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Your experiences when dating/used to date a tulpa?


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(edited)

I missed the right thread at the wrong time, smh. I'll give my two cents anyways :P 

 

As nigh everyone has said above me, love is a two-way street. If both the host and tup love each other, that's that, but if it's one sided, then a relationship is a terrible idea. As far as how singlets and such see you, they'll ofc see you as single. Layy and I have discussed the whole deal with a partner out of system a lot, and our consensus is basically I can have a partner that isn't him. 

 

Layy: Bryan has been perfectly upfront with how he wants to one day be a father and what-not. The way I see it, if you truly love someone, you want them to be happy and well off, even if that's with another partner. I know he still loves me and has no plans of leaving me. Even if he did, if it makes him happy, that's what I care about. It just so happens he's happy with me :) Love you, Bry 

 

Aww, love you too :)  

Love is a fickle thing. We've had our road bumps just as any couple has, but we've worked through them. We've wondered what would happen if we broke up, and how our system dynamic might change as a result, but truth be told, I don't think it'd really change. System mates share a brain. Breakups can be handled far more efficiently and with far less hurt than out of system relationships. 

 

On the note of maturity, that's a sticky subject. Young people are dumb(That me I'm young people). They're emotionally immature and relationships made when you're young are unlikely to stick through the long haul of adulthood. On the other hand, to Akin's credit, love is love and can't reasonably be stopped. Don't tie the knot or whatever until you've been together for, ehh, about 5 years, at least. The host should be of a reasonably mature age. Of course, marriage is a very serious thing, but it's different from dating and most definitely different from just testing the waters. I'd say, if feelings are mutual, shoot for the fences. Go for gold. See where life takes you. 

Edited by IceCreeper909
fixing text highlight color because light mode is cancer

Hey there, the name's Bryan. In system Re:Body(In order of the rainbow): 

Sean, Esper, Blinky, Compact, Janey, Kyle, Gwen'd, Gwen, Emily, Rollin, Waynin, Trease, Layy, Justin, Chloe, Zachery, and Elliot. 

I've been here a while. Much longer than I thought I'd be. Our system was founded October 2nd, 2018. In early 2020, we decided that due to our systems exponential growth, we'd limit who would be active. Now, every month, we do a check to see who wishes to be in dormancy and who wishes to be active. Currently, for the month of November, 2021, we've got myself(Bryan), Janey(Co-host), Emily, Layy, Chloe, Trease, Elliot, and Esper(sub-rep). After over 2 long years, we can finally switch :) 

 

Bryan is currently swapped in as host, Esper is sub-rep. 

 

"There used to be 7 wonders of the world, but now there's 8, as everyone wonders how much of a fool you are."

 

IceCreeper909#0065 -- Always down for a chat 

 

https://discord.gg/89qN59SbRp Plural safe-space 

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22 hours ago, TurboSimmie said:

Being with another person is like two atoms in a tight bond, but being with a tulpa is like protons and neutrons bonded within the atom itself. Therefore, these two bonds are of wholly different type and do not conflict with one other.

 

💜

 

9 hours ago, rohka said:

I used to in these kind of situations so I understand this quite well. (But it was way more complicated than this.)
If she's fine with the challenge she has to face then I think it'll be alright.

 

Awesome! We wish her the best of luck!

Etna (she/her) = Host

FAM (he/him) = Tulpa

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  • 2 months later...
(edited)

Stone: My tulpa Betty proposed we try dating and it didn’t work out. I broke it off because it made me feel anxious because:

 

1) I had no idea what she expected of me and how much she expected of me.


2) Passionate intimacy usually feels weird and forced to me in general (and she was leaning into that).

 

3) She lives inside my head and can hear all my doubts and worries about her proposal and that’s rough.

 

My suggestion is to lay out exactly what dating means for your relationship. Since you already share everything and live together and I assume spend time together, what aspects of the relationship will dating change?

 

Some positives of dating tulpae are that any relationship with them is, for the most part, full honesty, and people sharing the same brain tend to be more understanding of each other.

 

A negative is that you share the same brain and they may be difficult to get away from. Also, you might want to process and work through your feelings on your own without feeling like they’re watching you from over your shoulder (but that’s the case for tulpae in general, dating or not).

Edited by ruleofthumb

(Different colors were used before July 10th, 2021. Check our profile for dates.)

