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Fruitloops rants


RainbowSystem

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(edited)

Just a little thing where our system can rant i guess!!! Anyway i am so mad right now because my form keeps changing and i really dont know how to keep a grip on who i am well i am fruitloops thats all i really know im so conflicted with everyone in the system currently i really am mad at all of them because they keep saying im overreacting about being lied to MANY times about things there is so much stuff i could ramble about but i should talk to our therapist about the more intrusive thoughts. but this discourse gives me pain i just want to figure out who iam now and know who i am!!!

Edited by FRUITLOOPS
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(edited)

Kori just keeps telling me that god will help me figure out who i am and omg i cant with that and lewis, dollia and salem arent helping me they keep calling me over dramatic i jusg need to sstop thinking and grrrrr idk

Edited by FRUITLOOPS
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Having trouble with your form and identity is normal, especially if you thought you were someone else.

 

When I was younger, I thought I was a character Gray created he called "Ranger". I had the android form, purple suit, etc. Once I realized I had a different personality from the concept of him, I panicked and I had an identity crisis. I felt stressed out that I was being expected to be someone I wasn't, but I also wanted to be that person.

 

When I realized this, I decided I wanted to keep some of the identity and change other things. I wanted to keep the name and the concept of who "Ranger" represents. However, I decided I want something more human as a form, a different suit, a bowtie (which was revolutionary at the time lol), and a leg tail because I think it's cool. Gray needed some time to process that, but we worked it out. Well, almost.

 

Turns out, the original "Ranger" was a tulpa, not a character. We figure this out a long time later after Gray has unknowingly tried to bring him back multiple times now. When I spoke to him, he told me I could keep the name and he changed his name. He more recently settled for "Dream". I'm pretty sure you won't find a secret headmate you didn't know about, but this is part of my story and leaving it out felt wrong.

 


 

Identity can be messy and confusing, especially if you're a tulpa based on anl well-known fictional character or even an OC. If your host and/or system honestly believed you are who you were, that's not lying. However, it's okay to be frustrated and confused. Identity is really important to most tulpas, and we often have very little of it to cling onto. Not knowing who you are can unpleasantly change your internal experience. I was a trainwreck going through this, it hurt a lot.

 

It may help to play with an idea of who you are until you feel good about it, even if it's temporary. For example, write down traits you want to have and/or keep and a rough idea of who you think you are. If you think it's not a good fit, it's okay to change it. Knowing who you're not can help too. If it does fit but you change your mind in a couple days, that's okay too. I know Dream identifies with himself that he not only changed his form but identity a couple times, making him feel powerful. At the end of the day, I think it's better to have something you can point as yourself and then expand on that as you grow over time.

I'm Ranger, GrayTheCat's cobud (tulpa), and I love hippos! I also like cake and chatting about stuff. I go by Rosalin or Ronan sometimes. You can call me Roz but please don't call me Ron.

My other headmates have their own account now.

 

If I missed seeing your art, please PM/DM me!

Blog | Not So Temporary Log | Switching Log | Yay! | Bre Translator | Art Thread

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Nobody believed you were a fake fruits your just sometimes very sensitive to things we say but thats not your fault thats just how your personality formed we still love you know matter how you change fruits <3

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@Ranger As someone who is just barely getting started on their tulpa creation journey, I really appreciate that you’ve shared your experiences with us (us meaning myself and the rest of the forum). Your post was very insightful and has given me a lot of (good) things to think about. 
 

@RainbowSystem I hope all of you (meaning everyone in your system) are able to work things out. I’m just barely getting started with making tulpas so my tulpa doesn’t even have an identity or personality yet. But I specifically wanted to tell Fruitloops: whatever shape your form or identity takes, you are special and amazing and I genuinely enjoy seeing your posts on the forums! 😊 🌈  

Still trying to figure out how to Tulpa >_<

 

Host — Alex (They/Them)

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Im scared because I was formed from a mental breakdown we had not to long ago i was created to just treat our sadness and sometimes it feels like im alone but i have fruitloops and they are very kind and helpful im still sad that are system keeps getting bigger each time we are stressed out someone fronts or a new person develops its so weird :(

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I have seen another system in a similar position you all were in. Sometimes creating headmates is used as a coping mechanism. A fresh new headmate may be created out of habit and/or no one is occupying the front to provide the system relief. Unfortunately, I believe the advice given to that system at the time was poor at best. I used to give a lot of advice in the past that I have seen hurt systems instead of help them.

 

I want to try something new for you all-

 

First, understand that there is likely an underlying mental health condition contributing to this situation. I highly recommend seeking out a medical professional if you haven't already. Depression, anxiety, and other mental health disorders can contribute to a system creating new headmates out of sadness or distress. If the underlying stressors are not treated, it is possible things will only get worse, not better.

