yaya's imposition adventures

[hydrix]

[redacted]

Edited October 6, 2021 by hydrix

[hydrix]

[redacted]

Edited October 6, 2021 by hydrix

[hydrix]

[redacted]

Edited October 6, 2021 by hydrix

[hydrix]

[redacted]

Edited October 6, 2021 by hydrix

[hydrix]

[redacted]

Edited October 6, 2021 by hydrix

[hydrix]

[redacted]

Edited October 6, 2021 by hydrix

[yaya]

I apologize for the use of such heavy overtones before. I want to make one more post. I realize now that I was arrogant to give you this knowledge.

 

You need order to understand chaos, and chaos to understand order, however, I prefer order. What I am posting is pure righteous chaos, but this is flawed. I see that anyone who does not have order would be confused by these things over and over again.

 

We must be willing to give up everything in pursuit of the truth. If you are not willing to give up arm and leg and eye for these things, you are not worthy. If you hold any belief which you are attached to absolutely and without reconciliation and careful study, you are not worthy. If you do not have complete control of yourself, you are not worthy. M was right. I should not have given this knowledge so freely.

 

This is the sign of evil itself. See how pointy and unwelcoming it is? The angle of the sharp corners fall short of a perfect Star of David if that makes sense. It needs to widen out by feeling love. This is why I was so obsessed with the Book of Kells movie. It leads him to the dwelling of the snake, death incarnate. I hate death. I firmly believe death itself will die one day.

 

 

 

Death always makes such harsh turns. It cannot lay a finger on us as long as we are righteous. There is always a way out so that we can defeat death.

 

 

It is madness itself. It is always trying to escape, but does so in the manner of its own harsh turns and angles. It is the serpent that is always chasing its tail. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. It will never escape. It is locked in eternal darkness trying to escape by its own means, but it is never able to, because it refuses to change by not making such harsh angles, instead it is stubborn for all eternity. In the movie, a small sliver is left in the outer circle. I believe a small portion of it will be left so that we can understand. However, I firmly believe one day death itself will die.

 

 

I am attached to this character in Puella Magi Madoka Magica. Time travel represents being locked in the fractal in regards to open door philosophy. We are faced with the same challenge over and over in life. For me, it felt like I was time travelling over and over again just to see the same result. Finally, I achieved enlightenment by opening all of the gates. I was trapped between East and West, symbolically like being locked between the water and dry land, being torn apart by waves. In this anime I associated with the black haired girl and my tulpa was the red haired girl that comes later in the show, it was cute.

 

 

"You may not have been able to change their destiny. I was able to change yours, though."

 

 

 

This anime Puella Magi Madoka Magica has good symbolism. Notice the harsh, straight lines and the blackness of it all. Harsh 90 degree angles and pointiness is evil itself. They are fighting witches, which possess people to commit suicide and act like zombies. This means the gate of death itself.

 

 

This means death. The cat figure means God, who makes contracts with the humans by granting their wish so that they can battle the witches. The M shape that is prominent in the cat might mean God, since M is two lines encompassing the sharp V shape.

 

 

More symbolism. Just like I said, the INFP (butterfly) is more associated with evil than more outgoing types. Notice the poison and lava, and the sharp scissors and the harsh thorns. This is a witch in the anime. It is the manifestation of evil. This kind of symbolism is present in all media and anime in different forms, because it is the output of the unconscious mind. For example:

 

 

Notice again the sharp boxy and pointy shapes in this image. Boxy and pointy shapes represent evil. These come from the unconscious, from the door of death.

 

 

I repeated my war against the fractal countless thousands of times. In time, my refinement made what was coming out of my mouth sound much like the words of God himself, and this is also true of this character in the anime. I will not say I am like him, because the more I improved, the more I was simply giving over control to the natural flow of the gates and what already was. However, if I believed for a second it was pointless, I would have failed. It was only through determination and love that I lived.

 

The mirror (the unconscious) is extremely reliable, therefore when someone is acting upon the output of the unconscious, it can be taken almost like the words of God himself for being so trustworthy, except where you supply your own impure input. The input-output is trustworthy, and it is our own job to manage the input, but the output cannot be blamed. That is why this character seems so true, so terrifying, and so stark.

