want to go off and nap in the background. I've been trying in vain to get Phil to go to bed at a reasonable hour for ages now! I think a combination of being tired from work and the heat right now is a major factor too.

 

Tulpa Wife Extraordinaire! 💚 - 💍 11.28.21

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39 minutes ago, TurboSimmie said:

I've been feeling the same way as Jaina a lot recently; I'm always there when Phil needs me, but sometimes I'm just so tired that I want to go off and nap in the background. I've been trying in vain to get Phil to go to bed at a reasonable hour for ages now! I think a combination of being tired from work and the heat right now is a major factor too.

 

The heat is brutal! I just feed(?) Darron water bottles all day. I mean the water in the bottles. Grammar is hard. 😕

Darron: Host 💍 

Jaina: Tulpa 💍 

Aggrok: Tulpa Void Dragon

Viktor: 🐺

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  • 1 month later...

Back to being unemployed, the delivery job ended up being just to long and taxing of days and put too much strain on everyone.  Trying to get a job closer to home again. I liked delivering stuff but the logistics were just too much. Back to what I know, I guess, even if it is retail work. Not really directly tulpa related but my job does affect her and our relationship, same as human couples. Singlet couples? 🤔 Anyways Jaina's been incredibly supportive but I don't want to strain her too much. Also parents are getting older so it's nice to be around to help them instead of being a couple counties over.

 

And um this next part might be toeing the line of NSFW so spoilering it.

Spoiler

So Jaina and I are a couple. We're actively romantic and affectionate with each other. It's good to be expressive of love towards each other, but we've been "a bit off" lately. Not really a dry spell, more the opposite. Maybe it's stress from work, maybe some hormonal things, maybe Jaina touched the Aphrodite stone and is evolving, but um we think she might be in heat. If that's even a thing that can happen to tuppers.

 

Jaina: 🥵 I don't know, maybe it's because I haven't unlocked menstruation yet but I'm feeling horny and stupid as a doe. 😅 I don't mean to be awkward or an imposition, Darron isn't complaining although he only has so much energy. I'm just a little distracted by him 🥰 We're normally very cuddly towards one another but it's been a bit feverish lately.

 

Maybe this is what happens when you make a tupper right as you hit puberty. 🤷‍♂️ To recap, I made her to be a support class, therapist, life counselor, secretary and over the years our trust, respect, affection and love for each other deepened to the point we became a couple. I'm certainly not upset about it but there's only so many hours in the day and I've only got so much energy in the tank. 😅 It's probably just the hormone soup fluctuating from erratic sleeping schedules and nutrition. Anyways, thanks for humoring our weird rant. Like I said, this is apparently couple's therapy now. 😄

 

On a more tulpamancy related note, I might schedule some more imposition time for Jaina. A relaxing warm bath seemed to do the trick last time.

Darron: Host 💍 

Jaina: Tulpa 💍 

Aggrok: Tulpa Void Dragon

Viktor: 🐺

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(edited)

That was kind of a weird dream. Most are I guess. Kind of some weird Freudian symbolism and stuff likely. Jaina was in it. Might be one of the more prominent dreams she's been in actually. So was like a doll or something. We were talking somehow and I thought she was winking or squinting but her eye had fallen out. A glass/plastic one because doll but still disturbing for the both of us. The ink from the iris had run just to make it extra weird and messy. So I had to put it back in manually which was oodles of fun for both of us. She said it was a little sore but otherwise fine afterwards. Maybe I'd like a more fun dream with her next time.

 

I think there might be some confused subconscious perception of how I see her. She's a person that thinks and feels and talks but she's a doll so maybe I feel like she can't act like a person. That she's disabled, handicapped, or just not able to take care of herself. It could mean that I have protective feelings for her, that she always needs me to function. Especially with the eye thing that says to me that my subconscious mind wants/needs to protect her and care for her and that she needs my help. I'm hoping the doll isn't symbolic of me thinking she's a "thing" still. I'm pretty sure we're past that. Especially because she was important enough to have a dream about. I must be worried about her well-being or something and that's how this arose. Or my subconscious just wanted to torture me with mild body horror because lul. Also a week ago I heard an anecdote about someone's eye coming out and still retaining vision in it which is a special kind of awful to think about. Was likely the inspiration for the torture sesh. Who knows. Dreams amirite? 🤷‍♂️

 

