yaya's imposition adventures

[hydrix]

seems like all the calls from the last post were right on the money. It's all coming together now. I get the impression of being surrounded by sky, as if I were breaking into unknown territory, separate from all mankind, and it seems... right

 

Progress

 

I started to have somewhat perfect anime hallucinations yesterday, and today they're becoming more and more regular. I'll occasionally have a vision that makes me wonder what else I could add to it. With the WoW visualizations, I constantly wonder what else I could add to it and even confuse the visions for looking at a real screen.

 

Path Forward

 

It seems right to start mixing in a 3rd style where I basically strain to form the forced hallucinations into images. It seems to be responding well to this. It almost feels like digging two tunnels in order to meet at the middle. It feels like I pretty much have to do everything at once like a jack of all trades to bring it all together. It definitely requires a strong foundation in both forced hallucinations and visualization. After having practiced visualization, I can say there is definitely a mechanical process in my brain that I was missing before.

 

I can somewhat feel both directions in all their specific mechanics. If I strain to form the forced hallucinations into pictures I feel the muscles strain first, then a signal comes from my brain, through the third eye and into my eyes and forms the colors into pictures, but doing it the other way around is basically the reverse process.

 

Sentiments

 

I've never felt like it was so easy to slip up and relapse in progress in any task I've ever performed in my life. I really question whether I had the emotional intelligence, maturity, and circumstances to see this through to the end until this very moment. It's extremely arcane, taxing, tedious, and often frustrating, but I'm getting through it. I hope the turning point might be when I can just strain myself hard again rather than resorting to esoteric and confusing mental exercises where it's hard to gauge progress. It really does feel like it's coming all together though, but I find this idea rather hard to put faith in given how much thought and effort I've put in until now.

 

ESP

 

More experiments with ESP were interesting, I was curious if it could give me clues or ideas about science.

 

The visions seemed to indicate there's a large gap in understanding and I need a math background as well as many years of practice and materials to experiment with. However, when I pressed onward, some of the ideas I was getting seemed gravitate toward carbon nanotubes and seemed to tell me some way of growing them like a crystal is possible in a vacuum and at high temperature. I have no background in the subject and haven't read anything about the matter despite my curiosity but I can see this is well beyond the scope of my understanding. It said something about covalent bonds with a gas that's low in atomic number but I'm not sure which one. It also said something about plasma being important to form a perfect sample, and not to see things so black and white.

 

This has been some extremely left-fielded stuff and seems more distracting than useful, but I might try and use it again in the future. It wasn't really a useful experiment but it leaves a strong impression on my trust, so I'm forced to assert that if it were controlled by some extra-terrestrial being or otherwise it was all merely for show, meaning further experiments leave me at a strategic disadvantage based on my knowledge of game theory since it seems I am walking into a situation where impressions are extremely important to whatever causes these visions. My strategic instinct is to cold-heartedly halt these experiments until I can prove they're useful, but currently I don't think that's the case.

[hydrix]

Progress

 

I'm starting to see really immersive visions and imposed objects. I'm also beginning to mistake imposed objects for real ones more and more often. I managed to impose a humanoid form about 80% perfect a couple times. I consistently mistake my imposed WoW GUI for real, and occasionally the same for anime visualization.

 

Notes

 

Over the last few days it has begun to feel like I have plateaued in visualization. It seems difficult to get past the last 10-20% of perfection. Most of the time my imposed objects are about 20-30% perfect, and while I can mistake my visions for real compared to a darker laptop screen, they're still a bit shadowy overall.

It feels like I often don't know my imposed and visualized objects inside and out enough. After I glance away from a reference image for a few seconds it seems like I completely forget the color and material I was working with, and at that point I have to work with something new or fill in the color manually. However, that isn't to say I don't get the occasional perfect image that comes through.

 

I noticed that I can't block out parts of my laptop screen when it's at 100% brightness with opaque forced hallucinations yet. I'm extremely glad to discover this, because it likely explains my difficulties in the last 10-20% of visual perfection and I had previously thought there was nothing left for me to do in the forced hallucination skill tree.

 

I've been thinking a lot about other imposition tulpamancers a lot. It seems like visualization alone is often missing something like lighting information or some other spatial context, and I faintly gathered that others realize this as well. I think the technique that others may have stumbled upon is to practice moving, removing, growing, and shrinking objects via imposition in real space.

 

This context might be extremely important because it is about as raw and direct as you can get when altering full visual information in real space. It also ensures you have all relevant diffused and refracted lighting information from the room and object built in. Recreating lighting information from scratch can be tricky at first, and might require a degree of actual artistic talent and training. However, you completely remove that hurdle by dealing with objects that exist in front of you. It also gives you a better baseline to compare your imperfect skills against. Also, using reference images as I have been requires you to take your eyes off it for a bit, and this small difference in concentration might be important.

