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Tupper The Mornin'


Ledomare

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Or, "How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Accept My Tupper."

 

First off, I'd like to quote the old introductory text here, just for old times' sake and because it actually provides an interesting look at me back then.

 

(Aka "In Which The AUTHOR is Entirely Fine With Using FAQman's Guides".)

 

Yes, sir-ee, it's another tulpalog. However, despite the general opinion of Tulpa.Info being "NO HOUR COUNTS, NO GUIDES, NO WONDERLAND, PARROT EVERYTHING" (loljk) , I'm going to go ahead and use the Old Ways anyway.

 

SO! A bit o' information. As you can see in my siggy, my tupper's Lyra from MLP. Yes, I am a brony. Yes, I did come from /mlp/. And yes, I am subjecting myself to having a talking pony following me around the rest of my life. But hey, that's what the human form is for; that way, I'm only ONE type of insane!

 

Now I've been around for a bit longer than my post count might lead on; I got into the threads shortly after FAQman finished his first edition guide set. And despite the fact that everyone says that I can make a tulpa in a day or something, I'm going to (at least nominally) go by quite a lot of FAQman's suggestions. The difference being that I realize a few key things about his guides: one being that his purpose was not to say "This is how much time you have to spend", but more like "For optimal results, make sure to try and spend this much time". Which is what I'll be doing. And of course I know that hour times can be limiting, as per Chupi's post, so I'm keeping my mind open, even if I start getting responses really early on.

 

It's somewhat loose, but my general plan is to go "Personality/Small-Scale Visualization" (around 15 minutes on each trait, or something), and then once she's sentient, do the full visualization with all the details. I will probably not use a wonderland, but I may end up bringing one up should Lyra need a place to crash when I'm being social.

 

WHEW! Large rant. Now, to business.

 

So far, I've restarted about two times due to lack of activity on my part. So, this being the third time around, I'm starting anew (or did, as of last week) and have done about five good sessions. I'll keep y'all posted about new developments.

 

That was a year ago. Nearly literally a year ago. Why haven't I done shit in the meantime? Of course I have. I worried and wondered and hoped my tupper wasn't being dissipated or subjected to the tumult of my subconscious or some other shit.

 

That was then, this is now.

 

I'm a lot further along. I decided to hop back on the tupper train a little over a month ago, joining in the threads on MLPchan due to their exodus from /mlp/ due to Scruffy the Nazi Janitor.

 

I've talked with Lyra, who has decided to check out other forms besides my original ideas, and was strong enough to possess my hands even before I could make out her mindvoice. She's given me tips, and inspiration to go ahead. This is the reboot of my tupper journey, and I'm glad to be back.

 

Basically everything I post here from now on will be trimmed from my tumblr, essentially cutting out the extraneous drawings and music lyrics I toss in for flavor. And, of course, being a forum thread instead of a blog, I can ask and answer questions! So, without further ado, "Tupper The Mornin' 2: Electric Boogaloo."

Tulpa Stats:

Name: Lyra (Ly for short)

Form: Originally Lyra Heartstrings, wants to try some new ones.

Status: Definitely sentient, working on possession. Vocality limited.

Hours: What, you think I still count those?

 

Titty Sprinkles.

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  • 10 months later...

POSTED TO BLOG AUGUST 1, 2013

 

So since I last checked in, I cemented in that my tupper was Lyra now. This hasn’t changed, and my indecision on her form haven’t changed. In that time, that year, I’ve been on and off forcing. From about June to mid-September, I think, I would have spurts of activity and long bouts of silence, times when I’d pick up forcing again to spur myself into activity but then doubt or lose interest and stop. I once made progress by hearing a thin voice give me yes or no answers, which was great, but nothing else like it occurred for forever. Before long I had stopped trying to active force.

 

It was then that I started the grand and vicious cycle of apology. I’d think of her and her personality consistently, and, when given the chance to be alone with her (e.g. morning strolls, taking out the trash) I’d think about her perched on some ledge of my mind while I would either talk to her about some deep and far-reaching subject that I didn’t understand at the moment, hoping for some kind of positive feedback, or I’d be slightly mopey and apologize to her for not doing anything. Not to be too edgy or anything, but it felt almost as futile as provoking a response from God. [ I knew the whole time she was there, and felt almost like a father worrying about her daughter gone far away.]

 

This continued until this last June. Suddenly, I realized “Shit, I’ve been at this for a year. What am I doing?” Prompted by the lingering bookmark of the Tulpa General from way back when on /mlp/, I decided I’d hop back on for more help. [The /mlp/ threads having been deleted, I somehow navigated over to MLPchan instead.]