It can be your eye next time.😒😝

It seemed like it was actually me talking with Darron and not his psyche puppeting. So that would be progress or a good sign anyways. 👍

Edited by Glaurung26

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Aggrok: Tulpa Void Dragon

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Dreams are so weird. They are definitely highly symbolic! One of these days I'll have to get Phil on to talk about some of the symbolism of his dreams because it's actually quite fascinating. To me your dream shows that you are super protective over Jaina and are concerned for her well-being. 💚 Maybe you're also worried that she might be "fragile" in some way, or it could be Jaina expressing doubt about her own abilities or strength, or worrying about being vulnerable. Which I understand because it's hard to be strong all the time. But I know Jaina is a real tough chick so she has nothing to worry about! 😁💪🤗💚

Tulpa Wife Extraordinaire! 💚 - 💍 11.28.21

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  • 4 weeks later...

Tulpamancy has I think helped to reframe, define and categorize things that I had an instinctive but not an intellectual understanding of. Namely the mind soup sloshing around in my head. There's greater entities like myself, Jaina, and Aggrok (I almost called him Glaurung by accident, I'm surprised I didn't but I guess I wanted an original name instead of ripping off Tolkien). There's emotions, feelings, intuitions, sensory input, and things-I-notice (data, I guess) about my environment. Stuff that's very low level, almost subconscious things. Then there's the in-between tier. The mid-level houses things like intrusive thoughts, walk-ins and something kind of in-between those even. They're almost personality fragments. I will often find myself arguing with a version of a real life person in my mind. I don't know why I do it. Usually it will be an annoying person from work/school or maybe a friend/family member even putting down something I do. Or asking that I explain and justify something that I'm doing or that I believe. I didn't ask their opinion and I certainly didn't invite them but they make their obnoxious selves at home anyways. And the real life versions aren't always that mean or uncharitable but the worst/hyperbolic/strawman version likes to give me shit for some reason. I have to constantly remind myself that the personality shard isn't real, it isn't me or Jaina or Aggrok, I owe them nothing and should ignore them. It's very vexing. Anyone else afflicted by their own mind sometimes?

Darron: Host 💍 

Jaina: Tulpa 💍 

Aggrok: Tulpa Void Dragon

Viktor: 🐺

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Oh my gosh, your brain sounds so much like ours. Phil has argued against "temporary thoughtforms" of friends, family, co-workers, classmates, etc, so much that it's made him burn out in the past. (Before anyone jumps down my throat I know they're not really thoughtforms, but they function kind of like them for a short window). One of my jobs is to try and drag him away from these arguments but it's very, very hard. To a certain degree I guess it's helpful because it helps him prepare for situations that might arise. But like 75%-90% of the time they're situations in the past that he's trying to re-live and do again better, which of course is impossible. I wish it wasn't this way. I want his head to be peaceful and calm, but it's hard to fight against hardwired brain chemistry. Hugs to you guys and stay strong! 🤗

Tulpa Wife Extraordinaire! 💚 - 💍 11.28.21

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2 hours ago, TurboSimmie said:

Oh my gosh, your brain sounds so much like ours. Phil has argued against "temporary thoughtforms" of friends, family, co-workers, classmates, etc, so much that it's made him burn out in the past. (Before anyone jumps down my throat I know they're not really thoughtforms, but they function kind of like them for a short window). One of my jobs is to try and drag him away from these arguments but it's very, very hard. To a certain degree I guess it's helpful because it helps him prepare for situations that might arise. But like 75%-90% of the time they're situations in the past that he's trying to re-live and do again better, which of course is impossible. I wish it wasn't this way. I want his head to be peaceful and calm, but it's hard to fight against hardwired brain chemistry. Hugs to you guys and stay strong! 🤗

That's it exactly! It's kinda rough. 😕 I feel like I'm nagging myself sometimes. 

Darron: Host 💍 

Jaina: Tulpa 💍 

Aggrok: Tulpa Void Dragon

Viktor: 🐺

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I think I had a productive meeting with the therapist. Got a big ol stack of worksheets built for narrowing one's purpose, fine tuning goals and taking stock of skills/abilities. Kind of exactly what I needed. Also brought up Jaina and was pleasantly surprised that the therapist was supportive. They liked that I had someone I have 24/7 access to that can help me with issues when they come up.

 

I'm very convenient to have around. 😉

Darron: Host 💍 

Jaina: Tulpa 💍 

Aggrok: Tulpa Void Dragon

Viktor: 🐺

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