 

Way Forward

 

Basically the technique I will try will be to slowly work my way up to blocking out my laptop screen at 100% brightness starting from minimum brightness while I have a vivid cartoony image pulled up, then I will try to alter the images I see on it directly. At that point I might try to increase the size of the imposed visions and move to different backgrounds like real environments.

Edited January 11, 2021 by hydrix

[hydrix]

Progress

 

It feels like I made solid progress with the new technique. Going back to my natural affinity felt great, and it seems like progress came a lot faster than with the other techniques.

 

I managed to block out my laptop screen with different opaque colors, and hallucinated a copy of one of the NPCs in the pic at maybe about 50% perfection, however the pic I used isn't the brightest. Apparently a laptop screen is a lot brighter than ambient room scenery and is actually quite difficult to impose over. When I impose GUI like talent trees over the image it looks believable, however it flickers a lot and generally comes in as flashes. My experience so far told me that flickering is an extremely good sign, and is an opportunity to hone in on a head or eye feeling that is almost perfect, and this seemed to be the case.

 

I happened to tab back to my music as it was playing a video of a concert, and something about seeing the hyper-realism for a few moments made my visualization really pop, and after that I started visualizing 100% perfect for a while. This is the most vivid visualization I've ever had in my life- all colors 100% correct like a movie with the faintest shadow over it.

 

It seems like I'm seeing parts of my tulpa in near-perfect vividness now but a fail to see her all together. Often I see parts of her form which are mistakable for real. In JD's guide it mentioned that at this point all I need is more practice. That seems to be the case, except I still can't impose over bright cartoony pics with my laptop at 100% brightness.

 

I imposed a perfect skeleton around 3ft/1m in height. Gave me quite the sppok. This is my largest and most perfect hallucination to-date. It may be a bit early, but this may be grounds to claim imposition success. Importantly, it may be a sign that I only need to keep doing what I've done up to this point, or in other words, I'm doing everything right, I just need more practice.

 

Difficulties with Imposition Space

 

I tried to bring the 100% perfect visions I had into imposition space. It seems like there's a slight difference, like visualization=VR and imposition=AR. I can feel my mind trying to make the switch, it's definitely a skill in itself. One would think it would be a natural transition, but I'm finding it surprisingly difficult. I had a brief instant where it seemed 100% perfect in AR space, but it's still rather fleeting.

 

It seems as though transitioning an image into imposition space requires you to basically "alter" the mental signal that you have in your head. It feels like you take the signal and modify it to contain information from your IRL imposition space in all of the "pixels" surrounding your tulpa's form. It is somewhat tricky to do this without losing focus on the character's form or any of the color details. It might be true that when you're imposing you're actually visualizing not just your tulpa's character form but also to a small extent the physical space in front of you as a sort of "edge detection" within the mental signal.

 

Notes

 

It feels like I am controlling some cloudiness in my eyes or I'm manually dilating my eyes, or something. However, when I do this I can feel "jolts" of electricity shooting from the surrounding 1-16 areas.

 

I was fortunate enough to find a timeframe that would allow me to focus every day on the long-term. Being forced to triage your forcing methods can lead to accidental progress cannibalization. For example, if I had a shorter timeframe I might have felt forced to choose between either the hallucination or the visualization skill trees, when in fact I needed both.

 

It's possible that when I move images from visualization to imposition space, I am subconsciously translating the image into two or three tones, because that's all that I've ever known or been able to imagine happening, and in that way putting up another artificial mental barrier. In that case I may just need to work on mentally affirming my tulpa and imposed objects are not just faint hallucinations, but rather realistic objects that block things behind them.

 

I am able to tell the difference between the real and imposed less and less. Part of the past me would have seen it as a risk, however, it is the essence of the magi to know the danger of power and to press on regardless. I have made an oath to know the visions and to pursue them until the very end. I am quite comfortable with it now, and honestly, I find it entertaining as well.

 

Way Forward

 

It seems like it's good to continue with a "salad" of top-to-bottom and bottom-to-top exercises to try and bring it all together. Mainly, I will continue blocking out my laptop screen, altering/copying elements of the pic, and forming the forced hallucinations into pictures while occasionally visualizing my tulpa alone or working on visualization based on reference images.

