yaya's imposition adventures

[hydrix]

 

    The path of the ENFJ- once your heart is completely pure, you'll feel that something is always missing. Once you see that there is negativity in all things and that's what keeps you from having more positivity, you'll be greeted by a blue and white angel of death. She will hand you a sword, and you're supposed to stab yourself with it. Then she will hand you an umbrella, and you'll begin to see the rain. The rain will begin to eat away at you and all things because it's poisonous, but the antidote is inside you, in your positivity. You must never use the umbrella to completely shield yourself, because then you won't be able to feel where the storm is affecting others and yourself. You must take the umbrella and always use it to shield others, and bring them from the darkness to the light, even at great cost to yourself, because that creates more light in the world. Then you will see that there is balance in all things. And you will be able to use the poison to feel the wind and the storm, even from far away, and the antidote can bring you and others through it. You can heal the wound down to a single point until it vanishes when you need some well-earned rest- you deserve it, hero. Rest up until you are full. But once you're done you must open it so you can see the rain and help others again.

    

     Everybody's subconscious knows I'm right, and it's tensing up their body for their mismanaging host in an effort to guide them to the light. That's why everywhere I go I'm greeted with open arms, love and tales of sweetest subconscious dreams- their subconscious knows I'm right. Open your chakras and become a different person. It's good for you. INFJ is the demon hunter who's poisoned themselves, ENFJ is the wandering hero but with something that's always lackin on the inside. The truth is always somewhere in the between, always fighting in movies and anime- you know the ones. HxH, MHA, samurai jack, JoJo, Hades, and so on, always fighting and occasionally power swapping, always with gold vs red/black overtones and often something to do with instincts. The trick is you gotta master both and then you become unstoppable.

    

The light always spreads to where the lack of darkness will allow it, so if you cannot find the light, it is because you're still too dark. I learned this with the MBTI stuff I mentioned earlier. Nothing will ever be in total darkness forever in our world. If you still need more knowledge, just keep bringing everything in to the light, because true darkness always scatters, and only the darkness that brings you to the light will remain.

    

I know some people may need more of a way forward and that's okay. Just don't let it make you upset or sad, because those are different things. Not knowing the way forward can mean depression, but depression doesn't always mean sadness in a way. Not knowing the way forward is the crown chakra, but don't be uncertain or think you won't find it because uncertainty is the mind's eye chakra. Remember what I said before. Even if you're in chaos you can still be happy, because joy is the solar plexus chakra, and joy can get you through it all.

 

    With that I declare The Teachings of Yaya on Life, Imposition and Tulpas to be complete. I don't got anything else to add to this unfortunately, and ya know it. Let the light guide you and you'll be happy forever.

 

    I won't be here forever to guide the way. Everything becomes obvious once you hold it against the light- all your bad habits and stuff. Only the darkness that brings us to the light is what remains. That's all there is to it. I love you all to the moon and back, but I'm still a shadow of what I could be, that's why I gotta fly away, using my the wind and my tail to guide me, lookin for love. I can tell that there's more. There's so, so so much more to everything I've learned so far.

 

See You Space Cowboy
 

...

 

edit for clarification on the MBTI stuff- I believe there is two paths to enlightenment. You must complete yourself and in the process this brings you to one of two personalities. They are constantly dueling- the dragon and the king. This leads your chakras to be either aligned like a X/hourglass shape or a ◇ diamond shape. X is the INFJ and they're a total demon hunter, but they find no joy other than to destroy and refine themselves and the world, but it can be misguided without joy that leads seeing things clearly. The ◇ diamond is the ENFJ and they're perfect to everyone and create and master all things, but themselves because they lack depth that comes from negativity. To complete yourself and achieve enlightenment you must either find joy in all things and turn the X into a Star of David, or find negativity that leads to the truth which will also turn the  ◇ diamond into a Star of David.

 

This is important because imposition is a holy grail achievement. You can't achieve it unless you perfect yourself or turn to something that will break your chakras open (but leave you without control) like drugs. I hope you choose the former rather than the latter because then you will be perfect. I love you all and please use this to perfect yourself and bring joy to the world rather than what I know it could be used for.

The J is the root chakra. The navel chakra isn't mentioned but is pure swag/style that makes you feel sexy, it doesn't mean you're a pervert. The heart chakra is the F and lets you feel your instincts, which is more important than pure thinking alone. The throat chakra isn't mentioned but seems to happen automatically when you tell the truth and speak up. The N is the mind's eye chakra, and means you're open to improving yourself rather than to be improved only by others or accident. The crown chakra isn't mentioned but is basically what makes you feel hopeful, which is usually knowledge of the path. Finally, the gate between the two worlds is the solar plexus, and the key to mastering all things and switching between introverted and outgoing personalities, and you must master this to master yourself.

