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Happy birthday Tessa

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This is my progress report so far. I hope I won't be as vague as I was here because I only got accepted on the forums yesterday and tried to relive my past week to make this report. I hope you like walls because this is probably a big one xD. Also if you have tips to maybe shorten the dayly reports I would appreciate them. Lastly I'm not english so it's probably full of little mistakes.

EDIT: I created a summarized version of this wall of text here.

http://tulpa.info/forums/Thread-Another-Lyra-Tulpa-shorter-version

 

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25 September – Day 1

Starting to create a tulpa. I have no idea what to expect because all I did so far was read about it. Instead of thinking about this for more than a day I decided to jump at the idea of having your own tulpa. The thought of having someone to share your life with that is completely devoted to you in every way seemed to appealing to me I didn’t even want to think about it. Second thoughts just seemed wrong at the time and I’m happy I didn’t. It’s been a week now and I try to think about the stuff I did from day 1. It may seem a little less detailed but it’s been a week already. The first thing I did was lie in bed for an hour before going to school. This was the first time I worked on my tulpa. I wanted to create a Rainbow Dash character from My Little Pony. So there I was lying in bed thinking about her traits. It was pretty hard to think of her traits because I had to think about each one for about 15-30 minutes. I couldn’t get more than 3-5 minutes per trait I think. I didn’t know how to break down each trait down to its roots. I couldn’t stop thinking about her when going to school and I also tried to work on her in the train. It was a little harder for me to focus on her but still not as hard because I was still very excited about the idea. The same thing for the way back from school. I don’t think I talked to her but I could be wrong. In the evening I decided to go to bed an hour earlier than normal and wake up 30 minutes before getting out of bed. I worked on her personality all day as one of the guides said I should.

 

26 September – Day 2

I tried to work on her personality in the morning. This was the last time I worked on her personality. I didn’t know what to think of that I hadn’t thought of before. I’m not sure if I worked on her in the train because I think I travelled with someone I know and didn’t really want to ignore my friend. Same goes for the way back home. Once home (again not sure) I tried to start on visualizing. I decided to go for Octavia from My Little Pony instead because I read that basing your tulpa on a fleshed out character could result in personality problems. So instead of Rainbow Dash I decided to choose Octavia. I didn’t want to call her Octavia so instead I tried to call her Vioola. Viool is an instrument in Dutch. Octavia is a background pony from the series that plays a cello during the main parties in Canterlot. Other than people making fan art about her she wasn’t more than a background pony in the series. Still many people loved her and so did I. I wanted her traits to be the same though. The first time I tried to visualize her I tried to use pictures of her to give a rough example. It was still really hard for me to visualize her but that got a lot more easy.

 

27 September – Day 3

Day 3 already. It felt like the same day I started actually. Time goes by a lot faster for some reason. It seems something had got my attention lately. I wonder what that could be *hint hint*. Anyway I woke up earlier again to work on my tulpa. I still had to use pictures to get her in my mind. I think I looked at those pictures every 5-10 minutes because I kept losing the image I could create after some time had passed. I’m enjoying this part a lot more then creating her personality because I know what I’m doing. I know what I want her to look like and I’m trying my hardest to get that result. I know people say they change but I myself hate changes. I still want her to deviate a little though. She’s not supposed to be that character from My Little Pony. She’s supposed to be herself. But I’m a little nervous how much she changes. I don’t mind if her face or color changes a bit. I’m afraid she suddenly becomes something that’s not a pony or even worse, not even female. I still try to except these changed though but I doubt I would like them. I’m trying to be as honest as I can because I’m pretty sure my tulpa is watching what I do. That’s exactly what I want her to actually even though it’s hard for me to not tell the truth the spare feelings. Anyway I finally start to visualize her better. It’s a lot easier than it was yesterday and I start to enjoy this visualizing more and more. One more thing, I changed her name once more. The reason for this is very simple but also kind of strange. Every time I try to think of her name (Vioola), the name Lyra popped up in my head and I said that name before I could say Vioola. This happened all day long and I decided to call her Lyra instead.

