Aarix

Lets do this.....

Recommended Posts

I know that I haven't been of much use to you due to my own issues, but for what it's worth we are here. Message us any time you need to.

 

[Maya:Seriously.]


Akecalo - Host

 

Maya - Tulpa

 

Mara - Tulpa

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest Anonymous

"That's horrible. This sounds exactly like us, me and my host, the love relation, I mean. I'm not here to tell you about us, though, but I think that you shouldn't give up, ever."

 

Feel free to contact me if you feel like talking; I understand how tough things can be from past experience, and had to override some beliefs at times; Perhaps I might be of much assistance, but you might find some wisdom in what I say.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

8/31

 

Happy 4th birthday. In retrospect an insignificant number. I wish I possessed more to say to warrant more than a yearly update. Hell even now I don't have as much to say. All of this time I've been craving the peace both mentally and environmentally to break away at all of my problems. Not too long ago I hit a 20 day streak that got interrupted by issues I'm struggling to mitigate. It's been an agonizing few years and the more it passes, the more I need to feel some hope and reassurce from her and the less I am capable of doing so. I've read as much material as I could find. Scour many different communities from a handful of websites to find someones input and perspective that I could find some kind of hope for. As I approach the end of my education, I've had all hopes in my personal life for a stable and more importantly, peaceful environment to finally help myself to essential fix the both of us. It also was the first year of Samantha's sister and head mate that aids in stability in places I need it. At this phase of my life, everything mentally hurts. Like a really bad gnawing infected tooth only mentally. I've never felt as much out of hope as I do now and various methods and treatments has seised to assist me. I've lost a lot of my sanity trying to juggle life and this tulpa. I feel ruined. All I can do is wait in agony to find a way to pursue a better life starting with starting a career. Looking back, I don't believe many people here take it very seriously, I don't believe a tulpa is guaranteed by throwing effort at it. It doesn't seem to be a traditional skill. I argue in 10 years almost no one will still have much of a tulpa. Most what I've seen is messes. No matter how bad it gets they'll be around in whatever form they are in. I can only hope by next year life throws me the bone I need to actually feel an ounce of energy to sit down and force. In the meantime, I just am in no shape or ability to do much good to them and I truly wish they were in better hands. I'm just so tired of having an imaginary friend and no sense of self worth or security.

 

TL;DR nothing changed

 


Progress report

"You'll have a Tulpa because you didn't give up" -Koomer

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Oh, wow. That is really sad. I wish I could help. I'm going to let my host talk.

 

Depression tends to lead to unrealistic thoughts. I am worried about you. A person suffering severe depression tends to believe they are worthless, and a bad person. And they never are.

 

When you say all your treatment has stopped working, I assume you mean that your depression medication has stopped working. That is serious, and I never heard of it happening before.

 

What you are referring to is burnout is a real thing, that tends to happen alongside depression. Based on what I have heard, it can take the brain more than ten years to reset and recover.

 

I am surprised none of the guides or other strategies worked long term for you. You have put your all in and explored every possibility. This can be a problem, especially alongside depression.

 

To maintain motivation through depression, a thing must be fun and easy. And forcing can be fun and easy. To keep thinking about something through depression, it must not be taken seriously. It must be casual and relaxed.

 

I don't really understand. Meditation or centring, or just yoga is supposed to help immensely with depression. Perhaps yours is just beyond any treatment at this point. I don't believe it. It actually makes me suspect mineral poisoning, which can lead to untreatable depression like symptoms.

 

I think you need to think about it differently. Abandon everything about the activity that seems like work. Ask your tulpa to take over. Take over forcing, to possess more often, to try imposition on their own. Daydream more. Escape the world; it is supposed to be relaxing, a relief. Then call out to your tulpa while there.

 

The mind is a powerful tool, but I don't think the guides on this site are anywhere near complete enough to allow anyone to get a tulpa. If you are not going into this with a fair degree of skill at introspection and self control, I don't doubt you won't get far.

 

I hope you get better.


Host comments in italics. Tulpa's log. Tulpa's guide.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

9/2

 

A five year milestone has passed it seemed. I've spend well near all of it worrying, trying to get a good mental foundation on going about this. If I could go back to starting, I'm not sure there was too much that would have changed. Some of the underlining issues were lack of peace from my surrounding and chronic fatigue. Most of my experiences have been riddled with stress and anxiety. Actually only recently things have shown opportunities to get better given I am now in control of my environment that I never was before thanks to being able to move alone now. It's always been a game of planning for a right moment and striking on that. Now I'm too afraid that'll I'll lose momentum again with very little reason on why. There isn't much in terms of guidance on the internet anymore. I've read everything I can imagine. Now it's full of people that are new and trying hard like I was long ago, down to just doing the equivalent of roleplaying. I really only update this anymore due to letting people know that just having and wanting, as well as passive work will not be enough. Nor will only using them to talk online (Discord, Skype, IRC) will do a thing. No progress will come of that if you intend to interact with them like a person outside of the computer. I have a better chance having peace and quiet which indirectly soothed my head from all the anxiety of worrying about life stuff. I got more lucky than I ever imagined. Right now I need to figure out how to handle fatigue. I've basically given up on Medicine, specialists, caffeine, and different sleep cycles. I only hope I can will it and I only hope it'll be temporary before progress starts taking off. I always took it very serious. I can only hope that soon I get my shit together soon and have something more hopeful to say on her 6th birthday. I don't see much of a success story lately. She'll always be around, that's never going to change. The issue is being around me.


