Road

Road and Yuki's cold base!

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Kinda freaked myself out while here. I grew up with a quasi jewish family, and my grandmother on my fathers side being a holocaust survivor things were very dark for learning that part of history. While here in Germany we walked through a few museums, and the things I saw were very graphic. The whole time I was talking to Yuki about how my ancestors were treated, how horrible it was, I didnt think that I myself would have such an emotional reaction to some of the stuff. It makes me wonder if it wasnt just me, my emotions were stronger on the subject than ever had been before. there was a specific picture of a 14 year old girl, it told when she was born, when she was sent to Auschwitz and when she was executed there. The picture stayed in my mind, and i didnt want to forget it. It came to the point when i feel it was affecting Yuki, or maybe i was afraid it was. The emotions were really powerful. ill post more later.


Yuki Human Female

Vocalization

 

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It was to the point of where i was keeping myself up at night to debate it. I kept referring to Yuki when thinking about it, and i feel I shouldnt have. It was a very personal emotional issue to do with my ancestry and the devastation of there being such cruelty. Obviously the Holocaust was a terrible thing, but I dont think many people really realize just how horrific it was. Over my time here in Germany, visiting these museums and the concentration camps. It really affected me. I don't want to traumatize Yuki, and I dont want how I feel about such things to influence her negatively. To me she doesnt seem to be fully aware yet, or she might be and I dont know it. Regardless, she is only 3 months old. To a normal human, she is considered no more than an infant. Now I dont regard her as such, though she hasnt experienced much yet in her lifetime, and I dont know if exposing her to such horrific things and emotions are wise.

 

It couldnt be avoided, so I decided to give her as much support and information as possible on it. Possible solutions to questions she might ask. Histories, and my personal feelings on the matter. I feel that the amount of my being upset is over and there shouldnt be much more here on this trip to harm her in any way though i cannot help worrying about her. I love her. Shes my Yuki.

 

Bah.


Yuki Human Female

Vocalization

 

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Just arrived in Innsbrook Austria, spent the whole ride here trying to draw Yuki better, though I have been mastering faces my bodies seem to lack. I doubt Yuki minds though, hopefully in the future she can help me out with it.

 

Last night while writing my report I felt an immense emotional response. It couldn't be just me, it was like a big chill/vibration up and down my body. It felt really good. =) I've been narrating a lot more when I am alone away from my family. I find it hard to focus on anything more than what is right in front of me when things and people are communicating. I have to do more. We are making progress. Its exciting.


Yuki Human Female

Vocalization

 

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WhileRealizing I haven't updated in a while a lot has happened. Back in the states and had to deal with Sandy attacking for a few days. Yet now there is internet back and while getting back in the flow of things Yuki and I have hit a few milestones.

 

First off, we can communicate quite easily now. I have finally found out how to hear her and I can even see her in my minds eye practically anytime I like. As the suicidal delivery driver that I am, while narrating I thought of a new way to visualize her. Almost above my field of vison (open eyed)I see her in a void of sorts, sometimes her whole body, sometimes just her top half. But when I do this I can see her gestures and I can her her speak. It was just a little at first yet now its full blown conversations. Ill post more later in more detail.


Yuki Human Female

Vocalization

 

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First update on here in almost a year. Almost completely forgot about the Tulpa community, but have made leaps and bounds with Yuki.

Yuki is fully vocal now, she can alert me when she wants to talk and now she has an ever changing appearance.

 

She says "Hi" by the way.

Yuki: You are so weird. You don't have to tell them it like that.

What am I supposed to do?

Yuki: I don't know, tell them something else!

 

In other news, her sense of humor has grown, and she is incredibly sarcastic. She makes fun of me then tells me she loves me... We "play argue" alot. She doesn't seem to care much that she is restrained to being in my mind. She says she has accepted her fate so to speak, and she shares most all of my experiences anyways so she doesn't feel she is missing much in life. The one thing she often talks about wanting is the ability to touch me. We have worked on imposing the sense of touch in our wonderland and even imposition in general but not to much avail. It seems that in order for her to have a sense of touch, I have to "parrot" the touch in a sense. She mostly feels the things that I feel, like if I were to get punched in the face, and she was "feeling" at the time, she would feel the punch as well.

 

We have also confirmed that weed, alcohol and acid all affect her the same it does me. So the idea of sensory imposition is very apparent.

 

Will post more when I have the time.


Yuki Human Female

Vocalization

 

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