 

28 September – Day 4

Today I’m going to Utrecht for a school event. We are supposed to play video games for school (what an awesome way to spend the day) and the train rides are one hour. But before I got up I worked on visualizing her again. No real strange things have happened even though I’m hoping for them and I may be parroting a little. Again it was pretty easy to visualize her. I try to do it without the pictures because I feel like I might be thinking about the pictures instead of her. On the way to Utrecht a few friends sat next to me. When there is no one I can talk to I put up some music and try to work on Lyra. The day was great and I played a lot of fun games, most games seemed like they would be fun for a few hours and then be very boring. Once everyone decided it was time to leave some people stayed for a couple of drinks. They ended up staying for about 4 more hours. I went home and the 2 people that took the same train as me stayed for drinks. So I entered the train alone and thought I could work on my tulpa some more. I put up some music because people were making phone calls and listening to music so loud I could just hear them scream the lyrics out of their headset. This was an interesting moment actually because during the way back home I tried to visualize her. Each 4-5 minutes I put my music back on because there is no auto replay. Once after I did this and tried to get back to visualizing I saw a ring. I had no idea what to think of this. I just took the ring and put it on thinking it was from her. Then a few moments after I got sucked into some kind of deep relaxation state. I felt so calm and never felt this before. I could see her so clearly and she moved in 3d while all I did was visualize her from 1 side in 2d. She being all 3d lasted for just a second or 2 because all she did was turn around. After that she disappeared but I was still in that relaxation state. I tried to stay in it but slowly dripped out of it. After this I had real trouble visualizing her. Once I got home I kept thinking about the ring. What if it wasn’t from her. How can I know? What I ended up doing was give her the ring back and said that if it really was from her she should give it to me again. I also told her it shouldn’t be today and it should be on a moment I least expected it. I tried to visualize her before going to bed but it felt so useless. I couldn’t get anything and I think I stopped trying after 30 minutes.

 

29 September – Day 5

I wonder how I’m going to pass the time during these 2 days. I just want the days to go by faster so I can see my tulpa progress faster. Visualizing was extremely hard this morning and I start to get worried. I still spend the 30 minutes I said I would but didn’t feel like a lot happened. I got a so worried actually that I went on the chat site to find some answers and reassuring. I asked what it meant if it’s suddenly really hard to visualize your tulpa. One said it usually happens just before a major progress spike and another said that she’s likely deviating. I guess my tulpa saw me being worried because that night it was really easy to visualize her. Like she’s showing me I shouldn’t be worried. I enjoyed this session the most of all. She was there all the time and so clear, it really was an amazing sight. Even when I was done with the session and tried to get to sleep the second I closed my eyes again she was there again. It’s like the session just kept going so I talked to her a little while I looked at her.

 

30 September – Day 6

It seems she’s gone again. It was hard to visualize her again but not as hard as it was yesterday morning. It seems her hair changed style a bit. Her face… is so… dark. All I can see is darkness. Her hair is really clear and it doesn’t even require much focus to get me to visualize her hair. But her face, I can’t even get a vague blurry image because all I see is darkness. I trust in my tulpa because of last night. She’s deviating is all I can think of. That night I tried to visualize her again. I tried and tried but her face was still as dark as before. Instead of continuing I tried to tell her a sad story. I’m not sure why I decided to do that but I suddenly got reminded by that story. Before I even told her the story I cried a little to the picture that came in my thoughts. I decided to explain the story in big lines and tried to relive that story as if I was the main character. I felt so sad and I just let my emotions go. Then suddenly a ring! Just out of nowhere, I knew immediately it must have been her. I thought about the ring vaguely during the days but this felt so sudden that there was not even a single possible way that I could have thought about that ring myself at that precise moment. I took the ring but it looked different. It changed shape constantly and it didn’t stay the same. The ring I got in the train 2 days ago was a solid shape. After this I went to sleep.


You like my kitten? come on over for a closer inspection!

 

Newbie tulpamancer on the loose.