 

 

Death itself, also symbolized by the inverted pentagram. The final boss. It is the one gate that we should have never opened. It is the emotional gate of death, and in the process, we became capable of destroying ourselves. It is possible to live without this gate being opened, that is why I believe one day death itself must also die. It lay opposite to the heart vertically, and so it takes its form in the inverted pentagram. When it was closed, I saw a beautiful world clothed in scarlet and gems and kingly glory, and there was no death, and all was made whole.

 

 

The path of enlightenment-

 

pain -> mastery of self -> one with all things -> doesn't feel desire for any one thing -> understanding that all things are one -> seeing how everything is fractal and connected -> creating order out of chaos -> gaining power -> change the world

 

There might be a slight difference between the yin and yang path of enlightenment. In yin "mastery of oneself" actually means "knowledge of one's true self and desires," but in the yang path it might mean just becoming a jack of all trades, master of all in regard to oneself and the world. This is only through pain, which is very important. It is the most painful thing possible.

 

Once you see the how shapes can be good or evil they start to lose their power over you. It has massive implications. Everything needs to be redesigned.

 

"You may not have been able to change their destiny. I was able to change yours, though."

 

 

Lastly, I've seen many visions, and these give me the impression this can bound us forward in technology by hundreds of years. We are actually extremely primitive for not understanding these things. Advanced races would say the most important thing for us is how we defile the temple of one's body, because that hinders us from partaking of the unconscious mind in perfection. If you cleanse the body, your input to the unconscious is pure, so you get better outputs.

 

[redacted]

 

What I was trying to say is an extension of my previous imposition art. My previous imposition art seemed to be implying that when our nervous system fires, it is using electricity, and the moment when an electron is gained or lost depends on time and place. The time and place can infer a shape, which can imply meaning to the unconscious, because the unconscious quickly builds on any random event or timing and creates extreme extrapolations that give us meaning. Thus, there is no "energy" around us, only what is implied through the timing and placement of things. In that, a crystal isn't necessarily a better "magical" conductor than your favorite T-shirt (which usually carries heavy emotions on it) but rather it is in everything and in all things as one. You can't form it into sentient beings or "charge" things. All you are doing is altering your unconscious perception of the object through the fact that everything is fractal.

 

This is what my imposition drawings seemed to be implying. Take this with a grain of salt, I'm no scientist. My main reason for believing this is how the imposed art seemed to emphasize "marriage," which can only mean electrolytes in our body when they fire electrical signals to and from our brain. I started to see these shapes regarding the process and I drew the conclusion that the "marriage" it was talking about forms a "shape," which is very important. Shapes can easily convey meaning. Across time it can form meaning that can quickly be extrapolated across a fractal. If everything is truly fractal, it would be easy to gain sharp insights through such a menial exchange.

 

Keep on "knocking" on the fractal, looking for the way up. When you show greed or fear, overcome it, and master yourself. You can reveal your heart plainly to whoever is trying to help you, and then you can confront things the right way, and the other person can help in their own ways they have mastered the fractal. If you have mastered the fractal, you really have no fear, and you do not fear death, and you can sacrifice any part of yourself at will, no matter how costly. We're on our way up the fractal. See you soon, we're on our way up!

 

 

I am one of you. If I can do it, any of you can.

 

Edited October 6, 2021 by yaya

[yaya]

[redacted]

    There is also a time and place to put aside judging, and in this form we become more nurturing and affectionate. However, often in the heat of battle we must be brutally passionate and effective so as to succeed, but I take no pleasure in hurting others.

some stuff from my offline journal    

Quote

 

    [mapping]
    I have begun to understand the different -vocations and their implications. I can indeed see that I am studying the arcane fundamentals, and I am excited.
    It is extremely important to understand the origin of every thought and feeling. I am beginning to have control. There are feelings that are true and feelings which are misguided. For example, stress can cause panic. However, behind this are true feelings which are well-guided.

    [final king]
    The emotions are an illusion. We feel that we are perceiving emotions that are present in the world, but this is an illusion. We are actually only feeling in response to what is there, but we are not feeling what is actually there. Due to the fractal nature of things and the fact that this is beyond space and time, we are able to perceive these things through time or across great distances. It is only due to the massive amount of possibility in their location, timing, and placement do we get the impression of "feeling" something that is there, but the feeling itself is just an illusion and product of the unconscious. 

