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Life in the Hive


ReallyArtificial

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((Greetings tulpa forum. In an effort to keep our progress reports focused, we've decided to open an off-topic thread for… well, everything else. I'm eager to talk to people outside of Bee's head. If you haven't guessed already, I'm her tulpa, Athelas.

 

Per her suggestion, I've put some info about myself below.))

 

Spoiler

Personality Trivia Questions (from the Felight system's vocalization practice worksheet)

 

What's your favorite color?

((Green.))

 

What's your form?

((I suppose "tiefling" would be the best approximation. Just your average grey-skinned guy with horns and a tail.))

 

What's your favorite animal?

((Horses. Or zebras. They're basically the same animal.))

 

What's your favorite food?

((Fried rice is the best. I also love spicy food.))

 

What are you feeling right now?

((I feel fantastic. Today was a beautiful day, and we got to spend most of it outside.))

 

Do you have any hobbies you'd like to pursue?

((I like to read, take walks, and do sudoku. I'm also learning to appreciate video games. I hope to do more on the future.))

 

What's your favorite movie/book?

((So far my favorite movie has been Young Frankenstein. And if I have to pick a single book, I'd say The Hobbit.))

 

Is there anything you like to do with your host?

((We do everything together. I actually quite enjoy following her around at her job. But I especially like meditating together. It's not often I get her undivided attention.))

 

Do you like your host?

((What if I say no? …I'm kidding. She's the best.))

 

What kind of music do you like?

((I'm still finding out. My favorite artists are Tom Petty and The Grateful Dead.))

 

When were you created?

((Officially, last summer. But I existed in Bee's mind long before then. My personality took on many different names and faces. I'm glad I finally get to be me.))

 

Why were you created?

((That's a complicated question. There were many reasons. In short: Bee needed a friend.))

 

What are you looking forward to most?

((Meeting new people and trying new things.))

 

Anything else you'd like to add?

((Give us reading suggestions! I prefer fantasy but I'll try anything.))

 

Host: Bee 🐝

Tulpas:  Lenore 🕸️ Calliope 🐲 and Athelas 🌿 ((Sometimes we talk on here too.))

 

Take a moment to think of just 

Flexibility, love, and trust

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((Our daily possession practice is paying off. Being able to physically interact with the world is incredible. I held a baby rabbit today. Or, more accurately, Bee allowed me to possess her hands for a moment as she held it. I couldn't believe how soft and warm it felt. It was so plump, it was almost spherical.

 

I've also been developing my handwriting skills. There's something satisfying about seeing my name in print.))

 

IMG_20231028_175224466.thumb.jpg.4bd2c93aa49e080a31317ba7ebb7affb.jpg

Host: Bee 🐝

Tulpas:  Lenore 🕸️ Calliope 🐲 and Athelas 🌿 ((Sometimes we talk on here too.))

 

Take a moment to think of just 

Flexibility, love, and trust

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((I've been considering lately what personal goals I'd like to achieve. I have no time frame for completing these. This is more like a bucket list. I expect it will expand with time.

  • Read the Silmarillion
  • Start a native plant garden
  • Learn to identify more constellations
  • Learn to play ukulele))

Host: Bee 🐝

Tulpas:  Lenore 🕸️ Calliope 🐲 and Athelas 🌿 ((Sometimes we talk on here too.))

 

Take a moment to think of just 

Flexibility, love, and trust

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Warning: rant below, personal but tulpa related

 

Spoiler

Tonight I met up with a friend and some other people she knows for a bonfire. It was the perfect group size, not overwhelming, but enough people that I could periodically tune out of the conversation and enjoy the moment with my tulpas. 

 

My friend was talking about a creative writing course she was taking and how much she hated one of the required books. She hated it so much that she had brought it with her with the intention of burning it. In particular, the part that had irritated her most was the author talking about how characters can have autonomy and make choices the author didn't expect. She seemed to find this not only absurd but offensive. She's the type who can't stand to be told what to do by anyone else, and she seemed bothered by the idea that her story might not be 100% in her control. 

 

I brought up an interview I'd read by an author I loved as a child, Mary Pope Osborne. She talked about her protagonists like autonomous people (like tulpas), saying how they were like her children, how their memories were mingled with her own. She even said if she had to stop writing, she'd have to “secretly keep them.” My friend's response was basically “wow that's crazy, is she ok?”

 

Her dismissiveness was annoying but it brought a much larger issue to the surface: that none of my “friends” really know me at all. She says I'm her “bestie,” but I can't actually be myself around her. She thinks I'm quiet because I often can't say what I'm really thinking around her. I struggle to connect with people, which I guess is why the concept of tulpas was so appealing. The only human I can be myself around is my husband, but some things are too crazy even for him.