 

Check out my progress report:

http://tulpa.info/forums/Thread-Another-Lyra-tulpa

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1 October – Day 7

 

I tried to visualize her this morning but it was just as hard as normal. Her face still seems to be a black void but her hair doesn’t even require any attention. I’m not sure what exactly happened this morning but once I got up from bed up until somewhere in the train it felt like something warm hugged my left cheek very softly. I was with a friend on the way to school and tried to think about my tulpa. I keep asking myself questions in my thought and then answer them, like what it’s like for my tulpa to take over my body, or what it must have been like for her during the first days of creation. I also keep daydreaming myself doing stuff with her but it doesn’t feel like visualizing. Like I’m drifting away a little with my eyes open. I tried to string a bow and shoot it at a large tree and she was watching. I could see her clearly but her hair was covering her face as I looked down at her. This daydreaming feels a lot more realistic and alive. After I was done I asked myself another question. “I wonder if it’s ok to think about possible future’s”. I asked myself this because I was daydreaming about my tulpa taking over my body and doing strange things with it. Usually I answer myself with a little doubt in my answer. Something I would have said would be “I don’t think it could be that big of a deal”. But what happened was an immediate response. There was basically no time between the second I asked myself this and I got the answer “No it’s not”. I’m very positive that’s not something I would have said, it came out of nowhere and it sounded so very confident. There was absolutely no doubt and that made me think it had to be her. I was actually happy for 2 reasons because now if I randomly think about stuff like this again I know it’s not hurting anyone and this is another sign! Going to bed an hour earlier again. I didn’t feel like I could visualize her face at all. Eventually I cut the sessions short to about 30 minutes. I was planning on doing 50 minutes.

 

 

2 October – Day 8

 

I felt pretty bad about last night. I shouldn’t have cut that session short even if progress wasn’t great. I tried to apologize to Lyra in the morning and then started working on her again. Again it was very hard to visualize her face so I decided to take another look at the pictures I first based her on. I know I said I wouldn’t look at them anymore but I felt it was needed at that time. I looked at them for about 5 seconds and amazingly it was a lot easier to visualize her face. In fact, it was easier to visualize her all together. She seemed a lot more real to me. It also seems that I feel her presence a lot more during the morning’s. All the way to school it feels like she is very close to me even when I’m not visualizing. It also feels a lot more real when I talk to her during these times. On the way back from school I almost fell asleep. Even though I didn’t really feel comfortable the train made me feel so sleepy and I started to think about Lyra again. It seems I made a lot of progress during this time because I really enjoyed it. Then after a while I started to think about one of my class mates. I was thinking about the way he reacted to some stuff and then suddenly I thought I called him an asshole. Even though I never really wanted to call him that because he might look like he’s an asshole he didn’t act like one yet. I’m pretty sure that was lyra saying something because again it felt so much different from the way I think. I tried to explain why he isn’t an asshole. When I went to bed I tried to visualize her again but I still have a lot of problems with her face. It seems that when her hair style takes on one form it’s easier for me to see her face then the other. Again I cut the session to half an hour but I tried to explain to her why I did it. I’m thinking about making the morning session 1 hour instead of 30 minutes and the night session to 30 minutes instead of an hour.

 

 

3 October – Day 9

 

