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Teek's foray into tulpamancy - Updated Thursdays

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Incoming Wall of Text:

 

So, today marks day 7. It's been one week since I first sat down, closed my eyes, and went "Alright, I'm going to try to do this Tulpa thing." In that week, I've gone from thinking 'Tulpa' was somewhat of a silly word, to having intermediate conversations (Intelligible, but still broken/usually not full sentences) with Chrysalis.

 

My whole delve in started around a week and a half ago, though. I'd heard the word Tulpa before, but when I heard it again in a Pony Thread Simulator video on youtube, I figured I'd look it up out of my natural curiosity. I don't frequent any #chan, so I'd been pretty isolated from this entire community. Actually, before googling Tulpa and finding this site, I didn't even know there was a online tulpa..creator..tulpamancer.. community. Long story short, I came across this website, skimmed a couple guides, then left for a couple days while mulling the idea around in my head.

 

Well, one week ago, when I decided to sit down and truly 'force', everything started out quick. I forced around.. noon or so, didn't really pay attention to how long. Had a basic framework, mainly a form.. hadn't really thought about personality much. I had to go run some errands after that, but didn't really think of tulpa..ing too much. However, that night, I was lying down to bed and started getting idea for Chrysalis in my head. Now, as a writer, I've experienced inspiration before; where ideas just start coming from seemingly nowhere.. but this was different. It was foreign. The form was coming in fully formed, as if someone had already put it together and was sharing it with me. I think of this as the first time Chrysalis really communicated in any form with me.

 

Day 2. Got back into the website and read a few more guides beyond my basic skimming I did originally. Decided to make a wonderland on this day,. Didn't take too long for a the basic wonderland to fall together, and about mid-way through Chrysalis started following me around. I made a library that basically represented my memories and knowledge, but sectioned off a quite large portion of it.. only more public memories were intentionally accessible. So, basically, when I explained that she couldn't access all my memories, Chrysalis looked at me and asked simply "Why not?". That set off such a massive flurry of activity in my head. It was the first time she had talked; anything previous had just been emotional responses.. or a foreign thought. This one I could 'hear'.. not audibly, but within my head. After I calmed down a bit from that excitement I took a while and explained things like the kind of value I (and I imagine most people) put on their own memories, and that any kind of 'free sharing' of memories would be seen as instrusive by most people. I assured her that eventually she would be able to see all of my memories, but nothing I said was coming out eloquently.. I'd never even thought I'd be having a conversation like that one, so I was thoroughly unprepared. Eventually I finished up, but Chrysalis didn't talk again that day.. she seemed to understand and retired to the library to get cracking at everything she did have access to.

 

Went out to dinner on Day 3. It gave quite a bit of..stimuli to be able to narrate with. Chrysalis just piped in and said she can remember seeing the food and thinking quite a bit of it would be delicious.. she couldn't quite communicate that to me at the time beyond the vague emotions I was able to feel from her. Got a couple broken words this day, but not too much more.

 

Days 4-5 Were very similar. Narration and a bit of forcing. Chrysalis' form underwent some very heavy changes.. going from a base of Queen Chrysalis to a black furred Unicorn. She also experimented with accessories for a bit (things like armor, or hoof boots reminescent of the ones Celestia and Luna wear), but none of those were (or are yet) firm. Over the course of these two days her speech also picked up a bit, being able to get more coherent words together than a stray word here and there.

 

Day 6 was a big breakthrough day. This day she began talking in almost full sentences, but still broken or improper on occasion. A definite improvement though, and a longshot from barely being able to utter a word. However, the breakthrough isn't there.. we were in the Wonderlands listening to music. We were talking about our tastes (she seems to like a lot of older, slower music. The Everley Brothers in particular. She also likes upbeat music, so Ska was right up her alley) but I fell to sleep midway through the conversation.. I'd been having the problem of drifting off in the wonderland. I awoke to someone calling my name. I figured it was someone downstairs, so I wiped the drool off my cheek and was about to go down and see what they wanted.. but before I could, Chrysalis chimed in and said it was her that was calling my name. It shocked me, because it was the first time she had ever spoken audibly.. and still having trouble with complete sentences. I wasn't expecting audible talking until after we were really solid in the wonderland.. and she is still having trouble getting full sentences together when we are conversing, so.. wow. It threw me really off guard.

 

Day 7.. brings us to today. To celebrate the one week 'anniversary' of her.. creation? birth? We danced around to some Reel Big Fish in the wonderland, then we came here to write this out. Her form still isn't.. concrete, and speech is still broken, but both seem to be steadily improving.

