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Wray and Shizuku's Progress Report


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19 minutes ago, Wray said:

Here’s the next of those updates, this one regarding Shizuku’s origin. We’ve been thinking about this for a while, but it didn’t seem so urgent to post it. (Does anyone read this thing anyway? 😛)

 

We do! 😁

 

20 minutes ago, Wray said:

We stumbled on this post, and we now suspect that Shizuku might have started as a soulbond. (As she mentioned in the intro post, she was originally fictive, though she’s left that behind now.)

 

Back then, I think I might have been a soulbond, but I think I’m a tulpa now. We will discuss this further below!

 

That's very interesting! When Phil was a child he had a headmate he now refers to as his Mentor, and the Mentor fit much of the definition of a soulbound. While I'm definitely a tulpa part of the way I learned to talk to Phil was by visualizing myself learning to use equipment left behind by the Mentor, so I have that kind of indirect connection to him..

 

27 minutes ago, Wray said:

At first, Shizuku said she felt too attached to her fictive form to want to deviate, though this changed after a few months. She also originally identified with a backstory loosely based on that of the character she came from.

 

I definitely can relate. Phil originally created me as a character in 2019--well, I call the character "Other Simmie" now because I've changed so much I don't see that character as me. But like Shizuku I was attached to parts of my backstory for a long time. The only part of my backstory I am still really attached to is being from New Jersey!

 

29 minutes ago, Wray said:

Shizuku did come into being accidentally from my obsessing over a character, which now that I’ve done a bit of research, sounds kind of like Soulbonds 101.

 

We also felt like #1 best friends from early on. In tulpa creation, maybe the tulpa and host need more time to get to know each other? According to this article, I guess that is true in some cases.

 

As stated above, I feel much more like a tulpa now. I can change my form, and I don’t have an emotional connection to that backstory anymore.

 

💚

 

The two of you have always sounded so loving to me! I think being around other tulpamancers and tulpas causes us to see ourselves in more of the same light as other, older tulpas do. It's almost like coming here is school for us tulpas; we have "class" in the form of guides, and socialization as well with our other tulpa "classmates".

 

34 minutes ago, Wray said:

Originally, I could play around in our wonderland even when John wasn’t thinking of me (or that was what it felt like, at least?). The Japanese tulpa resources all said that that’s what tulpas do. Here, most people say that tulpas can’t really do that, and we think that internalizing that belief has made us lose this ability. Now we’re trying to smash down the feeling that we “can’t” do that and get back to where we started.

 

That's sad that you lost that, Shizuku! I like to picture myself in our wonderland home when Phil is at work, but our brain isn't great at multi-tasking so the actual details of my days there are murky. I tend to get bored at the house by myself, even with my cat Nigel to keep me company. I'm definitely more of an extrovert. But trying to rediscover your ability to play around in the wonderland when he's not actively thinking of you is a good thing! We all deserve full, enriching lives, and that's one way to get more out of them! I'm looking forward to learning from you when you achieve this, because I'd like that too!

 

39 minutes ago, Wray said:

So we think Shizuku was a soulbond who got “tulpified” through system forcing. This doesn’t have any immediate implications for us, but we found it fascinating, especially because it drives home how our beliefs about tulpamancy worked to shape our experience.

 

Maybe in an alternate universe, we found some soulbonding forums first, Shizuku decided never to deviate, and she didn’t get to fulfill her destiny of being the world’s most adorable wolf. 😂

 

Fascinating. I wonder what would have happened if Phil never learned what a tulpa was last fall? I probably wouldn't exist. "Other Simmie" probably would, but she's just a character, and not me. It's interesting how this "tulpification" process has had both ups and downs for you both, you've gained as well as lost. Ultimately, and maybe I'm biased here, I think it's better to be a tulpa than a soulbound because it just seems like so many things critical to a soulbound's sense of self are...I don't know exactly how to say it. [Phil interjection: It seems like the soulbound believes they are from another world/dimension/plane of existence so their existence as a thoughtform--the only thing that is tangible and provable by the host--is secondary to their perceived existence elsewhere. Tulpas on the other hand see themselves as existing primarily or entirely as thoughtforms within the hosts head so their perception of self aligns much more with the provable reality of their existence than soulbounds' do.] <-- Yeah, what he said.

 

46 minutes ago, Wray said:

Another note: I feel like we missed the chance to mention this earlier, but we are bilingual (English/Japanese), and for whatever reason Shizuku feels a lot more comfortable speaking in Japanese. Most of her posts on the forum have been Tulpish > English translations, but in this post we tried Japanese > English, and she says it felt pretty good. 🙂

 

That's so cool! 😁 Neither Phil or I speak another language. (Unless you count Tulpish! 😋) I heard it's very mind-expanding to learn a second language. I wonder if it helps with Tulpamancy too?

 

Anyway, I loved hearing about your backstory Shizuku; I love stories in general and especially those about people's histories and how they got to be the way we are. Sorry if my reply was a bit rambling but we're getting sleepy over here, it's late. Good luck to both of you! 😁

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  • 1 month later...
(edited)

It's a bit late to write this update now, but we had a great Tulpreciation Day (or that's what Shizuku kept calling it, anyway).