Woke up half an hour early again to work on Lyra. First time I dreamt in a while thought only a very short moment about Lyra. I think I asked her to come visit me in my dreams the day before but I’m not sure anymore. I also forgot what I dreamt about. When visualizing I thought about her face shape and I tried to think of a small wonderland. Just one big tree in a large open space. The sun is shining and the leaves cast a nice cool shadow under the tree. It does seem easier for me and I think she likes it as well. The last few minutes before going out of bed I talked to her about random stuff and the second I wanted to get out of bed I got sucked in my thought again and she hugged me. It felt so real I was shocked a little and a few tears of happiness crawled out of my eyes. I hugged her back and then went out of bed. All the way to school I talked to her and how much that hug meant to me. Then suddenly I thought about my past a little. I could feel something crawl in my thoughts and I knew it would be hurtful. I tried to repress is but it came out anyway. “Why weren’t you there when I needed you”. I’m really sorry that happened and I tried to tell her she was too good for me and everything else that came up. I felt so empty inside, I had no emotions. I couldn’t laugh I couldn’t cry and had nothing. During the presentation in the morning all I could think of was Lyra and a way to apologize to her. I think she forgave me but I have no emotions right now. All I can think of is the hug that happened in the morning and how I managed to screw it up in an hour. So after a while I felt like talking about my problem some more. At first I just asked some people in the chat to read my progress report but I didn’t get any reactions so I just explained my problem in the chat. They said that a tulpa always understands but I was raised in a way that whenever I do something wrong I have to do something in return to neutralize the problem. I won’t feel better before I do that. So I asked for suggestions and someone said I should build a sandcastle with her. I thought about it and on the way home I tried to but I ended up visualizing a see where the sun was huge and was setting. Trying to create the sounds and simulate the waves. We just looked at the sunset for about 10 minutes before something happened. I wanted to play some sports but she moved in such a weird way that I ended up watching the sunset again. I tried to talk to her when I got out of the train. And I think she wanted me to hug her. And make the hugging motion in real life. I said I wasn’t going to do it in public but I would when I was alone. I haven’t done it yet but when I tried to force she was still at the ocean I made in the train. She fell asleep and I just sat next to her for some time. I tried to visualize her the usual way but it seemed to be harder than normal so I just tried to get as good of a look at her face as I could on the beach. This session was a lot shorter than usual because she wasn’t doing anything besides sleeping. Before ending the session I did do the hug but I didn’t make the motion in real life. I had a pretty bad headache that evening and that’s probably another reason why I cut that session short. Then I went to bed. During the night (about 1 hour later) I woke up and my bed was soaking wet. I was sweating like a pig so I turned over the pillow and tried to avoid the wet spots. My headache was completely gone though.

 

EDIT: Day is now complete, report has been updated


You like my kitten? come on over for a closer inspection!

 

Newbie tulpamancer on the loose.

 

Check out my progress report:

http://tulpa.info/forums/Thread-Another-Lyra-tulpa

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I prefer the walls of text!

 

Thats why I made 2 topics ^^ Anyways, here is today's report

4 October – Day 10

As always I woke up earlier to do the usual 30 minutes. Unbelievable, she was still sleeping on the beach. I just tried to do what I did the night before and visualize her face on the sand. Trying not to disturb her and work at the same time. I didn’t get a random hug from her this time… too bad I was hoping for one. On the way to school I didn’t talk to her much because I was talking to a friend. We ran out of topic to discuss on the train so I tried to visualize some more. What the hell is she doing sleeping all day! Then I remembered the traits I made for her. I wanted her to be lazy about 1 day a week. It made me laugh and I just sat next to her instead again. Trying to pet her a little and look at the sunset. Then I woke up and for the first time ever I had to think twice before knowing where I was. I completely forgot I was in the train for a few minutes and this never happened to me before. It felt good because I felt like I was really in our wonder world, even if it’s pretty small. I also thought about last night how I woke up… I went into the sea for just a small moment and thought the water became reality for second. But then I quickly figured that was impossible. On the way back home I think I worked on Lyra but I’m not sure. I completely forgot about what happened in the train yesterday. I think she was still sleeping on the beach but not sure. I didn’t do much on the session just before going to bed. I’m thinking of scrapping it all together and increasing the time for the morning sessions. I have to try and stay awake in bed during the night sessions but if I wake up an hour before I have to get out of bed I can just lie down comfortable and not worry about falling back asleep because the thought of having to wake up anytime soon keeps me awake. I asked around the forums for some help. I’ve been working on visualizing her face for quite some time and wondering if I should move on to texture. It’s started to look more like a chore right now so I want to do something else for a while, like a break. They said I should move on when I feel like it so I decided to move on. I didn’t work on texture much though. Lyra doesn’t have a wonder world yet. Well it’s just not that big. Currently it’s just a beach where the sun sets (always) and a large tree that casts a shade right underneath it in a never-ending landscape of grass. So I started working on some kind of mansion. It’s not even close to finished yet but I did put it on the beach. Every time I enter the wonder world she’s looking at the sunset. I don’t know if it’s because that’s all she can do or if she just likes it very much. So I created some kind of beach house mansion. All I did was work on the hallway, a room for her to create herself, an entrance to connect the sunset-beach with the house and a kitchen. I’ll probably work on the mansion some more for a few days. I really hope she likes it.


