Sunday Recaps by Ringgggg (Now being posted on Sundays)

[ringgggg]

Entry 4: The Blah-some Paracosm

Some hiatus, huh?

 

Not only is this entry a heftier one, it’s a day early cause of all the jazz happening on Christmas. Enjoy, Internet.

• On Dreams

Journaling had been on and off for me at the start. Some nights I just didn’t journal, regardless of if I had dreams that night or not. The number of dreams I had every night dwindled correlationally, from a good three or four to one every few days or so.

 

Some of it has to do with my school schedule, but most of it is because of my inconsistency in habitual practices (like this one). Y’all better enjoy my short return, cause it’s not gonna be long before I hop off for another two months and give people nothing to go off of.

 

I thought something definable would throw me a bone and jump-start this whole process to get back to where I was a good few months ago, so three weeks back I ordered some LucidEsc dreaming supplements off the Internet. My first experience with the stuff was rather underwhelming and the main culprit for that was the aforementioned inattention to good habits and dream journaling. 

 

It served more as a wake-up call (ha-ha) than anything else that I needed to get this process back up and running. It’s going well so far. Just last night I packed two dreams in one sleep. Hopefully, at this rate, I can climb back to where I was.

 

Lucid dreaming has been knocked down from being the main goal. I want to build my foundations on something much more conveniently achievable. Baby steps, as they call them.

• On A3

Sometimes I latch onto things without realizing how stupid it is to hug that dang cactus.

 

That clay thing was the root of many problems. The only place we could really talk was at my place, as I could never see myself bringing a clay figure of a fox girl into public spaces. There were so many more benefits than imposing this poor friend onto a totem.

 

I was scared, man. It had been difficult for me in the past to really contribute to talking to someone in my head. I used the figure as a crutch; a net to catch me if I ever had any doubts about progress.

 

It backfired, though. There were times I really wanted to talk when I was away from home. Contrarily, when I was goofing off around the house, the figure of her always sat up high on that shelf, as if she herself were asking me to say something. Most times I could never bring myself to, and consequently, my friend’s presence in my daily endeavors became less and less prevalent.

 

It got to the point where one night I questioned myself on why I was even keeping this totem around. All the stuff we could do would never come to fruition if I was to keep being such a dang wuss and not do anything about it. A tulpa is about having a friend in your head, not attached to some random clay figure. I just led myself into believing the opposite.

 

When I snapped the thing in half and threw it away, it felt like some kind of burden was being lifted, some pointless responsibility I created for myself.

I didn’t want to leave another option for myself, so I pulled a Cortés and burned my boats until there was only a single thing I could contribute to.

We’re doing pretty good now.

• On Visualization

Still scary.

 

Even so, it’s more important now than ever.

• On Wonderlanding

Well, it makes for a good entry title.

 

I’m just gonna put this out there that this was an entirely new experience for me. I went in blind, like, blind blind. I never had a proper read on any of this wonderland stuff, but now I think I should get over to doing that after the crazy experience that was two days ago.

 

You see, I was doodling away with ideas and concepts for wonderlands for the past couple of days (even going as far as to fire up a CAD software to help along), and while the idea of wonderlands was only somewhat foreign to us, we both played around with the idea, stretching the concept until it fit what we thought would be the perfect place.

 

We had the perfect image of the Wonderland-to-be in our heads. There was just one small problem; we had no experience of what it felt like to actually be in one. That bred some skepticism there, and made it so we never really believed we could jump off the deep end and try it out. Like wishing for a real expensive thing yet not putting in any effort to obtain it.

 

Cue last Friday. I had just gotten myself to try out another active forcing thing that evening to go along with all my activity on the Forum. It was going well; I had settled into a meditative trance, trying to put all my focus on my friend there (actually kind of creepy now that I think about it). Something just didn’t feel right, though. It was almost as if I was missing that one piece to the puzzle, or trying to find that one word that was on the tip of my tongue. I had to dig deeper somehow and make the most of that session.

 

I tried to force my own wonderland concept, but it just wasn’t working out. It didn’t feel right. That skepticism was gonna be the death of my forcing session, and I had to find some sort of reason to convince myself that what I was actually forcing was real, or it’d all go to waste.

