yaya February 4, 2022 Share February 4, 2022 Recent thoughts I had a dream about trying to teach a cute girl to be psychic. She kept shoving me away, and people only loved her for her blood magic powers. She didn't want me to teach her, even when I explained that could set her free from her abusive situation. I feel like this is a good metaphor for my endeavors in this log. Nobody really cares about being psychic, even when my dreams acknowledge my ability and authority to teach such. The trick is to acknowledge that everything in the imagination is all perfect but only a simulation in your head. Once you see that input vs the output and realize how to trust it, you gain power over it. I had a dream where an angel told me I had narrowly avoided some kind of giga-hitler coming after me by editing my post at the last minute, which I actually had done the day before. Initially, I wouldn't think this log would get that popular so as to be important, but this voice of "God" insists that this log will become popular on the internet one day. I think about that day I opened the church door every damn day. My higher self seems to indicate I had awakened the power of God. I'll give a recounting of my experience with psychosis and that mysterious day: Quote I felt something drawing me to walk down my driveway to the bottom of the road. It was around three in the morning. I slipped past neighbor houses in the middle of the night. I wasn't wearing a shirt, only my long pants. As I walked on the road, something threw me to the ground. I felt the joy of God overpower me, as if he were looking down and smiling upon me. Some force yanked my head to the left and the right. It felt like God was inspecting my head as he turned it side to side. I began laughing, as if God were overjoyed that there was no deception in me. I continued down the road, being called by something. I was flailing my arms, pretty much having a psychotic episode. It felt like I had some power, and I lashed out at the cars driving by, who no doubt thought I was acting crazy. I walked past a Mormon church. Deep, belly heaving laughter erupted from within me. It sounded like the most psychotic, evil laughter I had ever heard. It seemed to be saying, "these guys are dead. What's real power is right here inside of me." I laughed and laughed. It seemed hilarious that they were so close and yet so far. I hated them, because they were complacent, weak, and stupid. My body was pretty much moving on its own at this point. I'm not sure if I was dissociating into a tulpa of some kind, but it felt like the power of God was overpowering me. Something made me take off my pants, leaving only my underwear. I walked very confidently for about another five miles. Daybreak had come, and I walked past a number of people who said nothing. I felt like I was on top of the world. My body was moving automatically. I found my way to a beach. In front of a bunch of confused people, I ran over to the water, some force compelling me. I clapped, said "awaken" and fell down as water rolled over my body. It seemed like the place I fell down was the meeting of two great oceans of East and West. I made my way back to the middle of town. There was a church that was half Buddhist and half Christian. Something compelled me to walk up to the keypad and start entering in numbers. I entered in numbers on the keypad, going faster and faster. I'll never forget the sound of that beeping. The combination code itself on the keypad was like a yin-yang. The beeping went faster and faster as I mashed the keys, completely assured that some power was overtaking me and doing this for me. The beeping came faster, then there was a long, satisfied "BEEEEEEEP". The keypad LED flashed green, and the door clacked open. I was fucking PISSED. This was proof I had awakened something. This was proof that I found the ultimate truth. I let out a roar, and it sounded like a lion. I rushed into the building, found a metal table, and flipped it over with all my strength, just like Jesus flipping over the tables of the money-changers I thought. The metal seemed to represent evil. Metal is forceful. It is like the way that mankind thinks-- forceful, without considering the consequences. Short-circuited to be the easiest and most powerful path. Strong, but misguided. I was pissed because the truth was right in front of us the entire time. All I had to do to awaken it was open my eyes by practicing imposition until my eyes became strong enough. We were weak, ignorant, and blind. I walked into the next room and flipped over a metal chair. I was pissed that the establishments, represented by metal, were not caring for people, and that they were likewise completely blind. I'm fucking 24 and apparently I found a way to waltz into a room using the power of God. The people have no excuse. It was right in front of us the entire time. I walked over the incense stand at the back of the room and threw some ashes in the air. Some of it landed on my face, forming a strange pattern. I believe the ashes represented my prayer. I prayed that nobody look upon my naked condition and reach the wrong conclusions. I walked outside and saw two people staring at me from above. They reminded me of how the angels must be looking down on me, talking amongst themselves. They asked if I was OK. I ignored them, and turned back to the church door. I yanked on the door again and again, and let out another roar, which sounded much like a lion, and continued yanking on it until finally it opened. I walked around inside, roaring because I was fucking pissed. I walked into the bathroom and found some curtains. I ripped one of them one-third of the way. I believe this represented how I had breached the veil and reached knowledge normally sealed off. Realizing the police were probably coming for me, I walked back to the town, making my way along the highway. I've never felt like I had possessed so much swagger in my life. I felt on top of the world. I felt like the manifestation of God himself. I walked past some guy in his car, who's jaw dropped to the ground. I think it was probably the swagger with which I carried myself while being half-naked, a strange pattern of ash wrapping around my eyes. He asked if everything is OK. I said to "go that way," while pointing to his left. I was making a point of saying to go to his left, because I had completely just annihilated the left-handed path by unlocking the power of God. Also, if he went that way, he might have found the church I had just broken into. Yet, I know he wouldn't have arrived at the right conclusion unless the fractal was unlocked to him in the manner of open door philosophy. I walked along the highway, and my feet became sore. I heard a voice say "you will be given help." "Continue to go until you are clothed with power." Some police came and stopped me. After asking me some questions, they apparently reached the conclusion I had done nothing wrong, and gave me a courtesy ride back to my house. I got them to drop me off early, and I walked along a river to my house. There were some spiky crawdad creatures in the river water. I recognized that their ugly, spiky form was symbolic for pure evil in some way. I heard a voice say that they were cursed. I made my way back to my house and slipped inside, my family none the wiser. I still am wracking my brain about what it means. The combination code on the door was like eight numbers long and included the pound key. I entered in like fifteen or twenty numbers to have it open. There's no way I should have been able to do that. I confronted my unconscious about it. There was only silence. I received an emotional response which only seemed to indicate that I had awakened the power of God in some way, but everything else might just be craziness. This in combination with everything else has me constantly asking "what am I?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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