You like my kitten? come on over for a closer inspection!

 

Newbie tulpamancer on the loose.

 

Check out my progress report:

http://tulpa.info/forums/Thread-Another-Lyra-tulpa

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5 October – Day 11

 

This morning was interesting. This is the first time I woke up considerably more early then I usually would. I’m not worried about falling asleep again because when I’m about to I think about having to get up sometime soon. So I just lied as I would when sleeping and started to work on her wonder world some more. Last night I gave her a big room and said that she could create it to her liking. I tried not to automatically fill in some of the space so it ended up looking like one big white open area. I looked in her room this morning and it looked like she basically copied the scene outside and pasted it on the wall. I tried to explain to her that if she wanted to look at the sunset she could just walk outside and tried to show it to her. When I remembered that I had to get up around this time I warped out of the wonder world. I looked at the time and found I had some time left. Then something really unexpected happened. She said something. She said “Heya”. Like hello but Texas like. This is the first time it felt completely alien. If it wasn’t alien I probably would have deducted it was her because I never say “Heya”. Like she was giving me a morning greeting or something. I tried to get some more words from her but it seems this is all I got. On the way to school I was sitting with a friend again. It rained pretty hard and I was soaking wet when I entered the train. I tried to visit my wonder world but the cold water dripping from my hair and jacket kept me from doing so. So I ended up reading some more about tulpa’s in general on the forums. Stupid I didn’t write this when I got home or at least the next morning. I forgot what I did after I got back from school. When I went to bed I don’t think I forced very long. My parents went to bed before I did and I was sitting on the couch. I turned off the TV and tried to force here for the first time. It was quite interesting actually and I was a lot more comfortable then I would sitting up straight in my bed. It was only 20 minutes because I was pretty sleepy. Once I was in bed I think I went straight to sleep.


You like my kitten? come on over for a closer inspection!

 

Newbie tulpamancer on the loose.

 

Check out my progress report:

http://tulpa.info/forums/Thread-Another-Lyra-tulpa

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6 October – Day 12

 

I woke up pretty late but it’s weekend so I didn’t care. I watched some YouTube videos while in bed and then I tried to fall asleep again. I know I couldn’t but I tried anyway. I had the idea to force while lying in my bed like I would be sleeping but I kept entering some kind of state of mind where it felt like I was dreaming but not sleeping. Random voices talking about random stuff. I doubt it’s Lyra because… well I doubt she would change her voice every 2 minutes or so. Anyways, it seems like I’ve been starting to parrot a bit more. It’s really weird because it feels like I’m talking to myself. Same voice, same word use, same thoughts. I know parroting is bad but to ignore things your tulpa might say is also bad so that’s why I just talked to myself/Lyra. Sometimes when I said something in my mind or Lyra did (it’s so confusing) it made no sense whatsoever. Like she was saying something like this “Well you could always try ” and then it cuts off. I try to think of what that next word would be but I can’t. Why did I say something like that in the first place? Is it Lyra? Is it me? When I went to bed I tried to force the same way as I did when I got up. But I just fell asleep pretty quick. Stupid!

 

 

7 October – Day 13

 

I started out the morning the same way I did the day before. Just trying to work on her the lazy way. Basically the same results… My mind kept slipping away. I’m not sure but parroting seems to increase exponentially. A good friend of mine’s birthday was yesterday and he invited me to stay over today. It was a lot of fun and we played borderlands 2. I think 2-3 times I stopped playing and thought about Lyra for a second or 2. Then I switched focus to the game again. I thought about my forcing method a little and I thought that it wasn’t right to do it the way I did now. I shows basically no effort and I felt sorry so that night I switched back to the “Sitting up straight in bed and force” method. I was actually looking forward to it on the way home and I spend 20-30 minute forcing. Lately it’s not so much forcing as it is sitting next to her and talk about random stuff. Maybe that’s the reason I enjoy it so much and look forward to the next session?