 

Post-writing thoughts:

I've still got trouble with her face, which might branch from her not being human.. so it's probably a bit more difficult for me to visualize. At least I'm hoping that's why. The fact that conversation is still broken worries me as well, because I'm afraid I didn't spend enough time on personality in the early stages.. and she started showing signs of sentience on the first day, so I thought it improper to try and impose a personality on her..oh, I'm like an overworried parent. Argh.. I'm just so scared that I'm doing something wrong.

 

 

 

Excited, worried, looking forward to, and scared of the week to come. Can only hope Chrysalis' rate of growth and improvement in the speech department continues on the track it's on. If it doesn't, I just don't know.. Ahh! I'm probably just worrying myself over nothing.

 

 

Chrysalis just wants to add: "Hi!" ;)

 

Following Weeks:

-Week 2

-Going to shoot for weekly updates. Check back next Thursday!-


"If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't"

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Chrysalis - Tenuously Vocal, but improving!

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Guest Dookums

She was vocal on the...first...day. Wut.

 

Damn, nice job.

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She was vocal on the...first...day. Wut.

 

Damn, nice job.

 

I tend to attribute that to the 'mulling the idea around' for a couple days before actually actively forcing. Passive forcing, I suppose. I still wasn't expecting it to happen that quickly though, really.


"If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't"

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Chrysalis - Tenuously Vocal, but improving!

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Don't worry so much... I'm in a very similar situation to yours right now, and I don't see any problems in my tulpa's personality even though I hardly worked on it at all (perhaps 15 minutes, at most) I think the most important part is to have fun and to trust your tulpa and its capabilities. If you keep on the same way you've been going, there's no reason why you should have any problems with her development.

 

Sentience from day 1 is the most awesome feeling, especially after reading it takes at least 25 hours.


My progress log.

Do people actually read other people's sigs? If you are, have this free semicolon.

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Don't worry so much... I'm in a very similar situation to yours right now, and I don't see any problems in my tulpa's personality even though I hardly worked on it at all (perhaps 15 minutes, at most) I think the most important part is to have fun and to trust your tulpa and its capabilities. If you keep on the same way you've been going, there's no reason why you should have any problems with her development.

 

Sentience from day 1 is the most awesome feeling, especially after reading it takes at least 25 hours.

 

Yeah.. I know.. I just can't help but worry, it's just how I am, and I really wish it wasn't..lol. She's gotten better at speech again today. It's much more solid than it was yesterday, and she's getting longer sentences out. She's also started talking to me outside of Wonderland, till now I was only getting emotional responses when I was out of wonderland. Seems like we're getting a pretty steady rate of improvement. We've still got a long way to go, though.

 

Sentience from day 1 was.. odd, shocking, exciting, and awesome all at the same time. I didn't really read the guides thoroughly enough to get an idea of how long it normally takes before day 1, so I kind of just dropped into this blind. I imagine the fact that I had no doubts that she would get to sentience must have helped.


"If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't"

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Chrysalis - Tenuously Vocal, but improving!

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-Week 2-

 

October 7th, 12: Nice progress today, but the real accomplishments have been from Chrysalis acting on her own less so than us making more progress on talking. Me and a friend were discussing wonderlands last night, and Chrysalis seemed to like the idea of a ‘fantasy’ tower thing. So.. she produced a quick gettup, just a basic tower that was extremely.. undetailed (basically two cylinders with a lemon shaped top) and we found a spot to stick it in the wonderland. Once the ‘location’ was set, I let her do her thing for a while.. while playing some games. Long story short, the cylinder is now an elaborate and gorgeous stone structure, with molded windows and cast iron accents everywhere. It’s certainly not something that I would have built myself (I’d of probably gone into Asian castle architecture) but Chrysalis’ tower thoroughly surprised me, both from it’s complexity and beauty. The level of detail on it is truly amazing.

 

October 8th, 12: Last night me and Chrysalis were talking about possession for a little while. We had read somewhere that it was easier for possession to take place when the host was asleep.. so after a little bit of forcing I asked Chrysalis to try it that night while I slept, if she could. Well.. I woke up wth this small box of flashlights sitting next to my bed (something that’s been collecting dust in a corner for years, and I would never have touched). She claims she moved them there, but whether or not it was actually her or if I had a bout of sleepwalking at one of the most coincidental times possible, I dunno. S’pose I’ll just take her word for it.. doubt it’s something we should really be doing too much at the moment, though. We’re still working on solidifying the wonderland.