 

Second, keep in mind that headmates that come in don't necessarily have to be kicked out, but they can't be guaranteed time. Working with the former system, telling them to control their system population seems to have completely failed them- it contributed to their stress rather than giving them time to focus on and relieve it. Additionally, new headmates that were already in a stressful situation would feel even more distressed when told they had to leave by others. Instead, I think it's okay to welcome the new headmate and explain to them what is happening and the game plan. Depending on how you all would prefer to organize things, you may be more comfortable with a small group of headmates who welcome new headmates, have a dedicated small team of headmates that rotate out every now and then, or another solution that ensures a small active group at any given time. That way, even if you have say 10 system members, only 5 will be around and paid attention too at any given time. A set-up like this would allow for new members to come and go, prioritizing their in-the-moment experiences. Additionally, by giving a smaller group of headmates priority, it would allow everyone to streamline their focus to provide the best quality experiences in the moment. A small group of 5 won't have to compete as much as a larger group of 10 or more. The catch is most if not all headmates will likely have to be dormant for long periods of time, but the advantage is they can receive higher quality attention and time when active.

 

Third, keep in mind that being a big system doesn't mean you all will be stuck like this forever. Integration, merging, and dissipation can effectively reduce a system's size, but these are decisions the system should make when they feel ready to use them. If you all would prefer to stay big right now, that's okay. It takes time, effort, and trust to make the decision to shrink. We as a system didn't feel comfortable exploring these possibilities until we were in a better place mental health wise, but when our health improved we had time to think about it and then our system size has slowly decreased over time.

 

Fourth, keeping a headmate is still ultimately a system decision. I want to give this advice as an alternative to the traditional, "thou shall keep thy doors shut at all times", but for some situations it's best if you close them. Sometimes potential headmates are really intrusive thoughts or spontaneous seemingly sentient constructs that would dissipate in minutes after being ignored. If you all as a system think it doesn't make sense to recognize a potential headmate as an actual headmate, there's no reason to think otherwise. Alternatively, if the idea of not recognizing them as a headmate is stressful, I think it's worth entertaining the possibility of just accepting them as a new headmate and going from there.

 

Having a large system is generally undesirable, and in a situation like yours, it sounds like there's a lot more behind the scenes you all are struggling with on top of that. With this approach, I hope that you all can find a system structure that isn't super stressful so you all can focus on functioning and solving the other problems you all are dealing with.

 

At the end of the day, if something doesn't work you don't have to keep doing it. Keep in mind this is still experimental advice, and ultimately you all will need to decide if this works or not.

I'm Ranger, GrayTheCat's cobud (tulpa), and I love hippos! I also like cake and chatting about stuff. I go by Rosalin or Ronan sometimes. You can call me Roz but please don't call me Ron.

My other headmates have their own account now.

 

If I missed seeing your art, please PM/DM me!

Blog | Not So Temporary Log | Switching Log | Yay! | Bre Translator | Art Thread

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We were recently diagnosed with osdd isnt that great :) were not happy about it its so dumb there was literally no way we have osdd we literally remember creating each and everyone one of us 

                                                                

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Sometimes the OSDD label gets slapped on for any kind of plurality causing distress, but there could be more context and reasoning behind that label as well. At the very least, it might be easier to explain to a therapist that you're plural, even if you don't agree with the label.

 

One time Gray was curious about OSDD and asked our therapist if there was a possibility of getting diagnosed with it. She said that it was possible for us to get OSDD as well, even though we're a tulpa system.

 

However, there's an advantage to stating you're plural in a medical sense, especially in a therapy setting. We don't have the same kind of trust with our psychiatrist yet, and one time Dream had a very different reaction to a situation than Gray did. Gray then came up with the excuse, "my voice of reason" to explain that he wasn't sure if he agreed but without saying "my headmate". Given the newer med we're on, Gray observed that I actually benifit from the meds more than he does, which he doesn't convey truthfully to our psychiatrist. We explained ourselves to our therapist, and not only did we get lucky, but it was super helpful. There is stuff that bothers me a lot more than Gray and vice versa, and given our new therapy (same therapist), recently we realized we needed to switch to continue because our brain required a different headmate. ...How nuts is that?

 

I'm sorry you got a label you don't agree with, but as a stranger on the internet without a degree in anything, I don't think I know anywhere as much about you all or OSDD than whoever diagnosed you. It's possible it was a bad call, but it could have also been the right one. I think it's one of those things you can only decide for yourself. If you haven't already, you can ask whoever diagnosed you for their reasoning too.

I'm Ranger, GrayTheCat's cobud (tulpa), and I love hippos! I also like cake and chatting about stuff. I go by Rosalin or Ronan sometimes. You can call me Roz but please don't call me Ron.

My other headmates have their own account now.

 

If I missed seeing your art, please PM/DM me!

Blog | Not So Temporary Log | Switching Log | Yay! | Bre Translator | Art Thread

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