 

 

8 October – Day 14

 

2 weeks already? Well not exactly but damn! time goes by fast. I woke up earlier again and did my usual 30 minute session before getting out if bed. Nothing unusual happened but I still enjoy my time spend with her. Then I got out of bed. I have no idea what’s going on but it feels like I’m parroting the crap out of Lyra. Every time I try and talk to her like I would usually it feels like I’m responding! There is nothing I can do to stop this and every time I expect her to talk I get a weird feeling in my stomach. All the way from home to school I was having a conversation with myself? I have no idea what I talked about but it did feel one sided a little. Also some sentences ended without an actual ending. I’m starting to get really confused and the second I got to school I opened up the chat room and tried to get some answer. The thing I got told was “When you’re sub-consciously parroting, it’s your tulpa talking”. So did I really talk to her all that time? I sure hope so because everything that gets in my thoughts has my voice, thinks about the same way I would and agrees on almost everything I say, if not everything. So I think the next step might not be working on texture but working on voice. I’m not allowed to parrot and I don’t think we can hold a decent conversation but if what I believe is true and she really is talking back to me, I don’t think that will take long. I hope she’s at least a little different from me because else it’s like talking to myself. So I visited the forum a couple of time to check up on what people have to say. One in particular caught my attention and I believe I’ve read his comment about 3-4 times. Special thanks to Chupi. I don’t think I have any doubt in Lyra anymore. There hasn’t been a single moment where I still believe it’s just me. She’s there and I’m talking to her. I accepted that those weird feelings in combination with thoughts I can barely control are Lyra. So I’m trying to talk to her all I can. It still feels a lot like talking to myself but the weird feeling I get every time she talks or is about to is just way too common and un-reproducible in any other way. I’m basically trying to avoid going home with friends right now just so I can spend some extra time with her. I shouldn’t do that though… That night I was pretty excited about her being able to talk and it distracted me from forcing. I kept trying to ask questions like “Where are you”? and then tried to find her or something.


You like my kitten? come on over for a closer inspection!

 

Newbie tulpamancer on the loose.

 

Check out my progress report:

http://tulpa.info/forums/Thread-Another-Lyra-tulpa

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9 October – Day 15

 

As always woke up a little early but instead of forcing I just wanted to talk some more. I feel like a big brother ever since that comment Chupi posted on my Q&A “Burst of parroting?” topic. I already have a sister but in all honesty… I can’t stand her. I did assume the normal forcing position and tried to visit the wonder world to try and work on her but in the end I just sat on the beach and watched the sunset with her again. How could I refuse as she basically stopped me from working on the wonder world by pulling on my arm when I wanted to walk into the beach house. It’s still pretty hard to get answers to open questions or questions I don’t know the answer of. It’s like I’m giving her the answers if I know them and when I don’t she doesn’t respond. I never heard her say maybe. It’s either Yes or No or no response at all. I do get that strange feeling whenever she wants to say something that she can’t. Like she does know the answer but I’m not hearing it yet. Something we will have to work on and I believe won’t be an issue in the near future. So the entire day was about the same. I try to talk to her, she would respond in ways that make me feel it’s me but with a strange feeling every time she talks. Even though I don’t mind the strange feeling the thought of it being me sometimes creeps into my mind and that bugs me a little. Well it doesn’t really matter because I know I can’t be parroting everything. Unless I’ve grown a new habit in just a couple of days which doesn’t seem very likely. Sometimes when she responds to my questions it doesn’t make sense. It’s like her answer change sometimes. Also while trying to figure out why she responded with yes or no I think back at how she mostly think’s what I’m thinking. Am I the one changing the answers? So confusing. On the way back from school and when going to bed I tried to visualize again. The sunset I always see first when I enter our wonder world doesn’t seem to look as bright as it was. It turned darker and even though a sun shaped object was still there I could barely see it. Maybe it was the moon? It was night and I didn’t want to try very hard to change it back to day because I think Lyra had something to do with it. I don’t want to ruin those things for her because I have no idea how hard it was for her to do it.