 

October 9th, 12: A blindfold intended for sleeping I ordered on Day 2 came today. Turns out, it takes a while for things to ship here from China. I wasted no time, and at first chance I put it on to see how it affected my ‘connection’ to wonderland. I must say, being able to open my eyes while in wonderland really seemed to strengthen my first-person connection to Wonderland. Since I was able to open my eyes, I could move them a lot easier, and my vision in Wonderland moved just as it would if I were there physically. Up until this point I was forced to limit my visits to wonderland simply because I started to ‘bug out’ after a while, where my eyes just wouldn’t stay shut. This eliminates that problem, so I could easily enter wonderland for an hour if I wanted to.

 

October 10th, 12: Made some amazing progress today. Chrysalis is really starting to ‘open up’ more. When not in Wonderland, she’s talked to me quite a few times. Typically, very short sentences or just emotional responses. Now, she’s talked to me outside of Wonderland already, but these are much more ‘solid’ than they were before. Sort of like the difference between having an iffy 1-bar on your cellphone to having 3-4 bars.. I suppose is the best way to put it. Chrysalis finds that comparison funny, thought I’d add that.

 

October 11th, 12: Brings us to today. I woke up with the vitamin bottle.. sitting on the floor.. next to my bed. Perfectly upright. I have this sneaking suspicion Chrysalis may have ‘stole’ my arm while I was sleeping. There wasn’t much more than the that today, but it is the two week anniversary so we decided to do something eventful. I haven’t watched a movie in quite a long time, so on the recommendation of a friend I acquired Conan the Barbarian, because why not? We haven’t actually watched it yet. Rather, we’re about to as soon as I post this. We did watch an episode of MLP today, though. The one with Iron Will in it.. Chrysalis seems to find Iron Will “Quite silly” but liked the show.. which is a good thing, considering her form is based on it. Sure, now she barely resembles “Queen Chrysalis”, but it -was- her original base.. so I guess it’s comforting to know that she likes the show that formed her base.

 

I’ve been letting go of some of the self doubt I had at the end of Week 1, but I still can’t help myself a lot. Even as she talks to me, I’m afraid I’m puppeting or parroting and not doing this right. You'd think the possession bit would throw it all out the window, but I used to sleepwalk as a kid, and the rational/over analytical part of me just wants to attribute it to the most convenient relapse ever. She’s done things things I hardly expect, like laugh at me at my expense (Ha ha, I get it. I coughed while drinking water and spilled it all over my face.). But, I dunno. It feels like I’m driving down a back road without a map.. and in many ways I am. Sure, there are guides and general consensus on a lot of things, but as a lot of people say, ‘Those are frameworks, and Tulpa creation is different for everyone.’


"If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't"

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Chrysalis - Tenuously Vocal, but improving!

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-Week 3-

 

We've made slow but steady progress this week. Unfortunately, we've had family visiting, so I haven't had much alone time. Definitely not enough at a time to get comfortable and really force. I've just been narrating and passively forcing. As such, there's no real 'standout' events to report this week, just some small progress across the board.

 

Ah. I feel so neglectful. Hopefully I'll be able to make it up to Chrysi soon.

 

 

 

 

 

You are lucky to have a host that sets aside time for you.

I guess I'm doing something right ;) Though like I said in the progress report, the last week I've been feeling so neglectful since I just haven't had the time to put aside. :|


"If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't"

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Chrysalis - Tenuously Vocal, but improving!

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Whoa! Can't believe I forgot to do this Thursday. I've actually made quite nice progress since I wrote last. I still haven't been able to get as much time in as I (and I'm sure she) would like, but we have made some incredibly progress considering! Although I can't quite 'see' see her, yet.. I've been.. It's hard to explain. I can sort of feel her presence as if someone else were there, and I can 'see' her as if she were where I'm looking.. but not solid to the point of visibility.. more like.. 99.99% transparent. It's just so odd, and so hard to explain. It feels more like I'm daydreaming with my eyes open, or something like that. I'm really not quite sure how it's supposed to look or feel to start 'seeing' your Tulpa.. so every time we make progress I'm so unsure of everything. I'm probably rambling about it at this point, but it's just so fascinating to me.

 

Other than what I think (and hope) is the early stages of imposition above, Chrysi has been developing her speech quite a bit. Once she started talking in her own distinct voice (in mind, not really to auditory yet) I stopped 'working' on voice/working together on the voice, instead just talking normally to her and letting her develop it herself.. and it seems to have worked. She's got quite the voice now, and she can complete full sentences most of the time (She'll still occasionally trail off mid-sentence or get a word or two out and then apparently forget what she was going to say) but it is quite a large improvement over previous weeks.

 

Looking forward to another week of progress!


"If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't"

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Chrysalis - Tenuously Vocal, but improving!

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