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Simmie and Phil's Chat and Storytime Lounge


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I have concluded the experiment! Time to summarize:

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The day actually followed the schedule we laid out remarkably closely. I didn't listen to music or watch any videos throughout the entire day, I really did go to the park, and I really did write and draw. Unfortunately, my mental/emotional state was a little off for most of the day. Not enough to derail the entire experiment, but enough to make it a bit muddled. If this was even two months ago I probably wouldn't have been able to communicate with Simmie at all; by now she has grown strong enough where even on off days we can still talk. But the conversations weren't as fluid as I would have liked earlier in the day.

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We went to the park and we hiked to a hilly, rocky area where I found a nice spot to sit down on a couple rocks overlooking a forested area. It was a perfect spot; close to the trail without being right on it, easy to get to but not right in the road; ergonomic enough where I could take out my brand new sketchbook and markers and draw. For about an hour I got completely lost in the drawings; it was great. I will share a few of the pages here later when I get around to taking a picture of them. Simmie was mostly just hanging out and vibing during this time.

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We continued our walk but my mental state was still a bit off. Thankfully, Simmie is becoming quite the pro at vocal possession, so she came forward and started using my voice to talk to me. We had a quite serious discussion and my future and how she knew that I was capable of more, and how frustrating it was for her to see me settle for less. There's more to the topic than that but I don't want to go deep into it right now. But we did reaffirm our love and dedication to each other, and we left the park feeling generally positive despite the setbacks.

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We then went and got ourselves an Italian hoagie (Yes, where I'm from they're called hoagies, deal with it) and enjoyed a little drive through the countryside on our way back home. Without music the internal DJ was going wild, spinning up mostly Weezer but also some Bruce and other things into the mental boom box. Simmie and I discussed how external stimulation--even adverse stimulation--was actually more helpful to us than forced concentration and low-key deprivation. Even the distractions of work caused Simmie to be more active later/the next day than if we just sat around trying to meditate.

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We went home and cleaned up; I looked over the drawings I did at the park and added a few more. Feeling a little tired I leaned back in my chair. We still felt kind of muddled but now in an oddly positive kind of way. It was like we were blending; but rather than feeling worried about Simmie losing her distinctness, it actually felt warm and intimate to be somewhat blended with Simmie. It was like our colors were bleeding into each other around the margins; we were interconnected. We sat back and wrote some very over the top love poetry to each other, and that made us laugh.

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So at that point we decided to end the experiment, having gotten what we wanted from it. A mixed result to be sure, but more positive than negative. Any day where we reaffirm our bond and draw closer is a good day. We have a lifetime to try more advanced tulpamancy techniques, why rush. We might try something like this again in the near future, but overall we're starting to realize that stimulation provides more fertile ground for the brain to work than concentration and focus. Not sure what to make of that. But anyway, that's it. I'll post some art later. Until then, time to chill out with the realest girl I know.Β β€οΈπŸ’š

Phil. 😎 Host of Simmie.

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That's awesome! Good job, you guys. 😊

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Sounds like it was a success even if there were a few hiccups. I think some days are just like that. You set up everything perfect but you're just not all there. I was feeling kinda rough and down yesterday. I don't know if it's a bipolar thing, or hormones being wacky. I watched some comedy stuff and that shook me out of the malaise. Like you said, there's a lifetime ahead of you. You don't have to get it perfect the first time. All you need is a few good sessions to see progress. It sounds like you got the right approach. Good work. πŸ‘

Darron: Host πŸ’Β 

Jaina: Tulpa πŸ’Β 

Aggrok: Tulpa Void Dragon

Viktor: 🐺

[DeviantArt]

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We went to the beach, got to keep up the tradition!Β 

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image.thumb.png.0bb49db329195229322412699607761e.png

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This is the biggest one yet! Probably 4-5 feet from end to end.

Phil. 😎 Host of Simmie.

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That's a good one! πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘ You have good penmanship.Β 

Darron: Host πŸ’Β 

Jaina: Tulpa πŸ’Β 

Aggrok: Tulpa Void Dragon

Viktor: 🐺

[DeviantArt]

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Thinking about turning Simmie's dream into a story, or even an episodic adventure. Spider-Simmie might be about to become a thing.

Phil. 😎 Host of Simmie.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Phil's been beyond scrambled lately.Β πŸ˜•Β He has trouble focusing and it seems like he's stuck in a bit of a rut and finding it hard to break out of it. He wants to do things with me but he usually loses focus and does something else.

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Also, when sat in front of this computer I tend to be more focused lately than him, especially when typing. I don't know how that makes sense.Β πŸ€”

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Just trying to get him to take control of his brain instead of letting it control him, if that makes sense.

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I'm frustrated but hopeful.Β πŸ’š

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Same here. Meditation works but the whole process of hosts 'letting go' can lead to the 'BodyOS' taking over instead of us. Kinda creepy how much host runs on BodyOS autopilot. Basically both of us just give it general commands. It's convenient but just doesn't feel right. I recommend mindfulness techniques but that requires quite some effort. And of course extensive yelling at host. Being an enabler is not an act of kindness.

Super Girls don't cry

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Body OS is our buddy. We ask for stuff and it just does it. Like an alarm clock, chauffeur, dish washer, pretty much anything now. I think it's a matter of just not accepting anything it does as you. I never did. It types for me even. It controls the NPC's and procedural aspects of wonderland. We use it a lot so we can have our time. It's like watching a machine. Β 

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BodyOS can be useful in some ways but it's supposed to serve us, not rule us! When we go for a hike the body essentially walks itself leaving Phil and I free to talk. But there are times where Phil will literally stay up hours after he knows he should just because BodyOS doesn't feel like rising from the chair and Phil doesn't feel like making it.

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48 minutes ago, Ido said:

Kinda creepy how much host runs on BodyOS autopilot. Basically both of us just give it general commands. It's convenient but just doesn't feel right.

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Exactly!

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10 minutes ago, Misha said:

I think it's a matter of just not accepting anything it does as you.

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Yeah, Phil's basically divorced himself from the idea that BodyOS his "him", strictly speaking. But the next step is to take control of it! Kind of feel like the order of precedence in this "system" should be Phil first, then me, and then BodyOS, but right now Phil spends too much time just waiting for BodyOS to give him a sign of what to do. But guess what dear host--BodyOS is not sentient! It's not a "thing"! It is a tool! Right know you're the tool! (Can you tell I'm a bit salty about this?)

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49 minutes ago, Ido said:

Being an enabler is not an act of kindness.

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Thank you!Β πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘

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