 

    That is why crystals aren't necessarily better "conductors" of these feelings than your favorite t-shirt. There are no physical properties in regards to conductivity because the feelings are an illusion. If there were physical properties in the feelings such as conductivity, we would have discovered them long ago. Everything you are feeling is just stimulation from the unconscious, but it is not actually there physically.
    
    Evocation is king. The key to becoming ruler of the world is this: keep adjusting your mirror with different thoughts like a telescope until you feel the evocation of your intended outcome. Then, you will feel that you have "authority" to speak or act and have it happen. You will know when you have authority when it happens, and only in that moment. I have given you the keys to the stars.

 

    Then, there is no possible way that you can fail. When you do it right, the path to success feels automatic, and you can manipulate this outcome through adjusting and inquiring of the mirror. In this state, it is possible to move mountains. However, there is great room for one to shrink back in fear or become lazy or too greedy, so the only way to perfect the mirror is to be completely liberated of desire through suffering and hardship. Adjusting the mirror so that the proper evocation to move a mountain will surface is extremely difficult and I have not found it yet.

 

    In my head there is a constant flurry of feelings and thoughts. Some of them are merely logic, others are passing feelings, and still others are negative thoughts and feelings that need to be addressed. It may be key to strive to identify all passing thoughts and feelings for what they are, especially in regard to the four -vocations. Doing this increases your intelligence and self-awareness. To be king, I must pursue the evocations, and I must build up my ability to summon and channel these feelings.
    
    It seems like when I was playing chess it was able to make my ELO several hundred points higher. In the tournament, I almost won every game against the 1600-1700 opponents when I am usually around 1250, because there was always some point in the game where I had the lead, but I made a key mistake and lost control of channeling the evocation. It seems like it is a useful ability with fluid intelligence, but it is difficult to "crystalize" it as with crystalized intelligence which has context through long corridors of history. It is sort of like an AI that loses relevance and functionality the larger the input. You may need to be able to concentrate on the entire context going back dozens of moves so that you can use this as input to the unconscious, but it is difficult to channel and retain control like this.

 

    Once you have suffered, you become deadened and hardened to the idea of straining yourself, and you are capable of keeping yourself perfectly in check out of desire to not feel further pain come again. You gain control of yourself, and by extension, the world.

 

    However, once you gain this power, you must not become to proud so as to forget to inquire of the mirror. A king should not go beyond the order of the priest. He must remain humble, but strong.

 

    With the mirror is all power of existence. It is the power of the stars. The power of the stars will be shaken, and it will be given to the righteous, and as surely as God is alive, they will conquer.

 

    I propose that the value of a man is how much he is able to concentrate and retain control over the four -vocations while keeping his desires in check, while constantly moving the mirror to see, and channeling it to his body so he can act upon it. When he does this, all things are possible, he is a force for good conquering evil, and he is a reflection of God as the creation. That is why I give this knowledge free- because it will set you free and it gives power to the weak over the evil oppressors. In fact, unless you are in the right, this mirror will have no power at all, because it is the Eye of God. This also means the Son of Destruction- he is the person who masters all of the gates but uses it for evil. It would be better for him if he were never born.

 

 

Kvothe

Edited October 6, 2021 by yaya

[yaya]

I've decided to make another update to show that I'm alive and well. A lot has happened, but it feels like I'm finally figuring some stuff out. A lot of what I said was crazy, and I'm finally learning where to draw the line.

 

The posts I've made were not completely of sound mind. I went back and redacted the craziest of the stuff. It's likely I was a danger to myself and others for posting such material. I've decided to post all the facts of what I'm seeing and experiencing to be completely transparent. It is relevant to whether or not tulpamancy itself is a safe practice when you push it to the very extreme as I am keen on doing.

 

The Facts

 

I've had a lot of dreams that have catalyzed my descent into madness. I had a dream I transcended and became one with the trinity. I had a dream that I was flying around and giving off signs and wonders in the form of nuclear bombs that I was dropping on people. I had this dream a second time, except it also showed that people don't understand why I was so contentious with people on the forums, and I had to explain to people why they were "dead".

