Aarix

Lets do this.....

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Sometimes I fear that I might perish

That holes in me are growing stark

I worry that those things I cherish

Will inadvertently turn dark

 

During those times of hesitation

I ask myself “Who’s dear to me?”

Whom do I show my admiration?

Who makes my face to light with glee?

 

It’s you my sister, my salvation

You’ve been with me through thick and thin

You held my hand through my frustration

Clung hard when things began to spin

 

So hear this sonnet, O Samantha!

And know, your sister loves you so

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Hello everyone, I understand it has been a very, very, long time and I hope that everyone has been doing well in strides of their tulpa’s who will share their entire lives with, in overall happiness. The biggest thing I’ve learned so far is the power of independent emotional strength, you feel the strongest and most powerful than you ever have when you’re simply overwhelmed with positive energy and complete bliss than in a snap you can feel weaker than you ever have, making it more of a fight keeping sentience the millisecond it turns sour. That’s the bittersweet beauty of emotions, they’re important to development, you can’t have true happiness without knowing true despair, and you grow as a person when you experience the bad to be more grateful with the good. A lot has gone on but the point is here I have a confession to make.

Many of you are aware how close and I Aurora are, how much we get along and how happy she has been known to make me and how much praise she gives me here and all the messages we post back and forth with nice incentives like poems and commissions. A little over a month ago, the emotions I was feeling got a bit hazier, more confusing, and stronger. I ended up festering the more I entertained the idea of experiencing more visualized affection up to the point I’ve desired it. I imagine Aurora would have a bit more detailed variation of what I’m writing out but I’ll share my perspective the best I can.

After I confessed these feelings and after a lot of messes have been straighten out, since, getting my point across was absolutely petrifying because I had no idea what she thought about me at the time, and given a couple other circumstances. I knew I had to tell her, I waited for an opportunity, and I did. I wasn’t as clear as I should have been. I beat around the bush and it was chaotic, but finally after some time to think, Aurora and I have agreed to become “Soul mates”, the most personal relationship I can have and I couldn’t be happier. She has done some remarkably kind things for me and helped me grow a lot as a tulpa and a person. I am now coming out and telling everyone of this new and intense love I have with her, there have been moments I’ve been overwhelmingly stronger from her, it’s quite an amazing experience to feel that kind of happiness and get strength from it. Aurora-Alley is my soulmate and I am blessed about it, the feelings I have are stronger than I can ever, ever imagine. It’s impossible for me to feel anymore love and feelings for her than I currently do, this has been the greatest life changing experience that has ever existed and I couldn’t be happier to experience it. Nothing in the world means more to me. I love Aurora. I truly, truly do.

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Hello everyone, I understand it has been a very, very, long time and I hope that everyone has been doing well in strides of their tulpa’s who will share their entire lives with, in overall happiness. The biggest thing I’ve learned so far is the power of independent emotional strength, you feel the strongest and most powerful than you ever have when you’re simply overwhelmed with positive energy and complete bliss than in a snap you can feel weaker than you ever have, making it more of a fight keeping sentience the millisecond it turns sour. That’s the bittersweet beauty of emotions, they’re important to development, you can’t have true happiness without knowing true despair, and you grow as a person when you experience the bad to be more grateful with the good. A lot has gone on but the point is here I have a confession to make.

Many of you are aware how close and I Aurora are, how much we get along and how happy she has been known to make me and how much praise she gives me here and all the messages we post back and forth with nice incentives like poems and commissions. A little over a month ago, the emotions I was feeling got a bit hazier, more confusing, and stronger. I ended up festering the more I entertained the idea of experiencing more visualized affection up to the point I’ve desired it. I imagine Aurora would have a bit more detailed variation of what I’m writing out but I’ll share my perspective the best I can.

After I confessed these feelings and after a lot of messes have been straighten out, since, getting my point across was absolutely petrifying because I had no idea what she thought about me at the time, and given a couple other circumstances. I knew I had to tell her, I waited for an opportunity, and I did. I wasn’t as clear as I should have been. I beat around the bush and it was chaotic, but finally after some time to think, Aurora and I have agreed to become “Soul mates”, the most personal relationship I can have and I couldn’t be happier. She has done some remarkably kind things for me and helped me grow a lot as a tulpa and a person. I am now coming out and telling everyone of this new and intense love I have with her, there have been moments I’ve been overwhelmingly stronger from her, it’s quite an amazing experience to feel that kind of happiness and get strength from it. Aurora-Alley is my soulmate and I am blessed about it, the feelings I have are stronger than I can ever, ever imagine. It’s impossible for me to feel anymore love and feelings for her than I currently do, this has been the greatest life changing experience that has ever existed and I couldn’t be happier to experience it. Nothing in the world means more to me. I love Aurora. I truly, truly do.