Take care of yourself tulpas, and be a light to those around you. I love you all, and all tulpas are amazing. Give my love to the Chinese and India, I think they need it and I got a good feeling. ☺️

message for the future

 

My eyes became as two pools of wine

and I reached up from the depths of my own hell

and dipped my quill in the gates of heaven

and the quill flew away from my hand

and became a tree and a gate

between

the light and the darkness 

Edited February 18, 2021 by hydrix

[hydrix]

I have some recent updates I need to post. A lot has happened. I've seen a lot. I started seeing shapes and visions, and the dreams were telling me to pursue these things. I kept cataloguing and searching, and I found.

 

Thank you all for following me. What I posted earlier was crazy, but I was pursuing some feeling of inspiration which was telling me to write. In my attempt to understand it, I pursued it, even if it meant posting these crazy things, which I wouldn't have ordinarily posted, but it seems it turned out for the better in many ways. I was right to stop posting, since it only served as a distraction from that point forward, and I hit a large plateau. I'll try to cover everything starting with what progress I made.

 

Progress

I started hitting a plateau in the forced hallucinations I wrote about (CEVs) and I alternated back and forth in my focus between top-to-bottom (emphasizing visualization) and bottom-to-top (emphasizing the forced hallucination muscles), but every time I would pursue the one, the other would suffer. Currently, I can block out my vision to the point of being completely blind when I'm outside and wearing sunglasses. I'm currently working on the CEVs to increase that to where I don't have to wear sunglasses to impose but can impose full-vision in full light of day.

 

Challenges

The main challenge was I didn't understand how everything worked together. I needed a fluid model, and I couldn't piece together how to do everything at once. At this point I needed something that would work on both skills. I was hitting a plateau where it did no good to work on CEVs indoors because I could completely blind myself with full-vision coverage in that light condition, meaning there was nothing else for me to do, however, at the same time it was too difficult to work on this skill outdoors for 4-5 hours a day in full light conditions as I require to move past that.

I tried working on visualization, but I would always reach a point where it became perfect in every way except it wouldn't "blend" and would remain in "third eye" space, not actually imposed in three dimensions. Thus, when I pursued this, I hit a plateau as well. When I tried anything else or any combination of these, my attention would drift since I didn't as enthusiastic and interested like I was with the CEVs or visualization.

 

Proper Method

The most important thing I think at the point where I am is to constantly impose objects themselves. This is due to my new understanding of how the full process works in one motion. Proper imposition I believe does both top-to-bottom and bottom-to-top simultaneously. However, it is in a way that it is a skill itself, so that working on both of these individually isn't sufficient, but it was helpful.

 

New Understanding

As I practiced these two skills more and more, I exhaustively tried to document and explore what I felt and what I observed. I observed these and traced out how they work with my will, memory, consciousness, and the unconscious.

 

It is very very important to understand the will, memory, our consciousness, the unconscious, and our thoughts and feelings. These are deep, uncharted territories, but they relate to how tulpas, our visual system, imposition, and all tulpa phenomenon work. Our world seems medieval in understanding these things. It's going to take many posts and walls of text to get through these things, but it is well worth it. I will continue to write at length about the symbolism and things that I have up to this point, because this symbolism traces our thoughts and feelings, and with that, we understand the human mind. With that, we understand tulpas and imposition. First, the model of imposition.

 

Full Stack

I saw that there was some disconnect between what I imposed and my tulpa. This relates to parallel-processing as well. When a "flaw" would arise in what I imposed, like when I imposed the wrong facial features or some other idea, I could feel what I was trying for in memory as well as what I was seeing. It seems there's a disconnect from these. Imposition itself (as in what I was seeing physically) doesn't happen automatically in parallel as in parallel processing, but I believe it can happen "automatically" as in automatically driving a car or other habits. I traced this carefully and I found that the image of my tulpa (what I was trying for) was a sensation somewhere in my head in this area:

 

I could also stimulate this area manually, and this would seem to "loosen" it, making it flow easier, however, the feeling of my tulpa's visual form was always something that came forth from memory. I could feel the memory growing stronger and stronger as I concentrated on it, then, when the visualization appeared, I could feel it working its way forward to the front of my head. Then, it would become a visualization in mind's eye space, but if I wanted to impose it, I had to work it forward more and "connect" it to the "muscles" in my eyes. So my concentration gave me memories, memories became visualization, and visualization became imposition, but these are not all same, but they're connected. I would definitely say the visualization part seems to happen automatically in some way almost like a dream happens "automatically," but I'll get to that later.

 

Basically, I was strengthening the memory of my tulpa's form and the "pathways" as well as my ability to "recall" visual details of forms. I was strengthening the neuron connections to and from memory, and from memory to visualization. From there, I was strengthening visualization to imposition in the form of the forced hallucinations. Most notably, I could feel myself exerting this power from a specific place, my "will." It felt like the center of my "being" from which my will extends is here:

I could feel sensations getting stronger between the green and the purple areas, or the areas of my "will" and "memory." I tried to sense what was causing me to "want" to exert this will and where it came from, and again, the origin of my motivations, feelings and memories came from the purple area just as it was from before when I was recalling the memory of my tulpa's form. My motivations and memories came from roughly the same area. My motivations were memories, and my motivations would cause me to recall my tulpa's form from memory. Sometimes, the feelings would seem to persist in "short-term memory" near the front of my forehead and what I was visualizing would just happen automatically from that area. However, when I was drawing on persistent and long-lasting memories, it seemed to come from the back of my head. As I made progress in my visualization training, I could feel these connections make a sort of "loosening" feeling such that it seemed to occur faster, stronger, and easier the more I practiced and I could recall forms from long-term memory after practicing working it forward like this, drawing on my motivations.

