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Gloomynoon's Progress Report


Gloomynoon

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Gloomynoon

I will begin with trying to remember undocumented stuff, it's not too much though.

 

--- Beginning (Before I started writing this stuff down like I probably should have?) ---

 

I created Myo on October 20th of this year. I gave her an anime girl form, because at the time I was thinking that it would be easier to visualize, rather than a full on human. Now I know it doesn't really matter. Either way it is easier for me to talk to something with a form, rather than an orb. I might be missing out on the whole orb taking on a form of their own, but I often remind Myo that she can deviate if she wants to. She has short brown hair, her eye color is black. She wears a black suit with a red tie. She is also the same height as me. Her face was hard to visualize at the time; I hear a lot of tulpamancers have issue with visualizing the face anyway so, I decided I would not mind it.

 

Our wonderland before today was very not final. The first one I used was condensed, there wasn't anywhere to adventure. It was more of a casual place.

 

When I started I would try to have active forcing sessions before bed. Honestly it's pretty silly, I would take Myo to the kitchen, and have a chat while drinking coffee. I struggled with talking about stuff and fell for a lot of intrusive thoughts about the process. So during this time I would be constantly talking about the process explaining each and every detail I knew, and also my ideology on it. I understand during the early phases this does not matter too much? The point is that I'm directing my attention towards her, but if I was in her shoes; I would probably get annoyed if that's all we talked about. I tried to have methods on finding topics to talk about since I usually end up talking about something negative. I even wrote a program I didn't really use, that picks random words.

 

At some point I thought that maybe all she needed was a personality, since originally I did JD's personality forcing method and it didn't really work out for me. A lot of the things I do have extreme symbolic meaning to me. So that's what I did, I took the soul out of her form and poured potions of personality into her. I believe this really did help.

 

Eventually I saw I think it was a post by Miichu. Saying that you could play games and talk to your tulpa like if you were recording for YouTube. This was probably the best advice for me in terms of forcing, I find it easier to talk about games and positively too! I did this whenever I could. I would sit down and play Terraria while talking to Myo. It was fun! When I started doing this though, I stopped going to our wonderland as often.

 

--- The past week ---

 

This is when I started documenting.

 

Not much happened in terms of what we were doing, however I made wonderland 2 (Which I would later scrap for something that I think is better.) We actually had adventures there and I had my fair share of chilling. We fought NPCs! It was cool! I like action.

 

I also started noticing changes with Myo, if I think hard enough I can visualize her face perfectly, but when I'm not focusing on her facial features like usual. She's always smiling when I look at her form in my mind's eye. I also started to notice that I think my right ear moves a little bit whenever I force with Myo, and only when I force with her. Her voice also changed a bunch during this week, I think it sounded like mine, and then I gave her one to use, but then she changed it I guess...? The point is it's different now. I thought this would mean that it would be easier to differentiate us, and while it is. Sometimes it sounds like a thought I had so, I think for a second, and then continue.

 

The end of this week I scraped the wonderland again. Now it's just Gensokyo from Touhou. It's easier to visualize and still focus directly on Myo. It's also kind of sentimental to me.

 

We still have active sessions that last 15 minutes to 1 hour.

 

(Sorry if this is not how you write a progress report, I can change it.)

 

(Edit 1: I added some details I remembered in the beginning section.)

Edited by Gloomynoon
Made it nicer to look at(?)

Freedom

 

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Sounds good so far, keep it up! And nice Reisen avatar, lol. You probably noticed, but the four of us in Lumi's system have Touhou forms, and a few of us the names too. Reisen, Tewi and I are pretty apparent - Lucilyn was made five years after us and was given her own name by Lumi, but her form is still basically Suwako's.

 

Anyways, good luck on your tulpamancy journey.

Hi. I'm one of Luminesce's tulpas. Unlike the others, I don't think I stand out too much from him personality wise.

I'm just special because "I'm a tulpa". So I don't think I've much to offer, here. I'm happy enough to just be with him.

Ask us stuff - https://community.tulpa.info/thread-ask-lumi-s-tulpas

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Gloomynoon

 

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And nice Reisen avatar, lol. You probably noticed, but the four of us in Lumi's system have Touhou forms, and a few of us the names too. Reisen, Tewi and I are pretty apparent - Lucilyn was made five years after us and was given her own name by Lumi, but her form is still basically Suwako's.

