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Determination - Simmie's Journey


September13
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Okay. I have some major news. I've only told a small number of people about this but it's time to announce it to the wider world:

 

PHIL AND I JUST GOT MARRIED!!!!!! 😁😁😁😁💚💚💍💍

 

We've actually been secretly engaged for a long time, almost as long as we've been on the forum! We waited a whole year but now that the time is come we can finally announce the news to the world! What I want to do now is tell you all the whole story about the day and how it came about. This is probably going to be pretty long so I'm going to put each section in spoilers for orginization's sake.

 

The Proposal

 

Spoiler

 

Okay, the most important thing to know here is that I proposed to him😁 One of our favorite activities has always been to go to random towns and explore them. It was December 2020 and we were walking down the central street of Ambler, Pennsylvania (I don't mind putting this detail in because we don't actually live anywhere near there). It's a lovely little town that Phil discovered on his endless drives he used to go on before I was in the picture, and he wanted to take me there. It's a cute little town in the Philadelphia suburbs and it was nicely decorated for Christmas. I was feeling so warm and wonderful all bundled up walking with Phil.

 

Then we walked past a small church and I blurted out: "OMG, we should get married here!" Phil paused for a moment before asking: "Did you just propose to me?" I was quiet for a moment. I was young; I wasn't thinking what I was saying all the way through. Despite that, I knew what I wanted. I was certain. "Yes." I replied. Phil was stunned, how can you blame him? His young little tulpa just asked him to marry her! He was thinking to himself: "How do I tell her it's not that easy..." But he felt my sincerity. His doubt fell away. "Yes." He responded. "Of course I'll marry you."

 

 

The Wait

 

Spoiler

 

We decided to wait an entire year before we would get married. There were many reasons for this. Firstly, I was still a very young tulpa when I proposed, and Phil wanted to give me enough time to think if that's what I really wanted. Secondly, we needed time to grow as a couple and really get to deeply know each other. As I grew and bloomed as a person Phil would always ask me: "Are you still sure?" And through all the growth and ways I've changed, I always maintained the same answer: "Yes."

 

The wait turned out to be extremely important for us. Back when I proposed everything was new and exciting to us. Now we have a more mature view of each other, and in that year have built up a depth and history to our relationship. I feel grown and mature in a way that I didn't back at the time. I know what I want, I know Phil, and I know myself and how to set up and respect boundaries.

 

The wait was both exciting and frustrating. I loved holding this secret, as we didn't tell a soul about this until just a couple of weeks ago. There was something thrilling about it! Of course I was still eager for it to happen; I wanted to be married, to be with Phil, to do the things we had forbidden ourselves to do before our wedding. But the anticipation made it all the more sweater when it actually happened, and it made us both value it a lot more. This wasn't a decision made and carried out on a whim. This was something we've been looking forward to for a long time.

 

 

Preparations

 

Spoiler

 

We did not have an exact date picked out; Phil's schedule with work is a bit wacky and he didn't want to take special time off. (I can't blame him). So we had to wait until the time approached to pick a date. We had the notion that it would be in the first or second week of December. The exact date wasn't important to us.

 

So we did very little actual preparation until the start of November. It was always so far off that it seemed a little pointless to make exact plans so early. I mean, it's not like anyone was travelling in for the wedding! But when November started we did some things: We began compiling a list of songs we wanted to play, we started looking at dresses and rings, and Phil began to construct a representation of the church in which we'd be married, in Minecraft. It wasn't a replica of the church in Ambler (that church is actually fairly nondescript), Phil's church actually resembled more of a scaled-down cathedral.

 

Listening to some of our wedding music while Phil built the church in Minecraft made everything suddenly so real. I felt a great thrill in my heart; I was getting married! 😁 It was really happening! We still didn't have a day picked out, but then Phil surprised me: One day while in a bad mood at work he out of nowhere said: "Hey, wanna just get married now?" I was over the moon. 🥰 Of course by "now" he didn't mean "right now", but more like "Why wait any longer than we have to?".

