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(edited)

Good morning/evening/night everyone!.

First of all, I want to apologize as i'm not a native speaker and i'm also a shitty writer, so this might be confusing or bad explained, i will try to be clear but sorry if somethings weird, (also I'm new here, sorry if this is not the place to post this aa). 

 

Anyways, I first heard about tulpas from horror stories some years ago, I read some random guide then but i was young and scared that something bad could actually happen, and eventually i forgot about it. Like 1 or 2 weeks ago a heard about tulpas from another horror story, but this time it got my attention, I didn't believed in the story anymore but i was curious what they were and how they worked in reallity, so i did some research, I've practically spend those whole weeks reading about tulpas (mostly in this same forum) and also reading a lot of different guides, answering my questions etc, and after thinking and re-thinking, I've decided that i'm going to make one, but only one and in any case, wait untill he is sentient and we both would decide what to do next.

And it's been 3 days since our first session, there's crearly been not so much progress yet, other than feeling some kind of pressure in my chest and a weird feeling, like happiness mixed with excitement, idk. I also sometimes hear a voice saying something that i didn't Consciously though about. I know many people would say "oh it's your tulpa, he's probably the fast-progress type" but no, i'm getting there in a moment. It is true that i believe that Damián and i will progress quickly as i'm sure i saw him do slight movement on his own already, and probably he's the reason of the pressure and the weird feeling, but i'm unsure about the voices, and again i'm sorry if this gets confusing.

 

I'm what i think it's called an "Inmersive Daydreamer" I live my whole life daydreaming, I didn't had a good childhood and daydreaming was my way of hiding from the bad stuff, they were always about series/videogames i liked, so I always used pre-existing characters and stories to create my own in my mind, I never was part of them, and never added my own chars or if i did, they were secondary. The daydreams weren't always the same and never followed a lineal story, once I got bored with certain topic i do severals "what if?" changing the protagonist, the ambience, creating different outcomes of certain event etc, and finally changing everything when I found a new game that i liked more. And no, I don't have the Maladaptive Daydreaming thing, I dont remember my dreams ever interfering with my daily life, or at least not in the present, I control them pretty well and i actually dream a lot while doing other activities like drawing or homework and it helps me to not get too streesed with it.

Going back with the tulpas, ever since i was little while i was daydreaming i would "lose" control of it, for example when I was trying to focus on a character, it would get deformed, look creepy and it didn't matter how hard I tried to take it back to normal, i couldn't, sometimes i also heard a voice like i said early, but to be honest i always tought it was because i was unstable for the things that happened around me, it was never something severe and didn't happened often, so i never worried about it, but yesterday, while I was forcing with Damián i "lose" the control again, I started to see weird faces appearing around him, I puppeted him to scare them away but i realized i didn't wanted to expose him to that, since we're just starting with his development I'm scared it could affect him somehow so i tried to focus only on him, but i saw something that is been worrying me since last night, I saw the protagonist of my latest daydreams, "screaming" at Damián, his look was slighty different and he grabbed Damián's face and opened his mouth, he looked angry but i couldn't hear anything. I apologised to Damián and said that it wasn't me, at first i tought that I was probably too tired or that I get influenced by the horror movie i was watching early when i was doing homework, I decided to go to sleep but i remember reading that some people has accidentally created tulpas even without knowing what tulpas are, because they are writers or something like that and they put a lot of effort on their character development. Now i'm scared, I'm scared that i could have accidentally created a tulpa trough my daydreams and he was never fully developed, like I said i don't want more than one, or not so soon, i wanted to make that decision with Damián but what if theres already another one?, what if he's angry at me or at Damián?, what if he was influenced by my bad memories and negative emotions?, I don't want to dissipate him, i find that cruel and after all it's not his fault, I'm not going to give up on Damián either, I feel like he's already there somehow, so, should i try to completely stop daydreaming and focus only on Damián? What would happen with the other one if i do that?, how do i know if there's actually someone else and it wasn't my mind just being weird? I have a lot of questions, I don't know what to do, I hope to see your answers and sorry again, for now i will keep passive forcing Damián, thanks for reading!. 

Edited by Point
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Well, I've had a lot of similar issues and questions that you've had. The scary and deformed faces sound like intrusive thoughts. The screaming and upsetting actions of characters you are imagining also sound like intrusive thoughts. They are really annoying, but the best I've found to deal with them is to just not accept them as having any affect on you or anything else, but also don't try to resist them because doing so will not help. Just intend to continue what you were doing mentally as if they didn't happen, do your best to not be bothered by them, and do your best to not fear them.

 

As for wondering if your frequent daydreaming has lead to potential other tulpas... Well I am in same scenario, but it seems as far as I understand, as long as those characters are just made to be in the context of the scenarios you develop, they aren't tulpas. They might have the potential to be easily made into tulpas if you start letting them interact or respond to real stimuli and give them access to the context of the entire mind, if they are complex enough. I have even had a few interactions with these kinds of complex characters from daydreams, but I never intended them to be tulpas, and so far it generally just isn't a problem I guess other than I wonder about them sometimes. Also if you haven't realized already, though it seems you are at least starting to, a lot more thoughts than one may initially realize are spontaneously generated and not made with deliberate control. Hearing a thought you didn't consciously generate doesn't automatically mean it was someone else, and thinking it was could cause a lot of problems.

 

I hope that helps. If it doesn't, I am sure others will also respond, or I can try to clarify better

Creation for creation's sake.

 

More of my drawings

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As TB says that sounds like intrusive thoughts. When your brain is just idling and accepting thought in general you tend to find it produces random noise - intrusive thoughts are just negative forms of this. They are neither you, nor your tulpa, and they are not likely to be any specific thoughtform in your head or anything like that.

 

Intrusive thoughts gain power the more you think they're real and important, much in the same way a tulpa does. Conversely, accepting them as just inane noise and letting them pass over you should weaken them. 

 

However, that said, be aware that there are disorders which effect intrusive thoughts and make them stronger - It's difficult for us to make some sort of judgement about whether you have one of these because we're not psychiatrists - but if you think you might have one of these, or no matter what you do you cannot disbelieve or reduce the volume or power of these events, I'd generally suggest to see a therapist and just get an opinion on them before continuing.

Zen - Host.

Rhys - Tulpa. Initially a Literary Thoughtform.

If text is uncoloured, presume Zen is talking. We go by he/him.

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That's classic for an intrusive thoughtform. Unless it's an alter, which would only happen if you somehow repressed severe childhood trauma, it's safe to ignore them. We had tons of angry/ugly/awful intrusive thoughtforms and literally had to fight them off in the first three months before we figured out we could just push them out the door and back into the subconscious mind.

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