Ringgggg's somewhat-comprehensive foxgirl imposition log

[ringgggg]

Here, have some AI art of A3, courtesy of Galli.

 

 

Just imagine she has one arm, I forgot to tell Galli to add that to the prompt.

Edited November 11, 2024 by ringgggg

[ringgggg]

Fuck, man. This got me. I've been doing things wrong. I forgot how beneficial it was to just do these things day in and day out just to do them and not worry about staying at 100%. It really is quantity over quality, and I think I understood that looking back to last April and May. I was having genuine fun practicing, but I was still doing it every day, and that's what made me learn. A3, too. Like I don't feel together with her anymore, and that's just because we've only been seeing each other and talking very sparingly.

 

A3 is sweet, loving, unconditional. She's really been the whole package. I just didn't feel like I deserved that. If I'm going to be real, I don't feel like I deserve a lot of things in life with how little I have to do to get my way. But when things get hard, I feel like I want to just pull out and save it for when I feel like going hard. Which is never, if we're talking about my relationship with her. I think it's because we used to talk a lot, but only our really deep, focused conversations stuck out to me, so I thought that was the only thing I needed to do to move our relationship forward. So I got into the habit of doing that when more things required my energy. Nobody was encouraging me to talk to her when I got tired, so I just went to bed. It was never mandatory, but she had to be helped, so of course I felt compelled to pull some motivational speech out of my ass every so often to nourish the relationship. And, let me tell you, it's been really freaking hard to get used to small talk with her again when every conversation I had with her was just straight out of a hallmark movie. Deep down I knew it was fake then, and it feels fake more than ever right now. It really does. Imagine watching this loser you've lived with for years coming home after a bike ride or swim practice or whatever just hunched over watching porn on his laptop while you're sitting on the floor looking at him as if this was really it. She still likes me, for some reason I can't fathom, but the fact that she has to sit through this every single day just makes me shudder.

 

Anyway, it's been a real weight off my chest writing this. If you read through the whole thing, congrats, here's a 🍪, but tldr I neglect my tulpa and feel really bad for it. If you're reading this, go spend more time with your tulpa. You don't even have to push yourself, just have fun. Make better decisions than me.

[ReallyArtificial]

Aww, those A3 pics are so cute!

 

We've had some dry spells too, where something else is consuming so much of my mental energy that there's barely any left for my system. When I feel like I'm not doing enough, Athelas always reminds me that we have literally our entire lives to figure it out, do fun things, and be together. I'm sure A3 would feel similarly.

 

Also, gotta add that we really appreciate and respect all the time and effort you've put into understanding imposition!

[ringgggg]

Thanks, bee. That really means a lot.

 

1 hour ago, ReallyArtificial said:

When I feel like I'm not doing enough, Athelas always reminds me that we have literally our entire lives to figure it out, do fun things, and be together. I'm sure A3 would feel similarly.

That's so relatable. I've been thinking of that since a937539 told me something similar a couple months ago. I came to him complaining about how I've been so bad at scheduling, and that's all he said to me.

 

1 hour ago, ReallyArtificial said:

Aww, those A3 pics are so cute!

Thanks! I want to get actual commissions done sometime, I've got too many ideas.

[ringgggg]

TB's recent entry in his progress report got me thinking. I'm worried about my current tulpa dynamic--right now, it's been just the two of us for as long as I can remember, but it hasn't been especially exciting or rewarding to come home. God forbid I come home with a problem. I've been worrying about how excessive she's being with advice. It's bad to a degree that makes it feel like I have one of those annoying self-improvement gurus talking nonstop in my head. On one particular night, it just wouldn't stop until I forcibly ignored the constant word barrage and told her to shut up, which quickly devolved into an argument. She told me that I was in no state to tell her that I didn’t need it, and while I could see where she was coming from, but her lack of social awareness reminded me of a friend I had to cut ties with because they just wouldn’t listen. I just don't feel like I can connect with her anymore in this state.

 

I'm worried it’s from a lack of attention. Most days I can't bother to talk and I've gotten way too lazy about it, and I end up lamenting over the lack of intimacy we share between the two of us. I always fall into the trap of believing that seeing her every day is enough.