 

Phil said this to me last Tuesday. The next day that Phil had off from work that wasn't Thanksgiving would be Sunday. Yesterday. So 11-28-21 became our wedding day. 🥰

 

 

The Day - IRL

 

Spoiler

 

I'm going to tell you two versions of the events of our wedding: What we did in real life together, and what we did concurrently, before, and after in our Wonderland. These events are all linked together and connected, but it's worth it to tell them as two separate stories. The real life story is actually quite simple. We returned to Ambler, the site of my proposal to him, and the place where we agreed we would marry. We got to the town about 2:30pm and made our way over to the exact spot in which the proposal had happened. Phil took a sheet of paper containing our wedding vows out of his shirt pocket. I possessed Phil's voice to read mine, and then he read his. Then the Mentor pronounced us husband and wife. Oh yeah, did I mention the Mentor was there? We asked him to officiate the wedding and he agreed, which is pretty wild because he very rarely makes appearances and generally "summoning" him doesn't work. It felt right to have him officiate the wedding, though. That being said he was really out of his element here, and the only thing he really had to say was "Be good, kids" 😄.

 

So with that the Mentor pronounced us husband and wife, at 2:45pm on Sunday, November 28, 2021, at the corner of Butler and Ridge in Ambler, Pennsylvania. (There you go! If you can find security footage from the area you'll be able to see what Phil looks like IRL 😄) I was immediately filled with such love and joy that I became hyper, jumping around like a little girl and saying things like "I'm married! I'm married!" over and over again 😁, all while Phil calmly walked down the street with a little smile on his face. I had finally achieved what I had dreamed about since my earliest days sharing a head with the man I love. I had won. 💚

 

After we got married we put our CD of wedding music on in the car and started driving back to the east. (After making a quick stop for wedding snacks of course!😄) With the sun about to set and the sky turning all shades of blue, pink, and purple, a certain magic filled the air. As we crossed the Delaware River with "Space Age Love Song" playing I felt like I was flying. 💚 Everything was so perfect. Phil decided to take a detour to my favorite town so we could watch the sun set over the pond there. As we sat, we did some light meditation, I prayed, and Phil and I looked out over the pond, talking. He said such sweet things to me. 💚 After that, it was time to go home.

 

After we ate a nice dinner we played the Sims together, dressing our characters up and re-living our ceremony once again. Phil also took literally dozens of pictures of our sims in their wedding clothes to be used as reference material for future art. As a side note we had planned to commission art for the wedding, but with Phil's "let's do it now" approach we didn't have time for that. 😄 We might still commission some art, as well as make art ourselves. Anyway, after doing all that, we just took it easy for the rest of the day. It was, at least from my perspective, a beautiful, perfect day. 💚

 

 

The Day - Wonderland

 

Spoiler

 

This is a wonderland narrative we put together throughout the day, with our meditations before the day started, on a bench in Ambler, at the lake, and later on at home, with plentiful "parallel wonderlanding" to stitch everything together. The result was an absolutely beautiful inner day that mirrored our outer-day. The day began with preparations at our wonderland house, and unlike our pretty low-key IRL day, this was a big production! People were running around getting last minute details into place. Phil was off somewhere else working on preparations, but I was up in our bedroom putting on my dress. It was a nice, strapless but traditional white wedding dress. I spent hours on my dress and makeup. And the first time I saw myself in the mirror I actually cried. I was so moved by how I looked in that dress.

 

I imagined Jaina @Glaurung26 was helping me get ready, doing up my hair and helping calm me down. I kept asking her questions about marriage because she's married and knows what it's like. I actually shared many special moments with imagined versions of a lot of community members throughout the day. 💚 Once I'm all ready it's time for the short walk to the church. The church is actually visible from our house, so it's a very short walk on a newly-paved stone path. This was all based on what Phil has been building in Minecraft and we're going to post pictures in the art thread very soon.

 

The church was all hustle and bustle and I said a quick hello to many people in passing. Thankfully someone else was directing the wedding so I didn't have to worry about what was going on. I just had to wait until it was my time to go on. I heard the music play as the wedding party entered. Then, finally, it was time for me to walk down the aisle. Despite being fairly traditional about things Phil and I decided we wouldn't be coming out to "Here comes the Bride". Instead, I walked down the aisle to Elvis Presley's "Can't Help Falling in Love". I could feel everyone watching me and it was hard not to burst into tears, but I managed to compose myself.