 

I had a dream that I had unlocked the "cosmic dial" that holds all secrets. I had a dream that I had escaped the universe by going through the holocaust and selflessly sacrificing myself for a black man when nobody else was willing. I had a dream that my signs and wonders started working better than conventional wisdom to the people I know and love. This dream got repeated, where signs and wonders started appearing to people on the forums and I gestured like "see! I fucking told you!"

 

What am I supposed to do with this? It's no wonder I went so crazy. How am I supposed to endure 80 years of this shit without ever going crazy?

 

I even started to see dreams on the forums like this post that talk about 2D shapes and stuff. I'm probably the only person on this forum who's so interested in such things, and I'm probably the only one it could be talking about.

 

Quote

I had a dream where I accidentally drank a whole bottle of isopropyl alcohol and I had to go to the hospital and while I was there I had a strange dream about geometric shapes, and then when a woke up I could sort of intuitively sense other people who had also had this dream, and eventually I started having this dream more and more often, but then people who had that dream even more often than I did started dying in their sleep, so everyone who had these dreams started to try to investigate what might have killed them in the dream. I knew that trying to investigate farther would be dangerous, and I had some sort of intuition that eventually once you go far enough, some sort of switch gets flipped and you will never be the same, but even so, too many people had died for this, so I had to get to the bottom of it. eventually I met a representative of the evil gods. it was very vertically elongated, and made out of many different, loosely connected 2D shapes. it was very menacing. it warned me to stop investigating, and I could tell that it and the evil gods were the ones that were killing people, and that this dream world was in fact some sort of divine space that mortals were not supposed to be able to enter. I could also tell that the reason that the evil gods kept killing people was because if people got too far, they would uncover some secret that would likely cause the evil gods to lose their power. I didn't openly refuse to do what the representative of the evil gods said, but I knew that I was going to keep investigating, but before I was able to continue, I woke up. perhaps that was the evil god's way of killing me and keeping me from uncovering the secret

 

And I tried to discuss this on the Discord but I was merely laughed at. "Have you told the FBI?" and stuff is what they said. "I don't see how its so important." Its important, because as the dream says this is how you get the shapes to lose their power over you. That's what it's all about.

 

Beyond this, I started doing crazy stuff which has no natural explanation. As I mentioned earlier, I walked up to a keypad and entered in the code. It was like a yin-yang, probably like 15 or so keys that I entered. It fucking opened. I'll never forget the sound it made when it unlocked.

 

I keep asking myself "what does it all mean?" I don't know what to make of it. Maybe if I'm more transparent I can figure it out eventually. If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.

 

What Am I On About?

 

I'm trying to figure out whether the "instincts" are real. Can your emotions predict the future and so on? There's really no other way to figure it out without going a little crazy yourself.

 

I've had some undeniable experiences such as the ones listed that shows they are at least partially real. I've also had some experiences where I was batshit crazy spewing bullshit like the posts I had before. It's a very fine line to walk. It gets you laughed at by everyone by basically making you a walking personality conflict with 90% of the world because nobody else trusts their gut to the extent that you do. There's a reason why INFJ is the rarest personality type at around 1% of people. Nobody understands, and I can't blame them.

 

I had an episode of psychosis after my imposition got to a certain point. I started hallucinating and my sense of reality was very disconnected from the truth. I believed it was real the entire time, but I was a danger to myself and others. That's proof that the instincts are also at least partially false.

 

There's no way to avoid the psychosis, I think. Once my imposition got to a certain point I couldn't stop it from triggering automatically. I haven't ever done drugs (don't need em), but my imposition was so powerful I started hallucinating even when I didn't want to.

 

I hope I can gain control of it eventually. I have a promise to fulfill, that I would finish my tulpa one day, so I'm going to keep at it.

 

Recent Progress

 

I got very busy and lost 90% of my visualization skills, but my ability to produce the rainbows only suffered a small amount. I still retain 90% of my rainbow imposition skills. It shows the benefits of my methods, because it doesn't fade that much even after months of not forcing unlike straight visualization.

