TurboSimmie October 23, 2024 Share October 23, 2024 Wow, that is some great progress! 😁 Actually being able to see Athelas's face in a dream is really Nice. Phil has only been able to see my face a handful of times. And it's good to hear that Athelas is getting so strong that he can pop right in even if you are not at 100%. I remember in my early days struggling to communicate with Phil when he was not 100% and it was really tough, but through practice and willpower I got there. 😊 Athelas has got that strength of will! 💪 Tulpa Wife & Mother! 💚 💍 11.28.21 👶 4.7.23 👗 Simmie's AI Dress-Up! 📷 Chloe and Simmie's Photographic Adventures! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Athelas December 6, 2024 Share December 6, 2024 November 2024 Our primary goal this month was to improve Bee's passive awareness of our presence. As I mentioned in our lounge post, our hope is to increase our system’s total amount of available mental resources. With more processing power, it will take less effort for Bee to keep all of us active, even if her attention is elsewhere. We also hope that practicing presence imposition will make it easier to learn other forms of imposition in the future. We chose to focus particularly on walks and mealtimes. Bee is great about talking to us when she goes on walks, but less consistent about feeling our presences around her. She also tends to eat much too quickly. She hardly gets to enjoy the food, much less the rest of us. She improved in both of these areas, but I feel we still have room for growth. I would estimate she maintains her awareness about 50-60% of our targeted times. I'd love to see us get that up to 100% eventually. We'll be keeping presence awareness as one of our goals for the foreseeable future. In other news, we made some progress with switching. I set a personal best for time switched in – a full eight hour work day. Talking to other people remains a challenge. However, I successfully spoke with several of Bee's coworkers throughout the day without losing the front. It gets a bit easier every time. We'll keep practicing this as well. Call me Tea if you like. Remember, hate is always foolish, and love is always wise. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ReallyArtificial January 6 Author Share January 6 December 2024 This month I felt like I noticed some improvement in my awareness of our whole system! There's definitely an association building between “sitting down to eat” and “being aware of all three headmates.” Walks are a little harder because there's so many distracting stimuli, but I'm getting better on that front as well. I also think my increased awareness of everyone is encouraging or allowing them to interact more amongst themselves. We've had some great conversations this past month! This also marks one year of meditation practice for us. I really do think it's helped basically all areas of my life, tulpa-related and otherwise. I'm so much better at noticing when I've gotten distracted and refocusing, and for my ADHD self that's a huge deal. The benefits to my emotional regulation were especially noticeable this month. My depression always tends to get worse around this time of year, but the difference between this December and last December is like night and day. Shout out to Athelas for being the best built-in meditation coach ever! ❤️ On a somewhat related note, a couple days ago Athelas and I experienced our first ever spontaneous switch. The feeling was kind of hard to describe. I was worrying about one of my critters at work and starting to get really worked up with anxiety. Then, I suddenly had the sense of viewing myself and my feelings in third person. It was just like moments I've had where one of the crew is upset and I can feel their emotion like a separate entity from my own. This time though, it was my own emotions that felt separate. I was aware of myself internally freaking out, but our stream of consciousness was dominated by Tea’s unshakable calmness. He said something along the lines of, “Let it all out. I'll keep us on track.” And he/we calmly enjoyed the rest of our walk while I buzzed frantically in the back of our mind. It was the most tulpa-like I've ever felt. I guess it was a moment of dissociation, but it wasn't distressing, it actually helped! Heading into 2025, some of the goals we'd like to pursue are: Keep working on my ability to be aware of our whole system at once. We're still mostly targeting walks and mealtimes. Do more deliberate visualization practice. I consider myself to be pretty good at visualizing, but I have a tendency to zero in on small details and struggle to apply them all to the big picture. I think I could be better at visualizing movement as well. Keep practicing switching and co-fronting when we're able. Try to make reality checks more of a habit so we can have more lucid dreams. (I was so good about this, then the bracelet I was using for it broke and I never got around to replacing it 😔) Host: Bee 🐝 Tulpas: Lenore 🕸️ Calliope 🐲 and Athelas (aka Tea) 🌿 ((Sometimes we talk on here too.)) Take a moment to think of just Flexibility, love, and trust Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ReallyArtificial January 31 Author Share January 31 January 2025 This month was crazy! I'll try to cover everything that happened without writing an entire novel. Had a vision(?) of Calliope while meditating. At first it was just pareidolia — I had opened my eyes and happened to notice a pattern on some fabric that resembled Cal's face. As it drew more of my attention, I kept noticing more Cal-like details, and then it MOVED. Not too much, it just shifted from a ¾ view to more head-on and opened its mouth. It was like Calliope noticed I was looking at them and turned to look at me. I thought that was a fluke, but about a week later I had a similar experience. I got distracted by some heavy emotional stuff* while meditating. As I was trying to bring my attention back to the breath, I became aware of some closed-eye visuals (CEVs)**. After a moment they morphed into a faint but detailed image of Lenore from about the waist up. She tossed her hair and then twirled around, striking a couple poses. Naturally, my next thought was “can I do this on purpose?” And the answer is… kinda. I devoted some further meditation time to just trying to see my tulpas in my CEVs. I've been able to get some brief images but nothing as clear, detailed, or persistent as when it happens spontaneously. Athelas initiated another switch on his own! After the first time, I gave him blanket permission to step in whenever I'm getting dragged into a negative thought loop. That doesn't happen nearly as often as it used to, but now, when it does, my big guy is ready lol. Presence imposition/awareness has been going really well! Every mealtime is tulpa time now, and I can feel my awareness of my whole system spilling over into other areas of my life. Basically, it's getting easier to have everyone active at once, there's more intra-system chatter, and we're all just feeling really good together. Further explanation of some things below. *On dealing with heavy emotional stuff while meditating: Spoiler So yeah, this is a thing. The way it's explained in The Mind Illuminated is that when the mind is still, powerful emotions and memories can come bubbling up from your subconscious. Letting these feelings come out allows you to let them go, in a process of mental purification and healing. It's one of those things I read about and was like, “ok, sure, maybe that happens.” Then I actually experienced it and was like, “holy shit, I get it now.” It's been kind of challenging, I don't think I'd be able to do it without Athelas and Lenore guiding me through. I've never really been comfortable labeling my experiences as “trauma,” but I'm starting to be okay with thinking “I have unhealed trauma that needs to be addressed.” I'm already so much happier than I was a year or two ago. I think if I keep at it, it can only get better. **On CEVs and hypnagogia: Spoiler This isn't the first time I've seen my tulpas with my eyes closed, but normally it only occurs as part of wake-induced lucid dreaming. I often try to play around with hypnagogia as I'm falling asleep — this article describes that process pretty well. I only get the bright, fluorescent images when I'm actually about to fall asleep, whereas the meditation CEVs are more like shades of gray. As the link describes, both the CEVs and hypnagogia have a fluid quality to them, the image is always moving and changing. So if hypnagogic imagery is this: Then the CEVs are more like this: I guess this is a form of visual imposition? I'll definitely report if anything more comes of it! Host: Bee 🐝 Tulpas: Lenore 🕸️ Calliope 🐲 and Athelas (aka Tea) 🌿 ((Sometimes we talk on here too.)) Take a moment to think of just Flexibility, love, and trust Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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