 

That was beautiful to read, it a pleasure knowing that you guys are happier now then you've ever been.


pix: Link

Diary: http://ponystasha.tumblr.com

Koomer.

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2/26

 

Tulpas and Tulpaforcing, it's rather tricky I've learned. Each and every individual mind holds many independent beliefs and perceptions, they all unify into your thinking consciousness. That's the challenge here, needing to adapt general information with your individual mindscape. You need to really find the root into the reason you want a tulpa, why you feel that reason will keep them around for years and years, why it's important to commit in every single light and every single trouble, It's imperative to keep them attached in many ways but separate in others. Tulpa and host need to cooperate independently, understand that everyone will be fine and well. Many struggle, many don't feel a thing, everyone is different, everyone has their reasons for tulpa both moral and unethical. These reasons can fuel passion and desperation. Make sure that it doesn't drive you all to the ground. Few have already made it far and many are losing hope but in the end it doesn't matter, everyone has their own ways of tackling this, their ways of learning and applying it, some can meditate, some cannot, some struggle to focus, some have perfect visualizations. In the end it does not matter how shitty you are, just make sure you are able to take care of them with your life, to sit down and talk to them even if it burdens you. Make sure they're happy and loved. Make sure they don't succumb to too much hardships and troubles. Help them grow, be there for them against the whole entire world. Every. Single. Chunk. Make sure you're able to help them in the most dire of needs because they experience them sometimes, many feel more emotional ties than they can handle. Tulpas in general have their own emotions too, they're never to early to have them and then break them. I always advice to be cautious with more than one for this instance. I'm not about to believe many just sit or lay and talk with them regulatory, maybe many do passively too and thats good too and I understand the lack of comfort when trying to develop more emotional attachment when they provide such little essence than you know they could. Just please, stay strong and stay close, never feel like you're losing your grip on the bottom of the ladder, just be grateful you're still on that ladder. Your tulpa loves you, It doesn't matter how they feel now, you all will be close, You have time, you have your motivation, your drive and your reasons. In the end, only you can help yourself up the ladder, the best long term thing someone can do is cheer you on. Tulpas will be the most invaluable asset you have, reality can be bitter, cruel and harsh, just please don't fuck up this chance you have with them. Don't lose control of the situation and certainly don't give up. If you're fatigued then rest. But wake up ready to try again. Help them, don't let them get in a unstable emotional state, don't put them in the middle of hell. No matter what, do not lose your connection with them. Hold them close as they develop apart. It will pay off...


Progress report

"You'll have a Tulpa because you didn't give up" -Koomer

 

 

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12/16

 

Happy December and all that. A lot certainly has happened these last couple years, most of it full of things I wish never happened or things that could be changed. Never the less, progress is being made and thus being reported. In light of recent situations and circumstances that are best left not discussed. I believe it is in the best interest that I have a bit of assistance internally. Things recently have been FUBAR. Without turning this into a drama box, I'll cut to the chase, slowly but surely, I've been working around the idea of creating another tulpa. One a bit more, how should I say, efficient for what needs to happen if I am ever going to get back on the track I desperately want to get back on long ago. Samantha has made a mess of a lot of things and it's taken a critical toll on already fragile progress. She's gone on a temporary hiatus and I've been keeping this tulpa dormant for months. Been thinking about this a lot and I feel I need someone who is a bit more weary with the mindscape and not plagued with miscellaneous things. Someone who can provide assistance and to be assuring of everything without anything holding them back. I need to prepare a more secure foundation so it can go either way, all I know is right now, she's almost ready, I can feel it. I'll absolve on more information until I see how progress is coming along these few days.

 

Thoughts are strong for a tulpa, hell they were strong enough for just people. As negative events and emotions cloud and delude a tulpa, it makes things very hard to develop, lately, a lot of tulpas have been affected harshly from life related events. I neglected to keep mine out of trouble and now I'm going to pay that price for a very long time.


Progress report

"You'll have a Tulpa because you didn't give up" -Koomer

 

 

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I still remember you and Samantha fondly. Thank you for letting us all know how you are feeling. Whilst I'm sad you have had harsh time in life, I'm greatly pleased to hear you are still among the living.