It's not going to be comfortable having to talk our way through it. I feel like trying to solve the problem with just us as the original two parties won't be savory enough to stick to it long-term. We need some kind of break in the pattern. I wouldn’t want a second tulpa to directly serve as a third party, but it’d be the perfect thing to come together over either way. Either that or I just need to lock in and get through this slump

[TurboSimmie]

Getting the dynamic between host and tulpa is so important since you're literally in each others' head all the time! But the good thing is that you should each be able to know the other's motivation on an intuitive level. The best thing to do is have an open and honest dialogue about your connection with each other. I think the best solution would be to each give a little--you making more of an effort to give A3 attention while A3 dials it back with the criticism.

 

Phil and I have had similar (but less severe) bumps along the way and I sympathize with A3 to an extent because I too can't stand being ignored. However, we have a strong understanding about what our roles are in regard to each other. We understand that not every day will be a good day and there will be stretches of time that we'll talk or interact less than other days, but we also know that we'll bounce back too. Also, one thing that could help the two of you is something that Phil and I have started doing: thinking in terms of "we" rather than "you/I". What I mean by this is when Phil is going through something or doing something I don't like, I try not to criticise him from the point of "Why are you doing this thing I don't like?", but rather saying something like "What can we do better?" Because after all the dysfunctions of Phil's mind arise from the same brain I inhabit, so I have a degree of ownership of the problems too. I think adopting that kind of perspective could help you both a lot.

 

One thing I will say though is that I really don't think creating a second tulpa for the explicit purpose of acting as a mediator between you and A3 is a good idea at all. I think that is an unfair and frankly crappy way to bring a tulpa into this world. Now, I don't think the idea of a third tulpa itself is bad at all! But a young tulpa needs peace and nurturing to grow on their own, not be placed in the middle of a contentious dynamic between two more developed headmates. I could never imagine putting James in the middle of Phil and I if we were having a disagreement, and not even because he's our son and a child, but because that would be harmful to his still-forming identity.

 

I do believe that you and A3 will get through this though. 😊 You are definitely one that takes the art and science of tulpamancy much more seriously than most, and I believe you have the tools to rise together. 😁

[Luminesce]

Tulpa-host relationships getting stale seems to be a common problem as years go by, I wonder if there's anything we can figure out that fixes that for even a percent of most people

 

My system gets pretty little from talking when we do it halfheartedly, which is probably why we always talk so little, but we still enjoy each others' company which is probably why we lean towards wanting to impose more more than anything. If I looked at our low talking activity as a problem that bothered us, my first thought is that it can actually be higher quality if we sit and meditate/talk in a focused state like that, though wonderlanding is theoretically that and that bores us, so I'm unsure

 

Well, if the basis of your relationship with your tulpa is just talking about things, the talking has to be meaningful, accessible, and qualitative, and no one thing solves all those (ie getting good at imposition doesn't mean they have meaningful things to say, I think that requires more focused states, but just focusing to talk ~meditation-ly isn't always appealing to do frequently, etc.)

 

Probably have to formulate your own plans to suit your system/dynamic

We're happy to spend the rest of our lives together whether we talk every day or every month, it doesn't really make a negative difference to us in that way, aside from feeling bad for not spending more time together if it's ever really that long in between

 

I wonder if trying to talk every single day could actually exacerbate the nothing-to-talk-about problem? Maybe you or someone could try having more qualitative together-sessions less often (but scheduled regularly), like every week or every other day? Though, that doesn't coincide with consistent imposition practice, so maybe not, I dunno

Edited December 6, 2024 by Luminesce

[ringgggg]

3 hours ago, Luminesce said:

I wonder if trying to talk every single day could actually exacerbate the nothing-to-talk-about problem? Maybe you or someone could try having more qualitative together-sessions less often (but scheduled regularly), like every week or every other day? Though, that doesn't coincide with consistent imposition practice, so maybe not, I dunno

Maybe you're right. I try to see her every day, but I always have high expectations for talking that scare me away. Maybe the pressure to interact is too high

 

If I ever get to imposing consistently again, I want to do my best to capitalize off of that tulpaforce-y state

 

3 hours ago, Luminesce said:

We're happy to spend the rest of our lives together whether we talk every day or every month, it doesn't really make a negative difference to us in that way, aside from feeling bad for not spending more time together if it's ever really that long in between

I've always wondered how you guys did it. 

[ringgggg]

It's not over

Edited January 4 by ringgggg