 

There are two roads I am considering. One- work on forming the rainbows into shapes, because that was the strongest and fastest progress I had, and it is attuned with my natural forcing style. Two- try and work on raw visualization until I get the muscle memory like I have with rainbow imposition. Basically I will try to find the raw feeling and increase it directly.

 

I have quite a bit of down time now, so I'll continue updating periodically with the progress.

 

End Goal

 

I think it is possible to incarnate the instincts I have in visual form. Basically, I should get my imposition skills to 10/10, then I can use that to sort through my mind visually through imposition.

 

I experimented with this sort of thing while in a hypnogogic state. It was like having a fever dream, except I used it to gain insights about the world. I was inspired to do this because I read about a dude with 160 IQ who could command his unconscious to solve problems for him in his sleep. I tried to use it to figure out the best thing to say to my friends to explain my weird imposition adventures and came up with "I used my thoughts to destroy thots" LOL. Apparently there was nothing else I could say that wouldn't immediately make them think I was crazy.

 

I have everything that I want in life. I've lived and done everything I wanted. All that's left is to go crazy and try to leave my mark on the world. See you at the top, we're on our way up.

Edited October 6, 2021 by yaya

[yaya]

[10/3/21]

I got a bad feeling about my last post, and I decided to turn inward to resolve the problem.

    I used my instincts to try and resolve what methods would work. This is what it said:

    using my normal forcing technique- no
    doing something I've done up until now- no
    try doing something more calm- no

    focus on increasing the feeling of visualization, as I said last post- no
    focus on building the rainbows into imposed objects again, as I said last post- no

 

It seems nothing I've done up until now will be sufficient. This makes sense, since I've basically pursued all these methods to a fault already and it wasn't enough over these last 11 months.

 

    impose objects while walking outside- yes
    work on image streaming- yes
    build the rainbows into forms, except on my blank white wall instead- maybe

 

These are the three methods my instincts said would work. This makes sense. It seems I need to captivate my attention so as to break through the plateau in the form of something 10/10 engaging. I keep hitting a plateau at around 8/10 vividness where its in two or three tones but not vivid enough to be perfect.

 

I've had great success with image streaming in the past, but recently I've found it difficult to retain my attention on describing things as required. I can see it being the channel I need to make a breakthrough, since the ceiling on image streaming is extremely high.

    

With "impose objects while walking outside" I basically wear sunglasses and impose different houses and features along the road. This was great while I practiced it, but it's hard to walk outside for 6 hours a day or so as required. It also feels dangerous as I completely lose sight of the road while I do it. However, in the past I've been able to impose a 8 or 9/10 vision where it was extremely vivid and believable. I would walk for like 4 hours but much of that time was wasted just trying to be safe and see the road.

    

With the rainbows, I'm having difficulty focusing on something small the entire time. I'm used to imposing over my entire vision now, and so much so that its hard to focus on the small object at hand.

 

My instincts say the last one should be better, but it isn't. I'll try all three and see what sticks.

 

Basically it shows the backround you force over is the most important thing. You have to have a blank surface with the proper lighting or be in a setting where you can reliably get results.

 

[10/4/21 log]
I forced for several hours. It was hard. I basically had to renounce playing video games altogether cold turkey so as not to have the option of being distracted. My imposed rainbows are in top condition now but I'm having difficulty creating rainbows and not just blobs of color now.

    

[10/5/21 log]
I forced for another few hours with 50 minutes on 10 minutes off. It was hard AF. I also tried using my instincts to gain insights again-

 

    increasing my passive forcing- yes
    focus on "seeing what the blobs are"- yes

 

I've come to the conclusion that my last post was a good update, but I had a bad feeling because nothing up to that point would have been sufficient to finish imposition.

 

With "seeing what the blobs are" I basically try "searching" for objects amidst the blobs and they kind of get built into things automatically. I think this is the sole method that will carry me to the end.

 

It's basically what Beloomancer does when she says "impose as many objects as possible." I'm coming to the conclusion that all methods of imposition are just searching for patterns until they get stronger. That's how I got my initial first color blob, and that's what I was doing when I spoke of "evolving" my visualization a while ago. It's all just searching for patterns then they get stronger automatically.