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Help! Tulpa revived themself maybe?


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Hi all,

I'm (intentionally) creating a tulpa for the first time. She's a dragon named Celestine. I've been working on her for a little under two weeks, though more sporadically than I'd like. She's already a bit talkative and fairly inquisitive about our surroundings. I asked her if she wanted to try hot chocolate, and she agreed.

While walking to a coffee shop on our campus, I decided to imagine her walking beside me so that we could get some more active forcing in. We chatted a bit, and I told her about an experience I had a few years back.

I have an OC that I created five years ago that's very dear to my heart. I have roleplayed as them or with someone playing them quite a lot, and I hyperfixated on something a friend and I wrote that has them as a main character. Last summer, I found out about the loss of someone who roleplayed as them with me in the past; to process my grief, I imagined my OC and I talking about it. To this day, I draw them a lot, write about them a lot, and talk about them a lot.

In 2022, I was having a bad day and was pretty upset. As I was starting to cry, I clearly heard their voice in my head say "Everything's going to be alright. I'll always be here for you if you need me, okay?" After feeling very calm for a second, I immediately freaked the hell out. The friend that I wrote about them with has DID, and the host + several of their alters are extremely against tulpas and endogenic systems. It's something that they had made exceedingly clear, and still do. I was terrified that they would hate me, so even though I felt confused and a little scared, I didn't tell anybody about it. Instead, I did my best to ignore what happened and intentionally shut down anything that came out of it. My OC didn’t come back.

I explained that stuff to Celestine as we were walking to get hot chocolate (sans my friend’s involvement; I try not to worry about that too much around her). I also described my OC’s appearance, and a bit of their personality. I mentioned that once I get Celestine to a good place, I might try to revive them, if we were both okay with that. She immediately got distracted by rolling around in the snow.

A while after we got to the coffee shop, she told me that she was tired and went to go take a nap in the mindscape. I sat by myself and read a book. When I got up to head home, I forgot what she was doing and tried to talk to her. I immediately heard my OC’s voice in my head saying “Shh, she’s sleeping. You could wake her up.” Startled, I asked if it was them, and they said it was.

My OC’s voice was very loud and clear, almost as much as it was the first time. They were definitely louder than Celestine, the tulpa I’m already working on! They even respond if I call their name, hence omitting it from this post. I was planning on waiting to see if I handle sharing my brain with one person well, let alone two, and both have fairly intense personalities. I'm also worried that focusing on my OC too much could lead to some backtracking with Celestine. Is this… a thing that happens??? How should I handle it??

Hal (they/it) (Host!)

Celestine ️ (she/her)

 

Usually Hal typing, unless otherwise mentioned.

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(edited)

Emulating how a character thinks often and in a lot of depth lays a lot of the groundwork for tulpas to exist, so stuff like roleplaying and especially talking to the character in your head (I mean, obviously) can lead to unintentional tulpa creation, yeah

 

Tulpas-and-such are made more autonomous/independent through thinking of them as such and exercising those sorts of neural connections in the brain, so again activities like thinking in-depth about how they'd think/feel, or the standard for tulpa creation, simply talking to them and focusing on them as a separate entity, will bring them more towards tulpa-ness (though in my fairly informed opinion, tulpas are not different at their core from most other types of plurality)

 

Inversely, thinking of any thoughts/feelings as not-meaningful, just imagination, daydreaming, or otherwise not-a-separate-entity moves the neural connections towards making those the case. So the way to prevent unwanted tulpas/"walk-ins" and such is to simply not think of them as independent entities, but just whatever aforementioned thoughts/feelings. What they "actually are" isn't worth worrying about, as the thinking and feeling of these things (in one direction or the other) causes them to become the case over time. Meaning, you the host have control over what you consider independent or just imagination/etc.

 

 

 

As for anti-endos.. It's basically plurality racism, born of ignorance and extreme insecurity. Neither of which can be totally blamed for in most cases, obviously people with disorderly plurality have good reason to be insecure and want strong validation for their experiences. Hatred of unintentional-non-disorderly and intentional plurality is just misguided, though. As someone who's interacted with countless systems of many origins and identifications over the last 10 years, I've seen people at every single point of the spectrum from full on traumatic DID plurality, to not necessarily traumatic but still disorderly plurality stemming from intense stress/depression/etc., to non-disorderly plurality stemming from intense stress/depression/etc. (I myself fall here, at least back in 2010-2011, but we've been a standard tulpa system since), to unintentional plurality from extensive daydreaming, roleplay, or just "talking to someone in my head", to intentional "personifying my subconscious" or other spiritual-mysticism contexts, to intentional community-guided tulpas. And of course tons of people in multiple categories, like people creating tulpas out of past person-like thoughtforms they never fully defined/understood once they found out about the tulpa or other plurality community.

 

I have every reason to believe the underlying functions behind plurality are the same in just about everyone, with the only difference most of the time being presence of other disorderly symptoms such as dissociation. The only smidgeon of unsureness I have left is on intensely disorderly plurality stemming from severe trauma at early ages (less than age 10 or so), because when our brains are developing so early on it is possible for them to deviate quite a bit from other people, so there is a chance that their base experience might actually differ from most others' pluralities.

 

But the huge majority of people who identify as plural have exactly the same experiences as many non-disorderly pluralities, whether or not they've cared to actually investigate if that's the case.


As I said though, you can't really blame people with disorderly plurality for being insecure, so in most cases it's best to just avoid friction and not argue with them about it. But if/when appropriate, it does help pull the greater plurality community closer together if this understanding can be spread.

Edited by Luminesce

Hi! I'm Lumi, host of Reisen, Tewi, Flandre and Lucilyn.

Everyone deserves to love and be loved. It's human nature.

My tulpas and I have a Q&A thread, which was the first (and largest) of its kind. Feel free to ask us about tulpamancy stuff there.

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Handle it how you want. Obviously you've already put the time into OC so they're as good as there anyway. There has to be buy in, if you don't want them as a full time part of the system then think about them as little as possible but whenever you want to they'll be there. They sound pretty volitional and some characters can do that who aren't mature headmates yet, so don't stress about it.

 

A system of three is perfect from our perspective and we've recently configured that effectively. There are others and they chime in when they feel like it. There could be long streches where you don't hear from them but they won't degrade or be hurt by this time, even years later they don't seem phased.

 

There's also a choice you can make whether they are listening/watching or not. It's just a matter of them either given access to your memories or not and if they can claim they witnessed it or not. 

 

So 

 

1. Don't worry

2. Do whatever you want

3. If you don't want more set up a system rule, no new tulpas.

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21 hours ago, barnowlfanclub said:

How should I handle it??

 

My advice: Handle it with love. Talk to your OC. Ask what they want. Talk to Celestine. Ask what she wants. Discuss it together the best you can. What would be the best for the group of you as a system? What do each individual members think?

 

Good luck. I hope this works out well for all of you.

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