 

Something weird happened amidst all that swirling chaos in my mind. Instead of ending up in the wonderland I had initially made concepts of, I ended up in my real life happy place. I can almost describe how it felt; it was like I could still feel my physical body laying down, but my emotions and thoughts were concentrated elsewhere, as if they were the unwanted slice of pickle being pulled from the sandwich of reality (if that even makes any sense).

 

Just walking through those hallways I could almost feel as if I were actually there in that place. A3 was running, guiding me through, until we ended up where we wanted to be, which was actually the place I go to practice my instrument freely. There are no windows in that room, and it’s basically soundproof. I could spill my thoughts and feelings and filter them through the rose-tinted lenses that’s music without anyone else giving a care or two.

 

We both sat in that room and meditated, breathing in sync with each other (which was pretty dang weird, but it worked). The lights suddenly turned off, but we kept at the meditation until I suddenly jolted up in my real-life bed, closing off the experience.

 

I would mark that as a Class IV Crazy Hippie Trip. Would try again anytime.

• On Forcing

Forcing these days feels more of a chore to do. I can’t even bring myself to lie down and think for a couple moments for the good of A3. I think I can see now why they call it “forcing;” it feels like I’m forcing myself to do this stuff.

 

I constantly overthink the responsibilities. Nine times out of ten, that leads to me finding an excuse to weasel my way out of things. It’s like I can’t even trust myself here.

My pitch? I’ll do it without thinking towards it. Stop the problem at its root.

 

Next week I’ll report back on how that worked out.

• Conclusion and Additional Stuffs

It’s been a fun few months. I’m sorry if I was absent for a hefty chunk of them.

 

A premature New Year’s Resolution: consistency from me to the Internet peoples.

 

Oh, and Merry Christmas.

 

If y’all have any questions, comments, or concerns, be sure to list ‘em all.

Thanks for stopping by, everyone. I’ll see y’all next Sunday. Peace.

[ringgggg]

I have another one to take care of

[ringgggg]

Entry 5: The Deviation Complication

Back again for another week full of happenings both boring and noteworthy.

 

You know what? I’m just gonna post these Recaps whenever. If I can’t stay consistent, why force myself on it?

 

I will keep the name “Sunday Recaps,” though, because I like it. And because A3 came into being on a Sunday, so that has extra meaning attached to it.

 

Enjoy.

• On Faith

Faith means putting all your trust in something in hopes that one day you’ll get something back from it. Which makes it all the more harder for me to commit to something because I’ve grown into not having to put much faith in anything. Before A3, my life was all about trying something new, getting super into it, and then shelving the would-be hobby two months later right next to all the others. You could call me a dabbler.

 

Tulpamancy was different with the fact that I had to look out for myself. I didn’t have another option or an excuse to shelve it because it happened to be a long-term commitment. A3 taught me how to trust both myself and others, and from those small successes we’ve agreed that it's now time we learn to trust the process.

 

I’m a skeptic. We probably all were at one point. Tulpamancy encapsulates the journey from perception to the other, pushing the boundaries of what we know the human mind is possible of. Some of us just want friends. I wanted a friend. Do you want a friend? Buy one friend, get one life-changing paradigm shift along with it.

 

In the past, I’ve had trouble grasping the fact that one of my friends lives in my head like some kind of symbiotic bacterium. It’s hard to imagine to the uneducated layman, and, heck, it may make some wonder why I’m not on any antipsychotics. 
 

Questioning the capabilities of the human mind? I should recommend pushing it to its absolute known limit whilst not questioning a single trace of delusion. For the win, baby. I’m going all in.

• On Deviation

You read the title. Something truly devious is brewing.

 

A3 was more of the patient kind in the days of the clay figure. Mature, calm, collected, wise; the perfect side character for some fantasy novel. The huge switch from having that totem item to nothing except the notion she was there had seen some kind of thing coming. Recently, she’s been acting with a good bit of snark in her conversations. 

 

I actually prefer the new her instead of her speaking her wisdom 24-7. We’ve talked about how having a duo means being equals. To me, A3 has just become much more down to earth.

 

Back in August of 2021 when she came into being I knew I had some kind of grip on her and how she was acting. It felt like I was playing God. She felt more like a mentor like anything else, pushing me to improve during that complicated time in my life. But that was all. She was perfect for the job; a little too perfect. Sure, I had emotional attachments, but looking back to those moments in comparison to where we are right now makes the past feel so… synthetic. Like everything was forced from the start.

