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Clairity's Report: An Epilogue(?)


Clairity

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I was going to make the title some pun on 'finding clarity,' but decided against it.

 

Anyway: years ago--about seven, I think?--in high school, I first started trying to make a tulpa. I stopped for about a year, thinking I'd failed and my first tulpa (who I'll call C) was gone, before trying again. This time I made two simultaneously, P and R, who I had a lot more success with; I eventually discovered that C was still around, too, and started forcing her/them again. I don't remember exactly how long I was most actively working with them (I want to say about a year?) before it became more of an on-and-off thing, and then eventually stopped again. It's been a few years now since I really tried to get in touch with any of them. Maybe out of guilt, maybe out of wanting to let it lie if they were gone or dormant, instead of digging it all back up when I didn't feel capable of sharing my life or headspace with them in the way that they needed. 

 

I did it tonight, folks. They're still around and they've made their wonderland into a beautiful place together. (Also P and R are very much in love, wow.) I... don't entirely know how they feel about me, and I don't know that I want to integrate them into my real-world life again the way I did before if they can find their own happiness in the wonderland, but I want to make sure that they have what they need to be happy, whatever that ends up meaning. I don't feel like I've done right by them, and I want to. (Even if that just means tulpa child support, haha.)

 

So... here I am again. This will be my log for this journey. Wish us all luck.

 

-Clairity

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List of tulpas, as well as other miscellaneous information about things like the wonderland/s if I decide to jot it down:

 

-P (F, she/her). Around 6 years old. Made at the same time as R, based on a character from the same piece of media. Humanoid form, short and compact, fairly ageless; could be anywhere between 25 and 40. Calm, observant, and reserved. Fairly certain she's in a committed relationship with R at this point.

 

-R (F, she/her). Around 6 years old; see P. Humanoid form, tall and gangly, seems mid-to-late-20s. Brash, outspoken, excitable, and impatient, very mechanically minded.

 

-C (NB, they/them). Around 7 years old (I think). Based on a semi-humanoid version of my fursona, feels mid-20s. Wary, half-wild, has abandonment issues; less verbal than P and R.

 

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