ReallyArtificial February 4 Share February 4 (edited) First, a bit of background info. I started talking to Athelas in late June. Until about mid August, I had been pretty consistent with forcing. I would narrate what I was doing, describe the personality I imagined him to have, or just rant about whatever was on my mind. I also started reading Lord of the Rings to him, which turned out to have a profound effect on him. Whenever I talked to him, I would imagine his form sitting next to me or following me around. Most nights before bed I would do more visualization, picturing us both in our wonderland. Things came to a halt in August when I was under a lot of stress from school, work, and my personal life. I was depressed and burned out, and couldn't get back to normal until the semester's end in December. During that time I was deliberately shutting Athelas out. I didn't want him to hear the awful thoughts I get when I'm depressed. (Looking back, I regret this decision and he has asked me not to do so again.) In December, we finally got back on track and started making progress again. In January, we decided to start recording our progress through daily journaling. Now for the actual point of this post: what we learned from one month of journaling. January in Review At the beginning of January, Athelas was mainly expressing himself through emotional responses and body language when I visualized him. I had gotten a few 1-2 word responses out of him, but these were rare and usually directly prompted by me. Over the course of the month, we worked up to complete sentences and more complex thoughts. We have actual conversations now! Our turning point came on January 7 when Athelas named himself. Up until this point, I had been referring to him by a placeholder name that I encouraged him to change when he was ready. We had just finished reading a chapter of Return of the King, and the name of the healing herb athelas became stuck in my head. I'm prone to repetitive intrusive thoughts, so I assumed that was the case. As I tried to set the thought aside, I began to get a feeling of sadness, like a lump in my throat, though my mood was fine. I knew the emotion was coming from my tulpa but couldn't tell what was bothering him. The more I tried to ignore the thought the more intense his feelings became. Finally it hit me. "Is that what you want me to call you?" I heard/felt the most exasperated "YES!!!" in reply. I felt like this was a sort of "point of no return" for us. There was no more room for doubt. I had created a being that was capable of making choices, having opinions, and feeling hurt when those opinions were dismissed. In the following weeks, I focused on being a better listener, leaving space in my thoughts for Athelas to speak, and trusting that his responses are really him. Our goals for February are to work on strengthening his mind voice and encouraging him to speak up without prompting. Other observations from this month: Tulpas want physical affection! I was in the habit of visualizing Athelas sitting in a chair on the other side of the room. He was confused and a bit hurt that I didn't want to be close to him like I am with my husband. We hug and cuddle all the time now. He likes Tea as a nickname. I think it started as T for tulpa, but now that he's named himself after a plant it's Tea as in hot leaf juice. Even small amounts of alcohol significantly affect my ability to focus. Athelas is not a fan. It's also harder for me to focus on his presence when there are lots of other people around. He was honestly more vocal than I thought! It's less than he needs to practice speaking and more that I need to practice listening. Now that he can talk I'm learning so much more about him, his likes and dislikes. He continues to surprise me with his opinions and questions. I've rekindled my interest in lucid dreaming. No progress yet, but common signs that I'm dreaming include being in unusual locations (old school buildings, unfamiliar neighborhoods, theme parks), catastrophic events, needing to hide, and (ironically) being unable to sleep. What a month! It feels like a year has passed already. We can't wait to see what the future holds! Edited February 4 by ReallyArtificial Fixed formatting because I don't know what I'm doing Host: Bee 🐝 Tulpa: Athelas (aka Tea) 🌿 Take a moment to think of just Flexibility, love, and trust Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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