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Tulpa struggles with internalized homophobia

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On 2/11/2021 at 3:32 AM, ZenAndMika said:

Try to point out to the best of your ability that masculinity and femininity are at the end of the day a false dichotomy.


This is great. I'm squarely masculine and I've never had any doubt or inklings for other than heterosexual interaction or expression. However, in the realm of self-healing, self-confidence, and overall strength of character and essence of being a human, there is strength in embracing both masculine and feminine energies. I am not saying that I have any intent to put on eye liner or wear a feminine outfit, even if my very fem headmates front, that is strictly off-limits from day one, but inside all bets are off. However, if I did, that wouldn't affect my masculinity at all, I just don't personally like it. They have taught me that there's nothing toxic about masculinity as long as there is also room for femininity in thinking and action. I can do "motherly" things for my younger headmates and others and that doesn't threaten my masculinity. I'm not saying I'll put on a frilly apron and bake cookies, but I can easily and fluidly get on one knee and  tend to a scraped knee with all the care and comfort right up there with most femininized womanly archetype. This isn't a weakness to my masculine ego, it's a profound strength. In countless ways, those feminine traits that are undeniably against the societal norms of what a man should do are completely up for grabs to add to your own strength. Whichever and whenever you are comfortable with them. In embracing what you know should be done, even against what societal pressures dictate what should be done, you are the benefactor of incredible strength of will and ironically double strong reinforcement of masculinity. After all, the essence of being a man is that you are physically, emotionally, and willfully strong (brave). Nothing can stop you, even societies' own norms. 


To @Desmond 


I can't give you insight into being a gay man who leans masculine, because I'm not gay, but I am masculine and love it. This, however, doesn't stop me from expressing feminine traits whenever I see fit. I have the freedom to choose the correct action for the correct situation without gender boundaries. Strict gender boundaries are toxic in my opinion, both masculine and feminine. Be yourself and if that means someone will call you out occasionally for being fem, that shouldn't bother you at all, because there is strength in all things. Imagine someone saying I'm acting girlish, at this point, after all the work I've done (along with my very fem headmates) to allow such things, I'd take that as a compliment. I'd puff our my chest like a rooster and crow, "thank you for noticing." Not because I want to be seen as feminine, but because if I am, I am secure enough in my masculinity to know that it's a strength, not a weakness. 


On 2/11/2021 at 10:15 AM, Desmond said:

To still struggle with something like this just feels stupid.


It's not stupid. In fact, because you're questioning it, this shows your inner strength of will and your willingness to show your supposed weakness, which to me is a strength in itself. Stay on this path and you're going to overcome this, and when you do, the power of masculine and feminine will be under your command, and femininity is a powerful ally to masculinity, not an adversary.


Be brave enough, as a man, to be feminine when you feel like it, or when the situation deserves it.



Edited by BearBeaBeau
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I'm a bit of a materialist and pragmatic philosopher so as far as I'm concerned it's all made up, sexuality, gender, roles, expressions, etc. As long as it doesn't reasonably include or affect others go hog wild and do how you do. Beyond standing or sitting in the bathroom, the ability to carry a child, and average height there's not too much going on difference wise. Maybe some hormonal stuff, you'd have to ask a real doctor lol. Besides that you can define your style, speech, personality, hobbies, sexuality, life experiences and so on. 


Jaina and I follow fairly hetero male/female roles but we try to not let that chain us down and allow ourselves to be our definition of what those are, not some lowest common denominator society version.

Darron: Host 💍 

Jaina: Tulpa 💍 



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