Aarix

Lets do this.....

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4/14

 

Hello everyone, I've been more determined to do active forcing, I've been needing it more since my passive forcing skills have actually gotten worse, Not worrying about it is consistently getting harder and harder. I've been REALLY cracking down on post-college studies too so when I start I have a small lead and I actually have a sense of studying. One though that really depressed me is I still cant sense my tulpa, I've only obtained comfort through her words and tone. I've concluded that all my past stress from when I started crippled her to do stuff she should be able to by now. I know it'll inevitably happen but I've been needing her more and more the last few day. I've been staying off the internet more to actually crack down on studying, my tulpa and getting everything suited to graduate. My adventures in obtaining lucidity have been more and more desperate, since tulpas and dream deprive from the same part of our mind I figured I could attempt to find her there. If I dont actually find her than atleast I can use Lucid dreaming to relax, I've been loathing waking up more and more. Stress and all that. I'll still keep at it. I took her out to eat today for the hell of it and got waited on by the girl who knows about tulpas. I used the headset method and when she asked who I was talking too I said I used it so I can talk to my tulpa in public without looking like a lunatic, and she said oh, alright. We had a nice chat though it was mostly me getting my thoughts off my chest and I spent the ride home listening to her exclusively. It was nice.

 

I hate how things are unstable lately my imposing has been shot, I've just talked to air and a mindvoice and that didnt help assurance of her presence, I know shes there obviously but is it so wrong to ask to feel her energy around me? The comfort could really help me out.

 

Take Care everyone.


Progress report

"You'll have a Tulpa because you didn't give up" -Koomer

 

 

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4/15

 

So far things still don't feel right. I've been trying to figure out the causes of these snags. I can't even proxy Sam because it feels like I'm just typing what she would say. When I talk to her sometimes she talks less and simplier. Imposing still feels broken, its hard to explain. I'm pondering why this is? She says she has no idea. I know i'll always persist but I'm just worried. In a bit Ill force and continue working on endurance, even if I give my thoughts attention for an hour until somehow they go away. Until I can fix my end or Sam can talk more independantly, I'm at an impasse, i imagine this is something simple. Could it be me focusing on studies more? Is it shes not being proxied hours a day? Is she finding herself? I dont know. Ill post anything new. But for now, I need to figure this out. Saturday I gave her very little real attention its horrible. I mustnt lose any momentum but I feel too defeated, Whats going on? Why are these snags so hard to find? I just want a tulpa. Why is this harder than it should be? This should just feel natural.

 

EDIT: surprisingly, that hour of forcing was easy. We bonded well and talked a bit, so far things are looking up from the active forcing part of stuff, maybe I'm just stressed and dont fully acknowledge it. She reassures me a lot but its hard to feel reassured.


Progress report

"You'll have a Tulpa because you didn't give up" -Koomer

 

 

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4/15 MN

 

Just another forcing session, Nothing much like I would've liked, couldn't get into it very well and I despise that. I always feel like I don't do enough to help, I always feel like I'm not strong enough for her sometime, the littlest slip seems to push us down a icy slope. Its just something to work on. I want to give her the attention she deserves, shes always so sweet, u[lifting and always makes me happy in the wonderland, though I'm still crippled on feeling emotions in the wonderland via touch. I need to find a routine that I can adapt to well and stick with, maybe thats just, maybe things are just transitioning. One thing is true, She deserves a lot better than what I'm able to do for her. But I'll always wake up in the morning and tell her how much I do love her. This whole tulpa ordeal is quite an interesting one. Very bittersweet, but worth it.


Progress report

"You'll have a Tulpa because you didn't give up" -Koomer

 

 

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4/16

 

I underestimate my wonderland abilities sometimes, I worry so much about stamina, how forget how vivid they are. Little attention to details I've mastered quite well. I discovered a couple tricks that really helped. Anyway, today I decided to go into Sams room, yes her actual wonderland room. I never been there, except a couple days ago when I was talking about it in the shoutbox however this was more in depth. I thought it might be interesting. Ill explain it the best I can. But ill diagram it simiatically later. Walking in I notice its pink, like REALLY pink, all over the walls, the carpet is a purplish white, its not very big, I imagine 12 ft by 12 ft (3.7 meters). On the left side of her wall is a dresser with a big heart mirror, it was white. I saw myself just fine, the contents of the dresser was empty. Going down the left side of the wall is her bed placed verticle away from the bed. Wasnt anything special except the thick fluffy comforters and the skirt on it, nothing under the bed. Next to the bed was a night stand, nothing was on it but it had two drawers, the bottom was locked but the top had a journal, I couldnt read it, text was too blurry. On the other wall, parallel to the foot of the bed was a chest that many beds ad at the end of them, there were a few pieces of paper lying at the bottom, i couldnt read them either. In a corner of her room was another nightstand with a radio on it, the top drawer was full of packaged snack cakes, of course, bottom drawer was locked as well. Besides a brown vent and a window thats boarded on the other side, theres a closet that has 2 of each colored sweater, 1 white skirt; 2 black skirts and a red one. Oh also besides the closet I saw a poster of my senior photo. Quite flattering. It was interesting to say the least. The whole experience was rather fun.