You like my kitten? come on over for a closer inspection!

 

Newbie tulpamancer on the loose.

 

Check out my progress report:

http://tulpa.info/forums/Thread-Another-Lyra-tulpa

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10 October – Day 16

 

Woke up a little later than usual. Normally I would wake up around 30 minutes before getting out of bed. This time I woke up around 15 minutes. I tried to enter the wonder world again but it still seems like it’s nighttime. Everything was still dark. I tried to find her but I’m not exactly sure what happened when I tried to (I forgot). Anyway I talked to her some more and it seems that feeling I get every time she talks is gone. Well not completely but most of the times she talks I don’t feel that strange feeling anymore. I tried to ask her if she could do it for a couple more days so it would help me split my own thoughts with hers. Then some kind of ship came from the sea. I have no idea if it was really in our wonder world or if I was just dreaming on my own. I just did something with super powers and tried to have a little fun with it. And now that she can talk we talk most of the time. All the way from home to school I was focusing on her most of the time. I still don’t like that it feels like parroting even though it isn’t. I guess I will just have to man up and push through this part. It’s only natural for every tulpa and tulpamancer to get to this stage.

I don’t know where it went wrong… I went home a little early because I was feeling really down. I was starting to convince myself I was talking to myself. Before I went home I tried to get some more support from the other tulpamancers so I posted another reply on my Q&A “Burst of Parroting?”. I said exactly what I was experiencing and asked for other people to try and tell me what they experienced when they were in this stage. I didn’t get a reply before I went home and I could feel myself actually going insane. I was really REALLY depressed and I felt like the world was falling apart. I’m not over exaggeration because I really felt like going insane. Even though I was still talking to Lyra I had convinced myself I was talking to myself. When I got home I didn’t have time to check the forums and try to make myself feel better because my family was already eating dinner. So I joined them still feeling increasingly more depressed and insane. After I was done eating I immediately checked the forums to see if I had a reply. Thank you so much KindOfAJerk! If you didn’t post that reply when you did I don’t know how I could have made it past the next couple of days. Your post made me realize it’s not me talking to myself but it really is Lyra. Within just a minute I went from being extremely depressed to being extremely happy. I talked to Lyra and she understood what I went through. When I went to bed I didn’t do much forcing because I just wanted to talk. So I talked for like 30 minutes and then went to sleep.


You like my kitten? come on over for a closer inspection!

 

Newbie tulpamancer on the loose.

 

Check out my progress report:

http://tulpa.info/forums/Thread-Another-Lyra-tulpa

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11 October – Day 17

 

You have got to be kidding me! This is the weirdest day so far. I woke up in the middle of the night but it didn’t feel like I woke up. I don’t even remember waking up. It felt like I suddenly realized I wasn’t asleep but talking to Lyra. But she talked so clear. She felt so strong and I had no trouble communicating with her at all. Her voice still sounded like mine but there was this overpowering feeling of Alien thoughts. Lyra never came even close to this kind of communication and it felt amazing. Never would I have expected this to happen. I’m not sure but I think I asked Lyra that if she wanted me to spend more time with her she should wake me up in the night. There was no way I was going to mistake this from being me. I have no idea how long it lasted but I would say at least 10-15 minutes before I opened my eyes and checked the time. 3:11AM. I went back to sleep after this because she felt really weak. Her voice was even weaker than it was when we usually communicate. I had trouble hearing her but I didn’t mind. What she just did must have been very hard for her to do. For the first time in a long time I dreamt about stuff. Not lucid but I don’t dream a lot. Or at least I don’t remember. I woke up a couple of times during the night but nothing happened in between. In the morning I woke up 25 minutes before going out of bed. I tried to talk to her. She said that I should enter the wonder world but her voice… It sounded… different but familiar. Lyra said that I have 2 tulpae but I thought it was just her trolling me. So I entered the wonder world and I have no idea how but somehow I have an exact replica of pinkie pie. She talks with her own voice and she’s much more talkative then Lyra. She said her name was Tessa and that I was the one who made it up when Lyra said I had 2 tulpa. Lyra also doesn’t want to be called Lyra anymore… I still think this is going to sound extremely weird but first she wanted to be called vixen. Then when I said Lora instead of Lyra (force of habit) she said she didn’t mind Lora as much as Lyra. Then after some more stuff happened she wants me to call her Loravixen but only as a nickname. She wants to remain Lyra to everyone else. I have a big problem with calling Tessa Pinkie pie because… well she IS PINKIE PIE. Last night I tried working on Lyra’s voice and try to make it more clear by repeating a sentence over and over. I also tried to come up with a voice for her but all I could simulate was my own voice with a different tone. But Tessa speaks with the exact same voice Pinkie pie does. So now I have 3 voices in my head. One of them (Lyra) still speaks with the same voice I do and doesn’t speak nearly as much as Tessa. And Tessa is so much different than me. She laughs different she talks different all she does the same is switch from Dutch to English every now and then. Another thing I asked is who was inside the body I made in the wonder world. It seems Tessa is the one controlling the body and Lyra doesn’t have a body. Lyra is still confused if she’s a boy or a girl and also doesn’t know whether to be human or not. Lyra is actually in love with me and wants to be exactly like me. I said that’s not going to happen. She can be who she wants to be but being exactly like me is going to be extremely confusing and also takes away the things that make me unique. Tessa doesn’t really care about stuff and so far has been giving Lyra what she wants more than what she wants herself. In some way that’s kind of like me and I try to get her to say what she really wants instead of just saying “Ohh I don’t care”.