I did notice! You and Lucilyn I saw first. How is Reisen and Tewi? I've only seen them in the Lumi's Tuplas Q&A thread   .

 

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Anyways, good luck on your tulpamancy journey.

Thank you!

Freedom

 

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Gloomynoon
(edited)

Not much happened this week, but that's okay.

 

--- Week: 11/30/2020 to 12/5/2020 (Also includes the day before this week.) ---

 

This week we only visited our wonderland once.

 

We talked about stuff going on in my life that was stressing me out and stuff. She encouraged me to go deal with it, and that it's okay if I can't spend time doing fun activities like playing games with her. So I'm trying to do all that. Also, I talked to her about intrusive thoughts I've been having of the idea of having multiple tuplas. I told her, that I would decide if I truly wanted another one, after she was whatever she decides to be fully developed.

 

Most of this week I was able to narrate to her though, since I'm usually reading.

 

I suggested she tried wearing glasses cause I thought it would like nice on her. She put on glasses that I believe I didn't have influence in. A day later it was still like this (I think she liked them) so we tried changing the color of the rims to see which one fit her best. Her glasses rims are now red.

 

Finally, I promised I would "Open the door for her." Which means, that I have decided I was ready to let her access my memories and such. (I forgot what this was called, if it was even called something.) Even though I know she can probably already do this, I feel like it's an important step in trust for me so, I will do this anyway. I told her after I was done with life stuff, we would do this.

Edited by Gloomynoon

Freedom

 

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Gloomynoon

--- Week: 12/06/2020 to 12/12/2020 ---

 

A special day for me happened. So I decided we would do stuff that I promised I would do with her on that day. We talked about some important stuff.

 

I think she likes singing, she has told me that she is not very good at dancing. That is okay! I will have to find good songs since I know very little songs that are nice.

 

Lastly although I am not anymore because I have more important things I need to do. I did watch someone play through Danganronpa V3. It seems she does not like Danganronpa, which is okay with me.

 

Now I am often passively forcing Myo, and it seems I will be if I don't finish what I need to. Even though we had the experiences above. This is probably the lowest for me right now. I believe she is okay with me not being able to actively force with her for a short while. I will take my time, I got this.

Edited by Gloomynoon

Freedom

 

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Gloomynoon

Doing better

 

--- Week: 12/13/2020 to 12/19/2020 ---

 

I've found a way to active force with Myo, which makes me happy. We watched some animes together, she enjoyed them and comments on them sometimes, which used to be rare. I don't have a lot to report on, but I'm doing a bit better at least. I plan on practicing and trying to maintain imposition next week. I believe she told me that imposing her was okay. Also, her mindvoice is a bit more distinct from mine, sometimes it's not. Not as bad as before though.

Edited by Gloomynoon

Freedom

 

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Gloomynoon

This week was unique for me. Also wow long post.

 

--- Week: 12/20/2020 to 12/26/2020 ---

 

I actively forced with Myo a bunch this week, I found a way that can work for the both of us.

 

Also I have been trying to do imposition using what they've told me.

 

On the second day I wanted to see if Myo could "Suprise me!" I would say this is a big step for a tulpa. She accomplished it, I think.

 

I will section off the two main things that happened since they are quite long.

 

--- Imposition ---

 

tldr; I'm trying stuff, but I'm uncertain if it's working.

 

So I was going to do Ganzfield affect, however I did not have the stuff for covering my eyes in a way that works. So I asked @Breloomancer if there was a way to do it without certain things. They told me about sensory deprivation and that it's easy to do. Somehow I still had trouble with this. I found a place where no light should be able to enter. I tried a few times and I didn't get any results, but the fourth time I tried, and maybe it's because I was a bit tired since it was nearing my bedtime. It was like I was entering a dream, but my eyes were open. I could briefly hear things like I'm about to fall asleep, and I saw brief flashes of things like I would if I were dreaming. Something else I think I'll note is that I saw red. I never see any other color than some form of blue with my eyes closed. (Note I had my eyes open the whole time, but what I saw was what I would be seeing if my eyes were closed.) (To add on to this from post week 6-8, I tried again within those weeks. This time my darkness vision sometimes turned red and green. This time there was absolutely no way light was interfering.)