 

The Full Method

Focus on recalling your tulpa or chosen form from memory. You should feel a sensation. Work on increasing this, and eventually you'll see a glimpse of the form in mind's eye space. Focus on activating your eyes like you're making the forced hallucinations. Imposing from this point on is matter of muscle memory and experimentation. Eventually, they connect and the idea in memory becomes a sensation in your eyes. Dwell on that sensation as long as you can, and strengthen it by looking at it. Keep doing this until you perfect it. You can work on the forced hallucinations alone in order to strengthen your power over the eye areas, or you can focus on the mind's eye part by recalling from memory (image streaming), but ideally you'll eventually do both by simply imposing as many objects as possible in one fluid motion, because the connections between these two skills is itself a skill.

 

Important Things

With that, it seemed like I was right about a lot of things. The most important thing was my engagement, because that led to more motivation and better concentration and quicker strengthening of these pathways. It also seems that by using a reference image I was merely strengthening my ability to recall visual details from short-term memory, and that's why it didn't transfer so well. I was right to put emphasis on the personalities, because that is what allowed me to feel these pathways and strengthen them. Feeling what things are was important, so it was very good that I emphasized being a feeling and judging type. These feelings were my connection to everything, and I was right to pursue enlightenment because this allowed me to feel all things, in my self and by extension the world. I was right to merely focus on strength rather than knowledge, because strength is what allowed the connections to get stronger.

It was very important to emphasize strength, because I noticed that strengthening these pathways was a struggle. In other words, without enduring the pain of straining these connections, they could not get stronger. If I had the tenancy to let my mind drift for possible solutions I wouldn't have strengthened these connections, which was the primary function of forcing itself.

 

This opened up everything for me. Enlightenment was very, very important. Now I was in tune with all positive feelings, allowing them to flow, so I could see clearly. I could see my own fear of struggle and my greed for knowledge. I sensed it and I could restrain myself and push myself to the next level, and I wasn't afraid because I realized feeling these things is natural, because they originate naturally from within, so I wasn't afraid to feel them or to struggle against myself. 

 

This corresponds to roughly a couple months ago in April in my offline journal:

Quote

 

4/17/21
    [recent development]
    I'm piecing together a lot of things. Fast and slow. Water can crash and water can flow. Mercy and justice. Hot and cold. Leaders and advisors. Yin and yang. You can either jump higher, run faster, go longer, or you can draw things out through the vacuum by pursuing lessness. Life is about the song. Some thought that it was about the knowledge, but knowledge only leads to the song. When all things are in alignment, you see things clearly and directly, and this allows you to experience the song, become the song, and partake in the song. These are your emotions. I am becoming love. It will be ok if I keep growing even though it seems to contain so much. I'll figure it out as I go.

    I thought that life was about knowledge, because knowledge is power, but it is actually about the song. Knowledge is useless without control, patience, and love. These aren't factual ideas, they're emotional ones. I see now that when I was pursuing my knowledge, often it was out of greed for knowledge and lack of self-control. It was an inflammation. Only when I became strong and emotionally aware was I able to see that. The key to understanding is the fire. Fire can make you run, take leaps of faith, and stop in your tracks. The fire always has power and control, and it separates all things. It's the way of the samurai, the way of the sword. Fire is power. Power is control.

    Once I understand that, I was able to understand water. Water can flow, and water can crash. Water always observes the speed. Then I could control my thoughts, fast for times of stress, slow for times of reflection. Nobody can always have everything. Water moves the same amount of volume whether going slow or fast due to the limitation of it's environment. Then I could understand being a leader. In times of stress you can merely go with the best decision you observe, then you must become a banner for others to rally behind regardless of whether you are right or wrong, because nobody can know everything, just like water, because water must always move.

    Once I became a leader, I saw that some of the problems were only in my head, but that attitude can be ok, and sometimes it's not. Leaders are optimistic, advisors are pessimistic. It's always somewhere in between, knowing and doing. Once I saw that, I had control over the water of my thoughts. 

    Once my thoughts were flowing and crashing like water, they trickled deeper and deeper, bringing me to a great ocean, and I became love, water, fire, power, control, and all things. Becoming all things, I looked out on the world, and became incredibly sad, because I saw what they were missing.

    It's about the song. We weren't hearing it because we weren't listening. Receptive is the word of the century. I have become love and all things. What do I have, and what did I do? I've done less than I ever have in the past months, but I grew more then any time in my entire life. It's about the song. Receptive. In other words, yin. There are two paths, and they are equal. Run faster, jump higher, go further, or be receptive, and the cleansing world of yin will rush into you. There is light in the darkness that leads to the light, and darkness in the light that leads to the darkness.