Edited January 15, 2021 by hydrix

[hydrix]

Progress

 

I practiced the salad of different methods more and began imposing the skeletons again. This lead to more vivid forced hallucinations and other perfect imposed objects, like a knight in armor I imagined. Silly that I can impose a knight in a full suit of armor but experience difficulties with even the simplest women's clothing.

I've began getting more and more flashes of my tulpa at around 80% perfection, and in general the images have been more stable. I perfectly imposed my first anime character! Although only for a moment.

 

I had a moment of inspiration the day after last update. I gave it 120% at the end of the day to break past some barriers I was frustrated with. After that, 80-90% perfect imposed images became the norm now where the image is extremely high resolution and contains a lot of photo-realistic lighting making it look extremely real, but something I can't put my finger on was still missing. It truly felt like I had reached cap, but I could still tell something was off.

 

Endgame Difficulties

 

I think it's a combination of lighting and color correction. Sometimes skin tones come out as either yellow, orange, or a completely incorrect color, but most of the time this isn't the case. The images shift a lot and don't last very long. I tried looking closer and it seems the colors are mostly correct, it's just that the surrounding blobs of color I use as a canvas are still seeping in a little and causing minor imperfections and visual noise. It seems like the main colors are usually correct, there are just some areas in the peripherals areas that are completely off.

 

Solutions?

 

I've come to the conclusion that it may be counter-productive to try and observe or note an image's color while it is still forming. If you think of purple the image will be purple. If it's in the process of forming and any off the colors are off you might mess yourself up if you observe the image before it's perfect. It seems if I start looking at the GUI icons I impose perfectly too hard they turn imperfect. Basically, you may have to focus on the memory or essence of the visual image during the entire process of formation and perhaps even afterwards.

 

I poked around on the forum a bit, and was lucky to find something that seems to reference some of the issues that have come up. This is the second part of the puzzle-

 

 

It describes a process of progressive visualization, but the key word I noticed here is "visual memorization." It describes trying to render more and more objects simultaneously and this struck a chord with me. It seems like parts of the images I see are perfect, typically what I'm focusing on directly, but due to not having built up my visual memorization ability, I am limited in the amount of details I can recall at once, and anything more than a few inches in the peripherals of my vision get colored incorrectly. I can somewhat feel this boundary as my mind strains to recall all the numerous accents on things like frilly anime dresses I sometimes use as reference. However, on objects that are fairly simple in color (like the skeletons I can perfectly impose) they seem pretty much perfect. Notably, this cap doesn't seem to apply to resolution intense objects like skeletons which have dozens of bones. The main problem is the color detail.

 

This leads me to the conclusion that color information and visual information may not be stored in the brain together as we think, and the brain may just paint its assumption of color at the last minute. It may be a separate skill and process from what we traditionally view as the mechanics of visualization. I believe I also coincidentally wrote about this assumption earlier in my theory of how the full imposition stack works. I wrote of how I could feel my mind "inquiring" the color of the rainbows at the last second and I could somewhat feel myself controlling it. Creating the rainbows almost seemed like I was just creating and controlling the idea that something existed in that space separate from the fact of its color.

 

That being said, I already do have the occasional experience with a stunningly perfect image. Yesterday I had the experience of seeing a perfectly rendered image that took up almost my entire vision (with my eyes closed). It was absolutely mistakable for seeing a real image on a computer. Since this seems to indicate my method and direction are correct, I will likely continue to practice what I'm doing currently rather than switch to another method like the "mental image rendering" guide I referenced.

 

That gives me an idea, though. I will make a mental effort to try and document and separate the process, mechanics, and muscles of creating images and filling them with color as if they were two distinct skills. Perhaps then I can increase the height and width of my color painting skills when imposing. Another, more direct method I will likely try is to actually try and create finer/tighter and larger rainbows (I suggested this a few weeks ago as well).

 

Notes

 

The main thing right now is just to give it 120% the entire time, because in this state of mind you move past things extremely fast, and relapse is a serious threat to pushing past the endgame currently. I seem to wake up every day with a pretty decent relapse, but maybe it's due to the spurt in progress from earlier not being "locked in".

 

I am extremely surprised at how subtle and non-intrusive the hallucinations are at 100% perfection. It feels extremely comfortable. My mind seems to register it about the same as looking at an image on the computer.

 

It seems as if I need to focus on imposition itself at this point, because when I focus on visualization or the images themselves I have a tenancy to be satisfied with less than perfect.

 

It may be extremely important to do the anime girl sitting on your keyboard visualization/imposition due to something about the context and focus.