 

Other than this I have been trying to impose Myo. I read somewhere that in my mind eye I should have what I'm seeing with my eyes, but overlay stuff onto it. Like Myo. I think this might be what @A&J meant. I feel her presence in the real world, like I can go somewhere else in my house and remember where the room she's in is, and imagine what she's doing while I'm not in there. This is very different in terms of talking! To me at least. When I impose her I feel obligated to look her in the eyes and talk with her, even though it's still mindvoice communication and visually I can't see her except in my mind's eye. Otherwise I'm just doing my own thing while talking to her via mindvoice.

 

--- Wonderland adventures ---

 

tldr; Myo spiced things up for us. Which I don't know if I should feel a bit embarrassed that I haven't been trying to change it up too much. Also I think she enjoys adventuring.

 

So this all started with "Surprise me!" I wanted to see if she could really create her own thoughts. Since I heard early developing tulpas need lots of attention and use the hosts thoughts(?) I told her that I would check in to see if she's ready in the morning. When I asked her in the morning she told me she wasn't ready yet. I asked her again later in the afternoon, again she told me no. Finally near the end of the day I asked her once more and she said yes. We went into our wonderland. I usually immerse myself by playing appropriate white noise for the occasion, often times it's forest since so far we are usually chilling around the Hakurei shrine. This time Myo took me behind the shrine. There was one of Yukari's gaps behind it. When I think about this, I don't think I played any games with that while forcing her, at the time I didn't notice. Myo entered first. I thought if it's like how I think it is, I should play something fitting. I couldn't find the exact ambience I wanted for it. So, I went with Minecraft End Ambience (Which was a little annoying because they kept the Ender Dragon and Enderman sounds, but it's okay since I can tune it out.) The atmosphere at first was a little unsettling. It was kind of like a video game, there was a sky box (sky bubble?) on it were the eyes on the gap, from every angle they were looking at me. Myo reassured me that they're just there for effect. I looked at the ground it had a sand-like texture to it, it was also magenta. I crouched down and scooped a little bit of it with my index finger; it did not feel like wet sand, but it had the properties of it. The area was a floating island. You could walk to the edge and stare down the bottomless pit of eyes, if you wanted. Myo explained to me the rules of this place. At the moment I was allowed to choose only one path. Left or right. Something to note is that there is like a kind of view distance here, I could never really see what was ahead of me. When I choose one, I cannot look at the other one. So if I were walking along the right path, I would not be able to see the left path. I chose the right path. Often times when we were walking down these paths, we would talk about each other in some way. Eventually we would reach an "area," there would always be a silhouette standing in one. It never shows any features of who I'm going to encounter. When we reached our first area, Myo gave me a heads up and told me that who I'll talk to is just and NPC so, I don't need to worry. Also she asked if I wanted to fight or negotiate. I chose to negotiate since before this I have always fought NPCs. When I got close to the silhouette, from the chest it breathed form into the NPC. She brang back our old NPC characters, I talked to them and they would always have an issue or something they want to do. When I finished usually they would give me 1 piece of gear. An old system we had, it doesn't mean anything now, especially since I'm trying to negotiate instead of fighting. So, they're just cosmetics for now. Something else to note was that Myo would always stay back and watch me talk to the NPC. She told me she wants to see what I would do in the scenarios they put me in.

 

Currently we have been exploring whenever I could find the time to participate. The silhouette's have always been a Touhou character of some kind. After the first 2, it became new NPCs I have never interacted with. So, instead of having an issue, they would want to do something with me. Like for example, I played Rock Paper Scissors with Marisa. I won and picked a nice piece of gear for Myo.

Edited by Gloomynoon

Freedom

 

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Gloomynoon

Forgot to talk about Christmas. I just kind of hung out with Myo and talked about all kinds of stuff. That's my way of saying thanks for sticking around!

Edited by Gloomynoon

Freedom

 

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ruleofthumb
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So I was going to do Ganzfield affect...


The whole section about this was very intriguing. I’ve got to check this out at some point.

 

Interesting stuff so far!

Stone [conceived 2001] Host

Betty [conceived 2020] Tulpa

Cloud [conceived 2020] Tulpa

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Gloomynoon

Sorry, I'm going to skip out on PR this week, and maybe next week.

 

Nothing too noteworthy is being missed. I do have ideas for what I want to do in the future though.

 

On 12/28/2020 at 10:13 AM, ruleofthumb said:

Interesting stuff so far!

Thanks for enjoying my stuff! I try to read your PR whenever I can, it's nice. You're making a lot of progress! Keep it up!

Freedom

 

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