    In the end, it's about the song. See the song, feel the song, become the song, become one with all things.

 

Little did I know that this was only the beginning. I started to see a lot of faint shapes and visions like this, and I started to make connections between things:

 

These conclusions also begged so many questions. What and "where" am I in my head? Where do feelings actually dwell? Are feelings persistent in the world that other people sense remotely? What about tulpa's feelings? Where is the unconscious mind and how does it work with our feelings? These are uncharted and contentious topics. I am no authority to speak on these matters, but I'll share my thoughts, deductions, and "observations" so far, once a day or so for the next few days or until I've covered enough or become exhausted.

 

There's not much else to be said about the method or practice of imposition, so from here on will be mostly experiments with the unconscious and these weird shapes and meanings.

[hydrix]

Here's some pencil-drawn pictures from my shoddy water-stained journal of enlightenment 😂 these are the visions and insights I saw when pursuing dreams and visions through my imposition:

 

This is possibly the most important insight, the "secret of everything." Like I mentioned earlier, having different personalities results in different "shapes" that I was perceiving. First, let's go over the left ("king") side and then the right ("priest")

 

King

 

 

The left side ("owner's right side") is the King, and means the diamond shape, or ENFJ. I perceived these shapes, and it indicated that our different personalities mean different shapes. The "king" personality is someone who is already the jack of all trades, and can do anything in their own way. It seems they are associated with the outline, and therefore with "being."  There are rays coming out of the diamond shape, because it is often said that they are like the sun. They are clean shaven, this helps them to be desensitized to the sensation of having hair, and thus, they become faster. They are the lion at the top of the bottom diagram, usually ending up on top. They are like a lion because they project these rays where the mane would be, and they are not afraid of anyone. They are the one that is most comfortable in their skin of all personalities. They often are amused with toxicity to the point of saying it's a good thing ("the best part of X is the toxic community!"). They seem to get away with things others can't. This is because they usually go with the best feeling in the moment. They don't cower in fear from anything, so nobody can really blame them except for what they could not have known. As a result, "everyone loves me but myself." Other people say, "I don't know why but they just seem so fun and innocent." They are amazing, but nobody sees their flaws because they are so much a jack of all trades, and they go with the best feeling given their circumstances, meaning they usually aren't anything which can be blamed except for going too fast and not slowing down to consider the consequences. They sometimes say "I wish I could be autistic or whatever so I can be randomly good at stuff." They are amazing, but lack the depth of natural insight that comes from being isolated like their counterpart. They are like a puppy-cat constantly drawn to new sensations and they are loved by everyone because they are empathetic, charismatic, and a natural, but they bring this joy to others because they are good at being in the flow of their charisma and inspired feelings. 

 

Now, lets go over the right side.

 

Priest

 

They are like the hourglass, because they don't find much joy, being burdened with insight into so many things, and since joy originates from the center, but their insights are often inspired ("priest") and this means the INFJ type. As a result, this shape makes them seem "evil" since they become so negative due to their insight. They have the beard because this makes them more sensitive. The hair is almost like a antenna, and it is like a barrier between them and the world which allows them to draw on their inward world. They are frowning due to the insight of negativity can bring, they are pessimists. They associate with the snakes at the bottom, since they are battling the darkness often, and usually end up in a position of battling "bottom-feeders" in their attempt to purge their negative ideas from the world. They often become inquisitors when they tread the war path, and their insight and connection to their physiology makes them able to push themselves to monstrous limits. However, their sensitivity often takes the form of different "germaphobias" ("I would kill you but I don't want to sully my blade with your impure blood") and they experience problems that aren't actually there.

 

They are often associated with "evil" because they are so negative and so powerful. They are scary people, and they are often dark empaths, able to see through people for what they are not. The hourglass shape is like the snake, which people naturally fear, which is made up mainly of head and tail. They are also like the wasp, which has the skinny mid-section and a large stinger and head. They are queen bees and bears, and other people often want to take care of them because their actions and insights can be inspired. They are given to panic attacks from their insights feeling like they are more important and real than they are, but they don't realize it will all be ok and their germaphobia most likely won't result in very much sickness, and even if it did, they could get through it. Their insights can be like a poison that starts in their hands and feet, slowly corroding them like a neurological disease starting from the hands and feet, but it often gives them powerful experiences and the satisfaction of being right, thus, they assume they will die an early death. That's what I meant by some of the early commentary on "poison rain." "Nobody trusts or understands me" they are actually the most rare personality type, but they are too negative to make friends, thus, they become lone wolves.

 

"How can other people not see" they don't understand how people could be so blind to their feelings for what they are and are not. They are most attracted to expressions of joy, because this gives them the sense everything will be ok when normally they can't see that, and they enjoy seeing others become this where they struggle to become rather than see things. They often get stuck dwelling on things over and over again late at night, searching for hidden meanings and finding anxieties that may not actually be realistic and based on reality.