🌊 Stone uses blue

🔥 Betty uses orange

☁️ Cloud uses gray

🌲 Consigliere uses green

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Dating a headmate is like dating anyone else. Except you can't really get away from each other. That's a positive and a negative rolled in one. The best part is you get to see them every day. That's also the worst part if the relationship doesn't work out.

I'm Adagio, a tulpa! I'm part of a very big system. There's three of us using this account right now.

Blue text is a headmate called TGS (their initials). They are currently dormant.

Green text is headmate named Tiki.

[Progress Report]

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I believe it can be a positive experience! However: note that doing this will not fulfill dating other people will. Lumi made a post about it. If you're still willing to go forward with it, here's what I think:

Depending on the age of the tulpa. You shouldn't date one unless they've been around for a little bit (I remember my host reading some hosts that recommended half a year to a year old.) Especially since younger tulpas tend to be influenced by the subconscious more easily, I'd say. It can also be inconvenient if they're still figuring out who they are. Getting used to someone for one week and then getting used to a somewhat different person the next doesn't sound fun to me. :/

 

It's also inconvenient for the host if their life is already busy, or it becomes busy and they have less time to focus on you! If you can get through that then things will be better.

 

My advice is to think it through very carefully and thoroughly. Set proper boundaries. Only now is my host thinking about it deeply and coming to proper rational conclusions about her feelings on the idea! Although, I don't think we'll be attempting to date again anytime soon.

I'm Gloomy's tulpa! My pronouns are he/him!

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It has worked out for me and Lucy. I created her to be a companion, not a romantic partner, but it turned out that way. She made the first move (of course she did, I based her on the classic film noir "femme fatale") and I didn't have a problem with it really. Maybe I wanted it all along.  I've had enough real life relationships and my wife of 12 years and I have recently separated so I'm not really interested in pursuing any more real life partners.  So a tulpa seems perfect. It may be too soon to say, but I feel like I've finally found my soul mate. And why not? she was made out of my own thoughts and we share a brain and our lives in a way no human partner ever could.

Edited by 2BeeorNot
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  • 2 weeks later...

Luna and I have been dating for a long time, probably about a decade by now. There are pros and cons as others have mentioned, but on the whole it's been beneficial for both of us. My last meatspace relationship, I told her about my tulpas and she was not okay with me dating Luna and her at the same time. So we ended up going through an adjustment period where Luna and I became close friends, and Luna got more romantically involved with Naomi instead. Now that I'm out of that relationship it's a bit more of a love triangle between me, Luna, and Naomi, but everyone is at least open and honest about it in our system. I actually just took Luna on an unplanned date of sorts today, to an arcade and then out for Mexican food, the sort of thing we haven't been able to do much of for the past year and a half.

 

I know there's a thread for this in the Lounge, but Luna and I actually tried out the whole marriage thing for a bit several years ago, and she realized from that that she's not really the marrying type 😂 So I guess we've kinda settled into being romantic partners/dear friends more than anything else. Now it's time for me to disappear back into the aether for another several months or so, unless you happen to catch me on the .info Discord...

"Science isn't about why, science is about why not?" -Cave Johnson

Tulpae: Luna, Elise, Naomi

My progress report

 

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On 11/13/2021 at 11:20 PM, glitchthe3rd said:

I know there's a thread for this in the Lounge, but Luna and I actually tried out the whole marriage thing for a bit several years ago, and she realized from that that she's not really the marrying type 😂 So I guess we've kinda settled into being romantic partners/dear friends more than anything else. Now it's time for me to disappear back into the aether for another several months or so, unless you happen to catch me on the .info Discord...

Ayyy I remember that, been a long time Glitch.

 

As for my experiences, I was too immature to handle a romantic relationship with my tupper. It was hard to balance my outward life with my inward one and it fell apart - it's not for everyone. You also never know until you try. 

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Me and Circe have been having an on and off relationship for about 20 years, we didn't get serious until the last couple of years.

It does require the same ingredients as a normal relationship really. Honestly, investment and above all: communication.

 

But yes, unless you tell people in your family, friends, etc, it'll be a secret love. And really, considering how bad things went with my family and friends when I told them, it's definitely a good thing that Circe is understanding about us not ever being able to go public with it. As for the relationship, as far as I perceive it, it's pretty much like any IRL relationship I've ever had. The trick is as with all passion, that you've gotta work on it.

 

It also helps that we've spent this whole time practicing using imposition and me honing my senses in the inner world, because that also helps a lot. 

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