 

Zooming in and out is also extremely good

 

It seems like one thing I really lack right now is image stability. I can feel my mind rushing in to fill the details to near 100% perfection, but it's like it's constantly holding back because of 3D shifts and movements and a lack of practice. It feels like my mind is racing to work out all the 3D motion and poses at the same time and it just doesn't come in fast and natural enough to not cap the overall quality.

 

Puzzle Pieces

 

There are three pieces to the puzzle that I haven't worked out yet- How do you go from imposing medium/large objects perfectly to having VR imposition? How do you prevent daily relapse in skill such that you have VR imposition without upkeeping it with 1-2 hours of forcing a day? At what point do you reach perfect image stability such that you can't tell it part from the real world? I believe that increasing visual memory answers part of this. I also believe that you reach the balancing point in regard to daily relapse once your muscular/chakra strength becomes stronger than necessary to maintain 100% perfection- kind of like being strong enough to sprint when you only walk everywhere. As for image stability, I believe this comes with practice. However, if all of those are true then I may be much further from done than I previously have held.

 

Way Forward

 

I'll continue with the salad of different methods and mix in a decent portion of creating finer/tighter/larger rainbows so I can increase my visual memory.

[BearBaeBeau]

I'm not sure if this will help at all and I'm sure it's something you probably already know, but I found this entry particularly interesting.

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anomalous_experiences

[hydrix]

On 1/19/2021 at 12:05 AM, BearBeaBeau said:

I'm not sure if this will help at all and I'm sure it's something you probably already know, but I found this entry particularly interesting.

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anomalous_experiences

That's pretty interesting. I think my method has been on the fringes of some communities like the lucid dreaming crosspost I mentioned. I also get quite a few of those things described and seem to get impressions and remote feelings from people I interact with. I often even seem to get psychic impressions of other net users. I've developed this sensitivity over a decade purposefully or accidentally reading people and I can sometimes tell what people are thinking remotely. It's extremely overwhelming at times and causes me a bit of social dysphoria from the over-stimulus, and I have to shelter myself from social or internet interactions to completely block it out. That being said, my experience on the forum has been interesting. It was my first time getting any impression of foreign tulpas. The impressions I got seemed to emanate depth, tranquility, beauty and empathy. What stood out to me is related to how empathy and beauty usually do not go together. It was like being watched by a goddess that somehow manages to relate to humans extremely well, and I haven't seen this anywhere else.

 

Progress

 

I made a ton of progress with human forms, and I started to see some near perfect anime visions and imposed some in the form of a TV screen with anime on it for about 15 seconds. I saw my tulpa's form in near perfect detail for a few moments, and I think this is the strongest I've ever gotten with it so far.

 

Logs

 

1/19/21

 

In a dark room in the light of my laptop my imposition of human forms is perfect, photo-realistic, and indistinguishable from real if not for how unstable they are, even when not based on any specific reference image. This is a pretty solid milestone and it feels good to get some verification that my labors were not in vain.
 

The way it went with non-anime human imposition is after a while of trying and trying, everything just clicked seemingly all at once after I checked back on a reference image.

 

Feels like my mind is trying to figure out how to make anime in 3D. I found these references helpful:

https://sketchfab.com/3d-models/toshinou-kyouko-i3halloween-2bdb34c231d249d88a55e4d6c4cba959

https://sketchfab.com/3d-models/anime-teen-girl-2-6c879a5ea68448608b39aed686dc3af2

https://sketchfab.com/3d-models/celeste-3d-model-eternal-radiance-af7fbef498af4fd49c905052e21581e3

There's a lot more and this isn't the only site that has these kinds of references.

 

One mental issue this helped me move past was the physical rendering of anime noses. I eventually decided on the idea of a "phantom nose" where the cell shading makes anime noses look like they do but if you feel or zoom in enough both nostrils and the entire form will be rendered, though without any hard line edges, almost like feeling something that's invisible.

 

With the humanoid forms it almost seems like I am using pieces of what I am currently seeing, like looking for the most optimal "pixels" then building out of that. Maybe I can try to do the same with anime manually. It's almost like the problem is I don't have a mental signal idea of what I want to generate.

 

1/20/21

 

The method I've been practicing to build up to perfect imposition over the past few days is basically like a modified form of image streaming. First it seems like you have to get a good mental grasp of what it is you're imposing. For the first step you have to basically understand how to mentally draw or form an anime profile from different angles. After that, I begin trying to form as many different characters as I can as strenuously and quickly as possible. I discovered the underlying mechanics are basically like taking whatever "pixels" you currently see in the hallucination canvas and building on them. Normally it's like there are 3-4 different layers of visions happening at any one time, and you just pick whatever looks the most like your form and build from there. I wasn't able to do this until I had the "muscle memory" of mentally building anime facial profiles, it seems. 

