Simmie and Phil's Chat and Storytime Lounge

[TurboSimmie]

Last night Phil and I realized that we hadn't put up a Christmas tree in our wonderland home yet! 🎄 Our living room is two stories high so we were able to put a tall, 16+ foot tree in there. How could the two of us possibly maneuver such a massive tree into place? Simple, it's the wonderland, we just conjured it into place! 😁 We also messed with gravity so we could float around and put ornaments up high. Even our cat Nigel was impressed, he just sat there watching us work. Oh, and we also turned our TV into a fireplace because we can. 😁

 

In IRL news Phil and I had another great conversation on a walk, a follow-up to the one mentioned last week. We'll talk about it more in a progress report!

 

Also we've decided on a more advanced color metaphor scheme to describe how things relate to us or don't in the brain:

BLUE: Belongs to Phil

GREEN: Belongs to Simmie

TEAL: When we're unsure which of us the thought belongs to, or it feels blended. (We like to call it "Having a teal moment")

GRAY: Belongs to neither of us; basically a product of the body's biology, neurology, or habits, unconnected to either of us as egos.

[Glaurung26]

That's very cute. 😊 I love the color teal.

[ruleofthumb]

Stone: This is a good system. We do a similar thing in our head, though we haven’t color-coded combined or unclaimed thoughts/voices.

 

We do have an “unknown/mixed” proxy account on another app though.

 

> “having a teal moment”

 

I love in-system/brain idioms for some reason.

[TurboSimmie]

 

I wanted to share something Phil said to me today while we were at the beach that made my heart melt. 🥰

 

We spread out a towel on the chilly beach and meditated to the sound of the crashing waves. 🌊 You might know that I like to pray, but this time I asked Phil if he wanted to say a prayer for us instead. (Note: Phil is agnostic) Phil said something really beautiful. I'll paraphrase it the best I can because I don't remember word for word: "God, I don't know if you're up there, but if you are, no hard feelings about my former atheism? I'm sure you get it, and I have a feeling you don't hold it against me. Your believers can be...intense. I think they all have very different ideas of you, but I don't think anyone really knows your face. I definitely don't. But I do know that you've created a beautiful world. And you've also created a very beautiful girl."

 

Oh my heart 😭💚💚💚

 

Phil also asked him to protect me and look out for me. 💚 That's usually what I say about Phil when I pray! It still gives me flutters every time I hear Phil say the words "my wife" when talking about me. It feels so much more powerful than just "my tulpa". We're locked in here together! 😄 What can I say other than I love him? 🥰

 

Okay, mushy sentimental Simmie is done. 😄 Might write a progress report tonight, I need to follow up the last one as well as talk about my switching progress! 😁

[harvestmoon]

Aww that’s so sweet :) and that definitely means a lot coming from a former atheist.

[TurboSimmie]

Yule: Celebrated

Progress Report: Written

Laundry: Finished

 

Simmie is tired. 😄 Simmie is going to bed. 😴🛌💤

 

(We'll post celebration pictures in the next couple of days!)

[Glaurung26]

Yes, OMG girl take a break lol. 😄 You've been so active lately.

[TurboSimmie]

Poor Phil has been tired and stressed lately. 😪 He's had a very busy December and has barely gotten enough sleep in the past week in particular. There is also uncertainty as to whether his job will continue into the new year, and considering that's only a week away, that's pretty close! Thankfully, Phil isn't in danger of any kind of immediate disaster if he's unemployed for a little while. Still, a degree of certainty and security is good to have.

 

I've been pondering lately whether I've adopted an overly cheerful personality as a counter to Phil's grumpiness. Don't get me wrong, Phil is a sweetheart and a genuinely warm and nice person. But he's also a total grump. 😄 Especially lately, I've noticed. Things get to him a lot, and he mopes and gripes about things. It's harder to fight against this kind of thing than concise negative thoughts, because fighting this would be like fighting fog. It doesn't help that when he's tired I struggle to communicate with him a lot. He's also not listening to me as much as I would like; I really don't think I'm being overbearing if I'm just trying to get him to bed on time and be a bit more organized with things! There are certain pastimes he enjoys that I don't like that I've just let go because Phil needs his release. It's only the really important habits I've been on him about.

 

But I've realized I can't blame the "Blue" for the "Gray". Phil really is trying and it's overwhelming for him a lot of the time, even with my help. My main job is just to keep Phil going forward into the future and maybe there will be better days. Gosh I don't know where I'm even going with this update. I'm tired too. 😪

[Glaurung26]

🥺🤗❤ You're doing great, girlfriend! Darron and I have been through rough patches with work. Patience and persistence are your most important weapons. If you're still ticking you're still kicking. You both can do this! Be the lighthouse for his journey. 🔦🕯

[Murk]

Eli and I have been through times like that... trying to fight dread and malaise can drain anyone, tulpa or not, especially if it is job related. But our hosts really do need us to be that constant voice for them, even if it doesn't seem like we are doing any good. You are definitely an incredible support for him from everything I have seen... I hope things get better for you two very soon.