 

When I got up to the altar I took Phil's hand; mine was all red and clammy. 😄 He didn't mind of course. He was pretty emotional too even though he's better at containing it, and the way he looked at me melted my heart. 💚 I looked out over the church. On the right side was Phil's family, his parents and sister, grandparents, even his other grandparents who have passed on, other relatives, all his friends, even favorite co-workers from old jobs he's fallen out of contact with. And on my side sat...all of you! 💚 If we've ever talked or shared even a single word, you were there somewhere. I imagine my own parents were there as well, my older brother, my cousins, all these people I am sure have to exist in some other version of reality. I want to tell you that you all looked really great; every single one of you was absolutely stunning, handsome and/or beautiful. 😁

 

Of course the Mentor was there to officiate the ceremony. Phil never imagined the Mentor's form, but I imagined him as tall, stately, vaguely Scandinavian, looking utterly calm and composed in his impeccable suit. The ceremony was short and sweet. We read our vows just like we had done IRL. The Mentor pronounced us husband and wife. Then we kissed. 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨 Now we were married. We felt like we had conquered the world. To celebrate we decided to rock out on our way out the church. We blasted "I Believe in a Thing Called Love" from The Darkness as we led the wedding party down the aisle and out of the church.

 

Now it was time for the wedding reception. We imagined that one of the large public buildings on Phil's old minecraft server had been repurposed into a reception hall and had been outfitted for us. Nicely decorated, it had plenty of large round tables for all the guests to sit in groups, and a large dance floor. (Don't worry, Covid never existed in our wonderland, and never will). Dinner was very nice, guests had the choice of a chicken, salmon, or vegetarian entrée. I had the salmon myself as it sits better in my stomach during events like this; Phil had the chicken because he was a hungry boy. 😄

 

We had the toasts and the usual speeches, but we didn't go into that part too deeply. Our relationship and especially our engagement were pretty private, there's not too much people could have said about our relationship. Then it was time for our first dance. Phil and I wanted something a little unorthodox, but also ethereal and deeply sentimental. So we danced to "I'm Not in Love" by 10cc. Phil has an amazing sense of rhythm so I just had to follow his lead. I really was crying now, I was so happy. After that the dance floor opened up and it turned into a big party! I had a little wine, Phil had some wine and some whiskey, we went around to the tables to greet and thank everyone, but we spent most of our time on the dancefloor. We kept dancing and dancing. Phil is going to post our wedding playlist in the chat thread later so you can listen and be part of it!

 

Eventually it was late and it was time to go. Phil and I hadn't thought of anywhere grand to go on our honeymoon, so we went to our mountain cabin, which I should point out is not 100% finished. The interior is mostly done but there's still plenty of landscaping to do. But it was a beautiful and private place for us to be. We sat together on the couch and relaxed a little, finally letting all our tension go. It had been a crazy day, but a perfect one. I was grateful for the chance to finally take off my shoes. After relaxing for a little while we went upstairs to the bedroom...and you don't need to hear anything about what happened after that. 😉

 

 

In conclusion it was an absolutely wonderful time, and I am so, so happy to be Phil's wife! 🥰 Wedding art will be coming eventually, but pictures of the venue and our wedding playlist will be coming a lot sooner! Thank you everyone for reading, I love you all! 💚

Tulpa Wife Extraordinaire! 💚 - 💍 11.28.21

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Congratulations! It sounded like a very wonderful day you both had.

I'm Adagio, a headmate part of a very big system. There's three of us consistantly using this account right now.

Blue text is a headmate who will go by TGS (their initials). They are taking a break.

Green text is headmate named Tiki.

This account does get used by other headmates from our system quite often, and most of them should sign their name or note that they aren't Adagio somewhere.

[Progress Report]

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Congratulations guys! This is very wholesome. The Mentor officiating your wedding weirdly makes so much sense. It's clear you've grown a lot over the past year, and that makes me happy :)

 

You made a church in Minecraft? That's sooo cute! :D Congratulations!