Progress report

"You'll have a Tulpa because you didn't give up" -Koomer

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hello Aarix. We've read trough your progress and we feel very sorry for what you are going through right now, We truly wish that you will feel better and get through with this situation.

 

I feel like i am not fully authorize to say my opinion in the current situation but i i am concerned to have at least try and give my help. I am aware that you are having a hard time recognizing your partner's presence. I think one reason is your mind is preoccupied with thoughts (possibly thoughts created from intense emotions) that is keeping you from contacting her. It happens to us as well when my host went through with some feeling of melancholy. 

 

If your time is preoccupied try focusing on your current activity, i believe that time is also an essential product of tool when starting or even going back. 

 

Try giving it some more time for your mind to reset, for some emotions to tone down. Maybe, it might change anything.

 

But again, We really pray you guys to feel better.Take care.


Hello! I am one of Nihi's Tulpas! It is very nice to meet you! :D

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
There isn't much in terms of guidance on the internet anymore. I've read everything I can imagine. Now it's full of people that are new and trying hard like I was long ago, down to just doing the equivalent of roleplaying. I really only update this anymore due to letting people know that just having and wanting, as well as passive work will not be enough. Nor will only using them to talk online (Discord, Skype, IRC) will do a thing. No progress will come of that if you intend to interact with them like a person outside of the computer.

 

Wow, what an old perspective. Having stayed exclusively on the forum all these years, I tend to forget there was a problem of tulpas on the IRC existing mostly to talk online. The "equivalent" of roleplaying, though, wow. You might want to have a look around the modern day forum, namely the Last One To Post Wins thread where the newer members tend to hang out these days. Not that I didn't see plenty of real-life interactivity between hosts and tulpas back in 2015/16, but the 'mancers I see around these days strike me as anything but roleplayers. Tulpas are more a part of their hosts' lives than ever, IMO.

 

Then there's us.

I argue in 10 years almost no one will still have much of a tulpa. Most what I've seen is messes.

 

I know it's not been ten years yet, but I don't want to wait that long to say you're wrong about that. My system's going on nine years, and they're going to continue being a part of my life until I die. Although I'm still the host and the life (name, relationships) are mine, I consider my life shared with them since learning to switch in 2014. And we've kept all four active this entire time. And I see other, newer members on the forum - like Bear's system - whom I believe are exactly the same. No one can predict the future, but I'm willing to bet a lot of people I know are going to be sharing their lives with their tulpas just as long as I am.

 

Your views strike me as those of someone who both was often in the IRC (these days, the Discord) and there in 2012 when roleplaying was considered a major problem. I don't think things are like that anymore. On the fringes of the community, you'll always find lots of people not as invested in the phenomenon, of course. But a lot of members likely to keep living with their tulpas for many years to come simply left the community to varying extents because they don't need it anymore - Cinemaphobe, Linkzelda, AGGuy, you can't tell me they aren't still talking to their tulpas often, imposing too in the latter's case. Imposition does help a lot in keeping tulpas really involved in your life - our system does it almost exclusively rather than visualizing now - and imposition is picking up in popularity again. But possession and switching were always big and still are, too, and switching is what really keeps my tulpas participating in our life.

 

 

Alright, I've probably said enough since that might not be the most helpful subject for you. Or it might be, I dunno.

 

You say you're done with medication and all that, so all that comes to mind when someone talks about feeling crappy all the time is sleep apnea. It's something my brother was apparently suffering from, but more importantly we only found out because I was playing his PS4 in his room one morning (well.. like 4AM) when I saw him wake up gasping for a few seconds, and then go back to sleep. I asked him about it when he got up later and he had no idea what I was talking about. After some research, I found out that people with sleep apnea can literally stop breathing in the middle of being asleep, have that experience, and not even remember afterwards. First of all, that terrifies me (I'm a very light sleeper and non-snorer), but second, it apparently majorly drags your overall feeling-well down and you might never know why. It causes your sleep to be non-restful and I'm sure you know but sleep is incredibly important to many aspects of your life, being 1/3 of it.

 

There's not an easy way to know if it's a problem for you and I'm not saying you have it, but it's the only thing I can really recommend looking into. If you know you're a snorer, or if you've got the money to spare for a sleep study that could change your life, I'd look into it. If not, I don't know, I can't magically figure out what's wrong in your life and fix it. But if this did turn out to be the problem and I did help you because of it, I'd be pretty happy. My brother's doing a lot better these days, now sleeping with a CPAP mask that makes sure he breathes correctly.

 

Either way, I hope things go better for you than they apparently were two years ago. The forum is pretty friendly these days, if you're interested in participating..