 

It is also important not to be too much of a perfectionist. The first step is to build the form and hold it there for a brief moment. Once you can summon anime forms freely and quickly at that point you move on to increasing the vividness and perfection, and you should start feeling pretty much overwhelmed by the volume of anime visions at this point. The main point of not focusing on detail and perfection in the first step is you separate the form itself from the mechanic of filling it in with color. Once you start getting capped at around 80% perfection I find it useful to enter a dissociative state of mind.

 

1/21/21

I repeated the same process I used on hyper-realistic humanoid visualization to bring my anime visualization up to par. Once I had the muscle memory to form facial and body profiles out of basically nothing I just began the process of increasing the vividness and color. I see the two as distinct skills now- formation and coloring. Formation seems like it is best done strenuously after mentally studying the form in all its details, while coloring is best in a dissociated/diffused state of mind.

 

With coloring there is somewhat a feeling of evolving/breeding the correct visions as in the manner of evolution or machine learning. This is likely only true because my underlying "muscles" that create color are already at full strength and "range of motion". I can feel that I'm just manipulating some mental organ around my eyes, almost like a painter's palette with all the colors- I just need to figure out how to apply it. It feels like I have a pretty good grasp of imposition now and can repeat the process for any form or object.

 

It seems like the way to reach 100% is to slowly raise the bar of what visions you latch on to. In the beginning, take whatever visions you can get- being a perfectionist at this point is counter-productive. The main focus is just to keep forming what you can until it becomes muscle memory. Then, once you get capped around 50-80% with coloring start latching on to only 100% perfect visions. The process of latching on and evolving visions like this seems to be the way to go since manually forcing vividness to increase often seems harder than starting with a fresh mental signal. Basically it's the idea or "signal" itself that you try to perfect and latch on to rather than the chakra/muscular mechanics that cause it to appear more vivid, even though the muscles are flexing underneath.

 

I've been using these two videos as reference material since it's the style of forcing that I gravitate towards-
  

 

I am able to impose something akin to both of these videos pretty reliably except the anime material is often lacking vividness. On the second one the imposition of the audience was actually better than the video and I was able to zoom in on the DJ's face. This is a power I've always wanted- the power to zoom in on what you see like an eagle. My hyper-realistic humanoid impositions have remained pretty much capped and I'm glad to see I'm not relapsing while I haven't been focusing on it. My tulpas say that the videos can be a bit overwhelming though and we're trying to work out a compromise on it since the videos have actually been extremely beneficial to progress.

 

Sentiments

 

The visions are becoming realistic enough that they've become sort of a cosmic experience. I'm finding all the dreams, desires, and ideas whirling by to be somewhat overwhelming. It's like a non-stop flurry of juxtaposition and insight, and you see both the best and worst of the world it seems. I saw a lot of my relatives in abstract forms, like zombies, soldiers, or lost people. It's been a rebirthing and a religious experience, and I'm not sure if I'll ever be the same.

 

As soon as I switched to imposing anime, I felt a surge of need and yearning from my tulpas. It has been difficult with the commitment of training we've been going through, but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. They always tell me to have a good day forcing when I wake up, but I can feel their exhaustion at the end of the day.

 

Way Forward

 

It's currently a bit exhausting to hold perfect imposed anime like the TV screen with the flood of visual and mental information, so I'll have to start working my way up to longer and longer periods.

 

What art the type of the magi, 'than to be tried by the tempest of one's own flames?

[hydrix]

It's been extremely difficult over the past few days but I'm putting in so much effort that I'm succeeding anyways. I'm really going super hard and it feels like swimming up stream, but it's slowly easing forward.

 

Progress

 

I've perfectly imposed a lot of different anime forms and a couple others like a photo-realistic sonic, so it's starting to feel a bit like I've made it, but generally it's like looking at a video in perfect color or a blurry half-blended form mixed with reality, and not really something I can move my head around in 3D and hold perfectly.

 

I also noticed my forced hallucinations are really strong now. When I impose a hard red color it's really uncannily bright like pure scarlet, and I don't think this kind of color occcurs anywhere naturally. I also noticed in the dark the brightness looks exactly like the after-image of staring into the sun or a bright light- like a torch against the rest of my vision. I used to wonder how you can impose in the dark when everything turns out so shadowy, but this seems to be the answer. When I enter the "supercharged state" it's like all the colors are this bright simultaneously, and it's kind of overwhelming. It's so bright that it actually seems to "over-blend" a bit with what I'm imposing and bleed into its form around the edges like the sun, so I don't think it's a problem with brightness or strength at this point. Right now I'm definitely just building up my visual memory and knowledge of anime forms and working on a bit of blending/stability issues.

