etodreca

Etodreca's Snarky Cat

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I played with the idea of making a tulpa last year, but gave up after a while. This year I suddenly remembered my half-created friend and felt very guilty. I started working on him again recently. Here's my journal entries. My tulpa is a grey-cat named Mortimer who is a bit sarcastic but very loving deep inside, a little of a tsundere.

 

September 28th

Today I tried to use with prism technique with him again. Just like last time he bobbed his head side to side in rhythm with the feather tilting, but this time he got bored after a while and laid down. I think his name will be Mortimer, unless he decides he doesn't like this name. I can feel him sitting on my desk and watching me write with his tail wagging back and forth. I can feel his presence when I concentrate. I can tell where he is and what he's doing, but I can't hear or see him. My wonderland is empty. I'm going to start narrating today.

 

September 29th

Today I was home alone for some time so I tried out-loud narration for an hour or two. The results were absolutely amazing. At first I felt like a fool and couldn't hear any response, but over time it improved, and near the end his responses were one to two words and the conversation just kept rolling. Once people got home I started watching Card Captor Sakura and Mortimer chastised me for it, he doesn't like anime and thinks it's silly. Some parts amused him a bit though and he liked watching the animation. In return for making him watch anime he made me promise to get all of my homework done, which I did! He's so good at keeping me on task and chastises me when I stop doing my work. Also later we were reading the forums and read about tulpa having the ability to help tulpamancers recall previous readings. Mortimer assured me that he would never help me do such a thing on tests or quizzes, because it wouldn't help me learn at all. His sentences are a bit longer, like three or so words, but I feel emotion in his responses.

 

September 30th

Today we did more visualization. Mortimer now, at his request, wears a blue leather collar with a silver clasp and bell with a beautiful chime to it. We debated over what color for his eyes to be, between green or blue, but he let me know that he likes blue more so his eyes are blue. We watched Monty Python videos and he chuckled at the Dead Bird skit. It's the first time I heard him laugh, it was amazing. Today, along with visualization, we did the anti-parrot cut-the-strings visualization today. He said it wasn't necessary but I needed to reassure myself that I wasn't parroting the whole thing. Also earlier in the morning I walking into my room and was expecting to see a friend sitting on the bed, where Mortimer was sitting all day. I was happy that my brain is starting to recognize Mortimer as another entity. I'm going to start wearing a yarn bracelet to remind myself to narrate. Mortimer is getting more eloquent instead of 1-3 word responses. Mortimer helped me stay on-task to get all my history reading done. He bugged me if I took a break. During my after-school nap I asked him to wake me up at 7pm, which he did, and I went back to sleep. I was chastised for not waking up when he got me up.

 

October 1st

Today I went to a figure drawing session. I was very nervous because I was the only young of my age group there. Mortimer reassured me that I did very well and having him there gave me confidence to talk to people I didn't know. He was proud of me for going out of my comfort zone.

 

October 2nd

Today Mortimer is very cheerful, I don't know why! I decided to learn to draw cats so I can draw him all the time, to which he said it was a good idea. I drew a lot of cartoon cats and he said he was not amused, they "don't look like me at all."

 

October 3rd

Ok, up to current day now. I haven't written this day down so I'll just type it. Mortimer has gotten good at sitting on my shoulder in the school hallways. He used to get uncomfortable and go back to the wonderland (Wonderland is a park bench and a lamp right now). I still can't see him, but I'm so happy I've made so much progress in this short amount of time. Today I had my first tiff with Mortimer. I was working on developing our wonderland and expanded the park to include trees and a lake. I love the snow so I made the area all snowy. Mortimer asked me to get rid of it because he hates snow, but I told him to deal with it. He got really mad at me. I left the wonderland for a while and when I came back there was no more snow. I apologized and he said it was ok, just not to do it again. I put some fish in his lake and a soft fluffy park bench for him to sleep on. He's very excited that we're joining this community, and he's also bugging me to force today because I haven't yet.

 

Sorry for the wall of text!

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Today something very strange happened in my wonderland that I can't understand.

 

I was walking on a path and each time I took a step it was almost like a conveyer-belt in that the walkway would move, but I wouldn't move at all.

 

It did this no matter which direction I traveled on the path. Mortimer just sat on the side and watched, he didn't say anything.

 

Does anybody have some kind of explanation? It was very frustrating.

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I fixed the rotating walkway by "nailing" each stone down to the ground. I felt very silly, but it worked.

 

Last night I was in a not-so-great mood while I was talking to Mortimer, and I was scared that all of his responses and actions were being controlled by me. As soon as I thought this he turned into a stuffed animal and fell over. It was horrible, he was so empty. I wanted to cry because no matter what I did he wouldn't come alive again. I vowed that I would never think such a thing about his actions or words again. Next thing I knew he came walking up from behind me and rubbed against my back. The stuffed animal dissipated and I hugged Mortimer. I felt so bad about what I had done, but Mortimer said it was okay. He's getting a bit better at forming sentences, but it's still very short and mostly he just says verbs or nouns and I interpret the meaning.

 

I was scared that the wonderland was boring for him so I added a library, I haven't explored it yet but he said that his bed is in there and he likes the library. I also gave him a message-board to write on and a journal for him to write things in. I asked him to write something on both of these things when he had the time, but he said he forgot about the journal until I reminded him. He seems to only be able to think about the same things I think about.

 

Today I've been reading him the Series of Unfortunate Events and he seems to like it. I've also been home alone all day so I've been singing to him and narrating everything. He's started something strange today. When I'm narrating he'll constantly interrupt and ask questions. For example I was narrating my process of making coffee and he asked "What's coffee?" I explained it to him and he throws tons of questions as me about everything now.

 

I enjoy it, but I'm confused why Mortimer is so clueless. I thought he would be able to learn basic things from my memories? I don't mind answering his questions though, as hearing him speak is a joy in itself. And him participating in conversation makes my heart doki from excitement. I also tried using Fede's tulpatone. It made my eyes flutter more than usual and my ears felt hot. I only used it for 30min because I developed a slight headache.

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Last night I was forcing in bed before I fell asleep (even though I know better) and something scary happened. Mortimer was showing me around the library he had developed and all of a sudden he stopped and said "Follow me.".

 

Naturally, I followed him and he lead me to the courtyard where the lake is, but in place of the lake was a black burned, dirt spot. I was thinking it was weird, but whatever man, so I tried to put the lake back. The water went there and then drained into the ground. I tried this a few times and the water just disappeared each time. Then all of a sudden the spot got bigger and bigger coming toward us. It was very scary. Mortimer and I ran back up to the walkway surrounding the courtyard and I put up a wall to keep out the scary.

 

After I calmed down I made a peep-hole and looked through it to see a girl looking through. I asked her who she was and she said a name, but I don't remember it. She said she saw our lighted area and wanted to be in the light too. I told her that this area was for me and Mortimer only and she could take the train to some other lighted area I hadn't explored yet. She was sad but said okay. Mortimer was a little worried but seemed a bit glad I sent her away.

 

Then I said goodnight and went to sleep.

 

Maybe I shouldn't force before bed any more.

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Sometimes things go silly in the wonderland. Glad you found something that fixed it for you! Also eeeeee mortimer is a cutie! Will be checking out this thread more thoroughly soon.


 

 

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