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Maou's Progress Report.


Maou

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Greetings. The time has come for me to join the fun of keeping personal PR. Up until now i was just a lurker on the forums, but after the recent events in my life i decided to have a place wich shall have my progress regarding tulpa-related topics and hopefully other people's advices regarding it as well. I have to warn you though that english isn't my native language so please, bear with me if you decide to take a look inside of my journey.

To start things i'll tell you my current situation in all of this: i have 2 tulpas atm one of which was created some time ago and is currently in a «frozen» state because of my inability to provide her with the needed progress and care: some things have happened to me in my life and i'd say that my brain started to work worse as an aftermath. I decided to stop forcing the first one for now because of obvious regress in developement and my concentration on things. But instead after some time i've started the creation of my second tulpa the birth of which is dated 19 october of the current year. I decided to start it anew with my current «abilities» in forcing and if i will succeed in that – i'll return the first one to life.

Tulpaforcing have helped me previously in life in many ways such as why i'd like to try it once again. So here it goes.

 

Regarding my first tulpa:

Name: Illot Noir Ur la Croix (Noir for short)

Gender: female

Birth date: 18.02.2017

Current status: in a «frozen» state but planning on forcing her when i'll be ready for it.

 

Regarding my second tulpa:

Name: Sila (or Strength)

Gender: female

Birth date: 19.10.2020

Current status: creation in progress. At current date i'm still working on her personality (or maybe better to say, my ability to sence her personality).

I didn't make too much of personality traits for Strength unlike it was with my first tulpa, so it would be easier to force them on her (somehow it gives me trouble on concentration when i think of too much traits and i couldn't solve this problem for now). 

 

In early days when i made my first attempts in tulpaforcing my abilities to concentrate, to sence the personality of tulpa, to visualize them were much better. It feels as if i lost some part of myself but i'll try to practice with Strength as i am right now and we'll see how far we can go.

So again, for now i'm forcing Strength's personality while trying my best to sence her and all her traits in her character. Somehow it's still difficult for me to feel her presence or to feel her character. But there also happen times when my brain just starts to feel her well enough with some time of concentration. I'll appriciate it if you could give me some advice regarding such case, because i feel myself like a total beginner right now and those moments of inability to feel her correctly or concentrate on her character come with a grain of frustration which isn't good.

As of now i'm trying to think of her and talk to her throughout the day if i happen to properly concentrate. A thing i'm used to refer to as a telepathic forcing since i concentrate myself on the feeling of her mind inside my head (which isn't simple for me yet and happens to work only from time to time).

I'm also doing active forcing on Strength's personality in wonderlad (unfortunately can't do it on regular basis but i aim to make it an everyday routine as soon as possible) and i can say that i've achieved some results on it because i definitely can sence her better.

 

Thanks to making different invironments in wondelrand and making different approaches in personality forcing i've been keeping it interesting and entertaining for both of us (or at least i hope so) even though i have had a specific unchanging place as a base of my wonderland for a long time.

 

As for examples how and where i forced Strength: once it was a red room with velvet curtains, chessboard-like floor of black and red, with a corner with musical instruments playing jazz (music which i decided to turn on while forcing) by floating white gloves and in the center of the room was a table, surrounded by a black leather sofa for Strength to sit on and a chair for myself. After some talking with her in such environment i've summoned a wine rack with bottles in it. They had their special purpose since every one of those contained a specific personality trait. And like that our little digustation party had started (though every time i gave her a glass of new liquid she drank it to the bottom). I especially remember how it was hard for her to drink up such traits as «strength» and «endurance» from one specific green rectangular bottle. But she did that and i felt her personality better.

Another example goes for a place which i made in a form of a beach. On a hot sand in front of an endless ocean we were hiding under umbrellas from the Sun. The Sun and it's light represented the outer world, it's harshness and danger. And for Strength to be able to go into the light some preparations had to be fulfilled. For that i used lotions and ointments on her which represented same personality traits of hers. Like that i also practiced my tactile feeling while touching her body which also was a useful experience.

The simpler one method of personality focing was when i created a library with books of traits and gave those to Strength so she could absorb the information.

 

But before all that i made a list of personality traits and description on each of them. With this i've read those to her and explained every trait with as much deatail to them as i could muster to describe myself. It was more so to explain the traits to myself and only after that to Strength.

 

Summing it up: i'm trying to communicate with her while occasionally forcing her personality. At the same time i'm working on my visualization which can't be described as good: since i lack of concentration in general the image i see while visualizing is pretty much shaky-mistaky. Even with simple backgrounds of wonderland it's hard for me to feel the space of it and same goes for objects in it. I guess i simply need more practice but if you can sugest me something regarding this – i'll be grateful. Speaking of concentration, it's hard for me to focus and even meditation is working pretty much bad for me. But for now i'm trying the method which went the best way for me in early days – concentration on self.

For now i'll continue my practice on meditation and simple visualisation exercises, such as imagining an object in outstratched hand. As for Strength – i'll continue personality forcing in hope to achieve a stable sence of her character. Same goes to her visualization. Maybe i should try to practice it in outer world's environment as well.

 

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Time for an update.
Fortunately i've been able to active force every day since the day of my PR creation here. It's still somewhat hard to force in wonderland since my visualization skills are pretty low but with some effort i was able to see the environment good enough to put myself inside of it as well as Strength. Obviously i need more practice. 


On a separate note i have to mention that for me it's easier to force while listening to music. Sometimes i listen to a pretty much heavy and intence music but at the same time i relate it to my «forcing» actions and enhance my own emotions with it. But of course the safest option is to force Strength with calm variations of my playlists, since i also need a better concentration and a calm mind + meditation. I only hope that Strength won't mind my music preferences. Or maybe it'll make her interested in those? It may be naive but interesting and i'd like to find out this later.