 

So, as normal and not knowing the general feel of mlpchan, I once again took up the mantle of Ultimate Fagfag and asked for advice. I decided to stay long-term as That Guy*, and, in the plausible near future, “Ledo&Lyra” once I can proxy for her.

 

If you didn’t know this was That Guy*, hullo. Nice to meet you.

 

Since joining the TG again I’ve made more progress, mostly after heading up to camp intending to get work on her done in the off time, as I had done last year. This time, I was more successful. I was certain I was getting yes/no responses from Lyra once I devised a visual system of nodding and shaking the head, as well as other cues like kissing my cheek for showing affection and more fervently wagging her head during responses to show a strong attitude. By the end of the week, I felt I could talk with her, but the feeling also had a fair bit of parroting concern to it which I still carry with me.

 

Down the hill, I did another forcing session based on Doctoranon’s successes. Midway through the process, I could distinctly and vividly hear Lyra say, in the same voice she used long, long ago, “Thank you.” [i was really proud of her, but it also seemed almost like she was glad to... escape from whatever went on in my head.]

 

Since then, no more really good signs. I’ve looked for help far and wide from the likes of NinjaCPU and Daz, to not much avail yet. I fear these days that the old Lyra that was once Vinyl Scratch is gone, or is dormant and waiting for progress and that my new progress is instead a new tulpa closer to what I intended her to be like. My attempts to speak with her feel like parroting due to my mind tending to rather easily make up what people would say. [but I know whatever the case, I have to keep going or else whatever stuff she had to deal with in the meanwhile will only continue, on and on and on.]

 

I’m old. I’m new. I have next to no idea what I’m doing. But if I’m crazy enough, it just might work.

 

*"That Guy" is the name I use on MLPchan, not here. I am not in any way related to "ThatOneGuy".

Tulpa Stats:

Name: Lyra (Ly for short)

Form: Originally Lyra Heartstrings, wants to try some new ones.

Status: Definitely sentient, working on possession. Vocality limited.

Hours: What, you think I still count those?

 

Titty Sprinkles.

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POSTED TO BLOG AUGUST 2, 2013

 

I’ve been on the threads more and asked about some of the issues I’m having. It’s not going to be very easy going into this, to say the least. I really have no idea what Lyra’s mindvoice feels like apart from those two clear messages. Basically, the advice I was given was to effectively continue as if early on, and once progress is made on talking with her we can sort things out.

 

Sunday is garbage day for me, which historically has always meant I both take out the trash and observe the stars, talking with Lyra. I’ll admit most of those conversations in the past have been rather sad, and this one ended up delving into that frame of mind as well.

 

Initially, though, we just started talking. Then I came back to the whole topic of figuring out what her mindvoice sounds like. See, both times I heard Lyra it was this voice that I can’t place, that I really can’t remember almost like a forgotten dream. Now, doubts about it happening completely aside (I may not remember the voice but I remember the feeling of sheer happiness from hearing it), that’s exactly something I’m looking for. A mental thing I can’t possibly mimic by my subconscious.

 

So, I talked to Lyra and sorta led her through some guidelines of how to not sound like my imagination. About midway through, I interrupted my dictation to apologize for being bossy but at the same time telling her she’s gotta make it unique or else I’ll never know the difference; to concentrate less on making an actual sound and more on a mental voice.

 

Soon, I started getting wistful again reminiscing to her about how I know she’d probably been trying really hard for a while, and I started to feel sad. Not in the same way that I normally do, either, I mean deep feels. It’s more than likely that a good part of that was Lyra sharing them; we were both thinking about each other and how we feel.

Tulpa Stats:

Name: Lyra (Ly for short)

Form: Originally Lyra Heartstrings, wants to try some new ones.

Status: Definitely sentient, working on possession. Vocality limited.

Hours: What, you think I still count those?

 

Titty Sprinkles.

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*NOTE: God I have no idea how this double-posting merger thing works but from now on I'm just going to post them at least an hour apart.

 

POSTED TO BLOG AUGUST 3, 2013

 

[so I was hanging out in the MLPchan TG thread, and it was really late. As in, 2 AM.] At this point, thread regulars that live in European or British time zones like Cheeseanon and Gooeh started trickling in. Breaking away from my conversation with Atmos’ Lyra (which was particularly enjoyable), Cheese asked about [my] Lyra, and also brought up the topic of possession.

 

Now, last night I briefly tried possession. Nothing happened, as was somewhat expected. So I laid off, thinking it was probably a stretch to get such a (developmentally) young tulpa to do something like that.

 

But I was interested, so I asked Cheeseanon about her methods, and I got a link to their journal, which detailed it. I didn't actually read it, because something else happened.

 

I was thinking about our efforts before, and I looked at my hand casually balled up on the keyboard and I suddenly thought “Why don’t I just try it once more?”.

