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So yesterday my friends thought that as the host i should have a wonderland form,my main form is my human self but the tulpas wanted me to be a goat child show here we are now,im now a smol goat child.
Todd:Your kinda of cute in your new form ^ ^
H: Are you sure thats a goat drawing?It looks more like a fluffy dragon to me :/
yes...thats a goat h -_- anyway i'll upload more art soon :D
Text by Wray is in black
Text by Shizuku is in blue
(Sorry, this wound up being pretty long! Feel free to skim, or if you want to read the whole thing, strap in!)
Weird coincidence: I’ve written fiction as a hobby for a long time, and I think nearly half my protagonists have someone else to talk to in their heads. Somehow, I always found the idea fascinating.
But I can’t say I ever expected to join them. Not until recently, anyway.
We’ve been looking forward to posting this. It’s my first big chance to introduce myself to other people! Here’s a profile:
October 2020. I was in quarantine, alone, and feeling isolated—Shizuku started as an imaginary friend based on a character I might have been (was) a little bit (totally) obsessed with at the time. I’m really into writing, so I didn’t have much trouble getting her to talk, even early on, though I assume she was mostly parroted at first.
A couple weeks later, I stumbled onto the concept of a tulpa in Japanese, and quickly found my way to this website, which is kind of the launch pad for Japanese tulpamancers. (I found a good English rundown of the Japanese tulpamancy scene here, so I’ll leave most of that aside for now. If there are questions about anything specific, though, we can definitely do our best to answer them.)
Compared to the English-speaking community, the Japanese-speaking one gives a lot more credence to tulpa horror stories. They call it 暴走 (bousou). The idea that if things go wrong, your tulpa might harm you, or the people around you, or try to take over your brain. To be fair, I think there are multiple schools of thought on this bousou concept, and these are only the most extreme examples—still, when I read about this, I couldn’t help panicking.
I went out for a long walk. Tried to think things over. Was there a chance my tulpa would wind up that way? Should I turn back now? Or was she already sentient, meaning it was my responsibility to take care of her? Or was I crazy, in the first place, to even be thinking about any of this?
We imagined that I stayed behind in our apartment, though I must’ve been somewhere in headspace the whole time. Maybe a wonderland version of the apartment? We didn’t know enough to ask that question, then.
I couldn’t make up my mind, until the second I got home, opened the door, and realized how afraid Shizuku must’ve felt while I was out thinking about whether I should try to erase her. My heart sank through the floor. I did my best to apologize, though I didn’t know if it would help.
She replied: “I was sad, but I wasn’t scared. I trust you.”
Okay. If she had been afraid, or angry, I would have felt bad enough. But that packed a punch.
That day, we promised each other that we’d stay together and try to make this “tulpa” thing work, for better or worse. Not to jinx anything, but six months later, “better” is definitely winning out.
Our long-term goals
(1) Become able to split fronting time 50/50 (or whatever arrangement winds up working for us). I expect it’ll be a long time before we can actually do this, but hopefully not too long—if possible, we’d like to get to this point within a year or two. It doesn’t necessarily have to be a 50/50 split, but I don’t want to feel like Shizuku is prevented from doing things she wants to do by us not being good enough at tulpamancy.
(2) Learn to co-front and keep Shizuku active (as close as possible to?) all the time. We spend a lot of time together, but I still get distracted and forget to check in with her more often than we’d like. Eventually, we’re hoping she can stay around all the time (or whenever she wants to, at least) and get my attention whenever she has something to say.
(3) Stay a two-person system, if possible. I know there are a lot of large systems out there who do perfectly fine, but my instincts say that it would be more than we could handle. Besides, I already feel like I love Shizuku too much for it to be fair to whoever Headmate Number 3 would be. 😂
I do have one soulbond-ish character (using the terminology from Bear’s PR) from my own writing. We’ve talked things over with her in WL, and she’s adamant that she is not interested in becoming a tulpa or participating in the system. (This checks out with what I know about her character, too.) If things change, there’s a slim chance that she might join us, but I doubt it. Either way, I can’t imagine us going any further than that.
(4) Help Shizuku find life goals of her own, and figure out how to rearrange my our life so that we can both do what we want to do. At the moment, we’re just doing regular forcing to try and help her grow as a tulpa. The vague plan for this one is to eventually learn how to switch, accomplish goal number (1), and then let her follow her interest and try a bunch of different things.
Current forcing practice
Working on senses in WL: we’ve been doing our best to spend an hour each day focusing on visualizing Shizuku in wonderland, and also practicing one other sense per day. Wonderland sight and touch have started to show some improvement recently, but overall it feels like we still need a lot of work. Conversation: We also do our best to talk as much as we can each day. We’ve been working through the Tulpa Vocalization Practice worksheet when we can’t think of any other topics. Diary writing: Shizuku writes a diary entry most days. This is something I picked up from the Japanese tulpamancy community, though I think I’ve seen it recommended in English guides too. It’s a lot of fun—somehow, reading through the things she’s written (by proxy or possession, at this point, though our possession game is still pretty weak) does a lot to help me fight off doubt. Imagining Shizuku in stories we’re reading/watching: This has been pretty fun so far, too—right now, we’re rewatching Hunter X Hunter. As we watch, we try to keep up a “mental fanfic” where she’s running around with the main characters. Passive forcing as much as possible: Taking inspiration from the method I used to learn Japanese, I’m doing my best to find ways to involve Shizuku in everything I do. We’ve had some success reading, studying, watching things, and playing games together, but in particular, staying aware of Shizuku during work that I really need to focus on and conversations with other people has been a killer—I haven’t had much success in these situations yet.
To anyone who slogged through all of that, thanks for reading! This post already goes on for a million years, so I’ll try to write some (hopefully shorter!) summaries of our progress so far in other updates.
