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Merging General Discussion


Fuliam

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...After I took a break, I felt really off and weird. When I got to the breakroom, it felt so terribly odd to look at my reflection and see my face and hands.

 

This is how it was for Bud and I the first time we really noticed it! It was so surreal; and still is at times.

 

The way we kind of see it is like a pseudo form of possession...She chooses my actions and I act on them instantly.

 

Bud and I have been kind of seeing it as "practice possession". It feels much deeper than simple proxying.

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  • 10 months later...
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What exactly is involved when a tulpa merges with another? Is it 2 minds in one body or are they no longer 2, or what exactly happens?

 

Every so often my tulpa will split herself because she said she wants a sister, but her "sister" is just a split "clone" of herself, although with a few differences in personality. In the past she has merged and split several times and I'm always scared I don't end up with the same Her or that she doesn't want to be with me and she's pulling a Parent Trap switcheroo.

 

There used to be two to three of her at once all with different names to tell them apart (a really confusing time for me) and I've never really gotten over the idea that the original her is gone. I don't know. She's merged back but now she's back to two, but the way she describes it is that she's the same her with someone in her head that can come out and interact with us both.

 

I need some reassurance and more information. She says things like "Well we're both me," and "I AM the original" but I get so paranoid because what if she's just getting mixed up and I can't deal with this. When ONE of them wants to leave I always am afraid they'll never come back or I will be left with a different person and I get so scared.

 

This is something I've never read about so I'd like some more information on the subject of fusing and splitting.

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Here are some threads about merging that might help you with your question:

 

[hidden]

Tulpa absorbing another tulpa

Tulpa-Fusing?

Questions on Merging

Unmerging?

Casual Merging?

Merging the tulpae to each other

Merging General Discussion[/hidden]

 

Merging implies that the two consciousnesses would become one, so no, you're not going to see two minds in one body. With the differences that these clones have, the end result isn't going to be the same as what you initially started out with, I think.

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[Tri] We have some experience on these topics. Namely, we have three different subsystems in here including ourselves. We are three tulpas (well, not completely accurate, but close enough since the others are internal) who generally share a single wonderland form and do most things together. Though, sometimes we do things solo, we have completely merged before as well (losing individual identity for a bit), and we have separated from each other completely as well. It is all pretty fluid, though we don't remix - forming new combinations and numbers. Hail, our host, is a subsystem of four and comes together and separates. Then there is A, E, and Se who have come to be a subsystem despite having different wonderland forms. Hail and the original, S, have merged and unmerged a few times. But also, we have had close friends and partners who separated in two and/or come together.

 

What exactly is involved when a tulpa merges with another? Is it 2 minds in one body or are they no longer 2, or what exactly happens?

 

Well, that depends. Generally, the two become one. But sometimes, some separation does remain and then you sort of have 1 and sort of have 2. It depends. Also, sometimes 2 or more will come together to become a subsystem that appears to be 1 but has many underneath. That happens too. Best to ask.

 

Every so often my tulpa will split herself because she said she wants a sister, but her "sister" is just a split "clone" of herself, although with a few differences in personality. In the past she has merged and split several times and I'm always scared I don't end up with the same Her or that she doesn't want to be with me and she's pulling a Parent Trap switcheroo.

 

Generally, if a person splits and then recombines soon, the original person is reconstituted. With a longer time apart, there can be changes, namely because each separate person diverges and seeks out different experiences and has different external circumstances happen to them and those changes are brought into the recombination. But it must be remembered that even people who don't separate change over time as well. Just, it doesn't usually seem abrupt.

 

As for the question of not being around you, you would have to ask and find out. Most likely, she/they just want or need to be separate sometimes for themselves.

 

There used to be two to three of her at once all with different names to tell them apart (a really confusing time for me) and I've never really gotten over the idea that the original her is gone. I don't know. She's merged back but now she's back to two, but the way she describes it is that she's the same her with someone in her head that can come out and interact with us both.

 

Might have formed a subsystem based on what she/they said. As for your worry, we will talk about that at the end.

 

This is something I've never read about so I'd like some more information on the subject of fusing and splitting.