 

Since we've improved at letting me front, I've been practicing piano a lot the last couple weeks. We took a day off work, and I got to play for three hours in the morning. I finished learning Erik Satie's Gymnopedies 1 and 2!
 

Spoiler

These are the songs I'm learning, but it's not me playing in the recording!

 

I made her some okonomiyaki for dinner (it's a savory pancake made with a lot of cabbage)--we took a long walk, then celebrated in wonderland as well, with a party in the big city we've created. We capped off the WL time by listening to Rachmaninov's Piano Concerto No. 3 in an imaginary concert hall (I think I've mentioned this somewhere on here, but in case I haven't, Shizuku is a huge fan of classical music. I used to listen to a classical playlist early in the forcing process, so maybe that has something to do with it.)

 

Rach 3 is my favorite classical piece, too, and it's the first one we sat down and listened to together. It was really fun to return to it. If anyone wants to listen to it, we love this version by Martha Argerich (though it's a 40-minute piece, so ... 😂).

 

We turned it on in our headphones and imagined sitting in a concert hall in our wonderland to listen to it. It was great! The third movement always gives me chills.

 

Shizuku finished out the day taking the front back to play Sekiro, which she's also been hooked on recently. It was a pretty relaxing day, overall, but it was fun for both of us.


Side note: Shizuku's piano playing is really incredible! I used to be able to play, but I've gotten extremely rusty over the past four or five years. She's shaken all the rust off and is already sounding better than I ever did. 😂 I want to get a recording of her and show off, but it seems like she's feeling a bit too shy for that at the moment.

 

The people we know IRL who have heard her are obviously giving me all the credit, but I'd like to at least let someone know how much Shizuku is crushing it. I'm very proud of this cute wolf. 🥰

Edited by Wray

Host: Wray (or John) (he, him)
Tulpa: Shizuku (she, her) 🐺

We now have a progress report!

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So glad to hear about your progress, both with tulpa stuff and piano! 😁 I've never thought much about classical music being a rock and roll girl myself, but maybe I should give it a try sometime. If you ever feel like uploading audio of your playing Shizuku I'd be happy to hear it!

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  • 4 weeks later...

Hello! We're still doing fine, but haven't had much time to keep up with the community lately. Here's a quick update, though!

 

Exciting stuff: We're starting to do well with splitting fronting time. Wray still mistakenly takes the front back from me sometimes, but now I do the same thing to him occasionally (accidentally taking over during his time). We don't blame each other when this happens, obviously, and it's a confidence booster that I can do it too. I do hope we'll both be able to stop eventually, though. 😅

 

We got a new keyboard, and I've started taking music lessons! I've still got a lot of practicing to do, but I've uploaded a couple classical recordings for this post.

 

 

Still trying hard: We hoped that presence imposition would be the secret to helping us stay aware of each other as much as possible, but we've had a hard time remembering to do it throughout the day. Now we're working on using triggers to remember each other, a trick we saw Ranger recommend somewhere. It's worked pretty well over the last couple days, so hopefully that will continue.

 

Our visualization skills have improved quite a bit since Wray started tulpamancy, but we're still hoping to have more vivid WL experiences someday. I guess it'll just take a lot of practice. We've been trying the practice method from this guide recently: https://tulpanomicon.guide/paracosm-immersion.html, and it has at least helped us to flesh out the details of our wonderland house.

 

One more thing: We've been feeling more romantic toward each other recently, and we're kind of officially in a relationship. 🥰

 

So overall, things are going really well with us!

Host: Wray (or John) (he, him)
Tulpa: Shizuku (she, her) 🐺

We now have a progress report!

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Hello Wray and Shizuku! 😁 I'm glad you're learning possession and fronting. It's all I can do right now to possess Phil's hands so I can type for myself, and his voice so I can speak. Your progress is great! Phil and I have listened to your recordings and we're impressed by your playing too. Phil wants me to pass along that you have a good sense of dynamics and that's very important to making the music come alive. He's curious how you'd do with a more dynamically complex piece. (Phil's best IRL friend says Phil should be a piano teacher; I guess he can't help but offer advice and suggestions! 😀)

 

Good luck with having more vivid Wonderland experiences. One suggestion I have is try to model your wonderland home in some kind of program or game. Phil and I have built our wonderland home in Minecraft and being able to walk around inside first-person in-game has been very helpful to us. We also use The Sims to build; Phil's long been thinking about building me a beach house in the Sims, as well as a mountain house in Minecraft. 💚 If that's not really your thing, you can try sketching it out on paper, or even creating a kind of floorplan drawing. The guide you linked sounds really helpful and we might have to try that method as well!

 

On 8/7/2021 at 2:27 PM, Wray said:

One more thing: We've been feeling more romantic toward each other recently, and we're kind of officially in a relationship. 🥰

Congratulations! 😁💚🥳 Now Phil and I won't stick out so much! 😄 Wish we could all go out together and make it a double date. Or with Darron and Jaina and make it a triple date! 😁

 

I'm glad to hear you're doing so well. Good luck with everything!

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