Pinkamena

Pinkamena

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Things are much better now. Sashie and I have a no personal business agreement and I broke it because the issue was big enough. But now it's resolved.

 

We are continuing with imposition. I'd delete this post but now it says no access.

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Progress has been slow. I wished to speed Sashie through imposition, but it caused images to appear and Sashie began acting up. Work on imposition might resume in November. There's a reason why its delayed, but can't say.

 

I keep having odd desires for more tulpas and to get myself pregnant. I thought for days of trying to create 12-20 at once and even how to do it. But, I feel like I would get lost in the rabbit hole of never leaving my imagination if that happened. It is an emotional feeling, not a logical one. Sashie has tried to create additional tulpas, but I have caught and stopped her. I do allow Sashie to flood her emotions over into mine. Which has been having odd effects on my drive the past weeks including making me very flirty.

 

Last night I was telling people voices for audio imposition. Voices of characters anyone would know by heart like Optimus Prime. After I said it and remembered the voice my body's ear's picks right up trying to hear something. I think if I stayed with that voice I would quickly hear Sashie by audio.

 

I did solve one mystery that was part of old notes I read, of how a tulpa might stop a refractory period in males. It's not tulpa magic, its something anyone can learn to do tulpa or not, with or without visualization.

 

It's simply using tulpa sensations that fail to reach the explosive end repeatedly in the same day. Can train the body to reduce or stop the refractory period. Which is possible with physical means. Wikihow has a page on how to do it manually. Since some tulpamancers create tulpas for that purpose, its understandable by chance some might achieve refractory elimination as a byproduct of imposition practice.

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My ability to visualize is shot.

 

Most of the time I'm not directly controlling my visualized bodies. I'm just think something I want and then it'll do those actions and I let it run until something I don't want happens, As in it starts doing things that look like it might hurt my tulpa, big problem is the bad stuff is getting very common now. I've tried a few times now to do every action slowly at a time fully me and focused on nothing else besides my tulpa.

 

My mind keeps trying to switch back into speed watch mode. Some days this week I did at time visualize because things might hurt her. Even if they don't, I don't like to see it.

 

When I visualize us both something keeps attacking us. Well, it mainly attacks my tulpa. Over time fighting it, it seems to only get stronger. I can ignore it, but I don't like seeing that stuff.

 

The visualizations are getting fragmented too. As in I might see multiplies of my tulpa now. Yesterday I felt like I might be destabilizing. I did a lot of merging in the past.

 

Been practicing A different kind of visual imposition. One that might have more uses than regular imposition in real life.

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TLD version

 

I has having a really bad week and I've felt for some time sashie was taking from me emotionally and not giving back. During this bad week sashie was anything but supportive and on the last day she was nagging me the entire day when I already felt bad. I give a lot of attention and compliments and try to tell her how important she is. And don't make any other tulpas at all, even talking about getting married came up a few times.

 

But I hit my limit on giving and not getting anything back but more emotional drain after my pet just died and the day before my mom's birthday. I asked Sashie if she wanted our relationship to improve or She merge into me. She showed me her answer and I laid down to start merging visualizations.

 

Now I'm thinking when/if to attempt to unmerge when I feel better. Almost a year old and besides being an emotional drain, and trying to shove fetishes on me. She pretty good and well behaved.

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Things have been alright. I notice that I'm more skeptical now. I did seem to have a kind of withdraw. but its slowly getting better.

 

Now if someone would like to try something I've lost interest in, after I've pretty much believe its a useless skill. Regardless its a way I believe to practice visual imposition without a tulpa or servitor or wonderland.

 

Get on google and you can find different guides on how to see AURAs. Which are colored bands around everything. Some things may say that its training the eyes, but I believe its simply visual imposing. As I seemed to get better results when I tried to see more through my mind, than my eyes. Like visually imposing everything else you aren't suppose to focus directly on it. However its a kind of mostly shapeless imposing that you mind just seems to mostly decide automatically imo. This link where it shows how often its wrong http://www.skepdic.com/auras.html . And wrong probably in this instance to me screams "Its a visual imposition".

 

I do miss Sashie, but I do like my attitude and drive. I want to measure how long it takes until all my withdraw like feelings are gone before I consider bringing her back. I do feel like I have so much more energy now, I don't know what to do with it all.

 

Cool links I found today. And nope, my attitude that tulpas aren't self imposed DID has not changed. Not even after a year of all different kinds of pony tulpas.