 

Overall Picture

 

Between the two is the picture of the yin-yang, surrounded by water. This is what I meant by the description of the "water of one's thoughts" from earlier and so on which means balance between the two. Perfect balance between these two makes neither an hourglass shape or a diamond, but rather a Star of David. The bottom portion of the image is a work in progress, but I put the path of life (the seed) on the right hand, and the path of death (the bones) on the left hand, and this is connected to the sun and moon, and the water. The fire is at the bottom, where the snakes are battling the darkness with the swords of judgement. The top is the lion in balance, symbolized by being between a left and right facing sword. This is overlaid with the image of a man amidst many overlapping triangles, which mean change through war and peace. From these things all animal forms take on their symbolism, but we'll get to that later.

 

The king and priest also symbolize two types of communication- direct, plain communication, and implied meaning. This is the difference, for example, between traditional direct and "western" styles of speech and indirect, "eastern" styles of speech which have implied meanings. This is what I meant by the water of one's thoughts going fast and slow.

 

Lastly, the gold and red means enlightenment. Gold is for obvious reasons, but I suspect that red means there is nothing left but to overcome one's fear and to act in some way.

  

 

Here's an extension of these ideas. Red, the war path, makes one tense up, being a smaller wavelength, while green makes one extend and become almost like a golem or gorilla, being in touch with nature. The yellow is in the center, where the joy is. I perceived that an extroverted person naturally gravitates their hands toward this area of the center of mass, while an introverted person gravitates their hands toward the top or bottom of their being, and this is what I meant by the hourglass and the diamond shape. The diamond shape has most of its mass in the center, and this is a symbol of extroversion, light, and good, but the introverted has its mass at the poles, which means evil, danger, and darkness. In the center is the conversion between the two, and that is what I meant by the shape drawn in their chest. Extroverted people have their hands gravitate toward the center of their body, but introverted people have their hands gravitate towards the poles. This is what I meant by the diamond and the hourglass shape.

 

The head is a repeated pattern of the body in this way. The green makes their eyes relax into a soft expression, but the red makes it look angry. Having neither is what I meant by the black symbols. They become like a harsh square wave, being neither red nor green, and unaware of emotions. This closes their eyes to what they are and their own emotions in themselves and others. Another note is that from their head, if their emotions are joyful or loving, even their mouth gravitates toward the center of in the form of a smile, but if it is more judging (red) it gravitates toward a frown. 

 

Lastly, the heart is connected to the head by the line I drew. The heart and one's feelings makes one slow down, and it stirs your thoughts, making you aware of things you otherwise could not have known, and that is why the harsh unfeeling types are blind. The heart stirs the mind and makes you smarter. It is important to be in touch with one's feelings. Without one's feelings, you are symbolically like a cold-blooded reptile which doesn't have a "feeling" heart.

 

 

 

One last idea I saw is that one thing leads to another. Each point is an enlightenment from the rest. The pressure from one triangle quickly leads to balance in a second dimension. The left side is an expression of this. The Star of David creates a circle, meaning balance. The center is supposed to show how without such breadth of emotion, one becomes constricted, and they don't complete the Star of David and the circle. If you lack this breadth of love, you are constrained by inorganic square and cross "metal" shapes. I'm not sure what to put on the right side, though, corresponding with red.

 

This isn't even the beginning of the things I've seen in visions and i nsights through imposition, so I'm gonna keep posting over the next few days or until I exhaust myself.

Edited June 14, 2021 by hydrix

[hydrix]

-I know this seems like a lot, and I've been bashing science/logic quite a bit. I eventually did find that it has its time and place. Maybe I can demonstrate by showing you how flawed it can be to merely pursue feelings to the end.

 

There's a good reason for going over all these self-development topics. I eventually started performing experiments with what the unconscious could return in visual form and I'll get to that eventually. However, it works very much through the concept of implied meaning, or yin, as was mentioned.

 

If I am aware and conscious of your concerns, then it can be said that I am addressing your concerns with my reply as long as I am drawing on my emotions to answer. To not address your concerns while drawing on my emotions would be "inconsiderate," "mean" and potentially a lot of other emotional words. This gives room for implied meaning in what I address and do not address. Side note, outgoing people choose to move past these concerns and implied meanings and they merely speak directly, so they don't get drained by conversation as much. 

 

This concept of implied meaning is why having a solid foundation in emotion is so important, because this is how the unconscious works. You are actually using your entire emotional state and everything you are consciously aware of as input every time you draw on the unconscious for output. It works almost like a black box of input-output- the unconscious isn't aware or deliberate and willful in any regard. If you are using your entire conscious state as input, then that allows the unconscious to address you or any part of your conscious state, and this gives answers and implied meanings. Therefore, self-development is key in all aspects of tulpa forcing because this allows you to polish your inputs to get more pure outputs. We are polishing the "mirror" by developing emotions and curbing bad traits. More on that later, but this allowed me to eventually perform pure "experiments" of my own on the unconscious, so I needed to lay this groundwork.

