Aarix

Lets do this.....

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Wow, what an old perspective. Having stayed exclusively on the forum all these years, I tend to forget there was a problem of tulpas on the IRC existing mostly to talk online. The "equivalent" of roleplaying, though, wow. You might want to have a look around the modern day forum, namely the Last One To Post Wins thread where the newer members tend to hang out these days. Not that I didn't see plenty of real-life interactivity between hosts and tulpas back in 2015/16, but the 'mancers I see around these days strike me as anything but roleplayers. Tulpas are more a part of their hosts' lives than ever, IMO.

 

Then there's us.

 

I know it's not been ten years yet, but I don't want to wait that long to say you're wrong about that. My system's going on nine years, and they're going to continue being a part of my life until I die. Although I'm still the host and the life (name, relationships) are mine, I consider my life shared with them since learning to switch in 2014. And we've kept all four active this entire time. And I see other, newer members on the forum - like Bear's system - whom I believe are exactly the same. No one can predict the future, but I'm willing to bet a lot of people I know are going to be sharing their lives with their tulpas just as long as I am.

 

Your views strike me as those of someone who both was often in the IRC (these days, the Discord) and there in 2012 when roleplaying was considered a major problem. I don't think things are like that anymore. On the fringes of the community, you'll always find lots of people not as invested in the phenomenon, of course. But a lot of members likely to keep living with their tulpas for many years to come simply left the community to varying extents because they don't need it anymore - Cinemaphobe, Linkzelda, AGGuy, you can't tell me they aren't still talking to their tulpas often, imposing too in the latter's case. Imposition does help a lot in keeping tulpas really involved in your life - our system does it almost exclusively rather than visualizing now - and imposition is picking up in popularity again. But possession and switching were always big and still are, too, and switching is what really keeps my tulpas participating in our life.

 

 

Alright, I've probably said enough since that might not be the most helpful subject for you. Or it might be, I dunno.

 

You say you're done with medication and all that, so all that comes to mind when someone talks about feeling crappy all the time is sleep apnea. It's something my brother was apparently suffering from, but more importantly we only found out because I was playing his PS4 in his room one morning (well.. like 4AM) when I saw him wake up gasping for a few seconds, and then go back to sleep. I asked him about it when he got up later and he had no idea what I was talking about. After some research, I found out that people with sleep apnea can literally stop breathing in the middle of being asleep, have that experience, and not even remember afterwards. First of all, that terrifies me (I'm a very light sleeper and non-snorer), but second, it apparently majorly drags your overall feeling-well down and you might never know why. It causes your sleep to be non-restful and I'm sure you know but sleep is incredibly important to many aspects of your life, being 1/3 of it.

 

There's not an easy way to know if it's a problem for you and I'm not saying you have it, but it's the only thing I can really recommend looking into. If you know you're a snorer, or if you've got the money to spare for a sleep study that could change your life, I'd look into it. If not, I don't know, I can't magically figure out what's wrong in your life and fix it. But if this did turn out to be the problem and I did help you because of it, I'd be pretty happy. My brother's doing a lot better these days, now sleeping with a CPAP mask that makes sure he breathes correctly.

 

Either way, I hope things go better for you than they apparently were two years ago. The forum is pretty friendly these days, if you're interested in participating..

 

Sorry I never got a chance to see these messages. Went through sleep studies before and nothing was found from them. I'll concede in my views here since I'm not as active as I used to me but I've lurked a fair amount and always felt it wasn't taken serious enough or it was mostly being used a way to fit into a community. But that could be the cynic in me since I know you can work hard in developing as well as have fun in forums.

 

 

First off, I agree with Lumi. Second off: Hang in there, man.

 

I remember reading your posts way back when I joined this forum. That was way back when Koomer was active too. I think even the excellent FAQ Man himself was there, too, although I wasn't active for long so I don't remember much. What ended up happening to Koomer was positively bizarre; like his subconscious took control of him or something. I don't know. I'm no expert on psychology, but it was certainly atypical.

 

At any rate, I started for very similar reasons as you. I felt a lot of despair and like I didn't have a place / companionship in this world. But having a tulpa, I think, is a good way to cope. It can really help you heal.

