Recently Browsing 0 members
No registered users viewing this page.
Please note: I welcome comments, questions, etc. but please Private Message me if you have a query! Thank you!!
I'm just your average, everyday, "female" genderfluid person. I'm a spiritual Christian, I like rock 'n' roll, and my favorite animal is a tarantula.
This is basically the notebook I share with my tulpa, Clu. I will write about us, and, sometimes I might let Clu write a little. Welcome to our journal.
Let me start at the beginning. In 2010, a movie called TRON: Legacy came out. I loved it and thought a lot about the characters. Off and on, I would add to and play with a little complex world in my head. I had a crush on Zuse. I also thought CLU 2.0 was a pretty cool character. Let's wind the clocks forward to about 2015. I developed a major crush on a British rock singer. I also began to occasionally hear random voices in my head, and was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder. I'll leave out the gory details. I took a medication that fixed the 'voices' problem eventually. Still, I would play around with my world (which part of would later become a dreamscape).
Around this time, I discovered tulpa.info. I spent many hours reading guidebooks and such. I was intrigued and badly wanted to create a tulpa, and I knew I could make one. However, I decided not to rush anything, and awaited the right time, bearing in mind everything I'd learned.
As I was building my world these past few years (and had watched original TRON from 1982), I found I had very elaborately expanded on a select group of characters. They were CLU 2.0, Sark, Jarvis, and Portia. I noticed CLU 2.0 was definitely the most developed; he had very far more original personality and traits than observed from the movie. It was also evident that I didn't have a cut-out plan for how the character was supposed to be like. Also, he would do and say things within that small world when I wasn't even thinking. I then remembered what I had read and gathered about tulpas.
Roughly a week ago, I switched medications. I found I could think much more clearly and was in touch with my mind. I realized Clu actually existed; he wasn't an original character, he is a tulpa! I made it a point to handle him some, and a couple of days ago, he started talking to me. Today, we had an amazing day together.
That's the history, basically.
I had this idea circling in my mind regarding the way tulpamancy experiences are being discussed that I wasn't sure how to express. So generally, the things that we experience can be divided into either events that are certain or those that take a specific place on a spectre. A certain event is something that can be easily put into words, like the lack or presence of something (for example lights on/lights off), but there are also things that can't be, due to their nature, conveniently described with words. As an example, take a person who's being asked what the temperature in the room is like. They can say that it was too warm or that it was too cold, which is something most people will usually agree on. But they can also use the expression that the temperature was "pretty average" or "ok", and here's the problem that comes with it. The temperature that the person in question considers to be "ok" or "average" can be very subjective. And I don't mean the subjectivity of an experience, I mean the subjectivity of concept definition.
There are words that we use that we don't give much thought, because we tend to assume that their definition is universal. We obviously don't clarify every time wheter our understanding of concepts like "tall" or "wide" match that of a person we talk to. It would simply be too inconvenient, so we instead run with the assumption that our understanding of the concept is the same, deeming it easier to just clarify it should a misunderstanding arise. But I think that this aspect is often being overlooked when people discuss tulpamancy experiences. What I'm getting on here is that possibly a significant portion of doubts that people get to deal with could be attributed to these discrepancies in concepts understanding.
Here's an example of what I mean. Imagine a person who's trying to help their headmate achieve vocality. They read a guide or maybe a post that describes vocality as essentially a way of communication where one hears their headmate. They associate those words with their understanding of what hearing is and start practicing. They spend a month, two months, three months consistently practicing, and they do achieve certain results, but they never quite get there. They assume that they're doing something wrong or that something wrong is with their headmate. They start doubting. But in fact, they did everything right and had gotten exactly where they should've, it's just that the current way they hear their headmate ended up not matching their expectation of what hearing would work like. It happened both because the guide/post they read didn't describe what hearing a headmate is like, and because they didn't give much thought to where exactly their definition of hearing is on the scale from complete lack of any thoughts and a vivid hallucination that feels completely alien as if it was coming from another person outside their mind.
From cases like these come questions like "How well can you X" or "What does X feel like". But that's not as much of an issue if they do receive a good answer to their question. The problem here is in that not everyone will ask those questions, and even if they do the answer may introduce even more confusion. Someone might say "I can hear them clearly". Well, what does "clearly" imply in this sentence exactly? Is it supposed to feel slightly muffled, but still be easy enough to make out words? Is it meant to feel like it's coming from inside or from outside? And if neither of these details match does that mean the person is not able to hear their headmate clearly? What if they already achieved the best possible quality, but expect it to be better and think that it's not in fact clear. Because of these discrepancies, someone (person A) may claim they do hear their headmates clearly, because they think that it doesn't get much clearer that that. At the same time, another person (person B) who in fact had gone a lot further than person A may claim that they can't hear their headmates very well, because in their understanding it should be even clearer. This way you end up with a false comparison when person A seems to have better developed skills thatn person B, while in fact it's the complete opposite.
And it gets the more dangerous the more complex the concept that's being discussed is. There aren't many words that can describe how sentient and independent someone is. Headmates are a relatively novel concept in terms of how we think of them nowadays, and therefore the languages we speak don't really have words that describe how we experience the sentience and independence of someone inside. When we discuss these concepts and how far we've gotten in developing such skills we have to make do with what our language offers. How red is that red exactly? Uh... MiIdly red? Slightly more saturated than regular red? Oh, no, it's not red, it's crimson. Except we don't have crimson, cherry, ruby, scarlet, garnet, and rose words equivalents for describing the concepts of sentience and independence. I think it's a very important thing to keep in mind when judging own progress.
What do y'all think of this?
I had written this note for those who find themselves struggling with procrastination or general lack of motivation when it comes to active forcing and 'mancing practices in general. Not sure what section this should go under, but I myself wouldn't consider it to be a guide hence why I named it the way I did. Critique on this piece is very welcome! I suspect I might've written it with a slightly too confident of an attitude. Same for grammar. I kinda suck at constructing fluently sounding sentences and using commas, haha.
Getting There_ A Note on Productivity.pdf
Heya everyone! I, with the help of some other members of the tulpa community, compiled a list of tulpa-related tips and tricks to help you with various aspects of tulpamaking. The list is here:
If you have any suggestions as for what to add to the list, or just want to comment about how bad at grammar and formatting I am, please please please PLEASE share, I'm all for making the list better! Thanks!
The link posted above has been highly vandalized by suggestions. I have created a suggestion-free version of the document, so it can still be used by anyone interested. Link - Indigo (Broken as of 7/14/21) -Ranger
I added a PDF back-up of the view only version. See here for my thoughts. -Ranger
[View Only] A collection of tips and tricks about tulpas and tulpamancy in general..pdf