Another moment worth mentioning is about forcing in outer world, my normal everyday environment. Today, at 1st December it was the second time i've «summoned» Strength to my side in this world and the first time i've made it inside of my apartment (it was at university dormitory for the very first time). I have to say that it feels somewhat easier to force that way since all i need is to focus on visualizing Strength over the existing environment plus it's calming to see her next to myself like that. But for that a solitariness is preferable, of course. 
It's still not easy for me to feel her «essence», character, personality but thanks to one exact post on discord's tulpa channel i've reminded myself of some important things regarding this topic. Here's what Reguile have said:
 

Spoiler

IMG_20201201_233122.thumb.png.76750105c605c83d0f4eca5c3e858bf8.png

I had to think on it deeper, to feel Strength better. I had to examine her traits and to understand how she would act according to them, what would her behavior be like, what she could possibly think or towards what her interest most likely would be directed. After analyzing some of this i was observing her with a better grasp of things. But it's not enough, i need to think more about her, i need to feel her character better, so i shall figure something out a bit later.

On this note i'll end my update.

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

I would like to report my current progress on tulpaforcing.

Thanks to my forcing sessions which were made on almost regular basis i was able to achieve a somewhat stable feeling of Strength and her personality: i was constantly practicing on a feeling of her presence and characteristics while forcing her in wonderland, experimenting with imposition or just forcing myself to feel her presence in my brain while concentrating on both her and an outer world. At first practice have shown it's fruits but successes were mixed with failures such as worsened concentration or perception of Strength's personality. Later on i experienced regress because there were times when i couldn't feel her no matter how hard i tried to concentrate on her and her traits. It felt almost as if i was talking with the void. Fortunately there were some things that helped me to make it past this. I've tried to imagine things that i could do with Strength and her reactions to my actions or different environments and situations all based on her character and it helped me a bit. But regarding the feeling of her presence the most helpful thing was the desire to belive and the belief in her, in her life. The thing is that with some time i understood that concentration alone was not enough for me to feel Strength – i was concetrating on her traits, characteristics and all but i began to forget that i also had to believe in the fact that she was right there, radiating all those traits from her. It was tricky because for my mind to believe in something i had to see/feel it first. But i have convinced myself that the only person that could hold those exact traits could be only the one i created by my mind and i had to believe in her so she could develope further. After all i made myself believe that she became sentient from the moment i have created her when i forced her for the first time. So what i had to do now was to believe in the fact that she's always with me. That way i could negate my doubts and make the forcing process easier. Not an easy task of course but since i believe in the phenomenon of tulpaforcing and was able to achieve head pressures with my previous tulpa i believed in Strength as well.

 

On other note: i also have tried some hard passive forcing – concentrating on Strength while doing something that required a lot of focus (sculpting for example). It was pretty hard – i was losing my concentration on her and sometimes even had trouble in feeling her character well enough. At these times i had to shift my focus to Strength with my full attention and even then it was not easy. Seems like i need a lot more practice in perception of her consciousness, personality an all.

Plus, i'm really bad at visualisation. It's almost funny how strongly i regressed on this regard. Have a lot of work here too.

Though right now – an ability to properly concentrate is my main goal. And an ability to feel Strength's character as good as any other human being that i happen to know well enough.

 

Edited by Maou
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  • 7 months later...

It's been a long time since i've made the last post here, but i didn't stop forcing.

 

Unfortunatly i didn't achieve much: i had some progresses and regresses as well, had free time which i used for forcing sessions and a very busy time when i could only think about my tulpa or talk to her while imagining her presence in my brain for short periods of time. There were also moments when i simply could not feel her or had a very bad concentration on her. And sometimes i just happened to be too tired to properly work on her.

 

But going on closer to the date of this post i've been trying to work on Strength as much as i could. Sometimes i had moments when i was lacking motivation on tulpaforcing – many of them now that i look back, but i always pushed myself through this. It almost felt like something was trying to stop me from all this process, but here i am, not stopping.

For the last days of forcing sessions i've been feeling my tulpa much better. I still lack of a proper concentration but it's better when i was just starting. Mostly i concentrate on Strength while visualizing her in outer world or forcing her «telepathicaly» with the feeling of her presence in my brain and concentrating on her and her traits like that. In both cases i mostly concentrate on her while talking with her about her traits or just trying to feel her while voicing those traits to both of us. These last days i started to feel her much easier – i'm not sure if it's because i was simply thinking about her a lot and practiced my remembering of all of her traits or because i tried to make the forsing sessions simpler and more «staged»: i was trying to feel her in the most basic way – her presence and the main traits that unified all others; at the same time i tried visualizing her or at least her face wich beared features and emotions that represented her main traits. The next step was to feel her more specifically – all of her traits, main and minor (though for me all of them are main, it's just some are easier to feel then others). After such concentration sessions i've simply talked to her, trying to keep in mind her traits. My topics were mostly linked to her personality, her motivations and goals that i designed for her, or even for us. It's also easier now to concentrate on her with passive forcing, for example when we're going out on a walk.

Also i'm trying out a puppeting method – i'm talking to her, asking some questions and answer them instead of her making myself feel as if it was her, taking in concediration her traits and all. I hope that will help me feel her essense better and help her to take a hint on how to communicate with me. Lastly i can say that sometimes i can feel headpressures and some of them happen to appear exactly when i'm asking her questions. Are those her tries to communicate with me or not - i'll find out when she will be able to talk, as for now - i'm trying to believe that it was her. 

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