 

I've been struggling for quite a few years myself with visualization and imposition. Despite the fact that I am a very imaginative person -- I've been creating a fantasy universe for as long as I can remember, since before I started kindergarten -- creating a consistent mental image that doesn't morph randomly has been ridiculously difficult. Couple that with a full load of college courses and work, and it often felt impossible. But I've been finally making progress. It's agonizingly slow, sure, but it's progress. Tess has been sentient and sapient since pretty much late 2011 so if you need help with that, let me know. And no it's not a role-play. I think I have some pointers that could help you.

 

My general advice: don't give up. Keep your forcing sessions short -- no more than 10 to 30 minutes. Do reserve one or two days a week for a longer session, like 45 to 60 minutes. Balance it with other aspects of your life. Don't ditch social/academic/work opportunities to force, unless those opportunities prevent you from getting your 10-30 minutes. This, I think, is very dangerous. By adjusting my strategy in the aforementioned manner, I've seen improvements in both my mental-emotional state and my forcing.

 

A lot of people seem to be beginners here, so by virtue of selection bias, it might seem like nobody here has actually succeeded. But if you poke around you'll see people who have. JB, I think his name was...he could see his tulpae so vividly that they obstructed his vision. Granted, that evidence is anecdotal. But it's enough for me.

 

In the off chance that you read this: what specifically do you struggle with? Take it from a programmer; problems are best solved by breaking them down into the smallest pieces possible.

 

Appreciate the post. There isn't a specific problem. I just seem to have a myriad of different issues that I can't try and tackle anymore. Maybe it's learning helplessness or anxiety but I'm tired. There is a specific skillset needed that I just can't develop. I heard the analogy of playing tennis with a baseball bat. I'm stuck in a cycle that makes brings too much to even try and develop further anymore. All the laying and mind conversation has not done a thing.


Progress report

"You'll have a Tulpa because you didn't give up" -Koomer

 

 

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08/31/2020

 

Year 8. Nothing eventful about it, before too long it would have been a full decade. I've basically have been forced to accept that things are how they are and will not change. Not through anything dramatic or through any sudden realization but just through being well past jaded. I occassionally get bursts to attempt when I have the resolve to do so and repeating the cycle of frustration. I still occassionally look through as many resources as I can. Pretty much anyone from long ago that had a sincere interest in Tulpas are pretty much gone. At least out of my life. I still let them do their own thing the best that I can but as I've mentioned, it does not develop. It's a stretch to say that it maintains. Things are overall good in life, espeicially compared to long ago but there are still moments that I wish there was more I could've done. I'm not a patient person and I never have nor does it look like I ever will get my act together and expecting it to click just doesn't seem to be on the table. I'm grateful that I've gone as far as seen her in some brief, very fuzzy lucid dreams but that would be the equivalent of throwing me a bone. I've had amazing support in the past, as well as the general asshats on here. I've been at the intermediate point for a long time and forever stuck. At least as a beginner, you have fresh hope, resources to learn and experiment and you can relate to all the forum posts now as oppose to sink or swim. The fatigue I feel from this comes and goes. It stings pretty bad when it's here. I now and again communciate with her but I've noticed the comparisons with things like the lucid dreams I mentioned. Very fuzzy, very brief, very unstimulating. It seems to further sink in exactly how broken my mind is. The complete opposite of some where they have some kind of other entity but can't manage them. I've noticed a fair bit of people trying to see if other entites are tulpas that are preceived as multiple personalities. I don't have a horse in that race. This progress report will probably be the most mundane and uneventful one. I can't exactly make a goal to do X before a decade hits. That's just asking me to fall back in that cycle of frustration again. I'll forever be grateful I dug myself out of a lot of general life hardships throughout the years and now I'll just take things day by day. Things could've been better but I'm fully aware they could've been a lot worse. 

 

EDIT: I should probably note just to have something that a I've commissioned a full body avatar a while ago of her. This is a brief video of it in action: 

 Unforuntely it has not really helped with anything with visualization, let alone imposition. 

 

In short, nothing. Fingers crossed for something before I die. Thanks for all the support I receive.

Edited by Aarix

Progress report

"You'll have a Tulpa because you didn't give up" -Koomer

 

 

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