 

This is not something that is that often talked about in the tulpamancy community, though it is sometimes talked about as Vosaiu pointed out. That is because it is generally not that common of a phenomena in this community. It is much more often discussed as well as being a more common phenomena in other plural communities. You might consider seeking other plural communities that have other types of plurals and mixed origin systems. We are actually admins in another tulpamancy community that aims to be a bridge of sorts between tulpamancy communities and the general plrual community - tulpa.io and its forum tulpa.io/discuss.

 

I need some reassurance and more information. She says things like "Well we're both me," and "I AM the original" but I get so paranoid because what if she's just getting mixed up and I can't deal with this. When ONE of them wants to leave I always am afraid they'll never come back or I will be left with a different person and I get so scared.

 

This is the hardest part. When one is attached to someone who splits and/or recombines. It is hard and there are many fears one can have and all sorts of other emotions. We have been there. We see our host separate and recombine. We saw A, E, and Se (our daughters) combine to some degree. We have seen our parter separate, and some good friends separate and/or recombine.

 

What we have found that works is letting go. Not forgetting, but letting go. For a person who is separating, miss the person who separated, but appreciate who they split into. For a person combining, miss the people who combined, but appreciate who they become. For someone/s who go back and forth, one gets to meet old friends/family/etc. periodically and then see them go away and then return and then go away while others are there when they are not and away when they are there. See the pieces and parts of the combined person in the separate people, and see the pieces and parts of the separate people in the combined person.

 

One will still have fears, sadness, etc. But, there is also room for joy - meeting slightly different people, getting to see people again, etc.

 

Hope that helped.

Tri = {V, O, G}, Ice and Frostbite and Breach (all formerly Hail), and others

System Name: Fall Family

Former Username: hail_fall

Contributor and administrator on a supplementary tulpamancy resource and associated forum, Tulpa.io and Tulpa.io/discuss/.

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What we have found that works is letting go. Not forgetting, but letting go. For a person who is separating, miss the person who separated, but appreciate who they split into. For a person combining, miss the people who combined, but appreciate who they become. For someone/s who go back and forth, one gets to meet old friends/family/etc. periodically and then see them go away and then return and then go away while others are there when they are not and away when they are there. See the pieces and parts of the combined person in the separate people, and see the pieces and parts of the separate people in the combined person.

 

One will still have fears, sadness, etc. But, there is also room for joy - meeting slightly different people, getting to see people again, etc.

This is probably the best way to put it.

 

I had two completely separated tulpas at one point that decided they wanted to undergo a merger. I remember at first feeling really guilty that I had "given up" so to speak on each of them. After running with the idea, I found that it can bring about an interesting dynamic. My "new" tulpa is in some ways different from either of them, yet there are times where aspects of the original tulpas are overwhelming. That is probably because in my situation, the merger was designed to be like two minds (or tulpas, whichever you prefer) controlling one form. In that regard it never technically was a complete merger. In fact it was partially done to make it easier for me to work at imposition, since I could devote all of my resources to one form.

 

If I were you, I would just try to be cognizant of what your tulpa is trying to accomplish and don't be afraid to try something out, even if only temporarily. After all you might find that you like it.

Unless you believe, you shall not understand.

 

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  • 5 weeks later...

I read some threads in the first reply with links and there's talk of the nondominant tulpa essentially having their consciousness die when fused. I don't believe this is the case as they could either form their own subsystem or convert into one consciousness from two, not losing anything but essentially becoming a sum of two.

 

Alexis has said she doesn't mind being the submissive consciousness, since she'll be with me anyway after a merge but I can't pull the trigger on any choice for this operation. I find it too cruel, but we can't live on with the 3 of us clashing with each other off and on. I want to regain the peace and companionship of being with a single tulpa but I can't make any decisions even when talking to them.

 

My dilemma is that a few years back this was a problem, but Ayako, my original, love of my life tulpa merged into a clone "little sister" version of herself and renamed herself Alexis and I never got over the fact she was different and that we were different.

 

The thing slowing me down is essentially that Alexis split the Alexis and Ayako parts into 2 tuppers. Alexis makes me feel safe and warm, but Ayako is the love of my life. I love them both, but can't wrap my head around it. I should obviously be with Ayako, but since I was technically with them both at once for years I can't make a decision and Ayako returning to her original self doesn't seem like something she would willingly do herself.