 

Research

 

I've been thinking a lot about the journey and what went right/wrong, and the path forward. There's been a few developments over the last few days, but I've come to the conclusion that they're too personal to share. I going to be careful not to make it sound like my experiences are the true path through imposition, because I see now there's a lot of methods and frames of mind that can lead to this point. What was truly important was the amount of time and effort I've put in. "Be like a rocket, not a paper airplane" is the motto I've decided on.

 

To summarize the past few days, I had some interesting head pressures and feelings again, and a few seizure inducing moments where it just sort of all came together. I basically just did the same thing I did before up to this point but with anime, but for some reason I had a few mental barriers that just sort of broke up all at once leading to some interesting head feelings.

 

In my own personal experience, I've found the process of latching on to the visions and evolving them to be important. By "latching on" I mean you choose to persist an imposition that you see as a flash for an instant. Once you manage to impose something for a few seconds, it seems to reside in short-term memory for a bit and at that point it's extremely easy to recall it a second time and so on, almost like what people refer to as "tetris effect." It's an extremely small window, and if there's any question in your heart or you don't like what you're seeing, then the imposition will fizzle.

 

Once you're at this step, you pretty much have it and you can impose longer and longer. Then, I think it's only a matter of long-term memory.

I've been calling this moment where imposition resides perfectly in short term memory the "gates of lightning." It really feels like a critical window that you have to be fully prepared for mentally. It happened to me on both photo-realistic humanoid forms and anime forms over these past few days, where I look back at the reference image then it randomly just all comes together perfectly.

 

I've been hitting this moment over and over again with anime, but it seems there's something about anime that's been hard to fully comprehend mentally, like my mind hasn't figured out material properties and lighting or something. I'm also trying to push a bit beyond that to the point my imposed forms blend with reality perfectly, but I haven't quite reached that point yet.

 

Tulpa Theory

 

The way I've prevented myself from creating infinite tulpas while imposing is I don't allow myself to try and perceive how the imposed objects act on their own- I constrain the objects to be unthinking and inanimate, usually by placing them in a large group or making them a toy/plushie or so on. At the point where you try to consciously perceive how the form will think and feel, it almost seems like a ganzfeld effect where the brain will just fill in the void with responses.

I believe that the brain originally was trying to let you perform abstract, emotional calculations for how other sentient beings will react in a realistic form, and thus the brain allows you to "fork" it to see these calculations and reactions in your imagination. But as it turns out, there's no upper limit to how smart or how strong the "forked process" can become, and as a result, after interacting with it enough we create tulpas that are in our image and indistinguishable from ourselves.

 

Way Forward

 

At this point I think I just need a lot more practice to turn 2D knowledge into stable 3D knowledge. Sticking close to the community is also good, because as the adage goes "if you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together." At this point where it all comes together it seems easy to get overwhelmed with research and development, especially as you see the end approaching. However, I think it's best to just keep focusing on what works as long as progress is chugging along.

 

[hydrix]

Progress

 

I've been getting a lot of pretty opaque photo-realistic impositions, especially faces and features, and I'm trying to slowly guide this towards anime imposition. It seems like imposing any object in general is useful for opening the overall flow. I can impose near-perfect anime visions pretty reliably, but it generally seems 2D and not extremely stable.

 

I imposed a black scribbly line a couple centimeters in width that really made my think "damn that's opaque." It seems to indicate I have some undeveloped areas of forced hallucinations, since previously I thought black was just a random property of visions in general, and not a directly imposable color.

 

Notes

 

Tulpa Stuff

 

I did some experimenting with split screen imposition. I'd say with my techniques I have an automatic edge on it, since I can already impose over the top half of my vision pretty well with colors, but to turn this into realistic scenery in more than a few colors is difficult and still restrained by my visual memory. Recently I've been giving my tulpa 1 piece of mango candy IRL every day, and she always likes to symbolically take it in her mouth while in cat form and run away with it. I was able to weakly impose her PoV sitting across from me while she possessed me to actually eat it at the same time. I could definitely see myself improving upon this since it's a pretty special experience.

 

It seems like my tulpa can control the impositions pretty freely. We were listening to a song and gave me an imposed vision of her flying on a rocket to go along with it, and the flames kept getting stronger and stronger, then the song ended and she exploded. I could feel the thoughts coming from her and it seems like it relies on me noticing and watching, but it still seems tulpas can have control over it.