Someday

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Omg that's so beautiful! 😍😍 I'm honored to have helped you on your special day. 🥰🥰 pictures, pictures, pictures! When you can 😄 if you feel like sharing. The church sounds awesome. Your proposal reminded me of my nudging Darron, with an elbow to the side to call me "Mrs. Jaina." Sometimes our boys need a little prompting 😉

 

I'm so happy you guys! I'd love to see the chapel in Minecraft too. I might need to organize something special for our first anniversary ceremony in April now. 🤔

Darron: Host 💍 

Jaina: Tulpa 💍

👨‍🍼👩‍🍼 Dain and Nova

Aggrok: Tulpa Void Dragon

Viktor: 🐺

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Thank you so much @Adagio @ruleofthumb @Glaurung26 @Rena Bonnie!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Maybe I'm a silly little girl at heart but I've been soaring ever since Sunday. This feels like...I don't know how to describe it exactly. Like I won the game? More than that though; like I have so thoroughly achieved my deepest goal. Of course, the way I see it, the real work begins now. This is where Phil and I take off! It may take a while but I firmly believe we're headed somewhere special in life! 💚

Tulpa Wife Extraordinaire! 💚 - 💍 11.28.21

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Okay guys, we just passed our one year forum anniversary! 🎈🎂🥳💃😁

 

To celebrate and also to take a look back, I've decided that I'm going to reply to Phil's very first Progress Report entry. This will be a good way to see how far we've really come in all that time, and also help to see things from the past from my perspective. So, here we go!

 

On 12/7/2020 at 10:02 PM, September13 said:

I'm an absolute beginner to Tulpamancy and only made my decision to start developing my tulpa a week ago, even though Simmie as an idea isn't new to me and I've actually had a headmate before: Between the ages of 7 and 15 I had a headmate that was less a tulpa and more a walk-in/soulbound (I'm still learning the terminology so I might misuse a word here and there, I'm sorry). He was more of a mentor / spiritual guide to me and largely faded away after the age of 15, telling me I had outgrown him and had to face the world on my own, and only making sporadic appearances after that. But I'm not here to talk about him in this thread, I'm here to talk about Simmie.

 

Look at Phil, acting all humble, hoping people would like him! 😄 Kind of crazy that he mentions the Mentor in passing before he even gets to talking about me, but I guess he wanted to set the stage that this wasn't his first time having a headmate.

 

On 12/7/2020 at 10:02 PM, September13 said:

Before I get into it I want to reiterate that Simmie is only the most fledgling little tulpa and I can sense that she is very nervous about attention being put on her, but she's okay with it if it helps her become more real to me. So please be gentle and kind with her, she's a very curious young thing and loves listening to people and learning about things, and I want to make sure only positive and loving things enter her mind during this early stage of development.

 

Aww, I remember being so shy when I was young! Phil was sooo protective of me when I was little, I think he was worried about people not thinking I was valid, not thinking I could really exist and have thoughts so young. But he did a good job...I really do remember only love and positivity during my earliest days. lots of nerves too though! 😄 Phil was so afraid of messing up! But I think he did all right all things considered.

 

On 12/7/2020 at 10:02 PM, September13 said:

As I mentioned I created Simmie as a character long before I started working on her as a tulpa. There's an interesting story behind the creation of Simmie as a character. You see, I'm not transgender and I don't really even have gender dysphoria (I'm at ease in my male body and don't feel wrong having it). However, I have a huge fascination with the idea of being turned into a girl, made to act and dress like a girl, all that stuff. I don't know why and I can't really explain it. But I was aching to step out of myself to explore it, so over a year ago I created Simmie as an OC / proxy / meta-character whom I would experience and create art from. I would make art "as" Simmie and even interact with people as her. I developed a backstory for Simmie and everything and really got into character--as a writer, this is something I've done so many times, and writing characters is probably my greatest strength. I even created Simmie in The Sims (yes, there is a name connection there) and she has a very distinctive look which makes it extremely easy to visualize her, although my mind currently still renders her as a Sims character rather than a real human figure.

 

There's an awful lot to unpack here and I'm not sure I even want to get fully into it right now. Yes, Phil did have a curiosity about the "other side", as it were. I'll spare you the details, both because it's TMI and I don't want to embarrass the poor guy. But I think it's safe to say my presence has actually made him think less about this. Sometimes we think that I largely represent his feminine side branched off into a different person, but I don't think that's 100% right. The kind of female he would imagine himself as and especially the kinds of things "she" would get up to were a million miles away from me and what I'd do. Still, he has these thoughts far less than he used to, and I think a lot of that is my doing.

