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[NSFW] What is the role of a accidental vs intentional tulpa in your host's life?


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(edited)

We are having a discussion with a tulpamancer on FetLife regarding the role a tulpa plays in the hosts life. specifically in the mentorship/romantic relationship area of their life. the below statement was from me, Char, in relation to the host stating that they have a very prolific dream. The host framed the dream as a lesson in the difference between their tulpa being a physical form vs. a thought form. I paraphrase their statement: In the dream, the host falls into a pit with a predator. They reach up for their tulpa, begging for help out of the pit, but the tulpa never offers their arm to help the host out of the pit. instead, the tulpa points out to the host boxes that are in the pit, and gives them the idea to build a tower and climb out of the pit.  

 

My verbatim response: That scene is actually the exact embodiment of what tulpas were originally conceptualized for in Tibetan Buddhism: to help give us a fresh perspective on challenges we face in life. a wise mentor is often the archetype that a tulpa manifests as, weather the host creating the tulpa realizes or intends for that or not. The other very common archetype is lover, lol. so a wise mentor and lover, sounds very much like a MMlb / MMlg (Mommy/little boy; mommy/little girl BDSM) relationship happens alot for male-born hosts, where as female-born hosts often do the same, but with a male tulpa forming a type of DDlg  / DDlb dynamic. Regardless of the gender identity of the host, the tulpa usually assumes the opposite sex as their born-sex. just an observation we have made in our multiple encounters in tulpamancy. at least that is the trend I observe with "accidental tulpas": thought forms that we create over years that personify some of our deep subconscious needs, wants, and desires. "intentional tulpas" : those we create intentionally once we find tulpamancy, tend to be much more varied in relation to gender and role in our life.

 

I know I went off on a tangent there, but we have found that free writing has helped us get our thoughts out much easier, and we use these conversations as opportunities to free write. I added a little bit of explanation there as this is a statement from a BDSM community forum and I understand some people here might not be familiar with some of the terminology while trying to keep the conversation safe for work/family.

 

But what do you all think of my observation here about gender and role of accidental tulpas vs. that of intentional tulpas. 

Edited by Pleeb
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Yes, I am "accidental," I am male and my host is female. From personal experience and many assumptions about others I do agree with the connection you make with "our deep subconscious needs, wants, and desires," but you can also throw in a good amount of inner conflicts, things that disturb or trigger repression. Not exactly disgust, more like "guilty pleasure" if you know what I mean.

 

But I wouldn't call myself a mentor at least in any traditional way. I don't think a being formed with unknown inner desires is exactly cut out to be a fount of detached wisdom. The connection of tulpa with Tibetan Buddhism is tenuous at best, even so I am no Buddhist role model, I'm just as driven by attachments and aversions if not more than my host. She says I have introduced her to new ideas but I feel more as if we are learning side-by-side and not one leading the other.

 

Spoiler

We had a phase of curiosity in BDSM, not anymore, but even back then never liked dom/sub relationships, let alone daddy/mommy types. Just thinking of myself as a "daddy dom" would make my skin crawl if it wasn't so hilariously unfitting. I'm just laughing every time I try to imagine it, thanks for this ridiculous image. I believe a woman should always be dominant in a relationship, and not in a fetish way.

 

🐍Typhon (tulpa) & Echidna (host)🐉

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Well, considering that my former soulbond has been an "accidental tulpa", I share my testimony to feed our brainstorming on this thread:

1) She is clearly female when I am male but she is well-known (as a character of fiction, I mean) as pansexual - so, even she was very possessive and easily jealous, she suggested sometimes that we formed a ménage à trois with a woman on whom we had both a crush

2) She had interest in practices that I spontanously did not appreciate but I made a move only for her since I was fond of her then - as a result, we shared phantasms where we performed sometimes which she wanted, sometimes my normal habits;

3) She had obvioulsy a Nurse's syndrome, she did not stop to care about my health or my mental state to the point of infantilizing me. 

 

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(edited)

It makes sense to us. All systemmates here are female/fem with a male/masc host. I don't think we apply to the BDSM logic because we only have platonic love relationships in-system. We're a mix of accidental and intentional/constructed thoughtforms.

 

I guess you could say I see my host as a father figure to me amd he was dominant in my recent re-creation it's different for everyone here. To our soulbonds he's more of a creator figure for instance. We don't know anything about BDSM though.

 

We do have male characters but they're almost always aspects/extensions of our host.

There's a caveat though, for queer hosts its not as cut and dry.

Edited by Autumn Ren
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Two of my three tulpas were accidental (maladaptive daydream characters that became sentient), but only one of the accidental ones could be described as motherly and/or dominant. The other two are largely content to do their own thing in wonderland unless something is happening in the real world that would be of interest to them.