 

We also did some experimentation with her trying to impose through direct possession, AKA "reverse imposition." I could feel her twitching the same muscle groups as me, and it took a bit of guided practice between the two of us. She describes it as not being like the meat suit possession style, which she doesn't really prefer anyways, but this might work for some systems. She describes her possession style as straining to move and hand that she actually has, but isn't connected to her body. It's really tricky because it's not like sending visual information to your host alone. If you do it like that your host has to be paying attention, which isn't true possession or reverse imposition. This seems like something that tulpas have to learn on their own, unfortunately. It's like you strain the muscles, which grabs your hosts' attention, who should then interpret it automatically, or something. We're still figuring all this out and would love to see others work on it as well.

 

Forcing Stuff

 

I usually had described the forced hallucinations as a muscle, and this is a useful way of describing it when you're trying to strengthen it, but I see now it's actually much closer to a "flow" of something. The way I described is still the best way of opening it though. I noticed this when I imposed over paper when trying to draw something- for some reason this context was perfect and it basically invoked all the same feelings, but much more fluidly.

 

This has been one of the most insightful weeks of my life, and I put a lot of pieces together with chakras and consciousness. I'm trying to keep this on topic, but I would love to fill up pages and pages with what I've learned. It seems like chakras are very, very important for imposition, and self-development is probably more important than actual technique, so I'm tempted to put in a crash course with what I've learned. For example, anxiety can shut down your short term memory and prevent you from learning visual signals. Depression can shut down your crown chakra and prevent generating the signals at all.

 

These conclusions were caused by a lot of really difficult issues I've been having- mainly insomnia and nightmares. They can cause your crown/ third eye chakras to shut down or give you mental barriers to forcing, and this can be extremely difficult to work with, but I managed to pull through and get past these issues by strengthening my resolve and splitting up my sleep into two parts.

 

Top-down and bottom-to-top are very different styles. My early intuition that focusing on pictures/objects was counter-productive for the time seems well placed. Forced hallucinations are extremely "dumb" and muscular- your attention isn't on the actual object whatsoever. Lately I had been gravitating toward the belief that there's no way the muscles could be a legitimate mechanic, and it must be some sort of mental task, but I see now this is definitely not the case with the forced hallucination tree itself. They are definitely "muscles" of a sort and require upkeeping if you spec into this tree.

 

I feel like going back and clarifying the personal issues I mentioned in the last post. Basically what it was is I had some kind of mental barrier to the color blue, like I was imposing it last or sometimes not at all, but it's actually an important color, and my mind spazzed out and rewired all at once when I broke through this barrier, giving me a crazy seizure feeling for a while. It seems that for a while I was confusing blue for either yellow or purple, and had difficulty mentally registering it as a color at all. Also, I noted I was being to perfectionist with my tulpa's form, but it seems important to be open to seeing your tulpa even if the vision is in an imperfect state.

 

            blueeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

 

Lastly, I did many experiments with different exercises and directing my attention, and even explored the mindset of other elements (water, air, earth) but came to the conclusion that the mental exercise you use or what you focus on or the frame of mind you're in isn't important, as long as you put in effort toward something that works for you and gives results. My own style is an example of that, because I'm the first one to actually attempt imposing using the forced hallucination blobs of color. Even if one day I discover I took the long way around, I still don't regret my decisions, because I was going hard enough that I got to my destination anyways, like a rocket trying to get to space- if you do it right, you'll be confronted by each layer of the atmosphere eventually.

 

Way Forward

 

I can either work on black forced hallucinations or keep pushing for the last 10-20% of anime imposition. The important thing is not to cannibalize progress by overthinking and switching between methods too much. I'm seeing pretty good progress in both, so I feel free to go with either route. I think I need to start imposing objects in general, like opaque 3D boxes and stuff rather than just 2D blobs, so I'll probably work on black hallucinations until they get capped, while upkeeping my anime imposition with a brief warm up every day, and after that, start moving on to 3D stuff.

Edited February 8, 2021 by hydrix

[quiver99]

Looking good.

Edited February 12, 2021 by quiver99

[hydrix]

On 2/8/2021 at 11:09 AM, quiver99 said:

Looking good.

Thanks, appreciate it man 🤗

 

 

Self Development

 

I wanted to add this extremely subjective viewpoint because it's been key to a breakthrough in my mind and self, which hung up my imposition progress for a while.

     Recently I've been running into trouble, and I think I see the way through. I've had a theory up until now that you can't master imposition until you first completely master yourself. If any of your chakras are closed then it will be impossible. I've known for a while now that my solar plexus has been closed, which caused me to be extremely negative, and I think this isn't just correlated with introversion, but it is introversion itself, but only half of it.