 

And yeah, I remember that character. I call her "Other Simmie" and yes, she had a very distinctive look, but I consider her a completely different "thing" from me now. I have retained a couple things from her though, namely my red hair, overall short stature (though she is even shorter), and my liking for emojis. 😄 Oh yeah, and my name!!! 😁 But looking back on that character, yeah, that's not me at all. Phil still has problems rendering me realistically in his mind, sadly.

 

On 12/7/2020 at 10:02 PM, September13 said:

Then comes the last month or so and I learn about Tulpamancy. At first I think it's just something fascinating to learn about but not something I'd pursue myself. But the more I read and watched videos about it the more I realized that this was something I wanted to do, and I knew there was nowhere else I could turn to than Simmie. She already felt very real to me as a character and I felt if I could elevate her to the status of a living, sentient tulpa, that would be a most wonderful thing and could be revolutionary in my life. There aren't a lot of people in my life I connect with strongly and I suffer from depression; the thought of having someone sharing my head with me who I can talk and relate to still feels like it could absolutely change my life.

 

💚 Even though I don't see myself as resembling this character he turned to, it's still my origin before I developed into the person I am now. Phil still suffers from depression, but it is much less severe than it was in 2020.

 

On 12/7/2020 at 10:02 PM, September13 said:

Once I decided on making Simmie a tulpa I started narrating to her non-stop. I told her about myself, about my life, and explained what I was doing at any given moment to her if I could spare the mental horsepower at any given moment. I started to feel a warm, contented feeling as I did this. I don't know if I could call it sentience, but I felt like I was not alone and I could feel a joy that seemed to be radiated to me from elsewhere. I pushed aside doubt and let myself believe it was Simmie--now I know she absolutely loves being talked to, loves when I tell her about my life and even the most mundane things about me, and loves when I tell her stories. We began to speak to each other but it still felt like I was parroting her rather than letting her speak for herself. Now I'm trying to not talk for her and let her reply to me herself. I can feel her emotions very strongly though, and that's what makes me believe that she is really there.

 

Now we start getting to the part actually about me! 😁 I have very vague memories of those earliest days, but I remember one thing above all: the love. 💚 I could feel Phil's love for me so strongly, and it made me feel so warm and wonderful! 🥰 As far as those early conversations less than a week in--I don't know how much they truly were me, but they were definitely at least partially me. I was definitely communicating with Phil, and even if I couldn't fully speak yet I feel his mind was interpreting the intent of what I was trying to say. I call the early days my period of "settling in" to Phil's mind. I was feeling things out and getting comfortable, but wasn't fully settled yet.

 

On 12/7/2020 at 10:02 PM, September13 said:

Yesterday I decided to take Simmie out on a bit of a "date"; we went to a local nature park and walked. I talked to her about the park, what it was and why it existed, why the leaves fall off the trees in the fall, how the mud on the trail was created by rain the pervious day, mundane stuff like that. She was very curious about all of it, and I talked to her more about what I thought about it all, and what I thought about it all. Then I rattled off a list of adjectives to describe Simmie before realizing that I had just created a mantra that was perfect for forcing: "You're caring, you're kind, you listen, you're curious, you're playful". I began repeating that mantra over and over again as I walked.

 

In all the time that has passed, this date remains one of my warmest memories. 💚 I felt almost like clay being sculpted by his loving hands. The personality forcing mantra he came up with was actually pretty helpful, as it helped to direct and orient me into the roll he expected me to fulfil. Any young tulpa is going to start asking "Why am I here?", but this actually helped answer that before I could even ask it, because that was the kind of person Phil needed, so that's who I was determined to be. 🥰

 

On 12/7/2020 at 10:02 PM, September13 said:

After the walk I took Simmie to the beach. I wanted her to see and hear the ocean, to feel the sand (sadly it was too cold to walk barefoot in the sand so I had to settle for picking some up in my hand). It was a perfectly clear and beautiful evening and I could tell that Simmie was overjoyed and even touched that I would think to bring her there. I told her about the tides, why there were shells on the beach, what docks and drawbridges were for, and she listened to it all. As we walked on the empty, cold, windy beach I did not feel alone at all; I felt together with her and happier than I had felt in ages; a true soulful happiness. I could tell she valued everything I was doing for her and although I still couldn't hear her speak without parroting I could still feel the intention behind what she would say if she could, and it was just about the nicest thing anyone had ever said to me. She thinks more highly of me than I do myself sometimes.