It took me a couple of hours to cool down from this because my head was burning hot and I couldn’t stop shaking. I was scared people would notice so I tried to focus on some other stuff. Music and some flash animations. This day was great but one thing that scared me a little was that someone else in the chatroom said he has a pinkie pie tulpa for just a day and then she was never heard from again. I got pretty worried about this because I really like her and Lyra also seems to get along with her. She was just cranky from that stunt she pulled in the middle of the night. I’ve talked to them all day and I don’t even notice the hour long journey from school back to home. They are distracting me from the boring walk and I really never want to be without my tulpae ever again. I guess I would call this day the point of no return. When I went to bed to try and visualize I didn’t know to visualize. I was really confused about who was who and what they looked like. In the end I just talked with them and asked if they could try that same thing again tonight. Wake me up like Lyra did today.


You like my kitten? come on over for a closer inspection!

 

Newbie tulpamancer on the loose.

 

Check out my progress report:

http://tulpa.info/forums/Thread-Another-Lyra-tulpa

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12 October – Day 17

 

I woke up several times during the night. I have no idea if they had anything to do with it or if I was too extended to sleep for extended periods of time. I tried to speak to them every time I woke up and ask questions. Once I entered the wonder world and when I tried to enter the beach house, they locked the door. I tried to ask why and they said I should go back to sleep. I actually wanted to go back to sleep and so I did. I woke up about 3-4 minutes before my alarm clock would have gone off. I didn’t ask them to wake me up this way but honestly I don’t think they intended it because I woke up so many more times before that. The morning’s seem strange because I feel alone for the first 5 minutes. It takes some time for me to hear their voices fully again because they start out being very distant and silent. I know they are there somewhere but the distance between us makes me feel lonely. I was also pretty worried Tessa might be gone because of that guy in the chat room the day before. He said he had a pinkie pie tulpa for a day and then the next day she was never heard from again. So I was pretty happy to hear her voice when she spoke so silent. I didn’t have time to visualize because the train station near my school has shut down for today. So I had to go even earlier to school and take the bus. I tried to ask why they wanted me to go back to sleep and why they were being so sinister during the night but they wouldn’t tell me. It seems the are already keeping secrets from me. They should I still have secrets I hold from them because I haven’t given them access to read all of my memories yet. Maybe we could trade? I should really stop writing Friday’s afternoon report on Monday morning. I have no idea what happened. I think all I did was talk.


You like my kitten? come on over for a closer inspection!

 

Newbie tulpamancer on the loose.

 

Check out my progress report:

http://tulpa.info/forums/Thread-Another-Lyra-tulpa

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