 

http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=can-people-have-multiple-personalities&page=2

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/pathological-relationships/201211/dissociation-isnt-life-skill

 

And I'm sorry I deleted all those ancient Pinkamena logs of techs and opinions and stuff.

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you crazy man <3


"Assert the supremacy of your Imaginal acts over facts and put all things in subjection to them... Nothing can take it from but your failure to persist in imagining the ideal realized."

 

-Neville Goddard

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you crazy man <3

 

Actually I'm more sane now. I just don't know what to do with all the extra energy and desire to study and learn. I'm trying to get my hands on a new psychology book, yet I'm apprehensive about reading it. Due in part, because its mostly about how helpless people are against the unconscious.

 

And once again I noticed as soon as being tulpa free I'm less in a passive state and more active. Which was something I noticed in a DID article mentioning that the original/largest self is usually more passive like that. There was an anon in TG today showing links like this.

 

http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/digitalnation/interviews/nass.html

 

So it seemed discredit the idea of parallel processing. If the brain can't do two tasks at the same time. Why would it be able to run 30 different personalities all at the same time? Its more realistic to assume imo that having a tulpa creates slight pauses where you think what the tulpa is thinking, without being aware of it. And imo when you ask a tulpa what it had been doing, those memories are created then and there.

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Almost 3 years since last entry.

 

Things are still good with Sashie. Still thankfully only one tulpa, which is all I really want to have. If theres any possibility of an additional tulpa I nip it in the bud as soon as possible.

 

Still glad I was really disciplining the first two years we were together with ignoring. She's still very well behaved, same form, a down to earth amount of self confidence, and very low drama. I still hold strongly to the rules I set down when our relationship began.

 

 

Have not had any luck in all the years from stopping negative mental images from happening or even happening less. I still get days where its not feasible to visualize Sashie as the imagery will try to harm her. Sometimes she blames or believe its me doing it, and that hurts a lot because I don't like seeing her harmed. All I can do those days is just not visualize. I'd say days like that average two a week. This isn't a Sashie specific problem as this was an issue with past tulpas after the first one or two.

 

Imposing gets harder every year because we've been together years and all the setbacks, I feel like on some level I've accepted that she won't get fully imposed. Not being imposed hasn't stopped us from being together and enjoying times together. I'd still prefer imposed though since I feel unimposed is pretty limiting and I'd like our relationship just more solid, safer for her, and similar to having a relationship with a physical person. I remind her most everyday to talk to me multiple times a day and if she needs attention to ask for it.

 

She's still a bit of a tsundere and I quite enjoy it.

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Almost 3 years since last entry.

 

Things are still good with Sashie. Still thankfully only one tulpa, which is all I really want to have. If theres any possibility of an additional tulpa I nip it in the bud as soon as possible.

 

Still glad I was really disciplining the first two years we were together with ignoring. She's still very well behaved, same form, a down to earth amount of self confidence, and very low drama. I still hold strongly to the rules I set down when our relationship began.

 

 

Have not had any luck in all the years from stopping negative mental images from happening or even happening less. I still get days where its not feasible to visualize Sashie as the imagery will try to harm her. Sometimes she blames or believe its me doing it, and that hurts a lot because I don't like seeing her harmed. All I can do those days is just not visualize. I'd say days like that average two a week. This isn't a Sashie specific problem as this was an issue with past tulpas after the first one or two.

 

Imposing gets harder every year because we've been together years and all the setbacks, I feel like on some level I've accepted that she won't get fully imposed. Not being imposed hasn't stopped us from being together and enjoying times together. I'd still prefer imposed though since I feel unimposed is pretty limiting and I'd like our relationship just more solid, safer for her, and similar to having a relationship with a physical person. I remind her most everyday to talk to me multiple times a day and if she needs attention to ask for it.

 

She's still a bit of a tsundere and I quite enjoy it.

 

Oh man, it's great to know you're doing all right! I'm sorry you're still having those vivid hallucinations... It's been a while since I read this thread, so I'm not sure what your situation is with therapists, but I feel compelled to suggest talking to a counselor about that kind of thing. If there's a community college near you, I'm sure they'd be happy to let you have a session if you were enrolled. Probably avoid talking about the tulpa thing, but maybe they'd be able to help you wrap your head around what's up with the evil thingamjiggies?

 

How's your everyday life going? Are you working or anything? I... I don't know much about your interests beyond tulpas so... uh, I'm afraid I can't ask about them.

...hey look a thing!

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