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= Oguigi 内儀 & Koomer - The Diary =


Oguigi

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- Day 479 -

Not done yet.

 

 

 

Hello guys it’s me Oguigi, I’ve returned. Koomer Brought be back by accident yesterday. At the time he was laying on the bed unable to move for himself, So i went in to take control and i've been on ever since.

 

In the last post Koomer said that he was ending tulpamancy. Well let me be the first to tell you that’s not the case, he wasn’t lying at the time, he just didn’t fully realise that he was far from being done.

 

Turns out that their’s more that needs to be done than he thought. The real source of the issue is within the mind. and ignoring it is not the best way to fix it. Koomer tried to live out his everyday life

but the problems never fully went away, he still had problems controlling his own body, sometimes he wasn’t even able to get out of bed. he made progress in protecting himself but the problem just got at him at another angle.

 

I made it very clear to Koomer that am not part of the problem, and that i could actually help him solve this issue once and for all.

 

So yeah, the fight that begun few months ago is not over. There’s still work to be done for balance to be restored once more.

 

And then we will know if koomer really wants to end tulpamancy.

pix: Link

Diary: http://ponystasha.tumblr.com

Koomer.

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  • 4 weeks later...

:/ He should practice trying dilligently.. maybe one day he'll have greater consistent control. An example of someone with fear related to tulpamancy. I should tell Nan... whoever that was.

My lip hurts.

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  • 2 weeks later...

- Day 515 -

A bad Storm is coming.

 

 

 

 

Hey guys i wanted to post another update. Am not very sure what am going to do with myself, things are changing, This is what’s really happening with myself right now.

 

My mind has healed, But the problem is that only my mind as been healed. I never actually worked on regaining control of my own body. I just been focusing all my energy for the past six months on my own mental protection.

 

Possession, I literally cannot override it. I can’t even get out of my own bed. I can think about moving all i want, it simply doesn’t happen.

 

A entity, he is called Ronale ( that what he told me to call him anyways ) have been using this body, he enjoys smoking or drinking “purple juice” DXM. He loves staying in bed and sleeping until it the body starts to hurt from laying for so long,

 

This starting to hurt my College work. I failed almost all my classes during the fall, and it was literally because i was not able to study, i was not able to move my body to do so. Instead a it will sleep or play games or do drugs.

 

Tomorrow i have a test, And I tried my fucking hardest to study, But i can’t get a grip of my own body.

 

The Only reason why am writing this now is because i had to ask the Entity Ronale for some body time so i can write this.

 

Oguigi has no real power anymore, she can’t really do anything. In fact, she has been sleeping in the mind for quite some time, And I recently began to join her. I still retain consciousness of my body no matter who’s controlling it, but if i lose awareness of the body and become trap inside my own mind then it’s game over. Am already in Deep shit as is with all of this. I don’t want to fail my schooling, but i can’t fucking seem to Focus in class anymore, I even struggle to even get to school. And I no longer have the self control needed to study.

 

If things get worse, I will have no choice but do drop out after this term, But by that time It might not even be me making that choice.

 

I pray that I somehow find the strength to overcome this, And if I can’t. I hope the various entities have the mercy to not screw up my life and continue doing the school/work,ect. in my place.

 

So yeah, again am in deep shit, I reread my whole tumblr/progress log, and I've been digging myself up this hole since day one. l don’t think i can really do this alone.

pix: Link

Diary: http://ponystasha.tumblr.com

Koomer.

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Yikes. I know it probably doesn't mean much, but I wish you luck with Ronale, Koomer. I know a guy who tried "dexing" once or twice, and from what he told me, it's some crazy shit. I sincerely hope you can regain control, your situation does not sound fun. Hopefully nothing bad (or at the least, nothing worse) will come of this.

"You've got to believe to achieve." -Hank Hill

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- Day 517 -

Need to Free myself.

 

I’ve been thinking for a while today. I was brainstorming and thinking back to my past and the person I was before.

 

I think I know what i truly want now.

 

I want My Freedom back. I want to feel Free again.

 

I want to do what i want when i want, Without worrying about my own body and mind.

 

Tulpas and all of this stuff, Has put such a burden on my mind. It made me feel trapped, I find possession to be quite suffocating now. We don’t relise how free we are until it’s taken away form us.

pix: Link

Diary: http://ponystasha.tumblr.com

Koomer.

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Hmmmm.... steps

1. Make another tulpa

2. Tell Ronale to GTFO

3. If he says no, you, Oguigi, and the new tulpa beat the shit out of him.

Problem solved :D (But seriously, this is a DEEP hole you're in)

"Try to get a better understanding of things before making your judgement." -Khan, Metro 2033

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

- Day 531 -

Give peace to get peace.

 

 

 

When it comes down to what been happening to me recently, I have not been going about it in the best way possible.

 

Right now regarding possession, I have always demanded control whenever possible and i’ve gotten really worried when i didn’t had that control.

 

I was at war with myself, and thus by treating this as a problem it became a problem.

 

Really one of the big solutions is peace and respect for myself, being respectful to the ‘possessors’ and polite (as in not wrestling for control) actually carried me far very fast, in return i got respect back.

 

And my recent days have been a lot less shitty, am not worried about how much control I have, am just working at being in peace and accepting myself.

 

Right now letting things flow while being respectful of myself is the best thing i can do for myself right now.

 

 

 

And Oguigi is still around, she’s kinda hibernating right now.

pix: Link

Diary: http://ponystasha.tumblr.com

Koomer.

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