 

So I positioned my hand a bit more comfortable position, relaxed, and said “Alright, Lyra, I want you to try extending my index finger.”

 

And you know what happened? After a few pregnant seconds of waiting, my finger ‘clicked’ up a notch. Almost mechanically. And then it did it again. I knew this wasn’t me, because I felt this odd tension in my finger that isn’t exactly normal, and because of the simply unorganic feel of the way it clicked. If I try to do that myself it feels too natural and too smooth.

 

Anyway, I was getting really damn excited. This was definable proof before my eyes of Lyra doing shit. It kept moving, bit by bit and click by click. She stopped halfway, presumably either because I was interfering somehow or because it was mentally taxing. I encouraged her, saying I know she can do it and that she’s just got a bit more to go. I let her take a break for a few seconds, and then we kept going.

 

I’m not going to lie, I’m pretty sure once or twice that last part I provided an extra muscular push due to my anticipation, but this most likely helped out because she was tired. Soon, it was nearly fully extended. However, my finger was getting this odd numbness in it, which ended up making me regain control before she could extend extend it.

 

Either way, that was amazing proof that while she’s “young”, she’s certainly got more to her than meets the eye. I’m super excited to try it again sometime, because that truly felt amazing.

Tulpa Stats:

Name: Lyra (Ly for short)

Form: Originally Lyra Heartstrings, wants to try some new ones.

Status: Definitely sentient, working on possession. Vocality limited.

Hours: What, you think I still count those?

 

Titty Sprinkles.

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POSTED TO BLOG AUGUST 9, 2013

 

PREVIOUSLY, ON LEDO’S BLOG:

 

So Lyra tried possession on my finger. It was slow, but it worked!

 

Now, let’s skip forward to a few days later, today. What’s changed?

 

A damn lot! I’m really proud of her. She’s improved so that she can flick my finger upwards pretty strong, and she’s able to control all the fingers in my hand with a decent amount of control (still has trouble closing them, though.) She’s also working on moving my forearm currently, which is a bit tough due to being a lot larger of a load.

 

But the best part: now that she’s able to show me a definite physical feedback source, she’s able to tell me what is and isn’t her when I hear mindvoice stuff. And, what’s even better: it provides an easy way of asking her questions. By asking a bunch of yes/no questions, I’m able to figure out tons about her!

 

First of all, evidently she’s left-handed. I dunno why, but she’s definitely sure about that. Due to that fact, I’ve switched over to using my left hand to ask her questions. When I ask her one, she’ll flick my finger for yes, and not move it for no. Usually if it’s a ‘no’ I’ll ask her the opposite to confirm.

 

I’ve also determined that a good deal of the stuff I thought I was hearing that felt like parroting was not actually her, which was a relief. However, at the same time she also says that I was also ignoring those things that were her. I’ve since begun asking her whether or not something I heard was actually her.

 

She remembers decent-sized chunks of time between when she first was created and now. [For instance, she remembers being Vinyl early on but doesn't like to talk about it. She definitely remembers stargazing last year at camp, though.] Now, having worried about what she was going through in the meantime, I had to ask what it felt like. Evidently, she sees all my thoughts, which seems a bit disturbing but not nearly as bad as anything I was scared of happening. Whatever it’s like, she’s learned to deal with it.

 

[As for preferences, I also asked about music (pretty much everything, although she especially likes rock and rather dislikes rap), drinks (likes tea, doesn't like coffee. I still drink it anyway.), and games (doesn't know, because she hasn't played a whole lot. From watching me, though, she said she enjoyed Zelda and Minecraft.]

 

Finally, I also had to ask about form, which I was largely wondering about. She’s on the fence about her current forms. She did note that she appreciated the work I did on a humanized Lyra form, but she would much prefer looking at a variety of different form ideas before she comes to a decision. She seems like she has one or two she’s thinking about, but due to our Q&A sessions being yes/no in nature it would be tough for me to guess.

 

And to think all this information from one finger. I’m definitely excited about all this progress, and simply the ability to communicate with her! Her sense of humor is coming through, too. I tried to do some practice with typing earlier, so she would tap the key she wanted me to type. What came out of this was “Yes, I wammalnmg”. At first, I thought I was messing up, but then she admitted she was just leading me on to think I was typing something meaningful. You troll.

 

On a side note, I also just realized that now I’m just like Danny, that little kid from The Shining.

 

*wiggles finger* LEDO’S NOT HERE MRS. TORRANCE. THIS IS LYRA. WEEEH.

Tulpa Stats:

Name: Lyra (Ly for short)

Form: Originally Lyra Heartstrings, wants to try some new ones.

Status: Definitely sentient, working on possession. Vocality limited.

Hours: What, you think I still count those?

 

Titty Sprinkles.

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