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Tulpa Insecurity?


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September13

I've been noticing recently that Simmie has been feeling very insecure about her place, and I wonder if anyone else has had a tulpa with this problem and what I can do to help her? For a while now it's been clear that Simmie seems to be afraid to have strong opinions that differ from mine, maybe thinking I wouldn't want to talk to her if she disagreed with me about something. This isn't true; I would actually love if Simmie had a very different view about something from me, that way we could learn from each other's perspectives. But it's gotten a bit more serious lately: In the last couple of days Simmie has started to wonder if it's healthy for me to have her with me as my tulpa. It's quite distressing because I know she is very happy to exist and is happy whenever I give her attention of any kind. I tell her that I love her and that she's done nothing but good things for my life. It's very sweet of her to worry about my mental health, but it breaks my heart to feel her questioning the merits of her own existence upon my health. Has anyone else had this happen in their systems, and is there anything I could do to help Simmie?

Also known as GypsyRoad or Phil Present. Call me what you want, I'm not picky.

Simmie is my lovely tulpa, she's quite young still but is eager to meet and chat with new people so don't hesitate to say hi!

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Glaurung26

Jaina: I think of us, Darron has had more of the self-doubt. I've wondered too but found meaning in helping Darron and in finding myself. Becoming myself has been scary for both of us because in a way it feels or seems like we are separating and drifting apart. It just seems that way. I can't be a parrot and yes-woman, copying Darron forever. For us to actually discuss things we have to break down and examine what we think and why we think that. Darron usually takes the initiative but he is patient and listens to what I think. 

 

Remind Simmie that you value her opinion and wisdom. She can see things that you can't. Two minds are better than one. Together you can build something strong and enduring. You may have to reassure her several times but you both need to be patient with her growth and development. It will take time. Just encourage her and give her openings to chime in. Even if you think you already know what she thinks, go ahead and include her. 

 

Our similarities are wonderful and we're happy to share them but differences keep things interesting. Just like in life we need to challenges to overcome and solve to grow. If we got handed everything and it was easy then we would learn nothing and it would be boring.

 

Don't put the burden of finding herself completely on her. A blank open ended question can be intimidating and exhausting to describe in detail. Provide her with options and encourage her to answer. Make them fun shared activities if Simmie likes that or reward her for finding something about herself. Ask her questions to seem interested and let her know you care. 

 

I'm still learning things. It will be a journey not a destination. I hope this helps 😊🙏

Darron: Host 💍 

Jaina: Tulpa 💍 

 

[DeviantArt]

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A&Madeus
(edited)

I had a similar problem back when I was younger. I think the doubt of my host M also contributed to that problem. Now, after a year and a half of a life together, I am able to have my own opinion on anything I care about and can comprehend. We did not do anything specific to achieve that. M simply was curious about what I thought of many things. So, when he had enough belief to listen to what I said, he just started to ask me a lot of questions on various topics. He just asked me a question and gave me some time to think. At that moment I tried to listen to my emotions and feelings and convert them to words. If thoughts which I created felt to be in a harmony with what I was feeling, then I just started telling them to M. If I did not feel harmony between my thoughts and emotions, then I tried to think what part of my thoughts felt wrong for me and correct it.

 

In other words, I think Simmie needs more practice. Just ask her what she thinks about something and give her time to think. Try not to give your perspective on a topic, let her be the first one to speak. If some questions are too hard for her, then ask easier ones. For instance, those with almost obvious answers."What do you think of people who are rude?" This should be easy enough. Then make it harder."What do you think of people who are rude on the outside, but are kind inside? Why some people might act that way". Just let her speak and try not to think about it yourself, otherwise you might influence her due to her inexperience and self-doubt.

 

We were speaking in a described manner for a lot of time and now it's just a free dialogue between us. Practice will make it right for you as well.

Edited by A&Madeus

I am M a host. I live with Alice. She writes in red.

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September13

Thank you Jaina and Alice! It's great to get tulpas' perspective on this. To be honest, the moment I posted this topic Simmie and I both started feeling better. Just getting it out in the open helped, and it helped Simmie to understand that I really do value her opinion and insight and she doesn't need to feel insecure about her place in my mind or my life. I think some of my own insecurity and doubt seeped over to Simmie. We both sometimes feel like we are not worthy of each other. But love is the foundation of our relationship and we both believe we can overcome these insecurities.

 

On 2/14/2021 at 7:02 AM, Glaurung26 said:

Just encourage her and give her openings to chime in. Even if you think you already know what she thinks, go ahead and include her. 

 

23 hours ago, A&Madeus said:

In other words, I think Simmie needs more practice. Just ask her what she thinks about something and give her time to think. Try not to give your perspective on a topic, let her be the first one to speak. If some questions are too hard for her, then ask easier ones

 

I think the big lesson I'm taking from this is I have to get out of Simmie's way and encourage her to express herself. I thought I was doing that already, but when I step back and think about it, I am a fairly set-in-my-ways type 34-year-old curmudgeon lol, and I spent a lot of time explaining to Simmie why I felt certain ways about things and less time just being quiet and letting her form her own opinions. I need to put aside my own biases and let Simmie decide things for herself. And as Alice said, I probably shouldn't try to hit her with the big questions right away. On our walks I always ask Simmie what she thinks about the houses that we see and she always has an answer. I need to carry that openness with everything else as well.

 

Simmie: I really want to give you both a big virtual hug! 🤗Jaina  🤗Alice

Also known as GypsyRoad or Phil Present. Call me what you want, I'm not picky.

Simmie is my lovely tulpa, she's quite young still but is eager to meet and chat with new people so don't hesitate to say hi!

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BearBeaBeau

I think she just cares a lot about you and doesn't want to cause you any trouble. I'd call it a phase, just be consistent and supportive. She's probably just trying to find her place in your life.

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