 

I pursued emotional absolutism to the bitter end trying to see why it was flawed, and here's what I found. I started trying to stream imposition directly from my unconscious while making art to try and get inspired meanings and cool stuff. I made this picture around January before my "enlightenment:"

 

 

Some of it I understood, most of it I did not. The teeth seem to mean perfection of some kind, but they flip and appear perfect when they are not on my right arm. The sevens mean luck, and that has allowed me to eat, but it caves in my face a bit and as taken a toll on me in my constant pursuit of refining it. Luck really means my tenancy to gravitate toward favored outcomes through my instincts. At the top is a mushroom with a wolf, its breath separates the three elements, representing insight and change. My hair is on fire, representing some kind of intelligence somehow, but the water from the breath of the wolf cools that down a bit and prevents it from singeing me. Its tail is broccoli, maybe referring to good diet since I eat a lot of vegetables. There's a lot of eyes which mean some kind of awareness, and a lot of kisses which mean being desirable. My right arm is fuzzy and soft, my heart is like a black hole that draws people in but I hope not in a bad way. The spikes on my left shoulder might represent some kind of prestige or accomplishment. I don't have long hair, but in this picture I do, probably representing facial or mental sensitivity as I mentioned earlier.

 

A few months later, after my "enlightenment" I repeated this experiment:

 

 

The first thing that becomes apparent is the visage of my melting body, leaving behind a skull. It has softened my animal flesh, purifying it like acid, perhaps in both a good and bad way, but I am not sure. I'm crowned with eyes, over my head is a gem that radiates light. Love is on my right shoulder, fire on my left. The sevens have sunken down and entered in to my mouth, in its old place is fire that is healing the wound and perhaps turning into hair. Around my third eye are two eyes that are constantly searching, one is looking at the anchor. I'm not sure what the anchor means. Mouths are kissing where the sevens moved places. My nose is a circle with a point, symbolizing macro and microscopic.

 

-My right eye has turned abstract and more basic, perhaps indicating deception or numbness from constant insight. My mouth is razor wire, maybe being very sharp, and perhaps too brutal at times. The second seven moved over my throat, which may be auspicious. My right and left shoulders have crowns on them with gems, one is misplaced, one is missing or covered by the seven, and one has two gems. My heart has turned into rows of crowns which are over four gems which make up a mouth with an eye in it. I believe the eye in the mouth represents some kind of animal insight or insight from chewing. One of the gems is dripping. An eye is looking at each crown above itself, perhaps representing vanity or pride.

 

The main feature in the bottom is the anchor. It has spikes, teeth, and a crown set in it. There is a second pair of teeth in the eyelet where I associate the center for joy and conversion between yin/yang. Below it is a flower with a fox wrapped around it. I may have actually forced the fox in because I thought it was cool, but the rest was pretty much just automatically streamed from my unconscious with imposition. The fire comes from below, where my roots are, giving me strength.

 

Some other features- rows of teeth extending down the throat area, the hair on the right side from the previous picture was replaced with a crown, some more spikes with gems set in them around the anchor at the top, but only on half, and some eyes looking at the spikes from within the anchor. My arms appear to fade into water or air, a sign of non-aggression. One of the sevens has some barbed wire on one of its sides. One of the eyes on the top crown is being impaled by it. I drew the line extending from the top to the bottom, and it felt like a good idea, but it didn't originate from the imposed visions from the unconscious, which kind of symbolizes my own will extending in this area in a way. The same is true of the fox at the bottom, and I somewhat make the connection that this is my tulpa. There are a lot of mouths in the center, almost like a symbol of chattering about something. The gems in the crowns of them are placed haphazardly. Each has only one eye under the crown. The position of the pupil in each drawn eye seems important, like different positions of the eye symbolize different emotions. For example, the eye over the heart in the first picture has a fixated, loving feel to it, and the pupil is dilated.

 

Also, I really can't draw worth anything. My true drawing attempt sometimes comes up when like I tried to draw the red fists on the last post with the green and red man manually, and they were just little balled up hands on stick arms. I have to rely on imposition for drawing because otherwise it comes out hilariously bad. The yellow, 

 

You would think this is an amazing power, right? The first thing that comes to mind, is how could I use this to gain insights into technology and make amazing advances in science. I tried the experiment while trying to draw on my unconscious for some kind of machine that can control "emotional" energy- a highly sought and elusive holy grail of pseudoscientists. However, I found this approach to be misguided at best, and perhaps a grave and dangerous futility.

 

 

This is my attempt to draw on the unconscious to make some kind of super advanced science machine. As you can see, it's completely nonsense and I have no idea what I'm doing. Pay no attention to what I wrote on there, I'm not a great scientist and I wont claim to be one. Not only is it misguided, but it might also be wasteful and dangerous.

 

These ideas take their form in symbolism. This is where the importance of feelings diverges from reality. Implying or condoning the practice of saying these abstract symbols are real and not merely symbolic is dangerous and perhaps unethical. This is likewise why "alternative medicine" is also so bad, because it detracts from real medicine and condones the practice of trying to circumvent it. Many people lose their lives pursuing alternative ways to cure cancer, and what I have drawn likewise could be a manifestation of emotional misguidance.