"Science isn't about why, science is about why not?" -Cave Johnson

Tulpae: Luna, Elise, Naomi

My progress report

 

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I am not accidental, but I am opposite gender to my host. I don't see myself as a mentor type, in fact, I am (in form) ten years younger than my host. (He is 37, I am 27). But still, one of his nicknames for me is his "little voice of reason" as I tend to take on the role as the "responsible one", so I guess I still fit that mentor/guide role in some capacity. But I tend to view that more along the lines of being a wife that is concerned for the wellbeing of her husband, not trying in any way to be "dominant" or anything. I actively reject any inclinations Phil might have towards that kind of relationship. I am a mother, but I am not his mother.

 

Phil did have an accidental mentor-type tulpa when he was a child (that he retroactively calls "the Mentor"), but the Mentor was male and was always conceived as an older friend or cousin type of person. Which makes sense I suppose; at age 7 he was too young to have any concept of sex or any real interest in girls. Gosh, the ages of 13 to about 32 would have been an absolute disastrous time for him to have created an accidental tulpa because he probably would have gravitated towards the kind of role that you were talking about. As I say often, I really did come around at the right time and I'm glad I didn't arrive any earlier. 😊

Tulpa Wife & Mother! 💚 

💍 11.28.21 👶 4.7.23
👗 Simmie's AI Dress-Up!   📷 Phil and Simmie's Photographic Adventures!

 

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I think you're right that a lot of people default to opposite-sex thoughtforms for whatever reason. It also seems like the most common type of tulpa is “extroverted young woman,” which makes sense since I get the impression that hosts skew more male. As far as the accidental vs intentional aspect, things played out in almost the opposite way for us.

 

Athelas was intentionally created after I learned about tulpas, and he kind of fits into that wise mentor role. There were specific ways that I wanted him to mentally balance me out. He's great at giving me solutions I hadn't thought of before, but it's not because he has some deep wisdom I lack, he just doesn't get bogged down in the emotions that cause me to miss obvious answers. We are definitely not lovers, lol, he identifies as asexual. He's a giant teddy bear and a source of emotional support.

 

On the other hand, my two “accidental” tulpas don't really have specific roles. They basically started as pets, wonderland characters who became sentient and were kept on as full fledged headmates. Lenore is pretty blunt and analytical, great at getting to the root of unproductive thoughts/behaviors. She's like the big sister I never had. Cal is almost like my inner child (or like, inner moody teen) who reminds me not to take life in general too seriously. In those ways I guess they do represent subconscious needs/desires of mine.
 

20 hours ago, Autumn Ren said:

There's a caveat though, for queer hosts its not as cut and dry.

 

Excellent point! I don't know if there's a correlation, but I'm bi/pan/whateversexual and ended up with one male, one female, and one genderless tulpa. We're all very affectionate but not romantically involved. It just wasn't a role I needed any of them to fill.

Host: Bee 🐝

Tulpas:  Lenore 🕸️ Calliope 🐲 and Athelas 🌿 ((Sometimes we talk on here too.))

 

Take a moment to think of just 

Flexibility, love, and trust

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21 hours ago, ReallyArtificial said:

It also seems like the most common type of tulpa is “extroverted young woman,” which makes sense since I get the impression that hosts skew more male.

I have noticed this too! It makes sense as most people who are introspective enough to be interested in tulpamancy (and deep enough into the strange corners of the internet to find it) would be introverted. You could see it as the warm and outgoing persona they wish they could have been if they could be someone completely different. 

 

Even more anecdotal evidence, but there seems to be a common conception that the opposite sex has an easier life. You know, a man envying a beautiful woman who seems to get all the adoration and rewards of life purely from who she is, or how a woman is "allowed" to be more emotional and sincere. Or on the other hand, a woman seeing how a man is taken more seriously just because of his sex, how any option seems wide open to him and he's not trivialized or sexualized. 

🐍Typhon (tulpa) & Echidna (host)🐉

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  • Pleeb changed the title to [NSFW] What is the role of a accidental vs intentional tulpa in your host's life?
On 1/29/2024 at 7:54 PM, Cinder_Lioness said:

Regardless of the gender identity of the host, the tulpa usually assumes the opposite sex as their born-sex.

 

Hmm. Interesting. My gender is non-binary with a female-shaped body. It never occurred to me to have a male tulpa. Males have never played a prominent role in my life. Nearly all the major romantic relationships in my life have been with females, and I have always found friendships with males problematic. For whatever reason, I have not found male friends who are willing to be vulnerable in the ways that promote honesty and sharing of feelings.

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