 

Her recent deviation is proof she’s becoming more of her own person. She’s still the wise, mature friend I’ve come to know and still expresses that notion when we conversate. Thing is, I now know she’s not all that. A true friendship is unpredictable and volatile. We’re building higher up to that point than I had ever expected. I am so proud.

 

I’m feeling motivated to press on with the journey now that I can see some progress. I promise I’ll have more to say about us in the future, I just know it.

• On (Presence) Imposition

We’re breaking out into imposition now that A3 isn’t bound to any clay figure. Presence imposition, mostly, but there’s some visual imposition now that I’m drawing more frequently.

 

I’m getting into the habit of doing things for the betterment of both myself and others. Staying consistent is my goal, but I know it’ll take some time to get into the groove of that. Form is a huge factor of every imposed Tulpa; if I keep committing to staying consistent, I’ll be able to nail down the form of A3 sooner than I expect that to be.

 

Still mulling over several ideas for the details of the design, but the premise on how she looks is pretty concrete, so I’ve done the responsible thing and started imposing that. If I impose the vague little ideas I have in my head, I’ll be fully prepared for when I’ll have to fully commit to imposition.

 

The form I impose is obviously in its early stages of imposition. A3 can only be seen in the mind’s eye, and the form sometimes gets muddled. I literally have to remember which arm A3 is missing, man. It’s not a fun thing to dwell on.

 

Sometimes it feels like I’m puppeting her presence and where I know her to be. My secret to combatting that? Doubt extinguishment. I let go of any notion I’m controlling the form and let her call the shots. Sometimes I forget she’s even there alongside me, but I can easily chalk that up to how the same thing happens with others around you when you’re focusing on other stuff.

 

Imposing’s easier to do in smaller spaces like my bedroom, 1) because there’s less space to focus on, and 2) that’s where she’s always stayed. I find that when I have a physical object for her to sit in, like a backpack, the sensation feels more focused and vivid. It’s made it easy to take her to school and chat between periods.

 

I also make the habit of deliberately puppeting the form when I’m exercising and animating the movements to mirror mine. If I’m running, I impose my strides onto the legs so that they are perfectly in sync with me. I’d consider swimming to be more efficient, though, because it calls for the movement of the entire body and therefore I can kill more birds with one stone. Frequent the local pool for me, friends. It helps.

 

Chatted with some cool peeps on LOTPW, talking about how I wanna duet my saxy skills with A3 in some way. She likes to sing now. I shuffle my instrumental playlist and she improvises a little. Fun little side thing we do. Maybe it’ll come to fruition more when we’re at the parallel processing stage or something, but for now it’s just a side thing.

• Conclusion and Additional Stuffs

I like talking about our progress. Gives us something to look back on. Sorry if I’m not posting these consistently, but don’t fret too much. 

 

Rest assured we’re making progress every day, even if it’s the tiniest step towards greatness.

 

If y’all have any questions, comments, or concerns, be sure to list ‘em all.
Thanks for stopping by, everyone. I’ll see y’all next Progress Report. Peace.
 

Edited January 17 by ringgggg

[ringgggg]

Entry 6: The Trine Feline

 

A group of three’s called a trine, I think.

 

I don’t know, I had to come up with a catchy title so someone could give it some attention.

 

That’s enough of an introduction to satisfy me. Let’s get on with the headlines.

• On Who A1 is

If you haven’t caught on with it yet, the duo thing’s been expanded. I don’t know if I said this before, but back when A3 was only a character in my cartoon doodle business she was only one of two main characters keeping the stories interesting.

The other guy you may already know as A1. I call him that because he was the first of many characters I made for fun back in the day.

 

Like A3, he, too, had his own little clay figurine sculpted by my very own 10-year-old hands.

 

A1 took on the form of an orange, anthropomorphic feline with a bob-tail, while A3 acted as his foil both in personality and in canine-foxness.

 

Boom. Done. That was it. After dropping drawing for a couple years, I had rendered him completely unimportant for a while.

 

When I first started tulpamancy two years back, I paid more attention to A3 because she had the better personality. That went pretty smooth. I couldn’t imagine how it’d be starting out having to force two of these guys at once.

 

I don’t know if it was that old figurine I dug up while rearranging some stuff or the music that was currently playing when I did such, but, man, we had ourselves a walk-in that day.