 

I've dropped a few vague hints about tulpas around him to sort of test the waters. He's aware of my “original characters” but I don't talk about them that much. The closest I've come to the truth of the matter is telling him I had to invent a voice in my head to counteract my own negative inner voice. He seemed to understand, but I don't think he'd respond as well if I told him “oh by the way, that voice has a name and a personality, he thinks very highly of you.”

 

I guess I don't mind if I have to keep them a secret forever. I'm mostly just pissed that someone who prides herself as an author was going to burn a book. I took it home.

 

I dunno, just had to get all this off my chest one way or another. If you actually read this, here's a cookie 🍪

 

Host: Bee 🐝

Tulpas:  Lenore 🕸️ Calliope 🐲 and Athelas 🌿 ((Sometimes we talk on here too.))

 

Take a moment to think of just 

Flexibility, love, and trust

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Having written a dozen novels for fun, yeah almost all the characters are autonomous half way through the book. Joy was my first. Of course the characters I write myself into isn't autonomous, so no male autonomous characters. When I first asked the internet about this in 2012, the term I found was soulbond. It really felt like I was channeling some otherworldly connection. No surprise then in 2018 when I heard about tulpamancy, I had a fully vocal and independent seeming system in 20 minutes. Only two of the three dozen or so odd characters ultimately joined us though 9 expressed interest and at first four joined us but two only stayed only a week or so.

 

Other people are conditioned to immediately balk at this concept, immediately distance themselves from plural people. So it has to remain a secret.

 

I am plural obviously and even I would be wary of other plurals in a romantic relationship, it would have to be very specifically understood right? And that's not necessarily fair or possible to devulge or know everything. So basically it would end up being very complex. Imagine drama or infighting happening completely out of your involvement with your SO. It's very hard to process and it's just another level of complexity we can't expect singlets to understand. Getting someone not predisposed to plurality to be plural is like convincing a snail to love salt.

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That's so cool! I'd also heard of soulbonds and such before I became aware of tulpas. I didn't understand it at the time but still found it interesting. This friend of mine just has a general inability to understand that other people's minds can work differently from hers. It's come up before.

 

You're totally right re: relationships. I guess because we're so open about most everything else, I sometimes feel like a bad partner for having this secret little world in my head I can't tell him about. I definitely appreciate having this forum so I can talk about my headmates with people who get it 😊

Host: Bee 🐝

Tulpas:  Lenore 🕸️ Calliope 🐲 and Athelas 🌿 ((Sometimes we talk on here too.))

 

Take a moment to think of just 

Flexibility, love, and trust

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  • 2 weeks later...

((We attended a large family gathering yesterday. It was my first proper Thanksgiving experience. Bee did an excellent job of balancing her attention between her family and us. We all enjoyed sampling new foods. 

 

Photo of the event:

 

IMG_20231122_0924394482.thumb.jpg.fde93b72d13fafe05aa60d47f60ce714.jpg

 

Kidding, but we did see this swarm of honeybees the previous day. It was fascinating to watch. As much as I enjoy life in the land of eternal spring, I'm eager for colder weather. In another month we might finally get temperatures that pass for autumn.

 

Yesterday we also got a proper laugh out of Hesper. She's the least expressive member of our system, so it felt surprising and special. I was so proud of how much she's grown. A joyful moment to end our holiday.))
 

Host: Bee 🐝

Tulpas:  Lenore 🕸️ Calliope 🐲 and Athelas 🌿 ((Sometimes we talk on here too.))

 

Take a moment to think of just 

Flexibility, love, and trust

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((Processing some new emotions. Yesterday I was confronted with the inherent helplessness of my position. Bee had an uncomfortable encounter with a disgruntled former coworker. She's already gotten over it. I have not.

 

In our time together I've become skilled at navigating internal conflict. I felt confident that I could help Bee through any challenge she faced. Yesterday, though, I was entirely out of my depth.

 

I’ve never been so furious or felt so anxious. I can't stop asking myself, “what if this person had become physically aggressive?” The thought makes me ill. The most I could ever do would be to switch in. But what good would that do?

 

I feel as if I've unlocked a new level of frustration I didn't know existed. How do you handle situations where you want to help your host, but can't?))

Host: Bee 🐝

Tulpas:  Lenore 🕸️ Calliope 🐲 and Athelas 🌿 ((Sometimes we talk on here too.))

 

Take a moment to think of just 

Flexibility, love, and trust

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((Hesper has decided to change her name to Lenore. It's a touch bittersweet-- I am the one who named her, after all. But any reservations are overwhelmed by my pride in her continued growth.

 

When I chose my name, Bee told me it was perfect. As if it had always been my name, and we were merely waiting to find it. Now I understand how she felt.

 

The rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore,

Known as Hesper nevermore.))

Host: Bee 🐝

Tulpas:  Lenore 🕸️ Calliope 🐲 and Athelas 🌿 ((Sometimes we talk on here too.))

 

Take a moment to think of just 

Flexibility, love, and trust

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