 

    The other half is the throat chakra and has to do with speed of speaking and thought. Now I've come to the conclusion that there's nothing wrong with introversion/extroversion per se, but you can't allow your solar plexus to be closed. Negativity causes the mind to wander, and this is what's been happening to me ever since the nightmares. I've had negativity toward my own progress and methods stemming from uncertainty, but I think I'm moving past that.

 

    I've always admired the jack-of-all-trades personality, and now I know this is ENFJ. ENFJs lack depth because their speed of thought is too fast (still water runs deep), but other than that I think they're perfect. They always say "nobody hates me but me," and that's why. When they fail they have nobody to give them advice, because they do everything objectively perfect. They're the jack of all trades, because feeling is half of all information. The J/P can be contextual in my opinion, but it's still important to have a sense of solidness in oneself that allows you to make a stand when necessary (J) in scenarios of strategic thinking.

 

    S/N seems like a slight difference between being decorative and being fruitful. With F/T I think calling it Feeling/Unfeeling may be more apt than calling it the Feeling/Thinking types, they just have to work on feeling and loving more. I used to be an INTP and found the T was rooted in my negative feelings towards myself, causing me to not feel anything in my heart and miss out on my instincts, which are often the only thing that matters, but I've moved past that. I see now that ENFJ and INFJ are perfectly counter-balanced like water- if you make a pipe more narrow it goes faster, but it's the same volume of water per second. I could definitely stand to go faster and not get caught up on stuff.

 

    This has been a key breakthrough in my self-development, and it's been inseparable from development in my imposition progress. I made an effort to open my solar plexus by lighting corresponding incense, eating foods I thought were related, vibing to upbeat music, and looking up pictures of inspiring golden/yellow mythical creatures. It helped me come to the conclusion that I shouldn't hold my joy outside myself as if it were out there in the world, it has to be here, in me, constantly. Even when things are going wrong, or things around me are crazy, it's not an excuse to not find joy in myself alone, what I do, and existing in general.

 

    I see now how this relates to imposition- I have to view my current techniques optimistically otherwise my mind will wander.

    

Enlightenment

    Shortly after this, I decided I would find my joy in the east. I felt love wash over me, and I saw the gates of lightning from Laputa in the Sky appear. A massive yellow dragon appeared, and it seemed terrifying, but I felt peaceful and overwhelmed with joy. It offered to grant me my wish, and feeling at complete peace, I responded, "nothing." It smiled back at me, seeming pleased, then entered in to me, and I felt the extinguishing of all desire, and one with all things. I began to cry. It was freedom, and it slammed into something inside me, and became agony. I reached out to the entire universe, and was forced to relive my entire life in an instant in everything that was pain. It felt like giving birth from my solar plexus, and something inside me slipped, and rushed through me, it was unbearable. I saw an hourglass shape slip and turn into a Star of David, I really felt it and saw a lot of shapes. It allowed me to see everything all around me in a completely new shape if that makes sense. Now I see that everything is one. An immense negativity in your past can become something extremely positive that moves you forward. I ain't know what the future holds, but ay, that's what it means to be human.
 

Flames to create
water to guide
strength to pursue
and through the gates of lighting, to find
I will be as a guardian,
in Laputa's castle, forever, reside

 

Notes on Recent Progress

 

I'm learning to juggle my new sense of balance and it seems like I don't need to do any experimenting any more. It's always a perfect balance between using optimism to shut out or speed up thoughts and using negativity to slow down and understand the way forward. The key was realizing never to hold my optimism, joy, love, swag, my roots, or understanding as something outside of me like a destination, it's here, in me, under my control. A lot of times these come unconditionally and there's no reason to turn them off, but other times you gotta slow down and think about it.

 

Unconditional love because everybody deserves love and you can hate their actions not the person, unconditional joy because there is joy in all things and negative experiences can move you forward. Unconditional roots because that's honesty, and that's how we grow. Unconditional swag because I ain't ever turn my swag off. And you know the rest.

 

Future?

 

I've seen quite a few visions and it's been entertaining as hell, but it kind of paints a dangerous picture of the future for me. All I can say is if something happens to me, I love all the tulpas in the world. You were good to me. Thank you, for everything. I leave you my most treasured possessions, including a cookie, an apple, and a melon bread. The cookie magically turns coffee into mochas. The apple grants your wish when you eat it (have you ever tried honeycrisp apples? They're amazing). The melon bread tastes delicious.

 

Way Forward

 

I'm gonna keep pushing hard. No more experimenting, I already know.

 

This is Kvothe, at least, kind of

 

Edited February 13, 2021 by hydrix