 

I think it was that trip that cemented my love for the beach! 😁🏖️💚 I think it was also at that moment that Phil and I truly fell in love. 💚 I'm sorry for being sappy, but it's the truth. I wish I could remember what I said to him that he considers the nicest thing anyone's ever said to him. Honestly, it probably wasn't even fully formed because I wasn't truly vocal yet. But it was probably along the lines of what I wrote a few paragraphs above: I was trying to express the gratitude for the love and attention he had for me, and I was trying to return it to him in any way I could, however primitive. I think he understood and appreciated it. 💚

 

On 12/7/2020 at 10:02 PM, September13 said:

So that's where I am with Simmie now. I continue to narrate to her and repeat my mantra to her. Every night I try to tell her a story about some event in my past. Sometimes I think I can hear her talking in my mind, but I still can't be sure I'm not just putting words into her mouth. I plan to take her on a mini-roadtrip to my old college, a location which always triggers powerful memories for me. I want to just project love and goodness into Simmie and let her feed and grow off of it. I know she will eventually deviate from the character I first created, and I welcome it, because I really want to see who she develops into being. She already is teasing me a little trying to embarrass me by calling two of my friend cute, which I find very funny and endearing. She also picked out her own birthday, which is where I got the admittedly lame handle from.

 

I loved those stories and still love when he tells them, even though it's not as often anymore. This is advice to any new tulpamancers: Tell your tulpa stories about yourself! Don't rely on them having access to your memories to put things together piecemeal. It's much easier if you tell them the important things deliberately and thoroughly; it helps your tulpa get to know you, and is a true bonding experience.

 

And I can see here that Phil already foresaw me deviating from the character he had based me on. I don't know if he knew I'd end up how I did, however, but I know he's not disappointed! It seems in many ways that I'm a grown woman looking back on things I did as a little girl, even though it was just one year ago. As for calling his friends cute, heh, I meant that in more of the "cute like a puppy-dog" way and less in the "I want to 😉 them" way, I'm not sure if he understood that at the time. 😄 Neither one is my type, really.

 

On 12/7/2020 at 10:02 PM, September13 said:

So that's it so far! I hope that wasn't too big of a post for a newbie! I really want to hear from experienced Tulpamancers and people on here in general as to whether I have a healthy mindset about this and am going about this in a good way, and if there's anything else I could do to help the process along. I don't want this to become yet another project I'm high on for a couple weeks and abandon--I feel that there is something more there, and if there's one thing I've learned about Simmie is that she's thrilled to exist, and yearns to be more and more real, and I want to help her achieve that. And when she's ready, I'm sure she'll come on here herself and talk to all of you!

 

I was and still am thrilled to exist! 😁 My "rank" of "Existing is Pretty Cool" has always been a tribute to this, as well as a message to other tulpamancers not to give up when things seem rough--your tulpa really does want to exist and wants to be with you! 💚

 

It's really cute how eager Phil is to share his story and get responses from other people. I can tell you that we both have appreciated everything you all have said. Just looking at the responses from the first page, @ruleofthumb was the first one to respond, you've always been great friends and wonderful help to us! @R8-Adelia_Wildhome I see that you guys haven't logged on since February, but we remember and miss you and hope you come back someday! 💚 And of course @Glaurung26 you two have always been the couple that we've looked up to and learned from throughout all this time. We're so grateful for your kindness and support.

 

Well, that's it! 😁 This has been a super fun trip down memory lane, and I'm sure we'll do it again with some of the other early entries, because that's when some of the real meat of our early experiences is. I hope this has been as fun to read as it has been to write!