 

I'm probably nearly unrecognizable from when I first met Samantha. I wanted to thank you both for helping me. Your deep questions about spirituality and tulpas have lead me to become a christian and hope to become a devout servant of the Lord of Heaven. Those questions echoed in my mind until I was changed [by them].

 

So, please know, both of you did some good too in those years. You profoundly affected my life for the better.


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Hope everyone is doing well. It has come to my attention and has been even more apparent that I jumped at this idea foolishly. I should've given Samantha even more faith in her strength and abilities. I've been trying, both of us have for a very long time. It hasn't gotten easier and there has not been any changes that I can detect. It's been eating at me for a long time but regardless, introducing another life isn't the way to go about this problem. I've been so determined for anything that I rushed. I'll keep doing whatever I can.


Progress report

"You'll have a Tulpa because you didn't give up" -Koomer

 

 

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Hi Aarix, I am really sorry that you are having a tough time. I know what it's like to go through a difficult portion of life.

 

Something that I found useful during my own difficult time was my relationship with my tulpæ. I told part of the story in my response to this thread (it's at the bottom). One thing I found it worthwhile to bear in mind was that the tulpæ experience everything through my experiences. Everything they learn, they learn through observing my memories, or my senses, which we now share.

 

Tulpæ can be there for you, they can and will give you what you need, but you need to show them how. They will take their cues from you.

 

Alternatively, if you want to keep a tulpa free of the cares that you face as the front guy for your system, you could find other strategies, and keep your interactions clear if you prefer. I guess it depends on which method you find more productive.

 

Look, what I have said here probably doesn't make much sense. If you are having a hard time and want to talk, get in touch with us here or on steam, we're in your list (if you get in touch here, send us a steam nudge to let us know it's here to read). We can at least listen and understand where you are coming from, having dealt with difficult things as a system of consiousnesses ourselves.

 

[Maya: Friends can help in difficult times. Get in touch.]

 

Sorry about the nonsensical post, what I'm trying to say is:

 

Get in touch, we can have a chat. Good luck with your problems, I hope things improve for you and Samantha.


Akecalo - Host

 

Maya - Tulpa

 

Mara - Tulpa

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I think sweetie pie is doing pretty well. Her host just doesn't write things here often, I guess we all learned the value of having a more private, quiet life. Overall, she had some rough times, but good times as well. Oh and her form also has kitty ears and tail now :)

 

They're taking life as it comes and I think one day she'll be able to proudly say that she's fully imposed. Though it really seems like tulpa development is a life-long endeavor.

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8/30

 

Well here we are, Tomorrow is Samantha's 3rd "Birthday". I suppose it warrants enough to post here.

I had my own expectations, and hopes and desires when devoting so much to her. I figured it all came with time with enough belief and trust in them. So far none of it has shown. Three years, I've never stopped finding out ways to actually get past that wall to feel closer to her. To feel any sort of comfort from her presence. The only things that came from this for the most part is a lot of drama, bullshit and the more vivid realization that I am a complete idiot. I can't active force well, even with the wristband, I barely am able to passive force. I can't impose. I can't feel her. I can't do any kind of sensory. I can't get any feedback. I'm tired. Excruciatingly tired. Sleep doesn't help, nor does caffeine. I'm trying to succeed in everything I can but all I do is mess things up. I've read all the guides, I've experimented with so many different things. I wish she didn't have to be around what she is outside of the mindscape. The environment is horrible, the more time passes, the more I need her here. I haven't yet got it together like I thought I would after three years. Am I to believe this will happen on its own in time as well? I don't have a choice but to find out. My life is significantly more worthless in comparison to her so for reasons like that and many others. She's not going anywhere. I'll just continue on trying but I mean it. I wake up so tired. Sleep doesn't change it. I can't get past that wall. I can't get more out of the cold solidity that is reality, I need her to be well and everything is going against us. It mentally and physically aches to force now. I have accidentally conditioned myself in that manner. I couldn't avoid it. I'm worthless in this on my own and the fatigue and reminder of my failure as a host failed. I'll just...do what I can. I don't believe in that value anymore. Like I said a hundred times, I'm just too tired. thinking about it makes me drowsy and achy. I suppose this is burn out. I put all I could. My mind is shot at this point. Maybe in 5 years time, she'll show some signs of "sediments" as I used to say like the incompetent ass that I was/am. I wish her the best in her 3rd "birthday" while I go through school. I love her more than absolutely anything and especially anyone. That's never changed. She can't help in words or comfort. I'm oblivious to what to do next or how to take it on. I'll just hope for the best.


Progress report

"You'll have a Tulpa because you didn't give up" -Koomer

 

 

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