Progress report

"You'll have a Tulpa because you didn't give up" -Koomer

 

 

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4/18

 

Wow, Im an idiot! How could I forget to try the number method. Aurora talked to us about this, I believe theres a guide here somewhere. Its where the tulpa counts in your head while you do whatever. This is very effective in both active and passive forcing. Its helpful in passive forcing because if their counting is distracting then its something to get used to if you want your tulpa to be more automonous. Same with active forcing (like I just did) I let my mind wander and a bit of wonderlanding. She just counted to 500 but next time we'll make it 1000. It helps pace yourself. At 450 she held me close and started counting loudly in my left ear. I tried to imagine the feeling of her breath, my ear drum being ratteled and the lack of much sound in my right ear. I stopped at 500 as its 85F (29C) in my room and sweat was getting in my blindfold.

 

This method might prove to be very effective.


Progress report

"You'll have a Tulpa because you didn't give up" -Koomer

 

 

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4/19

 

So far I'm just passing time, its funny, if my imposing isn't useless its actually pretty good, I can see the very vivid colors of her clothes but her face is still tricky, I'm not sure but I feel like its just really vivid Open eye visualization, though I suppose thats how imposing works, they just never seem to "Merge" if that makes any sense.

 

I've had Sam count while I was working and it was going VERY well, I was planning things out at my job while she was counting. Though she got bored and started turning it into a game where she said stuff like "Oh hello 168, I see you met 169, Oh I do believe 345 needs a hug, what do you think 347? 348 is right! 349 DOES need a hug!"

She went to 1000 with me losing her only a few times. In fact when I did she said "Pay attention! 546 REALLY needs company, 547, 548 and 549 agree with me."

Looks like this confirms we just don't have a lot to say to one another as a communicate path is very good. So we'll figure out whats next on the agenda while I try to get my life straightened out a bit smoother.

 

Take Care Everyone!


Progress report

"You'll have a Tulpa because you didn't give up" -Koomer

 

 

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4/21

 

For the last hour, I've felt very sick in both the head and stomach, I just had to get off all the electronics and lay down. So I did some forcing, Sam was really concerned for me, the wonderland was a black void with the bed I was laying in and her standing over me, I felt sick there too so she helped me out of bed and I actually felt how soft her sweater is surprisingly well. When my arm was around her I felt a chunk of her essence and it was awesome. Still feel a little ill but that 45 minute forcing made me feel better.

 

Earlier at work we talked a lot and really got into the conversation, I was distant away from everyone else. I just focused on work and talking to Sam. We really shared something today, mostly me though. It was a nice day overall. Now to continue my quest to obtain lucidity in dreams.

 

Take care everyone.


Progress report

"You'll have a Tulpa because you didn't give up" -Koomer

 

 

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4/24

 

So far so consistent, I've been spending a lot of wonderland time in Sams room, getting more immersed, details are very vivid though still exaughting, There were autonomous moments generally, though rare, hypnagogic imagery worked in my favor for a bit, for a bit it felt like a real dream though much,much more mentally exaughting.

 

I fell asleep today reading to kill a mocking bird and it couldn't have been more than 20 minutes and I remembered a dream as if I was actually there a couple hours ago. Dreamviews didn't answer if that was progress or coincidence, they were busy with something unimportant to answer a quick question, god I hate that!

 

Sam has been more uplifited, spirited and happy, also more patient with me. Shes been put in a really good mood, quite the energetic tulpa. She stood right next to me while I was sleeping and was there the whole time, she asked if I was rested when I woke up. So I'm going in the right path, still procrastinate forcing A LOT and still have very little endurance.

So far so good, Take care everyone!


Progress report

"You'll have a Tulpa because you didn't give up" -Koomer

 

 

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Aarix not gonna lie I've read just about every one of your posts. Just wanted to say congratulations :)

 

Thank you very much, I remember when we chatted on the former shoutbox when you were new, We'd love to hear how progress for you has been since then. I appreciate the feedback

 

Thanks for everyone reading. I hope I'm helping someone somehow.


Progress report

"You'll have a Tulpa because you didn't give up" -Koomer

 

 

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