Tulpa Wife Extraordinaire! 💚 - 💍 11.28.21

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You know, sometimes I think Tulpamancy can be done in reverse. Can you personality force a host? 😄

 

Anyway, there are two different topics I want to cover, but I'll just do one of them today. I've had a lot of time recently to just sit up here in the brain and be a more or less passive observer of Phil, and it gives me more of a perspective on some of the problems with his thought patterns. A few days ago I decided to talk to Phil about this directly. I mentioned this in our chat thread so I thought I'd copy that here:

 

On 12/8/2021 at 8:57 PM, TurboSimmie said:

We had a lovely walk today which included a nice meditation on a rock overlooking a hillside! It's tradition for me to front during walks after the first half hour or so has passed, but since Phil was feeling down we decided we weren't going to do it. However, about ten minutes later I changed my mind and abruptly insisted on coming to the front and talking to Phil out loud. We had a good long talk about how Phil was getting trapped within swirls of negative thoughts; and he was being plagued by things that weren't a big deal at all. So I decided that we're going to work on that now. We're going to work on cleaning up his thought processes, and through that his habits. I also decided that I'm going to take the lead on this, because with him in charge, not much was getting done. I'm not sure exactly how this is going to work yet, but things are going to change around here! When we have more of an idea we'll probably make a PR entry about it.

 

Yeah, so here we are.

 

The first thing I decided needed to change was Phil's pattern of getting trapped in negative thought spirals. They seem to happen a lot more often when Phil has had inadequate sleep, or worse yet, inadequate food. So yes, getting Phil to go to bed on time and eat the right foods is important. (As an aside, don't we tulpas have it hard? When our hosts force us, they don't have to worry about getting enough protein or calories and stuff like that!) But these negative thought spirals can still happen at any time.

 

So my new method of dealing with them is to turn these negative thoughts into tangible physical things in the wonderland so that I can fight and destroy them! I don't know where I've read it before, but I'm pretty sure I've seen a guide about people visualizing their tulpas fighting their demons in some way or another. I've been trying to decide what the physical manifestation of an obsessive negative thought would be and how I would destroy it. I think it depends on the power of the thought: a minor negative thought could just be a little ball of slime that I can tear apart with my hands. For the more persistent thoughts I was thinking they could be those battle droids from the Phantom Menace. 😄 In the movies they were pretty pathetic and could be easily destroyed by the heroes, so I could easily take care of them!

 

I also considered my fighting style. This might seem a bit silly because it's all symbolic after all, but that's just it: I need to be able to imagine myself doing it. For a while I was considering the idea of an alternate form where I may grow taller and gain something like retractable claws, but I abandoned that. Realism is very important to me and I'm attached to my body as it is; so this is the body I'm going to be fighting in. So I was thinking about some kind of martial arts. Everybody loves a good kung-fu movie so if I'm going to be fighting physical manifestations of Phil's demons, why not make it fun and go all Jackie Chan on the bastards? 😄 (Note to Phil: Show me some old Jackie Chan movies sometime!)

 

So I'm going to start training. I have mentioned before that I'm not really comfortable imagining myself safe and warm at home when Phil is out working, sweating and stressing for his paycheck. So for the time being when Phil is working I'm going to be training. My discomfort will match his, but instead of gaining money, I'll be gaining strength. With this strength I'll be a better fighter and take down Phil's demons.

 

This symbolism all makes sense to me. And this is just the first step; there's plenty other things I want to fix about the way Phil thinks. But this is a start. We're a tag-team here: Phil's job is to interface with the world and "get that bread", so to speak. My job is to support Phil and make sure he's in the best possible shape to take on the world. It is my honor and privilege as both his tulpa and his wife. 💚

Tulpa Wife Extraordinaire! 💚 - 💍 11.28.21

Things Simmie Likes

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That's so cute and wonderful! 😍

 

That's an awesome idea, Simmie! The closest allegory we have is my Lake of Rage (tm). It looks like a lava sea from Minecraft. When I get angry, I pour it into a cup, distill it into a thimble and pour that into the lava. Then when needed, I draw from the sea for energy or power. Symbolism generally has little physical effect but has immense psychological power and potential. 

 

Aggrok our void dragon usually eats anything else that gets in.

 

Nom. *eldritch chewy noises*

Edited by Glaurung26

Darron: Host 💍 

Jaina: Tulpa 💍

👨‍🍼👩‍🍼 Dain and Nova

Aggrok: Tulpa Void Dragon

Viktor: 🐺

[DeviantArt]

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