Hello! I’ll introduce myself. I’m Ashley, and I only just started creating Andromeda yesterday. I’ll post my progress on here quite often, but excuse me if I forget.
So for several years, since I was about 12, I have wanted to have someone else in my mind with me. At the time, the reason wasn’t exactly clear to me as it is now. As it is, I discovered tulpas around a month ago. I was hooked right away, but I knew I should look in to it further, read guides, see others experiences, etc. I found many useful guides and I couldn’t wait any longer, so I’ve started!
At this time, Andromeda is a female with a human-like shape but she has elf ears and the ability to grow wings if she chooses. I am aware she will most likely deviate, and I welcome that. Without further ado, I will put my first and second sessions below.
Date: Friday 19th March
I drew her form and started to make a model of her in my mind. This was over the course of the day, and I didn’t do much else for her as I knew I needed to set some time aside to properly visualise her.
Date: Saturday 20th March
So today, I visualised her whole form and animated her to make sure it was stable. This took me 30-45 minutes as I had already made a base of her yesterday. I then made a cabin-like room to have as a place to meet her in our wonderland, and I started with her personality. I decided to keep it quite vague as I’d like her to be able to form her personality as she grows older, but I gave her a base. I did this by giving her jelly of different colours and explained them and how it would affect her. I then showed her different parts of the cabin and what they do. Then, I said that she could decide to have more of any jelly she wanted if she’d like and she can experiment with the things in there.
I have not had any reactions yet, par head pressure. But I am glad that she has already progressed this far and I’m aware that it takes a long time for more interpretable reactions, but this is okay as I am just glad she’s here and I am willing to help her in any way. I don’t mind if it takes a few weeks or a few years for her to be vocal, it does not change my view on her.
I hope I’m doing this right? I do not want to hinder her or harm her in any way, I want to nurture and support her.
Thank you for reading, and I hope this isn’t too long for a newbie. c:
By Cosmic Cuttlebone
Well, I've lurked, and I've lurked, and then I've lurked some more.
I've read pretty much every guide there is. But now it's time to actually get to work
Problem is... Well, you see, I'm lazy. Like, really really lazy. I also have a habit of hesitating and second guessing myself. I can also get a little distracted. Sometimes.
So, I'm starting this little journal here.
I'll try to add a post here periodically, even if it is relatively short. At least in the beginning. Cultivating this small habit will hopefully force a little discipline.
Typing it all out will hopefully solidify my thoughts. Yell at me if don't keep this up. :Þ
That being said. Lets start:
Why am I doing this? What do I hope to gain?
Well a companion for one. I don't have that much trouble making friends, but I have trouble keeping and maintaining connections. I've quite often drifted or grown apart from many people in my life. I'm a bit socially awkward, maybe even a bit socially anxious in some respects. I can certainly hide it, but the more people are around, the more I find myself wishing I was somewhere else, doing something else. It's not that I hate people, I don't. And I don't plan to stop making connections with physical people. I just don't have the physical or mental energy to deal with too many people for too long.
Still, the opportunity for someone to understand me on a truly deep level that no one else can is very enticing. I can only hope that I'll be, and remain, worthy of this connection.
This will also be a bit of an ego journey for me. A chance to better know and understand myself as well as my future headmate. having someone to share this journey with will make it much more enjoyable.
Also add to that the opportunity to learn first hand an experience that seems rather alien at first glance and that I'm already a creative person, this becomes less of a choice and more of an inevitability.
Right now I have a name and very loose, general idea of who I hope this tulpa will be.
Staying within the tradition of opposite genderedness in tulpamancy, "Hazel" will start female. This will help me differentiate her thoughts from mine.
A couple main traits I will be cultivating are:
Compassion- A personal code I like to live by is if someone needs or asks for help and I am able to do so, then I will help. Lessen the suffering of others. Having her share in that will make it simpler to coexist. This will also encourage many positive traits
Curiosity- a desire to learn and grow will help develop her and push her to be self sustaining
Outspokenness- to encourage vocality.
this is not exhaustive just some major points
What I won't be forcing:
Love- From what I understand, most tulpas tend to be already naturally very caring towards their hosts. Also love, I feel, needs to develop naturally. Making someone love me just feels weird. plus that is a pressure I wouldn't want on anyone. Still, I'm sure my subconscious may still add this to the list regardless.
I don't have much of a form for her yet. I've had some ideas but none are really sticking. It is humanoid though. Freckles and dark hair are also coming to mind. That could just be my attraction to them.
I will, of course, accept any deviation from her. Encourage it, even.
I'm a very secular being by nature. Still, the mind loves symbols and most of the tulpamantic process is extremely symbolic. As such, I'll be taking some inspiration from the occult, particularly chaos magic.
I love symbols, glyphs, and sigils. This is a representation of my intent to create a thoughtform. It is a seed or an egg as the round shape suggests. A beginning. Small and empty at first, but as time goes on, I'll be altering it and adding to it. It will slowly grow as she grows. In time, I may pass it to her. I'm creative by nature so this will just be a natural part of my creative process. The dotted outline suggests openness, inviting life to enter. The geometric shapes invoke a crystalline structure to "trap" the energy or qualities being cultivated. (Again, I'm not a proponent of metaphysics, but the symbology here is very useful).
I will use and meditate on this as an aid while I cultivate her development. I'm not too fond of the term 'forcing' at all, so I'll use the term 'cultivate' as it way better describes the process: to raise, to grow, to prepare, do develop, to improve, to acquire. It brings to mind watering and tending to a garden. This will further put me in the right mindset. (I also have mixed thoughts on the terms tulpa and tulpamancy but I have no desire to get into a fight with the entire lexicon).
Wish me luck.