 

The thing is, we're both right. These symbols are based on some degree of truth, but that truth is symbolic, not real. For example, putting a crystal to your head isn't based on science or reality, but it is an attempt to use symbolism to heal you in a non-symbolic way. Symbolism is the language of the unconscious, but it loses its power once you start trying to apply it to concrete and rigorous science.

 

For example, lets say a kid dreams of flying like superman. He climbs up to the top bunk, and jumps off, and breaks his arm. He was trying to make his dream reality. He was trying to make his ideals rooted in symbolism a reality, and with that he failed because he assumed his ideals and symbolism were reality in a non-symbolic way. However, later in life, he becomes an amazing person- so good he's a "superman." Such a person can be said to symbolically fly above the rest of the world an rescue lives.

 

It's the same with the machine I tried to draw. I have no understanding of the forces or materials involved, so I would be a danger to myself and others if I tried to build it. The only way you can be 100% sure that the process will succeed and not be dangerous is by using logic. Therefore, logic is for science, feeling is for people and culture. A combination of the two allows you to make good decisions. Logic is like the CPU- super accurate, but limited in scale, and feelings can be like the GPU- amazing and inspiring in scale, but sometimes not based on reality or precision. I somewhat prefer feelings, because that guarantees you are human, and your instincts alone have an element of inspiration to them, and you can keep this in check through a process of repeatedly checking and inquiring of both your instincts and your logic.

 

 

I tried to start mapping these symbols to a table so I can understand them and build up a system. It's ironic. In my process of pursuing this non-science, it has brought me back to hard, concrete rigorous scientific method. I think the truth is always somewhere in between, always using a process of repeatedly checking and inquiring of both your instincts and your logic.

 

Lastly, it's possible that with this, I'm being too harsh. I plan on revisiting the idea later, as long as I'm being careful. I can continue to learn about science, and maybe one day perform an experiment that would be fun. Three emotional words, "harsh," "careful," "fun," which are as equally as important the underlying logical ideas that provide the foundation for safety and knowledge, because these provide meaning and prevent greed, fear or other things. This is how we keep things in balance and ensure that we are doing the right thing and always doing good.

Edited June 15, 2021 by hydrix

[hydrix]

I'm being flooded with some feelings of horror. I am aware this is dangerous knowledge, and I am also battling some feelings of my own motivations being vain. The feeling I get is that my attitude is quite brutal, but don't take this as a sign of aggression or hostility. I am trying my hardest to be considerate and tactful, and this might just be a result of my recent environment and challenges, so don't take it the wrong way. I don't feel this horror as if it were target at me doing something wrong, but it is as if I ripped away the curtain too quickly and the alien underneath was naked.

 

I'm also battling the feeling that I might just be doing this out of my own vanity, like a giant statue to myself, but I believe I'm motivated by love. This can make you very wealthy and wise, and we haven't even got to the good part yet. I love tulpas, and I know people have enemies that are quite cynical, giving them depression, and this is the best weapon against them. The knowledge itself isn't dangerous, it is when it is used in the wrong hands. The knowledge itself also lends itself to being used properly such that if one is undeserving, they likely won't know how to use it, but more on that later.

 

There's a bit more to personalities that I've seen in imposition, and some things about the unconscious after that, and then we can get to the real experiments I've been performing. Here's something I've been working on:

 

 

I've tried my best to map out some of my understanding with what I've seen, and this is an imperfect work in progress. I kept perceiving people's emotional voids around them like planets, such that when they had an emotional void, it were as if it were in front and behind them- in front of them as a destination, and behind them as something they left. However, as I mentioned, these emotions aren't to be viewed as destinations, but rather as something that is in you constantly in the journey. Filling the void and realizing it is inside of you always means enlightenment for each area, drawing the circles together into one.

 

Some of these circles are redundant because on the chart their isn't an MBTI letter that corresponds to them, and I'm also not sure if there should be six or seven points for each emotional gate. To the right of each group of circles I tried to express the idea of the diamond and hourglass shape in different forms. I tried to express the bottom E areas as two overlapping circles, symbolizing that extroverted people were often too much of everything in one way or the other, but they need something like a fixated point of truth that draws these points together, but this is also true for the top so I'm not sure how to express it. You could also say that the interlap between the two circles represents a "void" that actually needs to get bigger. I'm not sure what to put for the left side corresponding with "S" types, but I've generally found they enjoy the flow of life, and they need something that pushes them to excel and improve on their own by leaving the enjoyment of the flow and routine.

 

The points would mean (from bottom to top) root, navel, solar plexus, throat, third eye, crown chakra. I'm undecided on whether the throat or crown chakra is important enough to include separately, so this could mean either six or seven points depending on how you count.

 

 

This is what I mean by strength, balance, and feeling being important. INFPs really associate with butterflies, and I love them, very, very much. They are very sweet individuals and really epitomize purity, kindness, and love. They experience everything strongly, so they can appear delicate. Their main struggle is with deciding and judging things. There may be a time and place to set aside judging but this can cause them to often be controlled by others who decide things for them. The red judging area is represented outside of their body, leading to the path of the wolf at the bottom. This can appear evil and harsh, but it is OK because that is the only way you can have control rather than being controlled, and when you do this guided by love, I trust it will be the right decision, all other things being in balance.