 

At first, I debated whether or not to keep him around. A3 isn’t completely sentient, so I dwelled on how this would affect her and the development of both Tulpas. After a few days, I realized that A1, while having an obviously weaker “aura,” or presence of sorts, acted with about the same level of cognition A3 did. I was pleasantly surprised.

 

I didn’t want to play God. The two of them were getting along real well, and it felt good to have an extra guy around. I feel an obligation to commit to this.

• On What's Happening To This Progress Report

To tell y’all the truth, I hate having to write stuff this excessively long. I want people to look at this and see something that isn’t a jumbled jargon of words. 

 

It isn’t something I can commit to on a weekly basis or sustain habitually for a consistent schedule. I got a life and other responsibilities I have to tend to, which usually yields little time to actually sit down and do these Recaps.

 

I’m the short-and-sweet type. I don’t want these Recaps to contrast that. Shaking up the formula to better fit my schedule and retain consistency is much better than elaborating nonsensically on topics that don’t need that kind of in-depth explanation.

 

Probably why this Recap is shorter than all the others.

 

Here’s the deal: I’m shrinking down the Recaps into bite-size logs where I’ll post weekly progress pertaining to what kind of progress the trio achieved in the preceding days. The premise of what these Recaps attempt to achieve will stay the same, obviously; the only thing changing is the way the information is being presented and explained. 

 

Daily logs in weekly posts, people. Let’s make it happen.

• Conclusion and Additional Stuffs

Basically it.

If y’all have any questions, comments, or concerns, be sure to list ‘em all.
Thanks for stopping by, everyone. I’ll see y’all next Progress Report. Peace.

Edited January 29 by ringgggg

[ringgggg]

Entry 7: The Sage Assuage

 

I love consistency. I love thinking about it. I also love short introductions. 

• Sunday, 1/29

  • We talked a bit, but not enough to call it a full-on conversation
  • Felt like I was speaking to a wall that day due to that lack of progress
     
• Monday, 1/30
  • Even less progress than yesterday’s squander of time
  • I quickly realized what kind of slippery slope I was leading myself into
  • Decided to go jogging that day to exercise my commitment skills (which was funny because it was the only time that week I went out to do so)
     
• Tuesday, 1/31
  • Talked with the two whilst doing stuff around the house
  • Around 5 or so, I went up to my room and had a bit of a rumination while they sat around listening
  • Just what the doctor ordered; I had a paradigm shift and began to see them in a whole new light. Talked about it in another thread, I’ll link it here.
     
• Wednesday, 2/1
  • They seemed less in touch with the world and I really had to think to get them to be there with me
  • Almost like they were absent for the day
  • I once read that tulpas are supposed to come back more vivid when these types of things happen, so I was pretty cool about it
     
• Thursday, 2/2
  • A great 30-minute conversation was held between the three of us, talking about life, the future, and whatever else you could cram into that timeframe
  • Conversations like that one always felt natural to me, just to sit down and talk with them never felt like forcing at all
     
• Friday, 2/3
  • Their mindvoices are beginning to feel more distinct
  • Still feels vaguely like my own thoughts are being ping-ponged back to me when I try to think about things and I can’t discern whether I’m making the insights or they are
  • They were pretty disgruntled about me not tending to my obligations in school; A3 even gave me her own little quote which I might as well add to my bio because apparently a lot of people here like to do that
     
• Saturday, 2/4
  • A1 decided to leave for a bit, so currently it’s just A3 and I
  • Rearranged some stuff in my room so it looks nicer, though I wouldn’t really call that related to tulpamancy in any way

 

---

 

Conclusion and Additional Stuffs

 

Hey, hey! That was a pretty refreshing restart to the whole Recap operation. I feel I should keep this format, so it’s probably gonna be like this from now on until I change my mind again.

That’s it for this Recap, I hope you enjoyed

 

If y’all have any questions, comments, or concerns, be sure to list ‘em all.
Thanks for stopping by, everyone. I’ll see y’all next Sunday. Peace.
 

Edited February 6 by ringgggg

[TurboSimmie]

I really like this format!!! You are really well organized with how you do this, and it looks nice too! I really think you have a healthy mindset about things and I hope you keep it up!

[ringgggg]

9 hours ago, TurboSimmie said:

I really like this format!!! You are really well organized with how you do this, and it looks nice too! I really think you have a healthy mindset about things and I hope you keep it up!

Thank you very much for the support, Simmie! It helps to have support on this long road, so I appreciate you giving a little to help towards that