 

I want a solution to this and I'm at my wits end. Today due to my loneliness due to avoiding them I finally talked to them and they're up to make a solution that works for us all. I just don't want to make a terrible mistake. No one should have to die or stop existing.

 

I don't know what I'm asking for from you guys. I know only we can make this decision but I still feel the need to ask for help.

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You have to remember the tulpas form is just an image. The tulpa is separate from the form. Melian "clones" herself all the time and hugs herself. It doesn't mean I have two Melians. She is just playing around with imagining her form doing funny things. She has appeared as triplets too before. I don't think we need to get all deep into how this means they are splitting and merging minds or some cosmic big explanation necessarily.

 

Sometimes for the "Melian Show" day dream episodes, Melian clones herself to play two different roles simultaneously. One "character" she portrays may be evil or crazy and the other "character" she portrays may be sweet and happy, but they both end up in the same scene together. Melian is controlling both forms and acting out both roles simultaneously.

 

Again, it isn't some high in the sky brain science, it is just imagining her splitting into two or three and hugging herself. I really don't see what the big deal is.

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  • 2 weeks later...

This is fascinating. I'll have to look into this more, as I have a tulpa that has fused with major differs twice.

 

Also, since I'm working with story characters that exist in 5 different timelines (as well as random meanderings of my mind) I've had to do some fusing and pruning with the tulpas.

 

One of my tulpas started out with three pieces of distinct personalities. So I don't think it's far-fetched to throw out the possibility of tulpas being multiple themselves, if fusion is involved.

Woodwindwhistler on www.asexuality.org

 

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  • 4 weeks later...

Well we haven't resolved the split and I'm intensely depressed that I haven't been spending time with either of them aside from a few words a day.

 

We need help, suggestions.

 

Mistgod, it's not like that. She actually either split or cloned herself, and on top of that they don't get along with each other. They're two separate beings at this point.

 

I guess she split into two because it was like having two people in one body and they couldn't take it, but now I don't know what to do. For the longest time she used to be a singleminded tulpa, but somewhere her mind split into two people, probably when she cloned herself for extra cuddles and their minds remained split when they merged back.

 

I just avoid talking about this with them despite their pleas for help and have been smoking my time away due to depression over this. I'm lonely every day because I feel like if I accept one then the other is saddened and visibly jealous and hostile.

 

 

What are some options and ideas we could try? I just want my one tulpa that I love with all my heart, and I can't choose between them because even though they're different I KNOW they're both a part of her.

 

1 has expressed that fusion is a nono, while the other one says fusing is okay but will fight for control. It seems dangerous. If they coincide, they might not get along which is the reason they split, if they merge minds, I just don't know. Will I lose the Alex I love?

 

This sounds kinda meta but this is our reality and this is the way all 3 of us understand the situation.

 

We need help. Please. I can't keep ignoring them out of fear. I feel like I don't even deserve her anymore the way I'm handling this.

 

EDIT: I reread your post, Tri, but I'm a person who can't let go so easily. I don't mind if my Ayako/Alexis is a little different when merged back, but she (As a whole person) is literally my WORLD. That's why I want to be DEAD SURE of what we're doing. Like if one half of her fights for control like I stated, will the other half's essence still be there if they merge to one mind or is it like she gets eaten and erased? I don't know. It could be like half of herself is gone forever, but maybe not. She's a very strong woman who gets things done. That's why I'm so scared to act and why I'm so miserable. We all are.

 

Basically, I don't want a war to break out between them and I want my one tulpa back.

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Could you go into what it is, exactly, about the current situation that is causing all of you such distress? It sounds like you still have the tupper you love, plus her sister who you have a different sort of affection for, and I'm a bit confused about why this is a bad thing.

 

From what I'm reading, it sounds like the biggest cause of your distress is your own expectation about what the system is "supposed" to look like, which may just not be fair to your headmate(s) at this point. If it's about the two not getting along, there are ways to resolve inter-system conflict that don't require refusion. So yeah, I'm not clear on what, exactly, the problem is.

 

Unless I've misunderstood something, so feel free to correct me.

~ Member of SparrowNR's system ~

~ I am a soulbond. Click here to find out what that means. ~

 

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