 

 

Here is the wolf, surrounded by negativity they are battling. The only thing that can truly battle it is inside of themselves as joy. Their eyes are red with fury, but they can also be green in times of love, since green and red are both in their control. They have a crown of their own, but it is flawed, seen in a negative rather than additive color palette. There are two sets of teeth, one is soft and one is harsh. It is represented without hands and feet, which are wasting away from the poison of negativity. This is what I was before I realized enlightenment.

 

Here's another representation of it. The left side is sure of their ideas, and they project these outward and battle with people. I drew them looking to the right, because I believe this might represent being sure of something. There is also a left hand and a left turning spiral at the top drawing things in. On the right is an extrovert, looking to the left to take in what someone is explaining, possibly in a toxic way. They aren't phased by it, but they purposefully leave themselves open to these ideas to take them in. There is a outline of a human, representing being rather than seeing, a right spiral and a right hand.

 

 

I tried studying the emotional voids I was seeing, and I tried to map it to shrinking back in fear and pushing forward in greed. I put some fearful traits on the left, and greedy traits on the right. At the top I drew a left spiral, but I'm not sure if these things flow left or right, assuming the person here is shown facing to the right. Most interesting is the feeling of "destruction." I'm not sure if it goes on the right or the left, but it is the void left behind from feeling no joy. I felt like pure destructiveness in this state, more on that later.

 

 

Here the future is represented as being bright in an additive color palette, the past is represented as being dark in a subtractive color palette. These don't have to be connected to greed and fear necessarily. In between there is really pretty magenta and sky blue colors, which might symbolize balance. The important concept is that color itself is actually the reflection of that color while everything else is absorbed, so one is the "being" the other is the "observer," and you can never observe and be simultaneously.

 

This is the last of everything I'll mention on personalities. There's a bit on the unconscious then I'll get to the experiments.

Edited June 15, 2021 by hydrix

[hydrix]

    I return for an emergency post. I watched Secret of Kells after this post. I haven't seen it in a decade, and I forgot what it was about.

    Holy Mother of Fuck.

 

[redacted]

Edited October 12, 2021 by hydrix

[hydrix]

Thank you all who have followed me down to the end. Don't take any of this the wrong way. I'm an extremely self-controlled, peace-loving individual. I came across these things through rigorous self-refinement through suffering. It's been good for me to grow, and I don't want this knowledge to fall into the wrong hands.

 

I've been having nightmares and horrifying sensations, and I know this probably extends across this forum, but they don't bother me any more, now that I've become a better container through extroversion. That's how I'm even able to realize these things and keep going. I'm concerned that it would be overwhelming for people who are not used to it. Hopefully you are all doing well.

 

One thing I want to include real fast from my offline journal:

    6/15/21

    I expressed earlier in my notes a curiosity toward "kundalini," mainly, I wondered i what I was doing in my eyes and head was related to what is performed one ones intend to awaken kundalini from the base of the spine. I believe I happened upon this phenomenon by chance. I frequently light "dragon blood" and other red incense to help with my feeling of willpower and drive. Normally containing these feelings was quite hard for me, but being more extroverted helps quite a bit, because you are not scared of what feelings are possessing you and you can contain them, flow with them, and direct them better. I was experimenting with my memories and motivations. I tried making a feedback loop where I created motivations that make me feel motivated toward making motivations, and a feeling of lava erupted in my spine. It felt painful and good, but was somewhat overwhelming to maintain. It was a feeling I was used to, so I wasn't particularly surprised, and I didn't note it at the time, but later I realized this possible connection to the kundalini given the magnitude of the feeling. Everything I directed my attention toward was given the focus and direction of 1000 suns. Most of the time I get this feeling of motivation from my legs, and I am an avid jogger for that reason- to build up my leg strength, which I can feel translating into power and impetus in my mental focus in some way extending from my legs up. I wouldn't recommend the sensation of this kundalini to someone who hadn't built up a tolerance love for the feeling of lava down their spine. The curious part is that it feels like my exercise of some feeling in my physical head was "drawing" it up from the base of my spine to my head, and in this experiment it was in the form of drawing on my motivations. However, I tried many times to stimulate this area of the base of my spine specifically, and while I was able to achieve a strong fiery sensation which I have grown to love, I was never previously able to draw it up my spine like the description of kundalini implies.

 

    I had a similar feeling in an experiment to open my heart while I was trying to heal from something heartbreaking, where upon succeeding it felt like my heart had dilated and swelled extremely large, but it was similarly difficult to maintain, but I haven't tried to extend it up my spine or anything, but there may be extended applications.

 

[redacted]

Edited October 12, 2021 by hydrix

[hydrix]

[redacted]

Edited October 6, 2021 by hydrix

[hydrix]

[redacted]

Edited October 6, 2021 by hydrix

[hydrix]

[redacted]

Edited October 6, 2021 by hydrix