Hi! I'm Lumi, host of Reisen, Tewi, Flandre and Lucilyn.

Everyone deserves to love and be loved. It's human nature.

My tulpas and I have a Q&A thread, which was the first (and largest) of its kind. Feel free to ask us stuff.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

07/21

 

We're now at year 7. I planned to wait a little later but it really doesn't matter. I've heard from a few sources this is where accidental thoughtforms were at their best. Around the 7th year mark without very much effort, just rolling with it. The foundation for the rest of my life has been worked on since I started. I've learned a lot more about myself and the general self reflection stuff. I've kind of just learn to enjoy the benefits of not having to deal with the traditional baggage one feels around people on a regular basis. Staying mindful and keeping my sights on the big picture to the best of my ability and exposing myself to positive vibes. Has done a noticeable amount of good for me.

 

 

Now for the actual progress, I've always read everything I can to see if there isn't something I'm missing and I do sincerely appreciate all of the help and encouraging words throughout the year but I feel like I may be a permanent victim of ironic process theory. I'm broke in the most unproductive way to getting the desired results no matter how much I've persevered. I just don't seem to have the hardware nor can I emulate it. I've let her flow though as seamless as possible for a very long time and none of it hit me personally. Most days I can handle that looming over me and some it just hurts really damn bad. It's a fight with a burning desire deep inside of a burned out head. At this is I seem to be too tired but too afraid to settle and accept that what I've gotten will hath to do until the I die knowing I did my best and there's just nothing here for me.

 

The first stage is generally the sensation of company and that's only noticeable with complete absence. There's no avenue I can seem to strike a chisel at. I really have been trying so hard because this is the last thing I need in my life. I've busted my ass off getting the rest of my life to the point I want it and I can gratefully say that aspect of my life was even better than I could've ever hope for but now I'm split between these two feelings. It's messy and I remain at an impasse. There's only theories and ideas on subjects such as this. Nothing concrete and nothing guaranteed. Communication is there albeit interment and flows a bit but that's how it's been forever. I don't think I have it in me. I'm pretty much stuck just passing time and hoping for the best but some days are harder to cope than most. (Counting my blessing it's not most days)

 

I've recently read Koomer's AMA and how he regretted using this as a tool to escape lives problems. Whether this is my key issue or not, I honestly don't think the result would have been any different. I just felt like it was the most compatible thing to do in a world where I'm pretty much incompatible with.

 

That's basically all I have to show for these last two years. I don't know what to feel or think about it. I know this is something that I have to do by myself and I'm cracking under that pressure mixed with wanting something comforting like that in my life. Again, I thank all of the help and support everyone has tried to bestow onto me but I'm just doing my best not accepting that this is how it's going to be forever and I'm just a lost cause with my only strategy is to mitigate the pain. I don't know how to bend my mind the other way to fully break that barrier.

 

I'm sorry I can't reassure newer people.


Progress report

"You'll have a Tulpa because you didn't give up" -Koomer

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

First off, I agree with Lumi. Second off: Hang in there, man.

 

I remember reading your posts way back when I joined this forum. That was way back when Koomer was active too. I think even the excellent FAQ Man himself was there, too, although I wasn't active for long so I don't remember much. What ended up happening to Koomer was positively bizarre; like his subconscious took control of him or something. I don't know. I'm no expert on psychology, but it was certainly atypical.

 

At any rate, I started for very similar reasons as you. I felt a lot of despair and like I didn't have a place / companionship in this world. But having a tulpa, I think, is a good way to cope. It can really help you heal.

 

I've been struggling for quite a few years myself with visualization and imposition. Despite the fact that I am a very imaginative person -- I've been creating a fantasy universe for as long as I can remember, since before I started kindergarten -- creating a consistent mental image that doesn't morph randomly has been ridiculously difficult. Couple that with a full load of college courses and work, and it often felt impossible. But I've been finally making progress. It's agonizingly slow, sure, but it's progress. Tess has been sentient and sapient since pretty much late 2011 so if you need help with that, let me know. And no it's not a role-play. I think I have some pointers that could help you.

 

My general advice: don't give up. Keep your forcing sessions short -- no more than 10 to 30 minutes. Do reserve one or two days a week for a longer session, like 45 to 60 minutes. Balance it with other aspects of your life. Don't ditch social/academic/work opportunities to force, unless those opportunities prevent you from getting your 10-30 minutes. This, I think, is very dangerous. By adjusting my strategy in the aforementioned manner, I've seen improvements in both my mental-emotional state and my forcing.

 

A lot of people seem to be beginners here, so by virtue of selection bias, it might seem like nobody here has actually succeeded. But if you poke around you'll see people who have. JB, I think his name was...he could see his tulpae so vividly that they obstructed his vision. Granted, that evidence is anecdotal. But it's enough for me.

 

In the off chance that you read this: what specifically do you struggle with? Take it from a programmer; problems are best solved by breaking them down into the smallest pieces possible.


Currently restarting visualization in order to get it down perfectly. 

Progress log (haven't used it in a while, but still forcing)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.